mikedee
Master Don Juan
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Long post, some of you will relate, at least to some parts. Wroth reading I think.
I met that stunning 19yo Slovak model at university** almost a year ago. When I met her I lied about my age, I told her I was 29 instead of 37, I look like much younger anyway. We live in the same dormitory.
**I went back to school 2 years ago and I live in a dormitory in the Czech Republic.
When we met she had a boyfriend, her first boyfriend from high school, and their relationship was deteriorating. We started to see each other here and there, she resisted the best she could not to cheat on him but after a few months she finally accepted the fact that she was no longer in love with him and left him for me. We then started to date officially, and after a few weeks we had sex. She is quite "traditional", for her having sex is a big deal and makes her anxious, she is not an easy girl. She got an education where sex is considered as taboo and she should be very careful. Her mother always warns her about pregnancy and diseases, etc. I was the second guy she had sex with.
We spent a lot of time together and she was almost like my girlfriend, but not 100% official yet. The girl was just crazy about me, she would text me minimum 30x per day, she was truly in love with me and I could see it. She told me straight I think about you all day I have a hard time to control myself, anyway. We both wanted to be in a relationship, but I decided that I had to tell her the truth about my age before we made the move. I didn't want to start a relationship with her based on a lie. So I took the risk and told her. It shocked her and she pulled back. After a few weeks she slowly came back because even if she knew I was much older she was still very attracted to me. She also accepted the fact that I hadn't lied because I'm a "liar" but because I wanted to give myself a chance with her and not be disqualified from the very beginning. Of course it affected her trust in me but she managed to get over it. I could feel that she was struggling with whether she should keep going with me or move on.
We started to see each other again, but it took time before she allowed any physical contact. After some times we got in bed and I tried to have sex with her again, she just couldn't do it. She told me that she had that weird unpleasant feeling, and just couldn't let her go like before, despite being very attracted to me. Age gap was the problem obviously. I tried several times, nothing. At some point, I told her that it wouldn't work between us, a relationship without intimacy is just not possible, but I stayed with her thinking that eventually this "blocking" would disappear and everything would go back to normal.
We basically had the same relationship as before, but no sex. Very frustrating.
----
A few months ago she told me that her agency would send her to Seoul for summer for modelling. I told her that in terms of work she would waste her time but in terms of life experience, of course she should go even if I didn't wanted her to go. But I warned her about what would happen between us if she went: she would meet new people (models), hang out with them, meet a guy and slowly forget about me/lose interest. She said that it wouldn't happen because she loved me and she is introverted/not that type, etc. But as a guy who has worked as a fashion photographer for years and dated some models, I know what's up, been there done that.
When the academic semester ended, she went back home to Slovakia until she flew to Seoul. During her time at home and when she arrived in Seoul, she kept texting me like before with the same interest and enthusiasm, no difference. At first she didn't like Seoul that much and missed me and Prague. But in the beginning of August, some male models arrived at the model apartment where she lives, she mentioned it to me and said that she could speak Slovak with one of the Polish model. The guy is her age, mulato and she is interested in black people men and women as there are none where she is from, she finds them exotic she kept saying. A few days later she celebrated her birthday (20yo) and shortly after that, text messages significantly decreased, she barely was barely replying.
So after a few days, noticing that there was obviously something going on and seeing on her Instagram that she was hanging with them and followed that polish guy and vice versa, I texted her and said something along the lines of: You're getting distant, if you're losing interest or if you've met someone, just tell me and I will move on. The next day she replied with something like this: I've been thinking about us for a while and yes I feel like I'm losing interest, to which I didn't reply and immediately went no contact, deleted her and moved on. It hit me of course, but I was not surprised. She probably realizes that being with me doesn't make sense for her, and the context makes it easier for her make that decision. Situation is clear, she is having the time of her life with that group of models of her age with the same interests in the street of Seoul, she is seeing that Polish guy every day, by default there will be some connection. Nothing wrong with that, it's just normal. I'm older and mature enough to understand, and as a person who has lived quite a lot of experiences like that, I didn't want to interfere. I want her to live to the fullest what she has to live.
But even if I understand, I can't help to feel rejected. I feel pain of course, I manage my mental state the best I can (not my first "break up"), I'm functional I do my stuff but it affects me way more that I would have thought, way more. I recently entered a harsh mid-life crisis and this situation makes it worse. I feel old even if I still look young and handsome, I'm very pessimistic about my future dating life as I only date 20something, I just can't date women of my age or above 30 they are invisible to me. I also realize that, although I really liked her as a person (she is very modest, shy, introverted, not attention seeking, joyful, funny, she is a very good little girl, etc), I used her (like many other young hot girls before her) to boost my self esteem and feel young by being with a young girls. I'm honest enough to admit it now, I've been avoiding this for years and now I'm taking a good look at myself and I feel I need to fix some "internal issues" but the thing is I just can't fix that, it's like an addiction. I still meet new 20yo girls and it rarely works if I don't lie about my age, as I get older I feel that it's not sustainable anymore. I set myself for failure in terms of dating and this brings a lot of frustration in my life.
She is coming back in a month when the new academic semester starts, I might see her around again. Now it's the honeymoon for her, but I wonder how she will react when she is back in the soviet style dormitory, going to school, struggling with money, her temporary "best friends" and all the excitement gone. When she sees me, how will she react? How will I react? To be honest I would prefer not to see her again, I feel that I might go back to her and enter that now toxic relationship that was doomed from the very beginning. Even if I know she is having an affair with him (99% sure) I try not to be jealous but I'm struggling, I understand that what happens between them is just normal in that context and at that age, but it hurts me to see how quickly she/any girl can move from one guy to another with complete detachment, like you've never meant anything to her really. I can't (i don't want) believe her feelings for me completely vanished in a few days, I want to believe that "out of sight out of mind" is the reason why it's happening. Another thing I realize, deep down I feel envious of her and him, I wish I were young again and be in their shoes.
I don't really know what to expect from writing this long story, but I guess this forum is the kind of place for this kind of thoughts. I just don't know how to deal with this right, I'm down and very confused. I cut down on alcohol, I exercise, I keep myself busy but this mid-life crisis + this break up is tough. It happened yesterday so it's still fresh. I think about it all day, her having the time of her life and me being miserable here. I feel very lonely as I don't have many friends her, she was not only my girlfriend but also a friend, a presence in my life. I'm in a dark place.
Any comments? Discuss
Thanks for reading
Cheers
I met that stunning 19yo Slovak model at university** almost a year ago. When I met her I lied about my age, I told her I was 29 instead of 37, I look like much younger anyway. We live in the same dormitory.
**I went back to school 2 years ago and I live in a dormitory in the Czech Republic.
When we met she had a boyfriend, her first boyfriend from high school, and their relationship was deteriorating. We started to see each other here and there, she resisted the best she could not to cheat on him but after a few months she finally accepted the fact that she was no longer in love with him and left him for me. We then started to date officially, and after a few weeks we had sex. She is quite "traditional", for her having sex is a big deal and makes her anxious, she is not an easy girl. She got an education where sex is considered as taboo and she should be very careful. Her mother always warns her about pregnancy and diseases, etc. I was the second guy she had sex with.
We spent a lot of time together and she was almost like my girlfriend, but not 100% official yet. The girl was just crazy about me, she would text me minimum 30x per day, she was truly in love with me and I could see it. She told me straight I think about you all day I have a hard time to control myself, anyway. We both wanted to be in a relationship, but I decided that I had to tell her the truth about my age before we made the move. I didn't want to start a relationship with her based on a lie. So I took the risk and told her. It shocked her and she pulled back. After a few weeks she slowly came back because even if she knew I was much older she was still very attracted to me. She also accepted the fact that I hadn't lied because I'm a "liar" but because I wanted to give myself a chance with her and not be disqualified from the very beginning. Of course it affected her trust in me but she managed to get over it. I could feel that she was struggling with whether she should keep going with me or move on.
We started to see each other again, but it took time before she allowed any physical contact. After some times we got in bed and I tried to have sex with her again, she just couldn't do it. She told me that she had that weird unpleasant feeling, and just couldn't let her go like before, despite being very attracted to me. Age gap was the problem obviously. I tried several times, nothing. At some point, I told her that it wouldn't work between us, a relationship without intimacy is just not possible, but I stayed with her thinking that eventually this "blocking" would disappear and everything would go back to normal.
We basically had the same relationship as before, but no sex. Very frustrating.
----
A few months ago she told me that her agency would send her to Seoul for summer for modelling. I told her that in terms of work she would waste her time but in terms of life experience, of course she should go even if I didn't wanted her to go. But I warned her about what would happen between us if she went: she would meet new people (models), hang out with them, meet a guy and slowly forget about me/lose interest. She said that it wouldn't happen because she loved me and she is introverted/not that type, etc. But as a guy who has worked as a fashion photographer for years and dated some models, I know what's up, been there done that.
When the academic semester ended, she went back home to Slovakia until she flew to Seoul. During her time at home and when she arrived in Seoul, she kept texting me like before with the same interest and enthusiasm, no difference. At first she didn't like Seoul that much and missed me and Prague. But in the beginning of August, some male models arrived at the model apartment where she lives, she mentioned it to me and said that she could speak Slovak with one of the Polish model. The guy is her age, mulato and she is interested in black people men and women as there are none where she is from, she finds them exotic she kept saying. A few days later she celebrated her birthday (20yo) and shortly after that, text messages significantly decreased, she barely was barely replying.
So after a few days, noticing that there was obviously something going on and seeing on her Instagram that she was hanging with them and followed that polish guy and vice versa, I texted her and said something along the lines of: You're getting distant, if you're losing interest or if you've met someone, just tell me and I will move on. The next day she replied with something like this: I've been thinking about us for a while and yes I feel like I'm losing interest, to which I didn't reply and immediately went no contact, deleted her and moved on. It hit me of course, but I was not surprised. She probably realizes that being with me doesn't make sense for her, and the context makes it easier for her make that decision. Situation is clear, she is having the time of her life with that group of models of her age with the same interests in the street of Seoul, she is seeing that Polish guy every day, by default there will be some connection. Nothing wrong with that, it's just normal. I'm older and mature enough to understand, and as a person who has lived quite a lot of experiences like that, I didn't want to interfere. I want her to live to the fullest what she has to live.
But even if I understand, I can't help to feel rejected. I feel pain of course, I manage my mental state the best I can (not my first "break up"), I'm functional I do my stuff but it affects me way more that I would have thought, way more. I recently entered a harsh mid-life crisis and this situation makes it worse. I feel old even if I still look young and handsome, I'm very pessimistic about my future dating life as I only date 20something, I just can't date women of my age or above 30 they are invisible to me. I also realize that, although I really liked her as a person (she is very modest, shy, introverted, not attention seeking, joyful, funny, she is a very good little girl, etc), I used her (like many other young hot girls before her) to boost my self esteem and feel young by being with a young girls. I'm honest enough to admit it now, I've been avoiding this for years and now I'm taking a good look at myself and I feel I need to fix some "internal issues" but the thing is I just can't fix that, it's like an addiction. I still meet new 20yo girls and it rarely works if I don't lie about my age, as I get older I feel that it's not sustainable anymore. I set myself for failure in terms of dating and this brings a lot of frustration in my life.
She is coming back in a month when the new academic semester starts, I might see her around again. Now it's the honeymoon for her, but I wonder how she will react when she is back in the soviet style dormitory, going to school, struggling with money, her temporary "best friends" and all the excitement gone. When she sees me, how will she react? How will I react? To be honest I would prefer not to see her again, I feel that I might go back to her and enter that now toxic relationship that was doomed from the very beginning. Even if I know she is having an affair with him (99% sure) I try not to be jealous but I'm struggling, I understand that what happens between them is just normal in that context and at that age, but it hurts me to see how quickly she/any girl can move from one guy to another with complete detachment, like you've never meant anything to her really. I can't (i don't want) believe her feelings for me completely vanished in a few days, I want to believe that "out of sight out of mind" is the reason why it's happening. Another thing I realize, deep down I feel envious of her and him, I wish I were young again and be in their shoes.
I don't really know what to expect from writing this long story, but I guess this forum is the kind of place for this kind of thoughts. I just don't know how to deal with this right, I'm down and very confused. I cut down on alcohol, I exercise, I keep myself busy but this mid-life crisis + this break up is tough. It happened yesterday so it's still fresh. I think about it all day, her having the time of her life and me being miserable here. I feel very lonely as I don't have many friends her, she was not only my girlfriend but also a friend, a presence in my life. I'm in a dark place.
Any comments? Discuss
Thanks for reading
Cheers
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