12 Tips for Making Small Talk

[Interpol]

It seems one of the most asked questions around here is "How do I carry on a conversation with a girl I don't know well?" This article was written with business functions in mind, but most of the tips will work in any situation.

1. As you prepare for a function, come up with three things to talk about as well as four generic questions that will get others talking. If you've met the host before, try to remember things about her, such as her passion for a sport or a charity you're both involved in.

2. Be the first to say "hello." If you're not sure the other person will remember you, offer your name to ease the pressure. For example, "Charles Bartlett? Lynn Schmidt... good to see you again." Smile first and always shake hands when you meet someone.

3. Take your time during introductions. Make an extra effort to remember names and use them frequently.

4. Get the other person talking by leading with a common ground statement regarding the event or location and then asking a related open-ended question. For example, "Attendance looks higher than last year, how long have you been coming to these conventions?" You can also ask them about their trip in or how they know the host.

5. Stay focused on your conversational partner by actively listening and giving feedback. Maintain eye contact. Never glance around the room while they are talking to you.

6. Listen more than you talk.

7. Have something interesting to contribute. Keeping abreast of current events and culture will provide you with great conversation builders, leading with "What do you think of...?" Have you heard...?" What is your take on...?" Stay away from negative or controversial topics, and refrain from long-winded stories or giving a lot of detail in casual conversation.

8. If there are people you especially want to meet, one of the best ways to approach them is to be introduced by someone they respect. Ask a mutual friend to do the honors.

9. If someone hands you a business card, accept it as a gift. Hold it in both hands and take a moment to read what is written on it. When you're done, put it away in a shirt pocket, purse or wallet to show it is valued.

10. Watch your body language. People who look ill at ease make others uncomfortable. Act confident and comfortable, even when you're not.

11. Before entering into a conversation that's already in progress, observe and listen. You don't want to squash the dynamics with an unsuited or ill-timed remark.

12. Have a few exit lines ready, so that you can both gracefully move on. For example, "I need to check in with a client over there," "I skipped lunch today, so I need to visit the buffet," or you can offer to refresh their drink.

 

[Mikers]

I especially like #9..

 

[Jariel]

Good, concise and practical tips! I do most of these as a matter of habit and it's amazing how this small talk can develop into solid friendships/relationships over time.

 

[GrandMaster]

Wouldn't the general idea be to get on C&F asap? this will immediatly set you both in a teasing but relaxed mood and make you a lot more interesting.

an example:

she is telling you that she had to walk all the way [3km] from the bus station to get here you would go c&f:
"So you you just did some exercice and lost some weight, that's good for you!"

don't do this to a girl who is slightly fat or appears very unsecure. but this is probably not the kind of girls you will want to approach.

talking c&f will IMMEDIATLY set you apart from all the other afc who try to be so so nice to her but get nowhere. be outstanding. don't give a fu ck if she doesn't react well.

 

[ApocalypseCow2]

Originally posted by Mikers
I especially like #9..

9 is interesting. I heard that in some cultures (like Japan), if someone gives you a business card and you immediately stuff it into your wallet, it is considered VERY rude. You are supposed to look at the information on it and show that you value it.

 

[Interpol]

Originally posted by GrandMaster
Wouldn't the general idea be to get on C&F asap? this will immediatly set you both in a teasing but relaxed mood and make you a lot more interesting.

an example:

she is telling you that she had to walk all the way [3km] from the bus station to get here you would go c&f:
"So you you just did some exercice and lost some weight, that's good for you!"

don't do this to a girl who is slightly fat or appears very unsecure. but this is probably not the kind of girls you will want to approach.

talking c&f will IMMEDIATLY set you apart from all the other afc who try to be so so nice to her but get nowhere. be outstanding. don't give a fu ck if she doesn't react well.

Well like I mentioned, those tips were from an article about speaking at business functions, so they're obviously not going to tell you to be C+F...I definitely would recommend integrating C+F into whatever you're talking about though, like in tip #1, your stories and questions should be things that are funny and interesting to talk about.

 

[MrS]

6 is probably the best.
rest are good.
nice job

 

[dannowillbookem]

this is more dale carnigie how to win friends and influence people.

if u want to get more friends, do that. if u want to get more chicks i think its more the opposite.

i've read carnigie's book (a good read) and the much of sosuave.com and i thats just my opinion...