Do you think this is an overeaction or have I missed something ?

[Bingo-Player]

Met a chick last week we hit it off , there were some signs she could be high maintenance but I took her number anyway

Text her the next day she responds with a voice note within 30 mins commending me for my opening message

we continue chatting over voice note and I ask her out , she asks If I am free for coffee (Sunday) I say sure I can make that work

Later Friday evening I get a voice note from her saying she may have forgotten to tell me she's travelling to Europe for a few months with work and would I still want to meet her.....

I said we can still grab a coffee as things aren't that serious yet

She proceeds to keep messaging me that evening asking things about me , bit of flirty banter etc

She said I seemed like a bad boy and Eventually she asks me " did she give me badass vibes "

Was a random question and i wasn't totally sure what she was inferring .............but I just said yea kind of and I thought the sex between us could be wild

She then ghosted me for 2 days and proceeded to text me this morning ( Sunday ) saying she didn't want to meet because the sex comment made her feel uncomfortable

I just said no worries , was a bit confused with your own comments good luck .

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TLDR :

This is a 34 year old woman talking to a 32 year old man and seemed to take extreme offence to a throwaway comment about sex

If I had said something like " yea and bet you be a badass at anal too " I'd sort of understand it made her uncomfortable

But since when did talking about sex become such a sensitive topic it's 2024 haha

Is this an extreme overreaction by her am I being emotionally insensitive to the female mind ?

Normally I would just shrug it off as standard female emotional instability but this chick didn't give me that impression , it seemed like she was genuinely offended I had dared to mention sex with her despite us both being in our 30's

Bizarre

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Chick was trying to bait you with the "did I give you badass vibes" line. Seems like a combo move - a (1) comfort sh1t test combined with a (2) validation request and also an attempt (3) to grab frame. Kind of clever in that she's attempting to do three things at once, but also awkward and *nothing* good about that line. Taking the bait and following up with a sexual comment 1) confirms her suspicions, 2) makes her feel desired and 3) allows her to "win" the interaction by leaving with the upper hand, since you fell into her frame.

"What do you think?" is the only valid response I can think of. Or "Maybe...:" would also work. Throwing the ball back into her court gets rid of the headache but also lets her know you know be taking her BS. But at that point I would be nexting her anyway.

Chicks be getting clever these days. Maybe a FDS student? Anyways, with anything abrupt and weird, she's usually trying to game you.

edit - "Maybe" is the only response here, as throwing the ball back into her court with "what do you think" would only make her double down and ask you again. "I asked you" would prob be her response back, since this is not someone operating in good faith. "Maybe" at least has some trolling value.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Certainly seemed like a piece of bait but even if it was a boundary

Women know what you want and the higher calibre ones will try to bait the thirst out by any means necessary

it was foolish of me to directly mention sex so quickly and I have made several notes in my journal for future reference

She also purposely waited until last minute too respond so I'm guessing she was wanting me to do some chasing / grovelling yesterday for an extra kick of validation but didn't get it

It almost felt like she was using a hard & fast next strategy , similar to what some guys here will use when trying to find high compliance women

Life moves on but at 34 I'm not sure how much time this chick has got left to be using these hyper reactive and strategic moves

She told me she wants kids well by my count she's got maybe 2-3 years left ,Not a game I would be playing with that kind of timeframe

 

[Bingo-Player]

@BeExcellent interested to hear your views on this

 

[BaronOfHair]

Met a chick last week we hit it off , there were some signs she could be high maintenance....

What sort of signs? Be specific

 

[Bingo-Player]

What sort of signs? Be specific

I can't be specific because I wasn't really with her long enough but there was just an aura of high maintenance about her

I.E I expect "this kind of treatment from men. "

It wasn't an entitled princess vibe per say , but more " I want to be treated like this and will not take anything less"

 

[BaronOfHair]

I can't be specific because I wasn't really with her long enough but there was just an aura of high maintenance about her

I.E I expect "this kind of treatment from men. "

It wasn't an entitled princess vibe per say , but more " I want to be treated like this and will not take anything less"

If you suspect that she's high maintenance, then it stands to reason that she's going to be easily offended by quite a lot. Move on

 

[Bingo-Player]

If you suspect that she's high maintenance, then it stands to reason that she's going to be easily offended by quite a lot. Move on

Yes I am aware , I just wanted some other opinions / perspectives as mine is obviously biased towards an outcome I didn't really want

 

[zekko]

She said I seemed like a bad boy and Eventually she asks me " did she give me badass vibes "

That's very awkwardly worded, but my initial interpretation of it is this: She's saying you seem like a bad boy, and do you get the impression she is the type to go for bad boys? In other words, do you take her for the kind of woman to engage in cheap sex?

I find her remark vague and confusing enough that I would have asked for clarification: "Sorry, not sure I follow, what do you mean?".

I guess this is another example showing the dangers of texting, since there appeared to be some sort of misunderstanding.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I can see why the sex comment would have gotten her offended. Aside from being insensitive it can come off as indiscreet, inappropriate, and distasteful, especially if both of you don’t know each other that well. I read somewhere in here that women should bring up the sex conversation.

On the other hand, I think she acted like she has a stick up her ***. People who overreact emotionally, are easily offended, or complain frequently are unpleasant to be around. I avoid them like the plague. I have offended women for less things than this and it just becomes a horrible and toxic experience.

In conclusion, the Disney in me would say both of you were not compatible. The Red Pill in me would say that she was not that attracted to you to oversee your shortcomings and cancel her trip. The truth probably lies in the middle.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I've found that unless they initiate a convo related to sex, it's better to not start one with a woman you haven't met yet.

Has led to a lot of what happened to you needlessly.

Sex is better talked about in person and thru actions not via text, especially with a woman you haven't met yet. Once she breaks that barrier then that's fine...until then, don't do it...

You end up being grouped into the thirsty men group that she gets messages from all day long.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

That's very awkwardly worded, but my initial interpretation of it is this: She's saying you seem like a bad boy, and do you get the impression she is the type to go for bad boys? In other words, do you take her for the kind of woman to engage in cheap sex?

I find her remark vague and confusing enough that I would have asked for clarification: "Sorry, not sure I follow, what do you mean?".

I guess this is another example showing the dangers of texting, since there appeared to be some sort of misunderstanding.

Something I have found is that even seemingly innocuous remarks that they take the wrong way will be held against you far far more via text than they would if you said them in person or over the phone because it's a written communication they can go back and visually see again and again.

93% of what of communication lies in things other than what you actually say, but since texting has no way of really demonstrating any of that, all they have is the 7% that can be interpreted in whatever way they choose.

 

[Bingo-Player]

I can see why the sex comment would have gotten her offended. Aside from being insensitive it can come off as indiscreet, inappropriate, and distasteful, especially if both of you don’t know each other that well. I read somewhere in here that women should bring up the sex conversation.

Yea I can also see this angle and it was a novice move from me to directly reference sex in this manner , I usually insinuate and use innuendo which works much better

Her question just caught me cold and I took it in the wrong direction there was a lot of different and better ways I could have answered it . Was a lazy and inexperienced response which given how much experience I do have with women is the most disappointing part for me in this story , I should have handled it better

Theres a lot of important lessons for me in this in this experience

After refelcting about her over the weekend I think this is just an example of a woman with very firm standards / boundaries some could say these are high quality female traits in todays world and I do kind of respect her for enforcing them boundaries

Alas there are firm standards and there are impossible standards , this chick is attractive and still on the shelf at 34 so its clear a lot of other men have also been struck out for probably similar minor indiscretions

I'm also wondering if mr perfect ever did show up would she be the type of get bored of him and start creating problems where there aren't any

Who knows but like I said earlier from her POV approaching mid 30's single without kids is a very tight spot for a woman to navigate which such strict rules.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Something I have found is that even seemingly innocuous remarks that they take the wrong way will be held against you far far more via text than they would if you said them in person or over the phone because it's a written communication they can go back and visually see again and again.

93% of what of communication lies in things other than what you actually say, but since texting has no way of really demonstrating any of that, all they have is the 7% that can be interpreted in whatever way they choose.

I have also noticed this

In the opening stages of talking to a woman that first week or so's worth of messages every word & sentences seems to be examined for "red flags" with the same level of scrutiny the FBI would use on terrorists

I also suspect screenshots of conversations are being sent into girly group chats for cross examination

It usually eases after you've had sex with her but prior to that its a mine field

You really really need to be switched on with communicating via text and messages these days

I am making a lot of notes and references in my journals

 

[Divorced w 3]

Get her off of the chat and onto the phone, 70% of communicating is not verbal. Get it aural. Recalibrate from there. If you’re good she will get off with you over the phone.

 

[Agamemnon43]

Regarding your situation, i'm the same age- 31 - and women of age 33-34 cannot afford to act like that. I've had several women of that age throw themselves at me, since that is the only way they can possibly have a chance with a high value man, even though i'm not attracted to women older than me.

Playing this kind of game that your girl is playing is a proof she's broken and damaged goods. Its almost over for them. If she's acting like that, forget about her.

 

[zekko]

I read somewhere in here that women should bring up the sex conversation.

That's interesting. I'm not disagreeing, but that is pretty much the opposite of what the PUA gurus used to push. They said you should always be talking about sex, teasing them about it, etc., in order to put it into their mind, and make it clear exactly what type of encounter you were expecting.

 

[Agamemnon43]

That's interesting. I'm not disagreeing, but that is pretty much the opposite of what the PUA gurus used to push. They said you should always be talking about sex, teasing them about it, etc., in order to put it into their mind, and make it clear exactly what type of encounter you were expecting.

I've never had women bring up that topic first. They can flirt but never about sex itself.
I guess if I was Brad Pitt maybe they would have?

 

[Clockwerk50]

That's interesting. I'm not disagreeing, but that is pretty much the opposite of what the PUA gurus used to push. They said you should always be talking about sex, teasing them about it, etc., in order to put it into their mind, and make it clear exactly what type of encounter you were expecting.

Sorry, I meant through text. Obviously in person is all about escalating at full throttle.

 

[zekko]

Sorry, I meant through text. Obviously in person is all about escalating at full throttle.

Ah, I see, yes I think that would make a difference.