Adolescence Relationships

[jhonny9546]

Have you ever wondered why couples who met in high school or during their adolescence, even in the face of numerous incompatibilities and difficulties, ultimately stay together?

Let’s say these couples have the same childhood friends in common, who also tend to share similar situations; that is, they too met their partners in adolescence or at school. Now, imagine that one of these couples has a child around the age of 23. Then, another couple has a child at 25. Inevitably, the other six or seven women in the group will start asking their partners for a child as well. Next, suppose one of these couples buys a house with a mortgage and gets married at 28. The others will likely follow suit shortly thereafter. Let’s say the children attend school in the same building and that the group continues to see each other regularly, perhaps every week. This group is also comprised of individuals who were attracted to each other during their adolescence, but then Ken ended up with Jasmine, leaving Clara to pair up with Thomas.

Now the group of people grown from "boys" to "men", from "guys" to "fathers" all togheter, and it's a good thing to see. Social pressure, social image, children, homeownership and work can create invisible boundaries that align those couples. At this point, you find yourself in a family with someone who has been a friend or partner since adolescence, you're both working on "projects", so its not love or an emotion you feel, but more likely a "bigger" goal you both have. Also, You can’t easily disregard the bond that person has formed with you.

Personally, I decided to end my college relationship. I faced my inner demons while separating from the "couples-only group of friends" that had formed due to the birth of children. I attempted to create a life on my own. I experienced suffering and understood loneliness; I worked on improving various aspects of myself. Like many of you here, I find myself questioning whether it was the right choice.

One significant regret that haunts me is my lack of experience in "raising" children and managing a family—skills that I see my old friends mastering instead.

 

[Vanderdonck]

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood

poets.org

 

[jhonny9546]

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood

poets.org

Suggesting that this will keep you in a "sunk cost fallacy" relationship?

 

[Vanderdonck]

Suggesting that this will keep you in a "sunk cost fallacy" relationship?

No sir. The poem is about how at any given juncture we can only take one road. The other shall always be a mystery. The road he takes has "perhaps the better claim," the author can never be sure. We can never know how things might have been different. Although there are theories in quantum physics that posit multiverses featuring infinite paths, but that's a real digression.

 

[Manure Spherian]

numerous incompatibilities and difficulties, ultimately stay together?

That’s like asking why ALL couples who remained intact did so.

My wife and I had difficulties, though no serious transgressions. Relationships and marriages aren’t jokes or sources of never ending thrills and fun, especially if there are children.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Have you ever wondered why couples who met in high school or during their adolescence, even in the face of numerous incompatibilities and difficulties, ultimately stay together?

Once, then I realized:

-I'm not in high school or adolescence anymore(Not physically, anyway), so my prospects for marrying some broad I made out with in the bleachers during 9th grade are more extinct than prospects for Pakistan and Bangladesh remaining one nation now are, here in '24

-I was borderline abusive to the girls who were in my life at that age, thus they(justifiably)have no desire to walk past me on the street, much less rekindle whatever poisoned union we had, decades in the past

That in turn prompted me to refocus my attention on life as it exists today

 

[jhonny9546]

That in turn prompted me to refocus my attention on life as it exists today

We choose something from what is put in front of us. If we are in an ice cream shop with 25 flavors at the counter and are told to choose 3, we make our selections, whether we like them or not. We may have wanted 8 flavors, but we had to settle for 3. Plus cream.

I believe this is what happens in life. We are exposed to various "places" and "social groups." Those of us who are satisfied and willing to compromise choose the 3-flavor ice cream, even if we know it could come with many problems. Then there are those who get a different 3-flavor ice cream every time and remain unsatisfied.

Let’s say that the variable remains the same. These individuals are obviously together because of "proximity" and "exposure." They spend time together and choose each other. This is why these couples are much more susceptible to divorce and cheating. As soon as they enter a new environment (like a job env) and start spending time with others due to "proximity" and "exposure," they feel the same attraction that initially tied them to their college partner. They didn’t truly "choose"; they chose out of "scarcity." It was their turn to choose, or the ice cream would have melted.

Sorry if I went on for too long.

 

[plumber]

One significant regret that haunts me is my lack of experience in "raising" children and managing a family—skills that I see my old friends mastering instead.

when young the issue with kids is often financial, not enough money for something....

when older the issue is not enough energy.

its always something... try ( do or not do) enjoy every moment like it is the last one. it might be the last one.

 

[CornbreadFed]

The ones I know didn’t last

 

[jhonny9546]

The ones I know didn’t last

It would be awesome hearing more from your POV and experiences

 

[Gamisch]

You're over hyping these relationships due to your "grass is greener" syndrome.

We're in a time where a 75 year old Patti Labelle divorces her husband at 65(!!!) because she is "ready to date again" ( although she is a prime example of black don't crack).

Realistically speaking a relationship lasts about 5/7 years tops. So either way you would/could've lost your high-school sweetheart at age 22. Quite a normal path: around age 30/35 most men will have had between 2 to 4 LTR's.

And about "that one woman you didn't finish"?: that relationship (or I'd say SITUATION ship) would've last 6 months max. No need to what if. She wouldn't be your ride or die anyway.

 

[SW15]

Realistically speaking a relationship lasts about 5/7 years tops. So either way you would/could've lost your high-school sweetheart at age 22. Quite a normal path: around age 30/35 most men will have had between 2 to 4 LTR's.

There's truth in what you say here. Men who are 30-35 often have had 2-4 LTRs during their lifetimes.

Many relationships last more than 5-7 years. Most of my primary social circle is in relationships that are 8-15 years long at this point in time. These are married men who have had children at this point. Their relationships are still ongoing but the best days of these relationships are all in the past. Multiple married from this social circle have mentioned to me that they don't particularly enjoy the current state of their relationships and are not enjoying raising infants/toddlers right now.

 

[Gamisch]

There's truth in what you say here. Men who are 30-35 often have had 2-4 LTRs during their lifetimes.

Many relationship last more than 5-7 years. Most of my primary social circle is in relationships that are 8-15 years long at this point in time. These are married men who have had children at this point. Their relationships are still ongoing but the best days of these relationships are all in the past. Multiple married from this social circle have mentioned to me that they don't particularly enjoy the current state of their relationships and are not enjoying raising infants/toddlers right now.

Let's not forget that oftentimes the last2/3 years are nothing but a downhill trajectory where the new dudeis lined up already; work/study/ gym/ social circle- husband.

It's better to go through such a breakup in your early twenties.

 

[SW15]

Let's not forget that oftentimes the last2/3 years are nothing but a downhill trajectory where the new dudeis lined up already; work/study/ gym/ social circle- husband.

That's true about the last 2-3 years of those 5+ year long relationships.

While women are less motivated to have extra-relational/extra-marital sex, they have way more options in having sex outside of the primary relationships. Often times, women can have affairs from the pool of orbiters in their social circle and rarely need to entertain approaches from strangers to do. You mentioned work/social circle acquaintances they have. The gym is the only venue you mentioned where stranger approaches happen.

 

[Gamisch]

That's true about the last 2-3 years of those 5+ year long relationships.

While women are less motivated to have extra-relational/extra-marital sex, they have way more options in having sex outside of the primary relationships. Often times, women can have affairs from the pool of orbiters in their social circle and rarely need to entertain approaches from strangers to do. You mentioned work/social circle acquaintances they have. The gym is the only venue you mentioned where stranger approaches happen.

The latter isn't necessarily true bro.

First of all there are multiple types of gymes. A martial art type of gym is already more intimate and less " 24/7" as it on set days and times ( 3 times a week from 19:00 to 21:00).

And even in a regular gym all it takes is " hello" to form a bridge to any other person whether this a man or a woman. Don't forget a lotta women lobe the gym because of the masculine environment/energy.

Let's just say I wouldn't be fond on having a gf who goes to the gym 7 days a week when I am a couch patata...

 

[pipeman84]

Realistically speaking a relationship lasts about 5/7 years tops.

Whose reality is that? Of those fake alpha man gurus like Rich Cooper? Just think about what you're implying, that almost no man is in a (good, loving) relationship with the mother of his kid by the time the little one enters primary school.

 

[Gamisch]

Whose reality is that? Of those fake alpha man gurus like Rich Cooper? Just think about what you're implying, that almost no man is in a (good, loving) relationship with the mother of his kid by the time the little one enters primary school.

That's exactly what I'm saying. You make it sound as if "the mother of his kid" is a holy title and that it will glue together two people for at least 18 years.

Good luck nowadays 1. being with a woman for a couple of years( honeymoon phase and on). Then, 2. To impregnate her and stay together for yet another 5 years.

Add that together and we already talking 7 years approx, and from what I SEE most couples don't make it that long.

I don't really know who rich Cooper is by the way.

 

[SW15]

think about what you're implying, that almost no man is in a (good, loving) relationship with the mother of his kid by the time the little one enters primary school.

That's exactly what I'm saying. You make it sound as if "the mother of his kid" is a holy title and that it will glue together two people for at least 18 years.

Good luck nowadays 1. being with a woman for a couple of years( honeymoon phase and on). Then, 2. To impregnate her and stay together for yet another 5 years.

Add that together and we already talking 7 years approx, and from what I SEE most couples don't make it that long.

Most male-female romantic relationships that get to the having children phase will end up failing before the first child from that relationship turns 18.

By the time that a good portion of children are in elementary school, most parental romantic relationships are already in a state of decline.

One of the ideas that I have promoted on this forum over my 13,000+ posts is the idea that most monogamous LTRs have a shelf life of about 5 years even if they last longer than 5 years.

By the time an established couple's first child is in elementary school, that relationship is typically well over 5 years long. It's something like 7-12 years long by then. Relationship decay has set in by that point.

 

[The Duke]

Whose reality is that? Of those fake alpha man gurus like Rich Cooper? Just think about what you're implying, that almost no man is in a (good, loving) relationship with the mother of his kid by the time the little one enters primary school.

The average age of a couple going through a first divorce is 30yo. 60% of divorces involve couples between the age of 25-39. The average age of parents with a child in elementary school is late 20's to early 30's. 65% of parents with children under 18 are married. 50% of school age children have divorced parents. The average age of children when parents divorce is age 6-7. All of those are very different stats taken from different sources, and none of it conflicts.

Thats REALITY for most of us here in the good ole USA. ;-) We aren't living in the land of 18-20yo virgins looking for 40yo men either so maybe things are quite different in your "reality".

 

[plumber]

The latter isn't necessarily true bro.

First of all there are multiple types of gymes. A martial art type of gym is already more intimate and less " 24/7" as it on set days and times ( 3 times a week from 19:00 to 21:00).

And even in a regular gym all it takes is " hello" to form a bridge to any other person whether this a man or a woman. Don't forget a lotta women lobe the gym because of the masculine environment/energy.

Let's just say I wouldn't be fond on having a gf who goes to the gym 7 days a week when I am a couch patata...

in my gym i see many women that KEEP there ltr (spouse or other) away from the place while they enjoy attention.