3 yr LTR, so many questions.. long, but im lost.:/

[rcproductions]

Hey, I'm gonna give you guys a snapshot of my on/off relationship as short as I can without sacrificing any details. Please read to the end before responding, and THANK YOU SO MUCH for advice/viewpoint b4hand, I just really need someone elses perspective. Alright:

-we met as freshmen in college, hung out for a few weeks, then started dating, then I took her v, several weeks later the semester ended and we broke up because I wasn't gonna see her all summer
- Sophomore year, we started dating again at the start of the year, and we were going at it like rabbits. It was great but I felt like I was missing a lot of the "going out to the club" experience with my friends, and I didn't think she was "the one" for me at the time.. so I broke it off with her to enjoy single life (this was 2 years ago so my memory is a little faded)
-We bumped into each other several weeks later and started being fbuddies, because I still didn't think we would be able to work out..
-Several weeks after that It seems we turned into a type of relationship again.. (sorry about the vagueness)
-So we are in an exclusive relationship yet again, but I still didn't feel like she was satisfying my needs, not to mention that my good nature has me attracted to several women at a time.
-Another girl at the time gives me her number, and I more or less start dating her at the same time, fast forward, my first gf finds out.. so i break it up with the extra girl and i stay with the first girl. (i was guilt tripped i guess, but looking back i think i could have had both, not being selfish, but i think i might have been able to date both while both were knowing if i was more aware of the situation, or if my 'monogamy' brain didn't guilt.
-so our relationship stays somewhat together, my gf still wants me, but less attractions there, so I more or less in the next several months have casual hook ups behind her back without telling her.. Until my 'lying, monogamy" mind guilts me into telling her ALL. SO she's devistated, and we fight for several months afterwards.. (i know i know, i gave her my balls at the time.. keep reading)
-So we are in some :crazy: crazy relationship for months afterwards, mad fighting, until one day, I ask "my thought to be virgin gf" how many guys shes been with. She says "none" while we were together. I think nothing of it at the time. Well.. turns out that In the time that we were fbuddies and/or broken up, she made out with several people, including one of my close friends. This is BORDERLINE lying/ f*ed up mind you.
-Im shocked for TWO reasons, A)she is guilt tripping me about my past, B)I thought she only wanted me, and that she stayed faithful to me while we were broken up for a few weeks. So alls hell for several more months..
-Several months ago we decide to move in together (i know i know) because i wanted to test it out, it was only gonna be a few months, and she is and has ALWAYS wanted my d/me in a relationship.
-Turns out, you guessed it, we fought a bit at our place, she moved out (because her school problems, not home problems-although they were there) and I find not too many days ago that at one of these supposably "make out" sessions, she gave a dude head for like 10sec but stopped because she didnt want to..
-I am shooked. Disgusted, here is my virgin gf of a few years caught in a lie for 8 months, while still telling me SHES STILL ALL ABOUT ME. She would never cheat on me in a relationship, but you need to understand that I thought she "only had feelings for me" (her words) and that she didn't think of other guys the same. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO THINK ANYMORE..

-So I got a few things i need from you guys, A)how would you handle this situation with her? Im not gona see her for a few weeks for reasons beyond my control, and I don't know if ill have the stomach to kiss her . I've also found that I am one to like multiple girls at one time, (ie i am going to yoga with another chick in a few hours). I think my options with this main girl of mine is that she will be either: a girl that i am with, but am not committed to (won't lie about it this time), or someone i can't imagine even kissing again (its a huge turn off if I find a girl's been with anyone else that i know- I have HIGH standards when qualifying a LTR), or we could slip into a great relationship again :crazy:

-Im not retarded, and I've been in the game for a while, its just the fact that i've invested such time with her, and I need to know what yalls thoughts are on the open relationship thing AND her commitment level AND my constant regret, AND other insight, besides basic stuff that is obvious, IE "dude, you were broken up, forget about it", because i don't honestly knw if Ill be able too, and it was so long ago that whose to say we were just fbuddies just the day before... I'm not asking yall on how to live happily ever after with her and forget about everything.. :nono: but i need a game plan!

..SORRY for the long post.. THANKS for your time and response.. PLEASE respond! It might be my chance to convince her that I need other chicks in addition to her, not to be selfish, its just my multiple girl philopophy.. (wish i knew about this possible option when i broke up with her the first time).. :cuss: kinda not thinking clearly now/depressed about everything.. Im really just VERY mad because my innocent gf is and never will be so innocent in my mind again.. meh.. AND PLease dont use the argument that "you f around, so she can do the same," because we all know girls should be held at higher standards...

 

[topcat2001]

i think you are overthinking this. girls do this kinda thing all the time and since you were on and off and ****ing other girls i don't see anything wrong in what she did.

 

[topcat2001]

i think you are overthinking this. girls do this kinda thing all the time and since you were on and off and ****ing other girls i don't see anything wrong in what she did.

and yes, i am indeed going to use that argument because its what makes sense. if only guys could **** around and girls cant then who would the guys **** around with?

 

[rcproductions]

i guess what im trying to say is, how should i move forward in this relationship. How do i get this CRAZY past off my mind, and more importantly, how do i make stuff right with her. B/c now im in my "im single" mood, but feel like we have/ or had something special. Do you see us actually getting together and resolving our problems, and how?

What you said is true, Its just really hard for me to not kick myself in the face for it.. I ruined my relationship b/c I was ****y into thinking she was gonna stay with me, and that I could get a better chick easier..

..some lessons are really hard to learn, It makes me just think about the past so much that its hard to care about making the future, SRY to get emotional and Sh!t..

 

[topcat2001]

I can tell you from what you tell me about this girl she is probably in the top 5-10% in terms of being innocent or what not. I was dating a very nice girl recently and things ended up such that we were more of **** buddies and she was still ****ing me just a week before she got into a relationship with another guy. I still think she is a nice girl but you've got to understand that men and women both naturally do this. your chances of getting a more innocent girl than this one in the future are very slim. what might change is your expectation of what innocence is. i can remember when i was 19 i was thinking the same things as you but that is not the reality.
i think the best thing you can do to help you right now is to talk to her about it and give her the chance to express her affection for you and use that increase the intimacy between the both of you which should help you overcome these thoughts.

 

[Desdinova]

You BOTH are at fault for this one. You BOTH want to have your cake and eat it too. You BOTH have resentment for each other.

If you seriously don't want any of this drama 5hit in your life, get rid of her PERMANENTLY and start fresh. If that's not an option, then enjoy your fvcked up relationship because it's not going to get any better.

 

[JLW]

If you seriously don't want any of this drama 5hit in your life, get rid of her PERMANENTLY and start fresh. If that's not an option, then enjoy your fvcked up relationship because it's not going to get any better.

This.

There is no hope for this one. Just move on and find a new girlfriend. Too much damage has been done on both sides.

 

[rcproductions]

thanks

really appreaciate all the advice from everyone

..Ya we're not the MOST into each other as we have been (but still are all about eachother)

.. but honestly, i think we click for the most part, so I'ma enjoy myself, not overthink things (thanks topcat), and keep my options open. if it works, it works, im not gonna force things..

lesson: ..find another girl before you drop the one your with, or in addition (if shes down with it).

THEORETICAL: if guys can mess around in a relationship, and girls can't, then there would still be girls able to mess around with because of: A) single girls B)AFC's girls C) the guys stuck on a monogamy track of mind, ie most guys only have one gf at a time. Answer) it might be possible to make cake and eat it too.. just theoretically..