Scarcity mindset is not a negative thinking pattern when it is based in reality most of the time

[oc16]

I am not trying to be negative, just a realist.

Having a scarcity mindset and easily developing oneitis is just the harsh truth for most of us.

Think about it, unless you are exceptionally attractive (95% of us are not) it is NOT easy to find a woman whom you find attractive (offline) and vice versa who is SINGLE.

All of this talk about abundance, abundance, abundance is not based in reality and we are lying to ourselves!

Sure, physically attractive women are a dime a dozen, but MOST of these women are in committed relationships and ignore you while out in public.

When you seem to have a "spark" with an attractive woman who might be single it's very easy to develop oneitis since the opportunity does not come around too often.

I AM NOT saying the scarcity mindset is a good mindset to have but it is usually more realistic than the abundance mentality for most of us.

 

[Chow Mein]

It’s difficult to have an abundance mindset, it takes YEARS to develop. It’s the result of being comfortable in your own skin and living your life to its potential. It’s a long, hard process. Not saying that I’ve achieved it yet, but the results of success and failures have shaped who I am today.
I could not be more happy with what I have and always continuing to improve.

Women do not define your success, rather it’s one of the perks of living your life the best way you can

 

[corrector]

It’s difficult to have an abundance mindset, it takes YEARS to develop. It’s the result of being comfortable in your own skin and living your life to its potential. It’s a long, hard process. Not saying that I’ve achieved it yet, but the results of success and failures have shaped who I am today.
I could not be more happy with what I have and always continuing to improve.

Women do not define your success, rather it’s one of the perks in living your life the best way you can

Yeah, I think the OP is talking about social proof.

 

[corrector]

When you seem to have a "spark" with an attractive woman who might be single it's very easy to develop oneitis since the opportunity does not come around too often.

The problem is that the "spark" does not go away when you find out she is not single. You have a logical component (ie she's in a relationship), but the emotional component (ie if she weren't in a relationship, would she want to go out with me, is she really into me, how is she like with other guys that she is actually attracted to, etc...) does not go away like that. If a woman is into you, or attracted to you, and there is a weak or declining relationship then she'll go with you instead.

I used to think in rigid single and not-single categories like you are here, but @Desdinova called me out on that BS on another thread. At least that challenged that mindset. It's not that I would deliberately go after women in relationships over a single woman, but I won't say I'm NOT having a bad experience with women in general and give those types of negative interactions a pass.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I am not trying to be negative, just a realist.

Having a scarcity mindset and easily developing oneitis is just the harsh truth for most of us.

Think about it, unless you are exceptionally attractive (95% of us are not) it is NOT easy to find a woman whom you find attractive (offline) and vice versa who is SINGLE.

All of this talk about abundance, abundance, abundance is not based in reality and we are lying to ourselves!

Sure, physically attractive women are a dime a dozen, but MOST of these women are in committed relationships and ignore you while out in public.

When you seem to have a "spark" with an attractive woman who might be single it's very easy to develop oneitis since the opportunity does not come around too often.

I AM NOT saying the scarcity mindset is a good mindset to have but it is usually more realistic than the abundance mentality for most of us.

95% is too high a number.

 

[corrector]

95% is too high a number.

He did say "exceptionally", and he did qualify by saying "it's not easy" (ie didn't say it is impossible).

Just look at your incel friends to put it into context. I'm sure you don't think none of them are ugly....if anything, they are probably average to just above average looking.

 

[oc16]

95% is too high a number.

I don't know, how many guys out there look like a Brad Pitt, Matthew Bomer or Christiano Ronaldo, around 1 in 20 sounds about right.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Outcome independence, confidence, and frame go hand in hand with the abundance ideology that you are trying to analyze. Even if there are no woman in your life, as long as you are leading an interesting and happy life, the women will come. On the other side of the coin, if you do not get any IOIs from women while you are living a successful lifestyle, you should be unbothered since you would be content accomplishing your goals, hypothetically speaking. If you are unhappy and you think a woman would make your life better you should be ready for a rude awakening. If you are self-assured that you have the skills necessary to ask a girl out, that she will accept the invitation, that you will show her a good time, that you have the logistics in place, and that you will get her panties wet, you will slay.

Most women are in some sort of relationship due to their hypergamy and monkey branching tendencies. They could be in a “relationship” with their male best friend whom they speak with on the phone every night or their high school sweetheart husband. At the end of the day, if you are better than the competition, and the women are not getting their needs met, they will make sure that you will notice them by complementing to your needs so they can get the benefits of your resources.

However, this posts seems a little bit AFC-ish, like the frustrated guy that thinks he should be getting sex but he isn’t. Maybe these attractive women are above your sexual market bracket or you are not their top option. I don’t know. Just a thought.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

No matter what your state, you can always improve.

If you work on building social skills, career skills, health etc., as a constant discipline, you'll develop an abundance mindset over time.

It’s difficult to have an abundance mindset, it takes YEARS to develop.

I would suggest creating and consistently maintaining an abundance mindset is a key element of a successful life.

The problem is that calling it a "mindset" leads to thinking it can easily be adopted for quick results.

It's a lifelong endeavor, one most aren't willing to pursue.

 

[corrector]

On the other side of the coin, if you do not get any IOIs from women while you are living a successful lifestyle, you should be unbothered since you would be content accomplishing your goals, hypothetically speaking.

Isn't that what MGTOW is about? Yet, when people talk about MTGOW on here then they derided by some posters as a cope and that women would not want them anyway. Allot of guys are opting out of the dating market or dealing with women altogether and living out that "hypothetical" side of the coin. I think @Gamisch for example, in one of this thread is saying the trend increased by 63% to 68% and will likely continue going higher. Perhaps not as hypothetical as you think it is.

If you are unhappy and you think a woman would make your life better you should be ready for a rude awakening.

I don't think anyone has presented themselves here as unhappy and thinking a wrong woman, or having a woman just to have a checkmark as being "normal" in society, is going to make anyone happy.

If you are self-assured that you have the skills necessary to ask a girl out, that she will accept the invitation, that you will show her a good time, that you have the logistics in place, and that you will get her panties wet, you will slay.

Agreed, except the bold part. Unless you are able to hypnotize people?

 

[Hamurabimbi]

He did say "exceptionally", and he did qualify by saying "it's not easy" (ie didn't say it is impossible).

Just look at your incel friends to put it into context. I'm sure you don't think none of them are ugly....if anything, they are probably average to just above average looking.

4/10s.
But have some personality or mental health issues. Or being a Hapa who only wants White women.

 

[corrector]

I’m certain I’m not in the top 5%. But getting women isn’t really a problem. So it has to be well below just the top 5%.

Your facial genetics might be in the top 5%. If you average out other aspects of your body it would put you outside of that. But you've said there is some genetic lottery in terms of how your face is which is causing women to be attracted to you. You also put in some work, to your credit, to lose weight so you have a better defined face. However, even when you were fat, before going to the gym, did you still get IOIs and would be able to pull, just not as much?

 

[Hamurabimbi]

He did say "exceptionally", and he did qualify by saying "it's not easy" (ie didn't say it is impossible).

Just look at your incel friends to put it into context. I'm sure you don't think none of them are ugly....if anything, they are probably average to just above average looking.

I misread it somewhat. As for being ‘exceptionally attractive” it’s probably less than 5%.

 

[corrector]

I misread it somewhat. As for being ‘exceptionally attractive” it’s probably less than 5%.

You may have technically mis-read it, but there is good meaning on how you replied to it. I had replied back as well.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Your facial genetics might be in the top 5%. If you average out other aspects of your body it would put you outside of that. But you've said there is some genetic lottery in terms of how your face is which is causing women to be attracted to you. You also put in some work, to your credit, to lose weight so you have a better defined face. However, even when you were fat, before going to the gym, did you still get IOIs and would be able to pull, just not as much?

Your facial genetics might be in the top 5%. If you average out other aspects of your body it would put you outside of that. But you've said there is some genetic lottery in terms of how your face is which is causing women to be attracted to you. You also put in some work, to your credit, to lose weight so you have a better defined face. However, even when you were fat, before going to the gym, did you still get IOIs and would be able to pull, just not as much?

I was married to a violently jealous woman. I never paid any attention to other women while I was plump. So. I really don’t know.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Isn't that what MGTOW is about? Yet, when people talk about MTGOW on here then they derided by some posters as a cope and that women would not want them anyway. Allot of guys are opting out of the dating market or dealing with women altogether and living out that "hypothetical" side of the coin. I think @Gamisch for example, in one of this thread is saying the trend increased by 63% to 68% and will likely continue going higher. Perhaps not as hypothetical as you think it is.



I don't think anyone has presented themselves here as unhappy and thinking a wrong woman, or having a woman just to have a checkmark as being "normal" in society, is going to make anyone happy.



Agreed, except the bold part. Unless you are able to hypnotize people?

I doubt successful men, which compasses of high status, looks, game, and finances, wouldn’t receive many IOIs out there in the real world. I am not aware of the many MGTOW ideologies but for one I think they avoid the dating scene while other regular men are trying to get their **** wet, love the hunt, and like competing against other males in the dating game. What I was trying to elaborate in that sentence is that women should enhance and add onto one’s life, and if a woman ghosts you, you should have a good foundation to fall back to to continue working towards your goals.

I believe unhappiness or unfulfilment are the main causes of oneitis. In the game of seduction, people with a lot of time in their hands and the ones that are not content with their current situation are suitable to oneitis since other people can easily fill this void with adventure, excitement, purpose, etc. Most men nowadays lack women’s validation, and upon receiving some, these men want more attention as it is taken away or it goes to someone else. Hence the reason why cam sites and only fans are so popular. If OP is having a lot of oneitis then he is obviously missing something in his life.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I doubt successful men, which compasses of high status, looks, game, and finances, wouldn’t receive many IOIs out there in the real world. I am not aware of the many MGTOW ideologies but for one I think they avoid the dating scene while other regular men are trying to get their **** wet, love the hunt, and like competing against other males in the dating game. What I was trying to elaborate in that sentence is that women should enhance and add onto one’s life, and if a woman ghosts you, you should have a good foundation to fall back to to continue working towards your goals.

I believe unhappiness or unfulfilment are the main causes of oneitis. In the game of seduction, people with a lot of time in their hands and the ones that are not content with their current situation are suitable to oneitis since other people can easily fill this void with adventure, excitement, purpose, etc. Most men nowadays lack women’s validation, and upon receiving some, these men want more attention as it is taken away or it goes to someone else. Hence the reason why cam sites and only fans are so popular. If OP is having a lot of oneitis then he is obviously missing something in his life.

My last case of Oneitis occurred in an environment of plenty. Falling in love is not something one can control.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

No, it's that you just haven't gone out and actually created abundance for yourself.

Nobody said life is easy. That's the problem these days...if it isn't easy, nobody wants to work to get it.

But that's life. It's a competition in some way, shape or form just about with everything.

Essentially, most guys want to just take themselves out of the competition because 'its too hard'.

Everyone has challenges in life in different areas. Some people might not do well with women. Some might not do well with money. Some might be an addict of some sort.

It just means that you have to work harder in that area of your life to get to the same place as another person will. That's it.

And if you aren't willing to accept that, then that's on you and you won't get very far in that area of your life.

So yes...that means you do have scarcity in your life, because you choose to have it and not work on creating abundance. And again, that's on you.

At the end of the day, your actions follow your thoughts which follow your belief patterns. So yes, that is a negative belief pattern that keeps you locked into that mindset. Change your beliefs about yourself and change your life.

This is simply some cope BS people who don't want to compete in life come up with to justify it to themselves in their minds.

However, you also have to have realistic expectations. If you think you are going to be dating swimsuit models as a 3 or 4, you are simply delusional. Aiming high is great, but you have to aim high for an attainable target. I might want to believe I can throw a ball across the ocean, but that doesn't mean I can.

As a 3 or 4, you can probably realistically date a 7, which is still plenty attractive and far more attractive than you would be at that level.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

No, it's that you just haven't gone out and actually created abundance for yourself.

Nobody said life is easy. That's the problem these days...if it isn't easy, nobody wants to work to get it.

But that's life. It's a competition in some way, shape or form just about with everything.

Essentially, most guys want to just take themselves out of the competition because 'its too hard'.

Everyone has challenges in life in different areas. Some people might not do well with women. Some might not do well with money. Some might be an addict of some sort.

It just means that you have to work harder in that area of your life to get to the same place as another person will. That's it.

And if you aren't willing to accept that, then that's on you and you won't get very far in that area of your life.

So yes...that means you do have scarcity in your life, because you choose to have it and not work on creating abundance. And again, that's on you.

At the end of the day, your actions follow your thoughts which follow your belief patterns. So yes, that is a negative belief pattern that keeps you locked into that mindset. Change your beliefs about yourself and change your life.

This is simply some cope BS people who don't want to compete in life come up with to justify it to themselves in their minds.

However, you also have to have realistic expectations. If you think you are going to be dating swimsuit models as a 3 or 4, you are simply delusional. Aiming high is great, but you have to aim high for an attainable target. I might want to believe I can throw a ball across the ocean, but that doesn't mean I can.

As a 3 or 4, you can probably realistically date a 7, which is still plenty attractive and far more attractive than you would be at that level.

This really is it. Be the best you can be & try.

 

[corrector]

When a oneitis vibe resonates with certain youtube music videos, and you put a playlist together, then it probably helps to delete that type of playlist. I accidentally let my onetis know about that (was supposed to be saved draft rather than send but was accodentally sent) and deleted the playlist since that email leak. After a hi was exchanged with her, I hardly have seen her around since.

I dont go about about writing saved draft emails anymore since that happened since it makes you feel too comfortable and the email might be accidentally sent, esp if sending allot of different work emails.

For the record, I sent lots of saved draft email to an ex gf and ex wife and it was never sent. I am shocked this was sent. What kind of luck am I having. I had to say disregard the email as is was meant to be saved draft or deleted rather than sent in a subsequent email.