13 year Long distance "best friend" with 2 baby daddies

[MixedMutt00]

To try to keep it condensed, but it's a 13 year long problem lmao:

"Met" her on Halo Reach (lol) in 2010 when we were both 15, about 13 years ago. We both had some hard and abusive upbringings so it was nice connection we developed, being there for each other, video chatting, gaming, etc. Feelings developed every now and then on both sides, but I was wayyy more enamored and invested than her. After 4 years (19yo here, now 2014) of the online "just friends" **** I couldn't handle it and flew out to see her without telling her. Never really spoke to her again except for the random happy birthday (me to her) every 2-4 years, if that, SUPER rare minimal contact.

briefly contacted her once last year cuz I saw she had a baby (she has 2 now, with I THINK 2 different guys but not sure) and it was really nice to catch up with someone who had meant so much to me at one point, but I never responded back cuz we all be busy, you know.


Fast forwarding to last month mid June, she messaged me after like 8 years. From there she was calling me every morning to say good morning and good night, calling midday just to talk and it was real nice, not gonna lie. Too nice, and the feelings hit me like a truck.


Tried to flirt with her but she didn't respond well. So I pulled away since she made it pretty clear, back to focusing on myself and not sweating her as hard. she noticed I stopped prioritizing her and popped off about it, though I may have ignored her, unintentionally. I apologized for not communicating properly, but then she got a bit freaked when I shared that I considered being her boyfriend. She got like weird and upset but admits she enjoyed me keeping her company. I feel she was tryna cut me off, but I flirted with her and told her she'd have to block me cuz I enjoyed her in my life again (she listened to me, even redid my resume, and games with me), which she seemed cool with.



lmao what the **** is all this? I don't know what the hell is going on. can I date around? She says she doesn't talk to guys. She also mentioned the distance as if it was some factor but idk. Being just friends would be easier if I were "allowed" to date lmao.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I didnt read it all but the gist of it is she rejected you when she was young and childless (when she was in her prime). Now that she´s a single mom she wants you. Unless you have kids of your own DO NOT COMMIT TO HER, DO NOT GIVE HER EXCLUSIVITY, DO NOT GIVE HER THE "GRILFRIEND" LABEL. F0ck her if you want but dont get her pregnant. She´s recreational use /plate status only

 

[FlirtLife]

You were friends with her from age 15-19, and when you couldn't take it being just online, you flew out to visit her - as a surprise. And then... nothing happened? You skipped the key part of your story, and I wonder if maybe you heard something from her you didn't like. And then both of you didn't communicate for years.

You told her you want to be her boyfriend, and she got weird and wanted to cut you off. How is that not clear? Hasn't she been consistent for 13 years in not wanting to be your girlfriend? But your thinking is she'll have to block you, because you're so obsessed with her.

Why aren't you looking for anyone else?

 

[MixedMutt00]

Christ when you put it that way SHEESH, but you right with everything you said.

I guess the key part would be that I wanted to spend more time with her when I visited the first time, but I guess she didn't. I don't think she really plans on seeing me ever again either

I thought her reaching out meant there was some interest or leftover feelings for me, and talking with her reopened my feelings for her. But true, actions do speak louder than words

I guess I'm somewhat obsessed, but it's not like I can't drop her. I just thought things could be different now and wanted to try it out. I know neediness is never the answer but I really wanted to make my intentions clear and "make a move" versus keeping quiet and her just think I want a friendship.

I just wanted to show I could wait for her if she needed time, but told her if someone else made her happy, I'd be happy with that too and move forward.

God, all my words are so cringe to type yikes ‍ I'm seeing the error in my ways, but was this always an "unwinnable" situation?
(I know to never place wins/losses based on success with the girl, but it's kinda overwhelming) Do I drop her completely, even as friends, and go back to doing me all these years? If I lived there or visited, should I reach out? I was talking to someone but things weren't working out, and then she came out of nowhere so I dropped the last chick, but my mom thinks I'm cool so I can always talk to more lmao



Thanks for setting me straight homie

 

[FlirtLife]

For some reason I picture Rolllo saying "You both want a girlfriend".

It is good that you tried, but you also got your answer. The answer isn't what you want. If I was in this situation, I'd feel hurt. But look at it this way, you can spend 4 years of your life to get rejected (age 15-19), or get rejected quickly (now). Which one is a better use of your time?

 

[Bokanovsky]

This is why you NEVER invest a lot of time and effort into a woman you're not banging (let alone one who lives far away). Think of all the time you wasted talking to her, thinking about her, etc. Life is short and you only live once.

 

[MixedMutt00]

I feel you, FlirtLife, SHE needs a girlfriend cuz her life is so busy with kids, work, and school, she doesn't go out and I bet has no friends. She's kinda grumpy kinda often too somewhat unlikable. I feel for her, but I'm not a dumazz lmao

Bokanonsky, you right homie, but we were childhood friends at one point. I've met other women through her too and she helped boost my self esteem during a sensitive and crucial time in my life, so I can't call it a complete waste of time. The "thinking about her" though, you're absolutely correct; much time wasted.

What hit me real hard was the "if for 13 years she didn't want you to be her boyfriend, why would I think anything would be different now"? The truth stings