3 month mark - not sure how to play this one

[epic_barrels]

hey guys,
i've been hanging with this girl for about 3 months and I am having a very difficult time reading her and playing my cards right.

I have found myself developing oneitis for this girl even though i am doing my absolute hardest not to. So far i have played it very cool and it seems that she becomes more and more into me each week. The problem is she has a few days every now and then where i feel she is distant...when she is like that, i back off and try to give into my desire to see whats up.

anyway, i am at a point where i really need to know where this is heading. at the same time, i dont want to bring up anthing that will kill our vibe. I really like this girl a lot and i feel like bringing anything up will scare her off. maybe i just need to walk away because in all honesty, the oneitis has been bringing down my mojo. i feel very anxious when i dont here from her and my inner afc feelings come out. although i put up a good front, it is really distracting me personally.

im really not sure what to do right now...i am very conflicted with this girl. it would really upset me to have to walk away from a girl i really like, but ive done it before and came out alive. ..anyway, any advice would be awesome..thanks.

 

[2crudedudes]

Its still very early in this relationship. Spin more plates before this completely destroys you. Trust me, its not fun.

 

[Tiguere]

Yea see other girls. I'm in your shoes the only difference I'm in the 2 month mark. I got laid last weekend by a plate which took my #1 girl out of my mind for a bit. Show her indirectly she has competition.

 

[epic_barrels]

I feel like she has one foot in and one foot out. She acts extremely affectionate most of the time but throws me off with little comments about "this is complicated..not sure what she wants"..
honestly, even though i have been stone faced and not let her see that this is affecting me, i am not sure how much longer i can go on being in limbo with her.

its like she has all the benefits of being in a relationship with me but she is hesitant about fully committing. i have never brought anything up as of now.

as much as i dont want to because i really like her, i feel like part of me needs to find the strenght to walk away from her on a high note. maybe this will make her realize what she is risking by being so hot and cold. ive done this before with other women, it hurt like hell..but i cannot be in this state of mind anymore.

i do not want to "spin plates". I want to be with her. she knows i have other women chasing after me. again, i have never come across needy with her..i play it well. in fact she has told me that nobody has ever been so cool with her and that she has met her match..etc.

so i am very confused right now. i think i am mentally preparing myself to walk away from her although it is going to really suck because i really have found a girl who i connect with on a million levels. i am 31 and have tons of experience banging girls and being in ltr. i see her 4 times a week and we have mind blowing sex..she says over and over that i am the best she has ever had. i know i have left my mark on the girl. she intiates most of our interactions.. i have shown her nothing but a great time, and i feel that i am slowing capturing her heart. i know if i left, she would be very upset. i dont think anybody has ever walked away from her.

at the same time, i do not want to walk away to soon with the thought that maybe she is just really slow..i dont want to lose her..at the same time i dont want to lose myself, which i feel is slowly starting to happen. i feel like it has been enough time for her to know what she wants. i dont want to waste my time...who knows...im really conflicted right now

any advice would really help..thanks guys.

 

[AMDG]

hey guys,
i really need to know where this is heading

Nowhere

any advice would really help..thanks guys.

A girl who likes you is not hesitant at all - quite the opposite, she will try to marry you sooner or later.

 

[epic_barrels]

i guess i need to face reality and walk away from this girl..
totally sucks.
there was a thread about the power of walking away with my dignity...i need to read that right now.

thanks guys

 

[DangNammit]

I feel like she has one foot in and one foot out. She acts extremely affectionate most of the time but throws me off with little comments about "this is complicated..not sure what she wants"..
honestly, even though i have been stone faced and not let her see that this is affecting me, i am not sure how much longer i can go on being in limbo with her.

its like she has all the benefits of being in a relationship with me but she is hesitant about fully committing. i have never brought anything up as of now.

as much as i dont want to because i really like her, i feel like part of me needs to find the strenght to walk away from her on a high note. maybe this will make her realize what she is risking by being so hot and cold. ive done this before with other women, it hurt like hell..but i cannot be in this state of mind anymore.

i do not want to "spin plates". I want to be with her. she knows i have other women chasing after me. again, i have never come across needy with her..i play it well. in fact she has told me that nobody has ever been so cool with her and that she has met her match..etc.

so i am very confused right now. i think i am mentally preparing myself to walk away from her although it is going to really suck because i really have found a girl who i connect with on a million levels. i am 31 and have tons of experience banging girls and being in ltr. i see her 4 times a week and we have mind blowing sex..she says over and over that i am the best she has ever had. i know i have left my mark on the girl. she intiates most of our interactions.. i have shown her nothing but a great time, and i feel that i am slowing capturing her heart. i know if i left, she would be very upset. i dont think anybody has ever walked away from her.

at the same time, i do not want to walk away to soon with the thought that maybe she is just really slow..i dont want to lose her..at the same time i dont want to lose myself, which i feel is slowly starting to happen. i feel like it has been enough time for her to know what she wants. i dont want to waste my time...who knows...im really conflicted right now

any advice would really help..thanks guys.

Epic - some of this sh1t sounds scary familiar... she sounds possible BPD to me. If you even suspect she could be Borderline, save yourself a lot of grief and run...

 

[5string]

Epic - some of this sh1t sounds scary familiar... she sounds possible BPD to me. If you even suspect she could be Borderline, save yourself a lot of grief and run...

Yea. Tell us more. Do you feel as though she pushes you away at times? Does she have low self esteem? Do you sometimes feel as though she thinks your the greatest? Mood swings? Is she seductive, alluring, good looking? Overly concerned with her looks? What about her past? Daddy issues, dysfunctional childhood? History of abuse whether sexually, physically or emotionally? Has she ever been verbally abusive to you for no apparent reason? Need more info. More info.

 

[PRMoon]

Your primary problem is you're taking this way to seriously. You worry too much about something that in a reality isn't all that important. You need to lighten up for lack of better words. Instead of driving yourself crazy about "where things are going" take a step back and look at where you already are. You have a girl who shows you affection sometime times. Take that for what it's worth and forget about the rest.

Other then that you have to continue socializing in general. There are two people in this equation yet all I've seen in your post here where your concerns about her. What you need to do is be concerned about your own well being. I'm guessing you've spent less time with some of your other friends and building your social status while you've been seeing this girl. If so, you need to turn that around ASAP. While I'm for spending time with your romantic interest, I'm firmly against neglecting the rest of your social life. You need to be out meeting new people (girls and guys) because that's really the way severe oneits develops. You stopped caring about you the individual and cared too much about you the boy friend. Get out there, go to some parties, or spend time at the bar with friends, whatever it is you do for fun on your free time. Meeting some new people and developing new healthy relationships makes a world of difference in this thing we call the game.

 

[scorpio1138]

3 months in and mind blowing sex 4 times a week, but she's distant at times.

You really like her, but your unsure.

This might not be a popular idea here but if you really care for her that much and you're on the fence.....Why don't you discuss it with her instead of guessing and torturing yourself?

Do that. Then make a decision to continue or leave.

Quit torturing yourself.

 

[HeMan]

maybe she thinks you dont like her enough as you never show your feelings towards her

as a result she is scared to commit completely

 

[epic_barrels]

maybe she thinks you dont like her enough as you never show your feelings towards her

as a result she is scared to commit completely

then maybe i just need to speak to her and be honest..im sick of the games. i will be prepared to walk away if i do not like her answer.

all of this "building attraction" "playing the game..etc" is fn with my mind.

maybe i should just back off for a bit.

 

[HeMan]

no need to say anything in my opinion

she obviously likes you. no point of putting pressure on the situation and potentially killing the excitement of the unknown between the two of you

just be relaxed and have fun. if she continues to act in a way you dont like
then find another girl who fullfill your needs