My my my!
So many posts already! AH well...! doesnt matter!
Anyways i just read your little drivel up there and it seems fairly familiar with a friend of mine... except of course he isn't 21 and he actually has a GF atm (finally! now he can shut up
), nevertheless that's not the point here...
the point is in this post and in your words... allow me to throw in some of my analysing.... maybe you can then see where you might need some little alterations
Originally posted by The_Shnitz
Hi,
I was just wondering if anyone else is in my situation here, im 21 years old and have never had a girlfriend. I have never even asked a girl out, ive hardly ever shown any interest towards any girl that i really liked.
Allright fair enough... i think you're worrying too much about your age and you're comparing yourself to others who are younger and already lost their virginity... which then presents the point that you care too much about the whole "losing virginity" shiznit.
Also, I have noticed that i seem to start to fancy girls that i get the feeling that they like me first, then i sort of obscess over them for a while, think about them every day n stuff and never make a move because i am so goddam shy, then i beat myself up over it.
okay so you're shy? hrrm interesting... i think you need to believe in your own abilities my friend and in yourself... seems like your self esteem could use a boost up!
Beat yourself over it ... i don think that's such a good idea... dont beat yourself up man! Encourage yourself! It's all to do with that self-esteem concept... if you beat yourself over this sh!t then well you'll AVOID IT BECAUSE IT WILL JUST GIVE YOU CAUSE TO BEAT YOURSELF UP AGAIN AND AGAIN UNTIL YOU'RE PSYCHOLOGICALLY PURPLE AND BLUE!
ENCOURAGE YOURSELF!
I am quite an angry person and regually feel depressed. I really feel like if i could get laid my life would turn around, but at the same time i feel like im not getting laid because the first time needs to be with someone i actually like (not a random slut).
Yes there it is.... Depression and anger! Okay excuse me for going into a little Yoda phase but, you're angry about something (well duh obviously, i can hear you say)! Try to resolve it! If it's anger due to the fact that you're 21, virgin etc, then you will need to take the bull by the horns and say to yourself that you are no longer going to be that person you seem to be resenting... again anger leads to depression and you might also be angry at the fact that you might hit the later years of your life and still are branded by society as a virgin...
OKAY now we're hitting a source and this is where YOU will start to feel torn by too many concepts! From what i have read up there, YOU KNOW YOU CAN GET LAID, but you're hesitating. You must fix that hesitation.
Oh yes and also i said earlier you seem to hold your virginity to a highpoint... saying that you will only lose it to someone special is kind of corny but respectable indeed! Just please dont let it affect you to a point where you could've had sex but passed it up because you havent know her for 6 months of whatever... THEN you know waht happens next? YOU WILL BECOME DEPRESSED and eventually to hide this depression YOU WILL BECOME ANGRY!
Im also worried that i have a small ****.
I have made out with random sluts, most of them quite ugly.
AS i said earlier your self esteem seems to be deteriorating as i am comming to the end of your post.
Im sure you have read Pook's work around here and his infamous "As You Think, You Shall Become" concept, and I'm also certain you know that this works both ways! Yes... if you believe you suck at being social, your sub-conciousness will embed that and you will become an old hermit living off grubs. Positive re-informent is what you need! Yes there's no magic formula! You have to BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND YOUR ABILITIES!
As the old saying goes... Dont worry, be happy!
Oh yeah and about your random slut smooching... it links with your virginity. Meaning i know what you're trying to say by telling us you want to know a girl and actually like her... in laymens terms.. she' has to be higher than the smooched sluts yes?
Any one else in or has been in my situation?
Whats the best way to deal with this?
sorry if i seem like im just moaning but my despondency it getting to me, i need some inspiration. I keep these thoughts inside constantly, i never tell people this stuff. The idea of having sex is so alien to me sometimes i wonder if people actually do have sex! I think i need to retrain my brain.
Yes Nightspark's very certain that you care too much what people think of you! ... Words like "sorry if i seem like im just moaning but my despondency" ... MAN even you are worried that US as SOSUAVE are going to probably pay you out or something aren't you?!
WELL that doesnt happen here! Sure some people dont know how to explain things in a proper mild manner (it's not what you say but how you say it!) but nevertheless it beams helpful advice.... but im going off track here =S
LOL and please stop bull****tn US!
The idea of having sex is so alien to me sometimes i wonder if people actually do have sex!
Man seriously WTF is that you wrote up there?! You know that's a LIE! If you had no concept of having sex then well that means you havent hit puberty YET! So dont say sht like that because you're lying to yourself!
[I also read your post about how you fear having a GF or being alone with one because you have nothing to say... you should pay close attention to the summary for the final bits of advice!]
In summary here's my advice!
Stop worrying what other think or perceive of you! We are our own worst enemy and just thinking for a second that you are worthless or suck at attracting women or just plain suck at anything, will INDEED FCUK your Self-esteem UP sideways!
ONLY reinforce yourself and your own abilities IN A POSTIVE MANNER!! NEVER EVER beat yourself down! Do you think the leaders of this world do that?! I don't think so! IF they screw up, they learn from their mistakes ! They keep going, striving to be the masters. You need to take up this concept! I'm sure you have lead something before-hand or even are leading people right now, which means you already have the foundations to build a stronger character out of yourself!
And that's waht i ahve to say at this very moment. Hopefully you will read it as well as every one else's post here and ACT upon the advice you will eventually create from the stuff we have posted here!
Godspeed!
-Nightspark
