3.5 Year Relationship Gone Wrong...Please Help!

[Find_A_Way]

Hey guys,

I stumbled across this site recently and I could really use your help and advice. This may be a slightly long read but I would really appreciate you taking the time to weigh in on what I should do. I am in a bad, tough place and any input you give I am thankful for.

Before I go on, please allow me to state that I have every intention of getting back together with my ex girlfriend. We have been dating for 3.5 years and we both are on the same page regarding getting married in the near future. Not to be cheesy, but she is everything I have ever wanted and she is my future wife. She even said when we broke up that once I grow up on my own and make changes in my life, that this break-up doesn't have to be for forever and that she will still marry me.

Here are the details of the situation. We are both very much in love, but we live three hours apart. She is two years older than me and is independently living on her own while I am finishing up my Master's degree and living at home. I will be finished with my degree next December when I will move to be with her. Because my parents are still footing the bill for me, I am not able to go see her as much as I would like. I was supposed to move to be with her as I complete my Master's degree, but that did not happen. Furthermore, I was supposed to make a very important trip with her to visit her family this next weekend, but an obligation on my schedule arose and as I spoke to her about possibly rescheduling or going for one fewer day, she got very upset and all of her frustrations with me came to a boiling point (me not going to see her enough, me putting other obligations over her, etc.) and she suggested a break.


I knew there were things about the relationship that were not perfect, but we had agreed to wait and be patient and let me finish my school, so I had NO idea that she was as frustrated as she apparently is. She thought about things for one day while I apologized my heart out and then she said "How do I know that things are really going to be different now? You've said that in the past. I don't want you to walk all over me anymore."

The crux of the whole situation is that she wants me to "grow up" on my own (independently of her urging me to do so) and want to do things to make her happy, not just because I am afraid of her breaking up with me. I believe her exact words were "maybe in a couple of months." As we shared a joke when we got off the phone, she said "this doesn't feel like a break-up." I said "that's because it's not, this is just temporary." She sounded like in a later text message that she still is accepting of the future that we have together (getting married), but after I mature on my own. In fact, after three days she hasn't even changed her Facebook relationship status or profile picture yet!

After we talked on the phone, we texted for a few minutes, but then she said that she needed to take a break from talking for the night to process everything and to get used to not texting me all the time (which she admitted would be hard to do).

That was on Friday night (three days ago) and I have not heard from her since. Should I wait for her to initiate contact or should I get in touch with her? Should I send her funny and flirty texts to make her feel like we are still dating and everything is normal? It almost even FELT normal when we were breaking up...that is how close we are. I am DYING to know if this is temporary or permanent. If she can let me know that she will get back together after I get my issues straightened out, I will feel much better and I will be able to handle this pause that I believe our relationship is on. The uncertainty is killing me though, and I cannot handle this. I will do anything to get her back, and this includes no contact (even though it will be hard) if that is what will work. I just want to know what to do, since we were very close, and she was very reluctant to break up, and she still doesn't see it as a break up (with saying that she will still marry me and not changing her Facebook info).

Please help, friends!

 

[El Suave]

She does sound like she loves you. Just remember that anytime a girl asks for a break, she has her eye already on another guy or even sleeping with him already. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. She's thinking of riding the c*ck carousel until you finish school and then marry you. You sound like a really good guy, would you still wanna marry her after she's been plowed by other dudes?
I doubt you can do anything to save this one. The distance doesn't help at all. I know that this was not what you wanted to hear.
What I would do as a last resort is cut ALL contact with her for about 2 weeks so she can experience the feeling that she lost you forever. It will get her interest back up after a few nights of crying. You have to stick to it! No text, email, facebook. Just disappear and let her wonder and hurt.
That's the only way. Look at it this way, she broke it off already. There's nothing to lose.

 

[smooth_as_silk]

Is that a post written by a male? "We are both very much in love" "Should I wait for her to initiate contact or should I get in touch with her?" "I am DYING to know if this is temporary or permanent." "The uncertainty is killing me though, and I cannot handle this." It's shocking... **** a society creating this shameful type of man
I don't blame American women for behaving like they do with such pussies. I should pay a visit to the US with my crew asap...

 

[VladPatton]

Holy shiatbollz this is going to be a long thread, I can feel it lol. Ok, so..basically she's doing your job in this relationship. She's calling all the shots and has you on DEFCON 5 Worry-Mode. As you will quickly learn here on SoSuave, we do not advocate getting back to a girl that treats you in such a way. We advocate a classic relationship where you, the man, are in control. Here, you truly are not. A woman will cheat with you even if you're handcuffed together 24/7. She will find a way. With that in mind, stop letting her turn you into her bıtch and let her go. Think of this as a turning point in your life. You are now given the blue pill and and the red pill, as in The Matrix. Swallowing the red pill is very hard, but it's a forever game changer in life.

But enough about theories, what you have to do is just man-up and let her go. Yup. Something is definitely wrong here. She put you in a submissive mode so you don't question her actions. Have you asked her "why do you want a break out of the blue, are you fücking some other guy''? I bet you didn't! Because she's a perfect little angel and is sent from heaven to be with you, right? Yeah yeah. Well that perfect little angel can choose any cὀck in the world to jump on, and she will if her taco tingles hard enough! The truth is you do NOT know what she's up to. Most of us here got fücked over like this, so we know how these situations smell.

Next time SHE calls, do NOT be depressed, or grovel at her feet. This girl just put a world of hurt on you for HER benefit. She told you to grow up?...man, GTFOOH! She's being shady and lying, so when she contacts you again, be chipper, happy, ecstatic, even! Tell her you're doing great, going out and agree that this break thing you're doing is a Cracker Jack idea! Then say you're busy and you gotta go meet a friend. Hell, make up a name. Then hang up. Now see the reaction. Do not be afraid of her, she's not the only girl in the world, she's not perfect (that should be obvious right now), and she is NOT in charge of your life. You are.

 

[thatfeel]

OP better start spinning some plates or he'll be back here in a few months with the break up thread asking how to get over it, lol.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I have every intention of getting back together with my ex girlfriend...I will do anything to get her back.

I bet you won't go get some new pvssy. That is the one thing that will cure your relationship woes.

 

[JoeMarron]

What I and others are going to tell you may upset you, throw you into a rage, depress you etc. and that's ok. It's perfectly natural to feel those emotions at first but after the fact take a moment and really think about what we're saying. Alright.....first of all you are a pvssy. You are not in possession of your balls, she is. Even if you guys did get married odds are it would be destined to fail because women aren't attracted to pvssies. A man does not apologize his heart out to a woman over something trivial, a man does not worry about a relationship more than the female, a man does not express more interest than the female. I'll share one simple fact with you; women want a man who has higher value than them. In any interaction you have with a woman, think to yourself, "Is this what a higher value man would do?" A King wouldn't be concerned about what a peasant thinks about him and neither should you. She should be the one worrying about the relationship not you. You have much to learn sir. Read your bible and stick around here a bit and perhaps you'll avoid situations like this in the future.

http://www.mts.net/~bpony/djbible/

 

[Groverz]

She is most likely hanging with other guys but did not want to be in a relationship while she did this. Don't let this get to you, it does not mean she wants to start a relationship with them. You can go do the same, get some experience. I broke up with my gf of 2 years ago not to long ago, and she even said, maybe after we live life a bit we can look at getting back together in the future, that might just be them trying to soften the blow or some truth. Either way it is great time to do your own thing, learn about yourself with out any attachments.

 

[user name]

Just focus on finishing your Masters degree.

I was at the tail end of my Masters when my world did a back flip due to some one-itis. I just managed to stay on top of things but it wasn't easy when my mind was getting scrambled.

Your Masters will always be there for you. Women, sadly, are not so reliable.

 

[LorenzoVonM]

All signs say that this one is over. Unless you want to draw this out which will put you in a world of confusion and hurt, its best to just cut contact and move on. Will you do this? Probably not. Thats ok, I believe everyone has to have an experience like this to aid them in waking up. Good luck.

 

[pinkfl]

You guys were long distance. She got used to being alone. That's why it was so easy to go on a break in the relationship. She didn't feel like you were there enough, so what's the point in being in a relationship with someone you never see? In a long distance relationship, you HAVE to have regular visits. You have to, in the case of important things, make the other person a priority. And why should she want you to move in with her? You don't have a job.

Focus on getting your masters degree and a job and your own place without your parents. Don't count on her being there.

 

[VikingKing]

You guys were long distance. She got used to being alone. That's why it was so easy to go on a break in the relationship. She didn't feel like you were there enough, so what's the point in being in a relationship with someone you never see? In a long distance relationship, you HAVE to have regular visits. You have to, in the case of important things, make the other person a priority. And why should she want you to move in with her? You don't have a job.

Focus on getting your masters degree and a job and your own place without your parents. Don't count on her being there.

hey pink, are you over weight, or over 27?

 

[Big Nuts]

Manginus Maximus

 

[Cremasta]

Sorry bro, that sucks.
Lots of us have been there... it was the reason I came to this site.

There's only one thing you need to do right now, and that is make yourself so busy that you don't give her another thought.
The only time you'll be sitting around thinking about how terrible life is, is when you've got nothing else to do.
Go to the gym, study like mad, take up running... doesn't matter.

Pretty soon, you'll realise that you don't need her in your life to make it complete. Whether you get back with her or not, this is the place where your head needs to be.

Good luck

 

[Night-hawk]

The more you linger the more you'll sting her.
The more you persue (chase) the more she'll screw you (over)
The more you worry losing her the more contempt you'll stir.
The more you obsess over things she'll never confess, the weaker you become, a mental mess.

You can't re-ripen a rotted peach, nor feel shame that you are responsible for its condition (take responsibility for yourself). Attempting to restore it will lead you to feel like a pathetic fool ( yep, it's painful trust me).

Preparing yourself for the fallout is a good remedy to begin with.

 

[Epimanes]

Read "be a man" by pook on this site.... Then put it into action.

 

[Dgwizdal]

Facepalm. This is going to be a painful yet freeing experience for you. By the way your post reqds your mentality is absolutely f*cked and you will be sick with the results and path you are about to go down if you dont snap out of it and do a 180 immediately. You have zero chance pf gettig her back now no matter what your heart tells you. IF YOU CHASE YOU WILL FAIL. You have A TON to learn before you'll be able to keep her or anyone.

Forget this chick as anything you do besides no contact will hurt you. You're right now are essentially a quentessential white knight beta p*ssy and that is what she sees you as. Do not listen to her reasoning - shes lost attraction - period. You need some red pill hard love before moving forward. You need to get your balls back for yourself first and not give a f*ck about her. Start banging other girls immediately and being the f*ckin man. You are soft as a cupcake right now and have no chance at getting her back until you be a man.

Everything in your beta heart will be telling you to do the opposite but you need go to the Don Juan tips - read what to do when dumped, and how to handle being rejected. Go to the last few pages of the no contact thread as well And hopefully you will be able to logically process what you need to do. Consult the bible and read up all you can on innergame. But for now, this one is OVER and her attraction to you is through as long as you play by her rules. You are the prize - start acting like it.

Don't f*ck this one up because you've already messed up big time with your actions prior, during, and post break up. No contact for atleast 3-4 months and start your journey to becoming a Don Juan.

 

[jafyk]

Is that a post written by a male? "We are both very much in love" "Should I wait for her to initiate contact or should I get in touch with her?" "I am DYING to know if this is temporary or permanent." "The uncertainty is killing me though, and I cannot handle this." It's shocking... **** a society creating this shameful type of man
I don't blame American women for behaving like they do with such pussies. I should pay a visit to the US with my crew asap...

While I understand your disgust. Could you be anymore condescending to someone who has come here brokenhearted and probably ignorant for help?

 

[jafyk]

First Question to my fellow Sosuavers: How is it that this OP with 1 post is already a Don Juan?

To the Original Poster (OP): It helps sometimes if you have background infor like your age and location attached to your name like most people.

Now, to the matter at hand. I would like to say that if you would open your heart and mind to what people are saying here that today could very well be the start to the rest of your beautiful life. Beautiful in the sense that you won't have to deal with that life is not worth living knot you MIGHT be feeling right now. As cliche as it sounds we've all been there. However, reading this now will not excuse you from going through the 5 stages of grief ( Denial, Anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) you will feel. As horrible as it feels now in the end it will be alright. Like they said in the Dark Knight, "It's always darkest before the dawn but I promise you day is coming"

Like all the guys above me have said. This relationship is over. You can end it with dignity or drag it out and lengthen the pain and the process. So, why is today the first day of the rest of your life? Well, because by coming here you will start to see the light. What you are about to learn (how to become a DOn Juan) will improve your life (including your love life, though not this one in particular). It is very possible that in the end when you finally become a Don Juan that you end up with this lady or you may even meet somebody better and someday look back in shame to what this relationship did to you).

Right now you are probably thinking all of us are wrong and that there's something you can do to fix this situation quickly. If you really must hit rock bottom to come around by all means go for it and when you come back below is the solution.

The Solution

1) Cut of contact with this girl as you prepare to become your better version. Doing this will help you from the distraction that may come from that momentary illusion of things getting better with you and her.

2) Spin Plates: This means date multiple women (doesn't necessarily mean get serious or bang them all) and engage in other activities (Your masters, hobbies etc). This should help take your mind of her or ease the withdrawal symptoms.

3) Scroll down to the very bottom of this site. At the bottom left corner should be a link that says "DJ Bible". Read it (throw out everything you think you know) this is your red pill. If you feel it is a lot of material to read then I would suggest reading "The Book of Pook" which is in the DJ Bible. It is a really enlightening book that talks about first and foremost improving yourself as the primary goal (Becoming a Don Juan <DJ>) and in the process getting the girl. It is written in a very dynamic style which combines humor and mysticism.

4. You can combine the DJ bible with reading the main sosuave site for tips to help you with #2 above and the forum for advice as well as reading other people's experiences and questions.

5. You have to practice. Pretty much #2 above and come back to the forum to get feed back on your progress.

PS: Not every advice or technique you read about on this site will apply to you as a person. It's advised that you choose what applies and works for you while being opened minded about learning other ways. What will most help you is to develop your inner game as opposed to trying to learn techniques. Still both can be combined.

6. Once you've finally got things figured out. Come back here and help the noobie just like you who will run in here with a broken heart looking for a quick fix. So, as long as you follow this regimen you should be good, lol.

 

[Greasy Pig]

*slow clap* The advice given to this guy is among the best I've seen on these boards.
OP, I agree with everything the above posters have said. She dumped you, tried to blame you for it and you fell for it.
If she wanted to see more of you, why didn't she jump in her fvcking car and come see you more often?
Blaming you for selfish, mercenary behaviour is classic female behaviour. She saying she still wants to marry you doesn't mean squat when she's being railed 10 ways from Sunday by her new man (who is definitely on the scene by the way).
Maybe you're not completely blameless but you accepting her shytty opinion of you, heartily agreeing with her and apologising (even though you didn't need to) is exactly the type of behaviour which decreased her interest in you.
You must accept that she doesn't want you anymore.
It will hurt like hell but this is the damn truth. NEVER judge a woman by her words, only her actions.
She SAYS she thinks you're great and that she wants to marry you but her ACTIONS scream the exact opposite.
Go completely ghost and don't be too available if she contacts you. Make that moll's hamster spin itself to death and start your journey to being the kind of man women will fight to keep. (Search the threads for a definition of the hamster). Good luck and stick around.
You have much to learn but the good thing is there are plenty of people here happy to help you.