23 month relationship down in spirals...

[Axcell]

I know its a VERY long read - but it is quite a unique situation and not your typical "breakup" situation. Worth the read, APPRECIATE lengthy replies that has SUBSTANCE.

UPDATED WITH NEW POST AT THE BOTTOM. ***

Hey guys, haven't been much of a poster here lately... I pretty much acquired all the knowledge there was about the PUA world (or so I thought), used the knowledge instilled within me in the real world and had tremendous success. However, after a year of looking out for girls and dating, I came across a girl as I suppose some individuals would call "the one". I know there is no "the one" - but she came pretty close to it. We were together for 2 years straight (she lost her virginity to me and I was her first serious relationship; she went out with 2 guys before for a month each but hardly anything happened), spent a lot of time together, I was the prize, and she used to on a continuous basis say how lucky she was to both me and her friends. However, throughout the two years we have been together, she started working out, wearing makeup, became thinner, and I suppose, she became more physically attractive (which I suppose is a great thing... till it started causing a lot of tension when guys started trying to flirt with her.)
Currently 20 years old, and unfortunately, I just went through a recent breakup of two years straight. The girl basically made up some lies about how she couldn't be with me because of some family issues, when in reality, I see that ever since me and her have broken up she has been talking to numerous guys and flirting with them (and the guys who she lost out of touch with, she started talking too). In fact, about 6-7 months ago there was an individual who tried flirting with her, threatened to kill me if I got in the way of him trying to pick her up, and she told me she was scared, so I told her to block his number and delete him off MSN. I have come to know as of 1 week ago that she added him back and started off the conversation by stating: "Me and my boyfriend broke up, I don't care what he thinks... I miss you." The only reason a girl would start to flirt with other guys is to get into another relationship... so I know the excuse of "I can't be in a relationship now" is bull****.

Unfortunately, I made the mistake of acting needy the first week when things ended (I called her, offered to meet up to get closure where she flopped out, etc.) After that week (and now it has been 3 weeks since than), I have completely shut her out of my life. When we did talk she went 360 degrees - she stopped having any feelings and when I spoke to her, only one word can fully describe her emotion toward me: HEARTLESS. We had about 3-4 encounters where things almost ended, and she always came crying back and apologized about how I was the best thing in her life, as we tried to work it out. But now, she hasn't called, texted, or anything. And on her facebook, several guys are messaging her, etc. In addition, I've had people tell me (and I've seen proof) that she around the time when things were getting on a down low with me and her (which was about a month before we broke up), she met this new guy and lied about spending a lot of time with him as they went to lunch together, etc (behind my back). In fact, recently, they have been using words such as "I love you" and "I miss you" to each other.

So it's been 1 month since the breakup, I suppose I am over her, but this is where the story gets a bit more confusing...
Throughout the two years that we spent time together, most of our friends became mutual (or so I thought). When things ended with me and her, she completely **** talked our entire relationship, made me look like such a horrible person. As most DJ's know, it's all about transitioning and timing. I started off with the ****y/funny (for attraction) --> seduction --> opening up (which occured sometime after our 1 year). However, she made me up to be a bad person and creating false fabrications about me to every single individual around her (including those who I don't talk too). What happened? Everyone stopped talking to me. Everyone is taking advantage of the space between me and her and causing tension between me and her and convincing her that she did the right thing (and obviously they would say she did the right thing since she said I was a horrible person and boyfriend throughout the two years and that she was trapped - which is all a lie that she is using so she doesn't look like a heartless individual to end things with me after such a long period of time.) This situation its quite difficult to handle. Two options (or if somebody can think of another one to do):

1) Ignore it, and let her continue to get close to that new guy (which she has known now for 2 months). In addition, ignore the fact that she has totally ruined my reputation with practically all of my friends (which were her friends as well, because as I said above, they became all mutual... but now they are just her friends.)
2) Inform people of the truth. Just not sure about how to do this one yet though.

Just inquiring people about some ideas.
I'm 20 and she's 17, for a heads up. She's in her senior year of high school now (this September.) So its not even as though she will be going to college or anything...

 

[MAN_OF_TOMMOROW]

"The girl basically made up some lies about how she couldn't be with me because of some family issues, when in reality, I see that ever since me and her have broken up she has been talking to numerous guys and flirting with them (and the guys who she lost out of touch with, she started talking too). In fact, about 6-7 months ago there was an individual who tried flirting with her, threatened to kill me if I got in the way of him trying to pick her up, and she told me she was scared, so I told her to block his number and delete him off MSN. I have come to know as of 1 week ago that she added him back and started off the conversation "

Unfortunately, I made the mistake of acting needy the first week when things ended (I called her, offered to meet up to get closure where she flopped out, etc.) After that week (and now it has been 3 weeks since than), I have completely shut her out of my life.

A painful read, this is SURPRISINGLY something similiar what happend to me also. My ex had told me I was the penicle of her stress and that "I made her sick" - And after a long relationship and everything, she had the audacity to tell me I was a burden to her success in other words. I went AWOL for a few weeks to come back that she had re-added a certain individual on Facebook that had threatend to beat her up in her hometown, because I answered the phone to him etc etc.

Best thing I could say, is to concentrate on SUCCESS, everything she wanted to do with you or what she knows you want to accomplish - ACCOMPLISH it. She'll feel GUTTED and ruined to know you have moved on and set to your goals, especially if she was blackballing you with false acusations to your/ her friends/ family - STRIKE THE SHEPARD and the SHEEP will scatter.



QUOTE]

 

[Interceptor]

1) Ignore it, and let her continue to get close to that new guy (which she has known now for 2 months). In addition, ignore the fact that she has totally ruined my reputation with practically all of my friends (which were her friends as well, because as I said above, they became all mutual... but now they are just her friends.)


You cant change people. You have no power over her. So get the false assumption that you can allow or 'let' her do anything out of your head. She's going to do what she wants and she doesnt give a damn what you think, and you cant do a damn thing about it, nor should you even want to.
She's not your gf , dude. Let her live her life. And let her get out of yours finally.

And you arent responsible for their feelings toward you or the perception filters they have formed.
Her and the new guy and all your friends are not your friends nor do they care about you. Do the same.
Your reputation is not in her hands. Dont give her that power. She doesnt have it. She cannot define you. Your internal value and validation is more important than any fabrication or external circumstance. Dont be fooled.
There is nothing to control. Nor is there anything to worry about.
Theyre not worth your time and energy. They arent your friends.
Let her have them. You dont need those people.
No emotional investment to those who choose to leave you , especially with those kinds of dynamics.




2) Inform people of the truth. Just not sure about how to do this one yet though.

Dude, get this straight...you dont owe these people sh*t.
So forget about setting record straight. It's a waste of time. They arent in a position to WANT to listen to your side, so let them go on in their fantasy world. Let them be mindless sheep.
You have to live your life and forget about self image management.


Good luck.

 

[Ice882]

Fvckin' b1tch. She needs to die.

 

[Bible_Belt]

If any of my friends broke up with their girl, and that girl talked sh!t about them to me, I would either not believe her or I would at least ask my friend about it. Anyone who dislikes you because of what some b!tch says is not really your friend. And if they're not your friend, then it doesn't matter what they think.

 

[ketostix]

So it's been 1 month since the breakup, I suppose I am over her, but this is where the story gets a bit more confusing...
Throughout the two years that we spent time together, most of our friends became mutual (or so I thought). When things ended with me and her, she completely **** talked our entire relationship, made me look like such a horrible person. As most DJ's know, it's all about transitioning and timing. I started off with the ****y/funny (for attraction) --> seduction --> opening up (which occured sometime after our 1 year). However, she made me up to be a bad person and creating false fabrications about me to every single individual around her (including those who I don't talk too). What happened? Everyone stopped talking to me. Everyone is taking advantage of the space between me and her and causing tension between me and her and convincing her that she did the right thing (and obviously they would say she did the right thing since she said I was a horrible person and boyfriend throughout the two years and that she was trapped - which is all a lie that she is using so she doesn't look like a heartless individual to end things with me after such a long period of time.) This situation its quite difficult to handle. Two options (or if somebody can think of another one to do):

I've seen what you described I don't know how many times. The girl eventually loses interest in the relationship. Starts making time and boinking other guys. Then ruins your reutation to everyone with defamation and makes you out to be the devil. Everyone takes her side and believes her. All the guys just want to tap her.

This is what women do. I guess this absolves them of all guilt and responsibility for ending a perfectly good relationship and whoring around with other guys. Women are ruthless and unscruplous opportunist and self promoters.

Personally I'd do a combination of ignoring it and telling people she's ran you down to that she was a cheater and a slut. It's probably true anyway.

 

[Ease]

Yea man its crazy how the sweetest girl can turn into such a ****.

Dont be surprised though, expect it. And dont be surprised at all with her interacting with other guys, when a girl breaks up with you she definitly has somewhere else to go. You should have known better than to believe her bull**** excuse about being unable to have a relationship.

They are ruthless. Do the break up routine and go no contact with her and anything related to her. Act like you dont give a ****, and keep around the people that are your friends and let go of anyone who has 'taken her side'. No emotion at all, you are pimp cold.

The only way to survive this is to move on.

 

[Energizer]

Do the break up routine and go no contact with her and anything related to her. Act like you dont give a ****, and keep around the people that are your friends and let go of anyone who has 'taken her side'. No emotion at all, you are pimp cold.

The only way to survive this is to move on.

Yep, I did this and it works wonders, unlike my mate who has kept his ex's digits and has her on facebook and still pines over her, even if he won't admit it.

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

You're both so young. Better to go through this on 2 year relationship at 20 then a 20 year relationship at 40. Learn from it.

Your ex is probably on her way to classic BPD. Be thankful.

Also good news: your real friends...who know who you really are.....are will now bubble to the surface. A little change in venue...starting over will be easy.

 

[jimbobham]

If you are going to cut her from your life, do it right, that means delete all the way across the board, including face book or any social media site. Delete her from everything, out of sight out of mind.

Then live a good life.

 

[WhitePimp]

If you are going to cut her from your life, do it right, that means delete all the way across the board, including face book or any social media site. Delete her from everything, out of sight out of mind.

Then live a good life.

Yeah man, constantly snooping her facebook is going to drive you nuts. Your whole post was based on sh!t that you read from her facebook. She's not worth your attention anymore, just remove her and all negative crap she's associated with from your life and I guarantee in a few weeks you'll be thrilled you did.

 

[Da Realist]

She's in high school. Enough said.

 

[Nutz]

Someone please smack the OP for getting caught up in an LTR so young. You're only young once, so enjoy it. You should be dating multitudes of women to find out what you like and don't like about women. Later when you have experience then you'll be able to properly filter out women based on your tastes, wants, and needs. Right now you cannot do that. There's a reason people that get married young, like under 21, have the highest divorce rate out there.

Now for the good news. You're FREE!!!! Enjoy it. If you need to get a new crew of guys to hang with, then so be it. Let them have their drama. You'll know who your real friends soon enough. Even better, fill your social life with nothing but hot women. It'll drive them all up the wall. Look at AFC Adam's "entourage game". It's life changing...and living an awesome life is the best revenge out there.

 

[Ziniath]

2 years is a long time dude, and in that time, certain parts of you I'm sure have come to rely on her presence: it's just what happens when you're in a relationship for the long haul, you build up certain "habits" for lack of a better word.

You can make this woman wrong all you want, but I'm sure even though you speak poorly of her now, there were some incredible times together: why else would you have remained with her for 2 years.

Appreciate what you had that was good.

More importantly understand the lesson.

As I said, you can make her wrong all you want, but ask yourself if doing so will allow you to live your life with more freedom. Will being angry at her, resentful of her for many years to come define a life of freedom for you?

I'm not saying you have to condone her behaviour in any way, just let go of it, and no longer pay attention to it.

There's nothing wrong with mourning what is lost, and being sad: this s**t hurts, brother, you're only kidding yourself if you think that it doesn't hurt.

From my own experience, now is the time for you: not the you that involves attempting to validate yourself by drowning your sorrows in p***y, but the you that can be content knowing that he is a man independant of what he believes other women think. The man that can live the life he wants on his terms, rather than bending to the will of others (especially women).

If you go out now and try to f**k this out of your system, you'll only end up back where you started: building another relationship off the same foundation as before (coming from a place of requiring validation from an other, rather than knowing your own internal validation).

If you do not learn from this, history will repeat itself until you do.

Be at peace now, feel fully, and be who you are regardless of who she is now.

 

[Axcell]

Thanks for the posts guys! Keep the advice rolling.
See the thing is that, I am slightly over her since it has been a little while... but it's quite difficult to avoid people I am used to seeing on a daily/weekly basis who see me in a negative light due to her lying nature. I just don't want to come off as though I am not over her if I talk to them about it, because as of right now, I have remained quiet about it to anybody and nobody knows the truth. She's making me come off as creepy/desperate/needy and she's going around flirting with all these random guys while at the same time lying about it.

If she can't be with me because of parental reasons, why would she flirt with other guys? Flirting leads to dating, but she can't date... In addition, the guy who said he would kill me (and who wrote on her facebook wall on numerous occasions "I love you" "I know you are obsessed with me" ... she added him back on facebook and the talk continues.) So she's just really handling this situation immaturely and not to mention, she's completely ignoring me (which I am doing the same) and **** talking me.

Still looking for advice on how to avoid the **** talking. I do have other groups of friends, but these specific friends I see them always... and I don't know how I should expose her. Because as of right now, I have so many people against me, guys who want to beat the **** out of me, and it's getting way out of hand. As the days go by, the amount of haters increases. And to think that once upon a time, I was on the top of the social ladder and she was at the bottom... but now I'm rock bottom.

More advice on how to handle other people PLEASE. Do I simply tell them? Because right now, nobody wants to even take my side.... they are so caught up in believing what she said was true. And my friends that are still my friends are a totally different social circle... so they don't even know these other people. So at the moment, in that particular social circle (40+ people), nobody would take my back or choose sides other than hers.

 

[Max Power]

she's most likely has banged this person that she chats with.

 

[slaog]

Tell us why she lost attraction for you. Did you get lazy after landing the big "catch"? Thats something you can work on.


It'll take a bit of time to get over her depending on the strength of your feelings but it won't take too long. By the sounds of things it looks like you've dodged a bullet and you'll probably see it like that in time.


As for the social ladder... well its like this. It's probably not good for you now in your state of mind. See your social setting for what it is... a bunch of young immature people b*tching about each other. It's laughable really. So don't rely on these immature kids to like you for your happiness. They're just kids who have alot to learn.

 

[game.r]

Thanks for the posts guys! Keep the advice rolling.
See the thing is that, I am slightly over her since it has been a little while... but it's quite difficult to avoid people I am used to seeing on a daily/weekly basis who see me in a negative light due to her lying nature. I just don't want to come off as though I am not over her if I talk to them about it, because as of right now, I have remained quiet about it to anybody and nobody knows the truth. She's making me come off as creepy/desperate/needy and she's going around flirting with all these random guys while at the same time lying about it.

If she can't be with me because of parental reasons, why would she flirt with other guys? Flirting leads to dating, but she can't date... In addition, the guy who said he would kill me (and who wrote on her facebook wall on numerous occasions "I love you" "I know you are obsessed with me" ... she added him back on facebook and the talk continues.) So she's just really handling this situation immaturely and not to mention, she's completely ignoring me (which I am doing the same) and **** talking me.

I feel for you bro... but you're still not listening to the advice posted. who she's talking to, for whatever reason, is of no concern to you. Move the fvck on! cut her off completely!

here's what u do

1. update your Facebook status with something positive... Livin my life to the fullest, nothing can hold me down... etc etc find a cool quote that expresses this idea

2. Delete this girl from your friend list asap. preferably right after you update your status.

3. LIVE YOUR LIFE!... the worst thing you can do right now is to let this girl and HER friends see you down. Continue to smile, always be upbeat. If you can't maintain it, get the hell out of there.

Now... I'm assuming that you're finding out she's bad mouthing you through some mutual friend. So when they tell you what she's saying here's what you do.

1. deny it, and in simple terms explain the situation... "when we were together she always told me i was the best thing that happened to her and we were great together, but she said we had to break up because of parents issues. now i see she's dating other people and bad mouthing me. this is really confusing and hurtful to me... i loved this girl. But I wish her all the best and am moving on with my life" then change the subject or make an excuse and leave...

2. DO NOT GO INTO MORE DETAIL... no talk of who she's dating/flirting with etc etc... NOTHING. You are taking the moral high ground!

3. Be polite to HER friends when you see them and keep it moving... don't try to hang out with them.

4.Go find your other circle and have a blast with them.
after two years, everything you do probably revolves around these group of friends.. so it must be hard. Make yourself scarce for a few weeks if you have to... but don't try to hang with those same people.

GL

 

[MyTeamSupreme]

im immature so i would circulate nude pictures of her through the internet...starting at /b/

theres nothing you can really do but find someone else and anticipate her downfall

 

[Cabal]

This is almost BLOW FOR BLOW what happened to me.

Dated a girl. Two years. Convinced her to go back to further her education. She soon no longer had time for a relationship. No good deed goes unpunished. We break up but promise to be friends. A month later I've not seen her once, and she's dating a guy she knew whilst we were together, and going as his plus one to a wedding.

That's right; she didn't have time for a relationship but found time to get to know this guy whilst she was in one, then got over her two year relationship in one month and suddenly found time for a relationship...with this someone else.

She ****-talked me to the sky. I was a social lepor.

So I decided it was time to change my routine anyway and started hanging out in the bars on the edges of town and in all the hard to reach places; found some I never knew existed. Think of it as an adventure. Every town is made of about twelve different social networkss none of which overlap except in the town centre.

Now, seven months later, she's messaging me (days ago) on facebook about how she knows I probably hate her and she knows she's been a prick but she misses me and wants to salvage a friendship.

This might have something to do with the fact that I focused on what I liked and what was fun rather than her sorry ass, and as a result am now a movie star. :-D

Go on an adventure son. Go.