Would you consider this a red flag?

[Modern Man Advice]

Ultimatums are always a red flag. It comes from a place of insecurity, a desire for control, and mistrust.

Ultimately, you want someone who doesn't need validation or confirmation on where each other stands. If she's just a plate then enjoy while you can, if you're considering long-term then it is something to consider and weigh in.

 

[Sega Genesis]

she's anxious..

I agree with this^. As such, she is attempting to control the frame in order to alleviate her anxiety.

Imo it has very little to do with how much she cares or "into you."

Because you're not blowing up her phone and chasing her up the wazzoo like most men, she's insecure. That is what this is about imo.

In fact if she were into you she'd most likely be trying to adjust to YOUR frame instead of push/pulling and manipulating you. She'd be more agreeable and compliant versus bytchy and difficult and risk losing you.

Or she'd communicate with you about it in a thoughtful way.

I like this response.

This is the level I'm comfortable with right now, for me. You can communicate however you like.

Or some variation thereof. You can begin by saying you enjoy spending time but this is the level I'm comfortable with, for now. Like @Vanderdonck suggested..

Be kind when saying it.. Gauge her response.

Remember I'm a woman saying this! But you cannot allow a woman to manipulate and control you like this, she will lose respect for you REAL fast.

It's only been a few weeks, geez. Uncertainty can be a bytch, mature adults learn to deal with it in a healthy way.

 

[Solomon]

Ultimatums are always a red flag. It comes from a place of insecurity, a desire for control, and mistrust.

Ultimately, you want someone who doesn't need validation or confirmation on where each other stands. If she's just a plate then enjoy while you can, if you're considering long-term then it is something to consider and weigh in.

Tell her, this isn't tit for tat. She's trying to train you. This is how you are, if you don't like it, chao.

Kinda what I said in not so many words...I have a low tolerance for time wasting these days as I get older. Would rather lose someone in a week than after 3 months.

Agree with you guys this is why I think there is nothing wrong with verbalizing and establishing boundaries especially early on. If a woman doesn't like how you view or want to do relationship dynamics she can kick rocks. To many men acquiesce to a woman's boundaries letting her control the dynamics and frame. Hence so many men are in miserable relationships

 

[DJ Novice]

It’s normal for communication to taper off as you get to know someone better.

I see no point in communicating with nothing much to say or to covertly check up on someone’s whereabouts. That’s screams insecurity and neediness.

Communicate when you genuinely want to, not when someone else wants you to.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Early days of dating a girl around 4-5 weeks in.

She is showing high interest by texting you between 3-5 times a day.

You always respond back, you don't ignore her, however you're texting her less than she is texting you & sometimes you take a little longer to respond back to her, because you are busy.

She comes over to your house (date) & pretty much immediately makes this warning

"Soul if you don't text and make an effort like I do, then I will do the same and stop making an effort"

Would you consider this a threat/warning of things to come?

Since then I have noticed a pattern of "mirroring" my texting habits.

For example if I put a kiss in the message and it's "lower case" kiss, then she will do the same..

I know this is petty shyte.. but my feeling is, this could turn into a bigger communication issue down the line.

Did you smash yet?

 

[plumber]

Hmm I get it.. Wanting attention is good, however what isn't good is this:

Mirroring:

I take an hour to reply - she takes an hour to reply

I forget to put a kiss on the text - she doesn't put a kiss on the text

I don't text her all day - She doesn't text me all day

She does a pull back (like most woman will do) I do a pull back.. She pulls back.. I pull back.. Game over lol

agree.

 

[New_Journey]

Threat women like children, to me it sounds like a small little girl, telling daddy if he doesn't text him more often she will not like him no mowe, because she's anxious to talk to daddy.

This is a great place to be, she misses you which is good. You should make plans, get off the phone, and take her to do something fun and be playful and then smash her hard.

 

[filerfiler]

Sega's post is spot on.

Here is the dynamic that is happening:

You appeared different and aloof in text, possibly because you're genuinely busy, possibly because you've read on the internet that you should text this way and are playing a game.

She cannot tell, at first she believed it's genuine and was happy to follow your lead.

Eventually she wasn't sure anymore, her attraction waned and as such she wants to test your congruence.

Are you genuinely a man with a solid frame?

So she pulls this ultimatum on you to see how congruent you are and how you stick to your frame.

If you cave it means you really were playing a game, you're not actually geniunely busy and you know how to lead your life. If you cave to this test how can she look up to your leadership?

If you stuck to your frame it means she can actually be herself and rely on you being yourself.

Evidently your frame is actually pretty weak, instead of going like "meh I'll carry on with my life as normal", the absence of a kiss or a few characters in text has torched your frame and shook you apart.

This is all subconscious of course

You allowed her to control the frame because you didn't have a good one.

And now you're reaping the consequences.

 

[zekko]

She does a pull back (like most woman will do) I do a pull back.. She pulls back.. I pull back.. Game over lol

There must be a mistake. PUA Bro Theory says if you pull back, she will chase chase chase.

Seriously though, no one should have to be tied to their phone 24 hours a day. I'm retired and I can't always be around to answer texts and calls. That doesn't mean you're not making an effort. Might not do much good, but if it were me, I would try to explain it to her.

 

[Vanderdonck]

No, she's behaving like a feminine woman, she's subcommunicating you're not like the other men she dates, who always sending her messages after her, puzzy whipped. And the she process her feeling by verbalizing it.

Predictability will kill attraction.


Okay baby girl *proceeds to kiss her forehead*

Now, do the opposite, start texting less, ignore her, say you've been busy with work. Skip weekends to see her, keep in a limbo where she doesn't know if you actually like her. Make her frustrated that you are different, that she can't figure you out, that's the challenge women crave.

All she's doing is $hit testing you.


She's testing your frame, nothing more. Ignore words, watch what she does.



Wrong, this is not a red flag. She's not used to be with guys who don't text like puppies after her, and she's anxious




IMO, I wouldn't say anyhting. I would just play it cool, A&M, being all this serious for that $hit just makes you like a robot.

I would be like " What, you miss me that much throughout the week?" Then grab her kiss her, smack her a$$ and go on with your day.

yeah that **** don't fly in my world, it'd be a quick next. Just not into needy demanding women who make ultimatums. Not the same as "feminine" to me.

 

[New_Journey]

Sega's post is spot on.

Here is the dynamic that is happening:

You appeared different and aloof in text, possibly because you're genuinely busy, possibly because you've read on the internet that you should text this way and are playing a game.

She cannot tell, at first she believed it's genuine and was happy to follow your lead.

Eventually she wasn't sure anymore, her attraction waned and as such she wants to test your congruence.

Are you genuinely a man with a solid frame?

So she pulls this ultimatum on you to see how congruent you are and how you stick to your frame.

If you cave it means you really were playing a game, you're not actually geniunely busy and you know how to lead your life. If you cave to this test how can she look up to your leadership?

If you stuck to your frame it means she can actually be herself and rely on you being yourself.

Evidently your frame is actually pretty weak, instead of going like "meh I'll carry on with my life as normal", the absence of a kiss or a few characters in text has torched your frame and shook you apart.

This is all subconscious of course

You allowed her to control the frame because you didn't have a good one.

And now you're reaping the consequences.

Nailed it.

yeah that **** don't fly in my world, it'd be a quick next. Just not into needy demanding women who make ultimatums. Not the same as "feminine" to me.

That's why you get no puzzy, because you treat every interaction as a battle of frames to be won. You've taken this 120 lbs slim girl and in your mind she is André the Giant, whom you have to put foot down, lay down the law like she is your wife of many years and is trying to cross your boundaries. Relax bucko, is not that serious, women like to emote all kindz of $hit, and more so when they really like you. Learn the difference between a $hit test because she likes you vs disrespect because she doesn't.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Do red flags matter if there is no marriage? I think not.

 

[Skyline]

Early days of dating a girl around 4-5 weeks in.

She is showing high interest by texting you between 3-5 times a day.

You always respond back, you don't ignore her, however you're texting her less than she is texting you & sometimes you take a little longer to respond back to her, because you are busy.

She comes over to your house (date) & pretty much immediately makes this warning

"Soul if you don't text and make an effort like I do, then I will do the same and stop making an effort"

Would you consider this a threat/warning of things to come?

Since then I have noticed a pattern of "mirroring" my texting habits.

For example if I put a kiss in the message and it's "lower case" kiss, then she will do the same..

I know this is petty shyte.. but my feeling is, this could turn into a bigger communication issue down the line.

Maybe text her more?

I don’t think this issue is that deep and I’d argue that purposefully waiting to respond is undesirable behavior. Just respond when you can and don’t be afraid to message her first. Over a month of dating is long, I’d just get with her already. If you don’t agree with getting with her at this moment then I’d move on. and reconsider what you want.

Stop playing games that most people don’t win. It sounds like she is sniffing you for playing games. If you knew what you wanted then none of this would have happened.

 

[soulforge]

Did you smash yet?

Yes Many times

 

[soulforge]

Sega's post is spot on.

Here is the dynamic that is happening:

You appeared different and aloof in text, possibly because you're genuinely busy, possibly because you've read on the internet that you should text this way and are playing a game.

She cannot tell, at first she believed it's genuine and was happy to follow your lead.

Eventually she wasn't sure anymore, her attraction waned and as such she wants to test your congruence.

Are you genuinely a man with a solid frame?

So she pulls this ultimatum on you to see how congruent you are and how you stick to your frame.

If you cave it means you really were playing a game, you're not actually geniunely busy and you know how to lead your life. If you cave to this test how can she look up to your leadership?

If you stuck to your frame it means she can actually be herself and rely on you being yourself.

Evidently your frame is actually pretty weak, instead of going like "meh I'll carry on with my life as normal", the absence of a kiss or a few characters in text has torched your frame and shook you apart.

This is all subconscious of course

You allowed her to control the frame because you didn't have a good one.

And now you're reaping the consequences.

I'm not reaping anything.. still banging her and going about my business as usual.

Still texting her at the same rate as before.

What am I reading?

 

[Barrister]

Way too much analyzing of this. OP - text this woman exactly how you want to. Don't subscribe to PUA tactics on how to text to build attraction. It is overrated and causes you to overthink everything. On the opposite side of the same coin, don't start going way out of your way to text this chick just because she gives you some silly ultimatum 1 month into being a plate. That is ridiculous.

Disagree with some of the posters giving this woman any rope here. She is giving you an ultimatum and you have promised her nothing prior to that. She is not your GF or wife. That is manipulation -- pure and simple. Now, if you have told her something to raise her expectations that may change my answer a bit. But it doesn't sound like that is the case.

 

[Vanderdonck]

That's why you get no puzzy, because you treat every interaction as a battle of frames to be won. You've taken this 120 lbs slim girl and in your mind she is André the Giant, whom you have to put foot down, lay down the law like she is your wife of many years and is trying to cross your boundaries. Relax bucko, is not that serious, women like to emote all kindz of $hit, and more so when they really like you. Learn the difference between a $hit test because she likes you vs disrespect because she doesn't.

Yeah I didn't say anything like that. Quite a word salad.

I have options, so I don't need to deal with a woman who's not on my wavelength. Simple as that. If you want em, enjoy, that's all that matters.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Yes Many times

Oh, then anything else is hogwash.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Call her bluff and then cave for puss

No but seriously call her bluff change nothing