I guess the title should be more like "empty AFC toolbox", cuz I don't think I even have some of the tools the AFC's have...
Anyway, I recently ran across the "just can't approach thread, which sums up my life thus far and is probably a roadmap for where I'm heading if I don't make some changes... soon.
I've had a number of situations recently where I've completely dropped the ball, but that's actually progress for me since I've realized that I even had a chance with these women... in my 20's I spent many a night not having a clue what just happened and where I went wrong (if I even did, and I usually had to explain things to my friends to find out where I fumbled the ball around).
So the quick background: my formative years were a mess, bouncing in and out of rehab by the time I got to high school (did get sober at 16 and have been so since), then spent the next 4 or 5 years on so much anti-depressant medication that I quite literally was a zombie (no personality whatsoever), didn't go to bars or clubs too much when I did finally turn 21 because of the whole not drinking thing and that my maturity level had been pretty well stunted from partying and being extremely irresponsible. From the age of 18 to 27 I somehow managed to have 2 pretty dismal streaks of not getting laid for 4 and 5 years respectively (how I got laid the one time in the middle of that is still beyond me...). The latter streak was the most painful cuz I didn't even get close at any point in that time... At 27 I finally started to venture out into the world a bit more when I started DJ'ing (literally DJ'ing, as in spinning records), and met a pretty agressive chick that I pulled a "Cameron" on (Ferris Beuller's friend), where I pretty much fell in love with the first chick that would sleep with me (she was the first sexual relationship I'd had, after only having a handful of one night'ers). Eventually I screwed that all up and she lost interest...
OK, so I'm a mess... but thankfully I have nowhere to go but up from here (god I hope so...). I'm a pretty good looking guy, so that at least opens some doors, but some other problems I need to overcome are the ones that close that door pretty quickly...
One thing that has been of great concern that plagues me to this day is the complete and udder lack of body language knowledge (though I have been reading some books and am doing a better job of picking up on a few things). I wasn't even aware that there were things women did to indicate interest until I was 26. I pretty much took what was said at face value, which led to many missed opportunities (a couple pretty painful ones, one just recently). My buddies would tell me frequently about this chick that was checking me out, but wouldn't tell me who when I would ask... because I missed it. To this day I haven't ever noticed a woman checking me out.
Extreme shyness and a lack of conversation skills are probably my biggest undoing. For the most part whenever I've been introduced to a woman the conversation doesn't last very long because I'm pretty clueless about what to talk about. "What do you do" and other general questions don't seem to be getting me very far (this seems to be a problem with EVERYONE, not just women, as I have a hard time making friends). Occasionally I do meet some women where we do hit it off, but I don't have a clue how to escalate things from there, and usually go to fast or way too slow and botch an opportunity.
Confidence... severely lacking. While I'm not afraid of going up to a woman to say hello, where to go from there is what usually keeps me from doing so. Everything that's gone wrong in my dating life thus must be written all over my forehead, and I'm sure that the ladies are quickly detecting it. It's very rare that I find myself completely at ease around a woman. I'd like to try to work on expanding that into feeling that way with most if not all.
Humor... I can be pretty funny when I'm on point and generally at ease, but when I'm just getting to know someone I'm usually not or rarely am (much in the same way as my lack of conversation skills).
So to sum up, I'm pretty much in the boat of an early teenager or a 50-60 something that had been married his whole life until a recent divorce. I'm hoping that someone else else has been in this boat (ok, not really cuz it sucks) or something similar and can give me some advice on what to do to severely improve my predicament. I'm wondering if I ought to be looking for advice in this forum or in the high school forum?
If I missed anything else important about my situation, i'm sure I'll follow up with it soon... probably with some specifics about a couple situations where I went completely wrong to get some feedback on.
Anyway, I recently ran across the "just can't approach thread, which sums up my life thus far and is probably a roadmap for where I'm heading if I don't make some changes... soon.
I've had a number of situations recently where I've completely dropped the ball, but that's actually progress for me since I've realized that I even had a chance with these women... in my 20's I spent many a night not having a clue what just happened and where I went wrong (if I even did, and I usually had to explain things to my friends to find out where I fumbled the ball around).
So the quick background: my formative years were a mess, bouncing in and out of rehab by the time I got to high school (did get sober at 16 and have been so since), then spent the next 4 or 5 years on so much anti-depressant medication that I quite literally was a zombie (no personality whatsoever), didn't go to bars or clubs too much when I did finally turn 21 because of the whole not drinking thing and that my maturity level had been pretty well stunted from partying and being extremely irresponsible. From the age of 18 to 27 I somehow managed to have 2 pretty dismal streaks of not getting laid for 4 and 5 years respectively (how I got laid the one time in the middle of that is still beyond me...). The latter streak was the most painful cuz I didn't even get close at any point in that time... At 27 I finally started to venture out into the world a bit more when I started DJ'ing (literally DJ'ing, as in spinning records), and met a pretty agressive chick that I pulled a "Cameron" on (Ferris Beuller's friend), where I pretty much fell in love with the first chick that would sleep with me (she was the first sexual relationship I'd had, after only having a handful of one night'ers). Eventually I screwed that all up and she lost interest...
OK, so I'm a mess... but thankfully I have nowhere to go but up from here (god I hope so...). I'm a pretty good looking guy, so that at least opens some doors, but some other problems I need to overcome are the ones that close that door pretty quickly...
One thing that has been of great concern that plagues me to this day is the complete and udder lack of body language knowledge (though I have been reading some books and am doing a better job of picking up on a few things). I wasn't even aware that there were things women did to indicate interest until I was 26. I pretty much took what was said at face value, which led to many missed opportunities (a couple pretty painful ones, one just recently). My buddies would tell me frequently about this chick that was checking me out, but wouldn't tell me who when I would ask... because I missed it. To this day I haven't ever noticed a woman checking me out.
Extreme shyness and a lack of conversation skills are probably my biggest undoing. For the most part whenever I've been introduced to a woman the conversation doesn't last very long because I'm pretty clueless about what to talk about. "What do you do" and other general questions don't seem to be getting me very far (this seems to be a problem with EVERYONE, not just women, as I have a hard time making friends). Occasionally I do meet some women where we do hit it off, but I don't have a clue how to escalate things from there, and usually go to fast or way too slow and botch an opportunity.
Confidence... severely lacking. While I'm not afraid of going up to a woman to say hello, where to go from there is what usually keeps me from doing so. Everything that's gone wrong in my dating life thus must be written all over my forehead, and I'm sure that the ladies are quickly detecting it. It's very rare that I find myself completely at ease around a woman. I'd like to try to work on expanding that into feeling that way with most if not all.
Humor... I can be pretty funny when I'm on point and generally at ease, but when I'm just getting to know someone I'm usually not or rarely am (much in the same way as my lack of conversation skills).
So to sum up, I'm pretty much in the boat of an early teenager or a 50-60 something that had been married his whole life until a recent divorce. I'm hoping that someone else else has been in this boat (ok, not really cuz it sucks) or something similar and can give me some advice on what to do to severely improve my predicament. I'm wondering if I ought to be looking for advice in this forum or in the high school forum?
If I missed anything else important about my situation, i'm sure I'll follow up with it soon... probably with some specifics about a couple situations where I went completely wrong to get some feedback on.
