I attended a speed dating event today

[GoodMan32]

So I came out of my shell and went to a speed dating event. I just got home.

The event went well...until it didn't.

The good: The event was set up so that the broads had to give all of us a 5 minute mini date. As a result, I got to speak to more broads than I would have if I attempted to pick up broads in a non-structured environment.

Then here's when it started to go poorly: In the final 10 minutes, the event switched to an open floor environment (where anyone could mingle with anyone of their choosing).

At the very beginning of the open floor environment, I managed to catch a broad I thought it went well with...yet the broad declined on exchanging contact information.

The only other broad who was available to talk to at that point was the obese chick I had my first mini date with. I went over to her, asked if she liked the event, etc (but never asked for her digits). I wasn't super into the obese chick (so it's not like I was dying to get her digits...and I wasn't going to ask). But I thought she might offer on her own. No such luck.

There were a few other broads I probably could have gotten digits from...but they were already being swarmed by other men.

Am I glad I went? Yeah. But at the same time, the ending of the event reminded me of why I don't even really try.

Facing the unfortunate truth that I was the low man on the food chain once again, I left before the final 10 minutes were up. I exited onto the patio (slamming the door on my way out). I then slammed the patio gate when I left the patio.

 

[SW15]

We have a thread about this in general. Structured singles events and speed dating are generally a waste of time. Your experience is typical.

Are Structured Singles Events a Waste of Time?

Mostly every unattached person has dealt with this. The potential invitation to a "singles event" or "singles mixer". It is a chance for unattached people to meet. It's not a general night out at a bar, which has unattached people interspersed with attached people. Everyone here is unattached by...

www.sosuave.net

 

[GoodMan32]

We have a thread about this in general. Structured singles events and speed dating are generally a waste of time. Your experience is typical.

Are Structured Singles Events a Waste of Time?

Mostly every unattached person has dealt with this. The potential invitation to a "singles event" or "singles mixer". It is a chance for unattached people to meet. It's not a general night out at a bar, which has unattached people interspersed with attached people. Everyone here is unattached by...

www.sosuave.net

I will check out that thread.

I don't doubt that my experience is typical at speed dating events in general.

This speed dating event was different though. The gender ratio was pretty decent (there were only a few extra men). Plenty of men there had no trouble mingling during the final 10 minutes. I even heard a broad bragging to her friend that she got a man's digits.

 

[BaronOfHair]

But I thought she might offer on her own. No such luck.

Women will start giving men what we desire without being coaxed into doing so, when The Islamic Republic of Iran disbands The Guidance Patrol, so that folks can admire Sydney Sweeney's Parade photoshoot in public on the streets of Tehran

GM, with great respect, your clinging to the delusion that you'll get what you want just by thinking about it is what keeps you at the bottom of the food chain. Not an autism diagnosis which may or may not be accurate, social anxiety, or past trauma

 

[Serenity]

the broads

I do wonder what the problem might be... Couldn't possibly be the way you view women.

 

[MatureDJ]

I keep on seeing on YouTube videos how there is a serious deficiency of men at these events. Yes, the chicks are still stuck-up about it. I should say that my ONLY consistent source - very hit or miss - of getting dates in the USA was church singles dances, at least until that source completely dried up. Of course, I think that I was catching a lot of women that were feeling like they weren't meeting men enough so they would attend, and thus they were fairly easy to at least get the digits from - but I think when I showed up for the date, a lot of them thought "I didn't realize he was short like that".

 

[corrector]

I did Speed Dating myself in earnest between January to March 2015. Did not exchange numbers/interest per se. There was one person that I did connect with, but when we met later for coffee, she said she made a mistake and thought I was someone else, and I tried to pitch her as a Real-Estate client, and that didn't work out either.

Like you, you would say the good is you are talking to women in these 5 min mini-dates. However, with me it's all the same question. What do you do for a living? The reason you struck out is you probably had a crappy job answer to that question. Not just the mingling afterwards. We both have crappy low-paying jobs which are crippling our SMV as that's the first question these girls tend to ask. Being unsuccessful at Real-Estate (ie back in 2015) is worst than having a low-paying crappy job because that's like just being a sophisticated version of being unemployed, but with an affiliation to something.

 

[plumber]

when you don't care if it is working is when it will start working. some call that outcome independent. the world is your playground, just make a game out of it. I know that sounds not helpful but it is really one of the things to figure out.

try to find places to mingle that doesn't directly suggest a hook up should happen.

watch ground hog day; again.

 

[MatureDJ]

I did Speed Dating myself in earnest between January to March 2015. Did not exchange numbers/interest per se. There was one person that I did connect with, but when we met later for coffee, she said she made a mistake and thought I was someone else ...

It's OVER for ConfusedWithAnotherManCels.

Being unsuccessful at Real-Estate (ie back in 2015) is worst than having a low-paying crappy job because that's like just being a sophisticated version of being unemployed ...

Wow, that was BRUTAL.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I keep on seeing on YouTube videos how there is a serious deficiency of men at these events. Yes, the chicks are still stuck-up about it. I should say that my ONLY consistent source - very hit or miss - of getting dates in the USA was church singles dances, at least until that source completely dried up. Of course, I think that I was catching a lot of women that were feeling like they weren't meeting men enough so they would attend, and thus they were fairly easy to at least get the digits from - but I think when I showed up for the date, a lot of them thought "I didn't realize he was short like that".

How expansive is your presence?

 

[corrector]

It's OVER for ConfusedWithAnotherManCels.

Wow, that was BRUTAL.

At least I tried it. One can say I technically did not try Tinder, Bumble or these other apps, but given the dismal experience with websites (ie still techncially subscribed to a Christian dating website I guess just for a personal checkmark record), it's not worth even an effort for someone like me. Only had one break from a Christian dating website in 2012 and like that was it (ie 9 month "flawed" short term relationship).

Only thing that make sense is who I can interact with or deal with at work (and pray to connect with someone at least functionally compatibile). At least, if some lady is working on the same job, she can't really look down on me that much, because after all, she's doing the same thing, and we get away from that question "what are you doing?" because we are both working in the same job. It thows that hurdle out of the equation.

Beyond that, you are right, if you are not meeting anyone, and dating apps/online dating doesn't work, speed-dating doesn't work, then what can you do? At least @GoodMan32 made a solid effort and was able to hold the 5 min mini-dates. At the end he has the same BS issue that I do, is he got AMOGGED, which to me is just the same, if not worst, then getting rejected. Because you see, that in your face, you are not enough to satisfy a woman socially or with your looks, some other guys is. Everyone is getting something out of it while you feel like the incel loser in the corner and go home empty handed. That's why I hate these types of events and it's no wonder other guys are staying away from them.

 

[Mike32ct]

I did Speed Dating myself in earnest between January to March 2015. Did not exchange numbers/interest per se. There was one person that I did connect with, but when we met later for coffee, she said she made a mistake and thought I was someone else, and I tried to pitch her as a Real-Estate client, and that didn't work out either.

Like you, you would say the good is you are talking to women in these 5 min mini-dates. However, with me it's all the same question. What do you do for a living? The reason you struck out is you probably had a crappy job answer to that question. Not just the mingling afterwards. We both have crappy low-paying jobs which are crippling our SMV as that's the first question these girls tend to ask. Being unsuccessful at Real-Estate (ie back in 2015) is worst than having a low-paying crappy job because that's like just being a sophisticated version of being unemployed, but with an affiliation to something.

I got invited to a singles event by a female friend from way back. It was at an art gallery. The event was so so. The next day she told me a bunch of the attendees went to a bar as an after party afterwards. She ended up leaving with some dude from there. I didn’t care that she hooked up. But I was a little annoyed that she purposely didn’t tell me about the after party. It’s almost like she thought I was going to give her negative social proof by being there.

I also went to a number of singles dances both alone and sometimes with a different chick friend. But those are typically just social clubs of sorts. Other than some dancing, people mostly hang out at these round tables and eat, drink and talk. It’s very much like a wedding where each table has its own clique. They are ok to socialize but nothing more.

 

[BaronOfHair]

...I tried to pitch her as a Real-Estate client, and that didn't work out either

You clearly never had a strong mentor

like so

 

[Vending Machine Veteran]

I got invited to a singles event by a female friend from way back. It was at an art gallery. The event was so so. The next day she told me a bunch of the attendees went to a bar as an after party afterwards. She ended up leaving with some dude from there. I didn’t care that she hooked up. But I was a little annoyed that she purposely didn’t tell me about the after party. It’s almost like she thought I was going to give her negative social proof by being there.

I also went to a number of singles dances both alone and sometimes with a different chick friend. But those are typically just social clubs of sorts. Other than some dancing, people mostly hang out at these round tables and eat, drink and talk. It’s very much like a wedding where each table has its own clique. They are ok to socialize but nothing more.

Look into psycho-cybernetics

You can change the way you think

You gotta want it.

 

[GoodMan32]

I did Speed Dating myself in earnest between January to March 2015. Did not exchange numbers/interest per se. There was one person that I did connect with, but when we met later for coffee, she said she made a mistake and thought I was someone else, and I tried to pitch her as a Real-Estate client, and that didn't work out either.

Like you, you would say the good is you are talking to women in these 5 min mini-dates. However, with me it's all the same question. What do you do for a living? The reason you struck out is you probably had a crappy job answer to that question. Not just the mingling afterwards. We both have crappy low-paying jobs which are crippling our SMV as that's the first question these girls tend to ask. Being unsuccessful at Real-Estate (ie back in 2015) is worst than having a low-paying crappy job because that's like just being a sophisticated version of being unemployed, but with an affiliation to something.

At the base level, one core problem with speed dating events: Since the woman is required to give every man a 5 minute mini date, it's hard to tell (even for neurotypical men) if she's truly into you. And the same thing is true in reverse: I was forced to do mini dates with broads I had no attraction to.

At least in a non-structured environment, if a woman speaks with you, it's because she truly wants to (not because the host of a speed dating event is forcing her to)

I guess we'll never know why exactly I got turned down by the one woman I asked. One fortunate thing about the job aspect: If I only mention my line of work (and the woman doesn't make me get into specifics about what exactly I do at the company), the field I'm in sounds impressive.

Anyway, I thought of a strategy of what to do differently if I ever attend another speed dating event (This should make a lot of posters on here proud. A lot of posters have been telling me to come out of my shell, mingle with the ladies, and learn from any failures).

Here's my strategy: I'm going to bring business cards with my picture, name, number, and age. I'm going to hand out my business card during mini dates (and whatever the woman does with the card is up to her). This strategy will solve the problem of getting amogged when the event becomes an open floor at the very end. It also solves the problem (which I hadn't even thought of until you mentioned it) of the woman mixing me up with another guy.

As an added bonus, the uniqueness of the business card strategy will make me stand out (as most men wouldn't give out business cards; they'd ask for her digits, instagram, snapchat, etc)

I worked on a business card design after the event. I've already submitted the design to a printing company.

 

[GoodMan32]

At least I tried it. One can say I technically did not try Tinder, Bumble or these other apps, but given the dismal experience with websites (ie still techncially subscribed to a Christian dating website I guess just for a personal checkmark record), it's not worth even an effort for someone like me. Only had one break from a Christian dating website in 2012 and like that was it (ie 9 month "flawed" short term relationship).

Only thing that make sense is who I can interact with or deal with at work (and pray to connect with someone at least functionally compatibile). At least, if some lady is working on the same job, she can't really look down on me that much, because after all, she's doing the same thing, and we get away from that question "what are you doing?" because we are both working in the same job. It thows that hurdle out of the equation.

Beyond that, you are right, if you are not meeting anyone, and dating apps/online dating doesn't work, speed-dating doesn't work, then what can you do? At least @GoodMan32 made a solid effort and was able to hold the 5 min mini-dates. At the end he has the same BS issue that I do, is he got AMOGGED, which to me is just the same, if not worst, then getting rejected. Because you see, that in your face, you are not enough to satisfy a woman socially or with your looks, some other guys is. Everyone is getting something out of it while you feel like the incel loser in the corner and go home empty handed. That's why I hate these types of events and it's no wonder other guys are staying away from them.

Well-said (feeling like an incel loser getting amogged during the open floor phase)

Even during the mini date rounds, there were a few rounds where I ended up dateless. But that wasn't embarrassing. Here's why: Because of the gender ratio (there were a few more men than broads), there were a few men sitting out every round. And the host of the event was good about meddling to make sure every man sat out his fair share of rounds.

It's no surprise I failed once the event became an open floor. Open floor environments are disastrous for autists. An autist will never be sexually exciting to woman. Even the likes of Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk would get little to no attention from the ladies if it weren't for their money.

Another unfortunate fact is how similar the open floor at the very end of the speed dating event was to the one high school dance I attended. At the one high school dance I attended, I slammed the door on my way out of the cafeteria (frustrated at my bad luck). 33 year old me is no different than 17 year old me in that regard (slamming the door on my way out of the speed dating event)

I know @BaronOfHair claims every man is an autist to some degree. That's incredibly insulting to those of us who really are autists.

 

[GoodMan32]

Women will start giving men what we desire without being coaxed into doing so, when The Islamic Republic of Iran disbands The Guidance Patrol, so that folks can admire Sydney Sweeney's Parade photoshoot in public on the streets of Tehran

GM, with great respect, your clinging to the delusion that you'll get what you want just by thinking about it is what keeps you at the bottom of the food chain. Not an autism diagnosis which may or may not be accurate, social anxiety, or past trauma

Chatting with the obese chick (who, unsurprisingly, was all by herself at the end of the event) was an 11th hour dumpster diving attempt, where I didn't really give a damn about the outcome either way.

I wasn't into the obese chick enough to ask for her digits.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I guess we'll never know why exactly I got turned down by the one woman I asked. One fortunate thing about the job aspect: If I only mention my line of work (and the woman doesn't make me get into specifics about what exactly I do at the company), the field I'm in sounds impressive

Fair inference...
When you told her "I'm a taxidermist", she thought to herself: "Cute as this guy is, in an adorkable OC-era Adam Brody-esque way, I really have no desire for my tits to end up hanging his living room wall. Alongside all those other pairs belonging to the several dozen women who've gone missing in the metro area over the past year or so. I'm going to go talk to the 4'9 stockbroker, standing in the corner, who's covered in 3rd degree burns from the crown of his head to the soles of his feet, instead"

Often enough, the things we perceive as our strengths are really detriments, while the traits we consider "flaws" are really advantages. Better luck next time, GM

 

[BaronOfHair]

I wasn't into the obese chick enough to ask for her digits.

You could've done so just for the sake of practice, hoss. You're surrounded by opportunities for growth and development. Now all you have to do is take them

 

[GoodMan32]

Fair inference...
When you told her "I'm a taxidermist", she thought to herself: "Cute as this guy is, in an adorkable OC-era Adam Brody-esque way, I really have no desire for my tits to end up hanging his living room wall. Alongside all those other pairs belonging to the several dozen women who've gone missing in the metro area over the past year or so. I'm going to go talk to the 4'9 stockbroker, standing in the corner, who's covered in 3rd degree burns from the crown of his head to the soles of his feet, instead"

Often enough, the things we perceive as our strengths are really detriments, while the traits we consider "flaws" are really advantages. Better luck next time, GM

After thinking on it, I'm pretty sure I've identified where my chances got destroyed with the one woman whose digits I requested.

During our mini date, she was asking an awful lot of questions about housing (How big is your condo, How much did your condo cost at the time of purchase, how much is your condo worth now, do you rent or own).

I honestly answered all her condo questions. My answer to the "rent or own" question was "It's a family investment property" (which is true). The woman probably translated that into "So your parents are the only reason you have a place to live. What a loser"