Women Lie

[Divorced w 3]

But how often and how seriously? Is it on small things so they can fool themselves that they haven’t totally submitted and maintain the illusion of autonomy? By small things I mean, that they like having some spending money so they embellish on what they’re actually spending on beauty products, for example.

I am asking for on the regular, normal course of relationships, I’m not talking about failed relationships where she’s banging the pool guy.

———————
but while we are talking about relationships that have hit some hard times, how often and how seriously have you had her withhold or outright lie on larger things only to get caught, such as, what she is telling her friends

Please make sure you’re notating which environment you’re responding on, since I have two vastly different situations.

 

[The Duke]

I've really only caught women in lies during relationships that hit hard times.

1. My exwife lied about her side dude she was banging. She lied about phone records. She embezzled money out of our joint account into her private/personal accounts that didn't exist until the end.

2. My first post divorce live in gf lied about looking for a new place to live before she moved out. She also lied about talking to a guy from her past that always liked her.

3. My last live in gf lied about a guy she knew thru her career. They had worked together in the past. She claimed he wanted to appoint her to some board so they went out for dinner/drinks. Next thing he is drunk, she is buzzed. On the way home she calls me to say she can't drive the rest of the way and she thinks he ruffied her. I don't doubt thats what happened, but she never admitted the sexual interest I accused her of having for him. She also lied about looking for a new place to live months before she moved out.

My experience has been when times get tough, women will do whatever it takes to benefit themselves and they won't be honest and forthcoming about it no matter how good your past history might have been. Once they lose attraction, their version of respect and honor is gone. They are always in the moment and they act on how they feel. What makes them great is what makes them a poor choice as well.

Honor, Respect, Loyalty mean something entirely different to men than women. Women have no idea.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I've really only caught women in lies during relationships that hit hard times.

1. My exwife lied about her side dude she was banging. She lied about phone records. She embezzled money out of our joint account into her private/personal accounts that didn't exist until the end.

2. My first post divorce live in gf lied about looking for a new place to live before she moved out. She also lied about talking to a guy from her past that always liked her.

3. My last live in gf lied about a guy she knew thru her career. They had worked together in the past. She claimed he wanted to appoint her to some board so they went out for dinner/drinks. Next thing he is drunk, she is buzzed. On the way home she calls me to say she can't drive the rest of the way and she thinks he ruffied her. I don't doubt thats what happened, but she never admitted the sexual interest I accused her of having for him. She also lied about looking for a new place to live months before she moved out.

My experience has been when times get tough, women will do whatever it takes to benefit themselves and they won't be honest and forthcoming about it no matter how good your past history might have been. Once they lose attraction, their version of respect and honor is gone. They are always in the moment and they act on how they feel. What makes them great is what makes them a poor choice as well.

Honor, Respect, Loyalty mean something entirely different to men than women. Women have no idea.

A lot of this hits home. I like how you said ‘they are always in the moment and they act on how they feel’. True, in either scenario. Ruffle their feathers, and they will sing like a bird to someone.

I’m in a scenario now where I have unearthed that I have a mood disorder, and it makes it hard to overlook issues and be at peace with myself and with others. So in the long process of dialing that in, I have ruffled feathers.

I guess naively, I was shocked when she sought the advice and encouragement of her oldest friend who, had actually totally turned her back on her for almost an entire year, and took the step of turning a friend group (and actually tried to turn her cousin on her too which is just crazy).

So right now, I have this situation that I am working through for myself, and it’s essentially, okay, you have stood up to me on principle and as annoying as that was, it was a catalyst because I finally have self awareness and treatment and realize that I just simply went too far - but you don’t hold this other person to that same standard , who hasn’t apologized, and actually gaslit you in saying you ditched everyone. And she’s dug in now - she’s saying the higher standard applies because of it being me, and because I’m ‘ill’ and the other woman is not.

 

[New_Journey]

If you zoom in into those moments of lying something important, Its because the relationship has been bad for quite some time already. A woman happy with his bf or who she thinks is her best option (most important), don't look outside and won't lie about something important.

Women are hard wired to seek the best, and they will be feminine, submissive, loving, caring and great sex toward that guy they perceive is her best option. You can't expect a woman to love the way you love her or will love her. She cannot do that, she actually doesn't know, she's a woman not a man. Women love one guy at time, but not forever. They think about themselves first, her own survival, you just can't fvcking blame her for thinking about her first and her child by any means necessary.

We need to accept women how they are, the good, the bad and the ugly, otherwise go date men.

Men should ditch the altruism and approach relationships with that same mindset, what does this relationship benefit me other than sex and company, any woman can give you that. Just like women do, any men can give her d!ck.

 

[Barrister]

Women are much more cutthroat and vicious than men. The moment you don’t measure up to the ideal in her head for what she “deserves” she will begin looking elsewhere OR will torpedo the relationship to the point you have to exit (and she of course can play victim to everyone who will listen).

Women will buy their own false bill of goods. They actually will believe what they have put in their minds as true. Usually it’s pure emotion/feelings. But the fact they feel it makes it real and therefore not a “lie.” Men who try to look at their thought process in a logical way will see it as lying or pure nonsense. And yes - it is that. But you can’t change female nature. All you can do is protect yourself emotionally if you begin to see these kind of cracks.

 

[Plinco]

But you can’t change female nature.

Accountability to reason would fix that, but unfortunately the legal system and people's general belief don't allow this.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Mostly women (and frankly plenty of men) lie to avoid conflict. It may be a lie that they aren't looking for a place when they are or that they don't feel attraction when they do.

So much of it is conflict aversion. Women generally already know if something is going to cause conflict before they take action. The lie is often the path of least resistance as opposed to telling the truth and inciting a fight.

They lie until plans are in place such that they avoid conflict by deception, then putting an exit strategy in place to avoid conflict by escaping the situation. This minimizes the discomfort conflict creates.

Honesty and tranparency is much harder to embody because conflict arises when you act and behave based in principle; and this comes down to character.

Few people (nevermind just women) have character.

Meaningful interactions manage and deal with conflict as opposed to avoiding it. But that requires priciples, maturity and strength of character. Many people lack in those areas and are totally conflict avoidant.

 

[Pumax]

@BeExcellent

The thing here is not so much the fear or mental strength to say things, because after a while the character comes out, but it is also the thing that people see you as "boring", because by telling the truth and being honest, you are no longer such a mystery. You are seen as boring.

 

[Sega Genesis]

The thing here is not so much the fear or mental strength to say things, because after a while the character comes out, but it is also the thing that people see you as "boring", because by telling the truth and being honest, you are no longer such a mystery. You are seen as boring.

Doubtful. I think it's more this:

The lie is often the path of least resistance as opposed to telling the truth and inciting a fight.

Especially when their partner has a habit of losing their shyt when presented with behavior from their partner they dislike, don't approve of or violates their personal boundaries.

As @BeExcellent said both genders are guilty of this..

 

[BeExcellent]

@BeExcellent

The thing here is not so much the fear or mental strength to say things, because after a while the character comes out, but it is also the thing that people see you as "boring", because by telling the truth and being honest, you are no longer such a mystery. You are seen as boring.

Here's the thing. Lies are generally told to avoid conflict or adverse consequence.

If a man sees a prositute for sex is he going to tell his wife? Probably not. This is the lie of omission (not saying anything) and it is done both to protect the wife from hurt as well as avoid imagined adverse consequences (wife gets mad; divorce etc.)

I am never boring. I am also very transparent and expect transparency in my relationships. Intrigue and mystery are not lies. Intrigue and mystery excite imagination.

Think of it this way:

If you see a woman naked, or in a bikini for example, even if she is very attractive, you are observing "the goods" or her objective physical body. If you see an attractive woman in a shortsleeve body hugging long dress with a slit up the back so you catch glimpses of her legs, and that is much more intriguing because your imagination thinks about what the rest of her body looks like. Neither is a lie; but the dress creates more mystery than the bikini because less is on display.

I digress. I am quite adept at mystery and intrigue.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Another example (for a man) is if he views porn.

There are a lot of women (girlfriends/wives) who are quite offended by this and can go literally batshyt crazy over it!

So he withholds that from his gf, he may even lie when asked to avoid a huge blowout fight. I've seen it and read about it so know it's true.

For a woman, let's say her boyfriend/husband objects to her having a male friend, so she lies about it. Even when asked to avoid a big fight/conflict.

I don't agree with it... as Be said it reflects lack of character although I do understand it.

Conflict avoidant.

 

[Barrister]

Yes, men are capable of being deceitful and lying. But that wasn’t the question posed in the OP. So what is the point of bringing it up? “Well yeah women lie BUT so do you guys!” OK. And?

Even men have moments of weakness/deceit. Yes, agree with @BeExcellent that it typically is to avoid conflict. I do believe there’s a difference from what I have observed both personally and in other relationships that women, not men, typically can convince themselves that what they’re feeling is reality. And therefore don’t believe it’s a “lie.” Men don’t process information that way.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Yes, men are capable of being deceitful and lying. But that wasn’t the question posed in the OP. So what is the point of bringing it up? “Well yeah women lie BUT so do you guys!” OK. And?

This^^ is true... my apologies to @Divorced w 3 for going off topic..

 

[plumber]

women tend to manage relationships and communications. to do this they have a toolbox that contains the truth and lies. they insert and use the proper tool to get the job done. its just not a big deal to them, its another day of getting the job done.

men get stuck on truth. yes men can lie and do so. but they don't manage the communications in the same way and the lies are more reactive and or protective and yes sometimes for getting the job done... such as with escalation.

the difference is men see the lie as a lie and choose to do it. women see it as another tool in the box and not a bad thing.

 

[The Duke]

There is no point in discussing whats "TRUE" with a bunch of women! Their emotions control their brains and that trumps rational MALE logic every time. But one thing they do understand is when a man walks away and ignores them. Thats how you win.

Women are too worried about others feelings and protecting an image to know what respect, honor, and loyalty is. And a woman having "character".........lmfao, thats hilarious.

Women......the same ones that wear heels to makes themselve look more slender, taller, than they are. They wear push up bras and buy fake t!ts to appear sexier than they are. They wear make up to look younger than they are. They get all sorts of crazy and expensive procedures done to their skin to look youger than they are. They spend hundreds of dollars on hair care.

And you don't think they arent experts at distorting reality and bending the truth! This is their entire existence. The masters of mystery, illusion, and convincing you of things that simply aren't!

 

[SW15]

Women lie. Water is wet.

Female lies tend to emerge with lower interest levels (earlier stages) or as longer term relationships are faltering (@The Duke covered that angle well).

The best thing for men to do is to not stay in relationships long enough to get to the hard, faltering times and also for men not to tolerate instances of words and behaviors not matching in the earliest stages of interactions.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I’m glad this topic is getting traction - lot of great feedback here

 

[Pumax]

If every relationship was supposed to end when a woman lies, then it wouldn't even last months. If she's wired that way, then every time she opens her mouth, it's a lie.
Women love marketing, not the product.

There are exceptions though, and if you find a woman who likes the product instead of the marketing (usually they have a very high IQ). Then you'll know You've made a good purchase.

That's why I won't lie, I won't tell those lies to "save the relationship", but I will be honest and ruthless to find this kind of woman. That's what I want.

I don't want to be like my father and cheat on my woman, but I will make sure to tell her how I feel if I don't want to **** her. I would think a healthy woman prefer thruth at this point.