Being emotional and using drama to get girls hooked? Anyone ever try this?

[Mertz09]

I guess there are women who like drama and if you inflict enough they can be yours. However, it is not something I like since I prefer peace in my life. However, if you are 20, still live with your parents, go clubbing every weekend, do hardcore drugs and what not, there is a lot of drama/chaos you can create to make women attracted to you.

“The Drama Queen. There are people who cannot do without some constant drama in their lives—it is their way of deflecting boredom. The greatest mistake you can make in seducing these Drama Queens is to come offering stability and security. That will only make them run for the hills. Most often, Drama Queens (and there are plenty of men in this category) enjoy playing the victim. They want something to complain about, they want pain. Pain is a source of pleasure for them. With this type, you have to be willing and able to give them the mental rough treatment they desire. That is the only way to seduce them in a deep manner. The moment you turn too nice, they will find some reason to quarrel or get rid of you. You will recognize Drama Queens by the number of people who have hurt them, the tragedies and traumas that have befallen them.

At the extreme, they can be hopelessly selfish and anti-seductive, but most of them are relatively harmless and will make fine victims if you can live with the sturmunddrang. If for some reason you want something long term with this type, you will constantly have to inject drama into your relationship. For some this can be an exciting challenge and a source for constantly renewing the relationship. Generally, however, you should see an involvement with a Drama Queen as something fleeting and a way to bring a little drama into your own life” - Art of Seduction

I have married friends that I have known quite a while and she is a "Drama Queen" and well so is he. It is also amazing to me how "needy" they both are. I think this must be their idea of "Bliss."

 

[Desdinova]

I have come to learn that there can be exceptions but imho if you are at the top of her High Score List, most (not all) women will not leave you or risk losing you by cheating on you. Now that @Desdinova is back maybe he can chime in with some words of wisdom, he did write the High Score List Theory after all.

A woman can still leave or fvck around on you even if you're at the top of her high score list, but that's because a woman will live in the moment of her current emotional state. The good news is that she pays the ultimate price... She will have extreme difficulty pair-bonding with another man. Even if she sabotages her relationship, the high score list doesn't change. She is still heavily emotionally invested in the guy at the top.

 

[Mertz09]

Fair enough, appreciate the response.
One more question then I'll go away

Do you (or any man with a IDGAF attitude) ever consider or care that a woman whom you're into and enjoy f*cking may dump you for a man who DOES give a f*ck?

I can't figure how a "quality" woman who's secure and who has a decent level of self esteem would ever be okay dating and f*cking a man who acts like he doesn't give a shyt.

So in that sense, I question how it actually benefits men.

No need to answer, this is a mostly a rhetorical question and I'm probably pushing too hard against the notion/theory.

"Do you (or any man with a IDGAF attitude) ever consider or care that a woman whom you're into and enjoy f*cking may dump you for a man who DOES give a f*ck?"

I think that you make a good point. Maybe when dealing with very young women (20s) the IDGAF attitude may be a defense mechanism for young men having to deal with the fickleness of very young women.
As you mentioned JD "It's nuanced, not so black and white" ever.

 

[BeExcellent]

Hmm. For @JoyDivision1990 here are my thoughts.

My husband certainly cares. He loves me. He also KNOWS I have many quality options if we split.

He knows I have better options than he does (and yes of course he could get hotter and younger, but not *better* as a total package)....

Literally 2 nights ago the retired pro hockey player who is handsome, rich & has 6 homes in as many different cities called out of the blue. I didn't recognize the number as I hadn't talked to him in some time. He asked if I had gotten married, I said yes and told him my husband was in the car with me.

He then proceeded to opine on speaker about how amazing I am, how I'm not only beautiful and sexy but also loyal, cool, smart and funny, unlike 99% of hot girls (his words), and told my husband he was one very lucky man to have me. I frankly could not have made up a greater endorsement if I tried.

And he's not the only man who thinks that.

Too many men around here on SS start jumping to please a woman because the are in a position of fear of loss. My husband (and the hockey player) have both had enough hot women that they know the hotter they are, usually there is serious crazy that comes with it. Therefore they appreciate solid qualities outside of looks, because ALL women they choose are hot & sexy.

Hot & sexy and SANE is another matter altogether.

You have to be in an abundance mindset knowing you can get another hot girl.

That evolves into an appreciation when a man finds a very attractive woman who brings much more than just looks to the table. As a man you still need to retain your self respect of course.

But when you find a woman worth the investment a wise man knows to invest.

LTRs and marriage require a different skill set than spinning plates or looking just to get laid.

 

[Mertz09]

LTRs and marriage require a different skill set than spinning plates or looking just to get laid.

Roger that!!!

 

[Manure Spherian]

I can't figure how a "quality" woman who's secure and who has a decent level of self esteem would ever be okay dating and f*cking a man who acts like he doesn't give a shyt.

A former friend of mine once, while quarreling with his wife, said he would give her a million dollars if she chose to leave him considering how fed up she was. He was not joking.

That is an act of not giving a f—k. And she ain’t goin’ nowhere.

He comes from a rich and powerful family. So obviously most men will not have such leverage.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

BHe knows I have better options than he does (and yes of course he could get hotter and younger, but not *better* as a total package)....

Literally 2 nights ago the retired pro hockey player who is handsome, rich & has 6 homes in as many different cities called out of the blue. I didn't recognize the number as I hadn't talked to him in some time. He asked if I had gotten married, I said yes and told him my husband was in the car with me.

He then proceeded to opine on speaker about how amazing I am, how I'm not only beautiful and sexy but also loyal, cool, smart and funny, unlike 99% of hot girls (his words), and told my husband he was one very lucky man to have me. I frankly could not have made up a greater endorsement if I tried.

B, that’s seme seriously facked up shyte.

1. you have better options to your husband? Really humble eh. Yeah well I’d say exercise them. Tells us what you think of him and that in your mind “he serves at your pleasure”.

2. If you’d done anything but cut Joe Puck off, it’s unacceptable. Much less letting the goon talk at your husband. That’s some bold faced sh1t woman.

Wow, just damn. I seriously believed you about having a great relationship with your “rockstar looks” younger husband, not so much anymore.

Nice job cucking him. If you used to fack Joe Puck and I was your hubs I’d file the soonest possible. Jesus, the truth always let’s out.

 

[member162951]

My husband certainly cares. He loves me.

Which was precisely my point @ Be. He did NOT have the IDGAF attitude advocated here and IF he did, knowing you, it's doubtful you would have wanted to continue dating him.

He cared, he demonstrated he cared, you fell in love with him, in part, because he cared and married him.

So my original question was, how does the "I don't give a f*ck" mindset actually benefit men?"

Anyway, question was answered by @Dr.Suave . It's nuanced, and we are probably defining it differently.

 

[member162951]

B, that’s seme seriously facked up shyte.

1. you have better options to your husband? Really humble eh. Yeah well I’d say exercise them. Tells us what you think of him and that in your mind “he serves at your pleasure”.

2. If you’d done anything but cut Joe Puck off, it’s unacceptable. Much less letting the goon talk at your husband. That’s some bold faced sh1t woman.

Wow, just damn. I seriously believed you about having a great relationship with your “rockstar looks” younger husband, not so much anymore.

Nice job cucking him. If you used to fack Joe Puck and I was your hubs I’d file the soonest possible. Jesus, the truth always let’s out.

Agree, no disrespect to @BeExcellent but I felt a little sick to my stomach reading that.

I've said this before but humility certainly isn't her strong suit and that's putting it mildly, wow.

He then proceeded to opine on speaker about how amazing I am, how I'm not only beautiful and sexy but also loyal, cool, smart and funny, unlike 99% of hot girls (his words), and told my husband he was one very lucky man to have me.

And you allowed him to go on like that on speaker in front of your husband?

How did you not realize how disrespectful that was? How did your husband not feel disrespected?

I'm sorry this just can't be real.

P.S. Everything you wrote after "my husband certainly cares" was irrelevant and had zero to do with my original question.

 

[Manure Spherian]

He knows I have better options than he does (and yes of course he could get hotter and younger, but not *better* as a total package)....

How do you know he could not possibly find an attractive and intelligent woman if he were single?

 

[jhonny9546]

Life it's a journey.
The environment and experience impact us.
Our life get shaped.
Now, after you're shaped, "the wrong" way for modern society, you have two options:
1) Try your best to reflect the society you're in
2) Go live in the country and DGAF.

I believe there is a third. Try to be yourself, find your inner voice, while still socially acceptable in this society.
I am on the journey to make a "path", or a program for my life, since life it's also 30% luck and 30% surprise.

I get ashamed when in public, and I cannot express my sexuality.
I think that this is the first thing I need to work on.
For this. I reduced to bare minimum any "introvert" hobby I had: PC, Art, Music, etc.

Now I am seeking, even for my career, plenty of social activities.
I am still need seeking for help on choosing

 

[Dr.Suave]

How do you know he could not possibly find an attractive and intelligent woman if he were single?

He´s suspposedly this High Value Man with decent money and Rockstar looks but somehow he was unmarried and childless, and he then decided to date and eventually marry a divorced single mom. Is it possible? Yes, technically its possible but...

Anyways. Now that @Pierce.Manhammer and @JoyDivision1990 called her out, Its time to make some popcorn and have some fun watching her trying to spin this one.

 

[member162951]

[

He´s suspposedly this High Value Man with decent money and Rockstar looks but somehow he was unmarried and childless, and he then decided to date and eventually marry a divorced single mom. Is it possible? Yes, technically its possible but...

Anyways. Now that @Pierce.Manhammer and @JoyDivision1990 called her out, Its time to make some popcorn and have some fun watching her trying to spin this one.

A divorced single mom with $$$. More than him according to @Be, and no prenuptial (I don't think I could be wrong).

And HE pushed to get married which I always thought odd given his alleged high status as a 46 year old attractive, never married single man.

IDK, something always seemed off to me about it, but who am I to question it? She has some great insights and does add value to the forum.

I didn't mean to call her out, I asked a very simple question regarding the term IDGAF (same question I asked you with the roles flipped since you're male and she's female) which I suspect she misunderstand and responded as she did.

So imo she dug her own grave there so to speak. Especially the bit about the pro-hockey player, I have no idea where that came from and how it pertained to my question or the thread topic in general.

Yeah perhaps she will return to clarify....

 

[Manure Spherian]

Especially the bit about the pro-hockey player

A rich and powerful man (I’m not sure if he is a former “boyfriend”) who, out of the blue, jogged his memory (you know, only because of her intelligence and personality), decided to call her, and had the nerve to talk to the two of them on speaker.

Instances like this make me wish we can go back to the bad old days in which men knew they could be in serious trouble for “talking to” other men’s women.

 

[member162951]

A rich and powerful man (I’m not sure if he is a former “boyfriend”) who, out of the blue, jogged his memory (you know, only because of her intelligence and personality),

He IS a former boyfriend.

@ Be posted back in August '23 that she chose men who met her criteria (looks, fitness, sex appeal, masculinity, ambition, intelligence) and that the pro athlete hockey player was one such man.

So my read on that is he's an ex boyfriend.

Just my take, but the spin may be her hubs doesn't have a jealous bone in his body and they both believe in full transparency, so why cut the guy off? Cutting him off may have looked worse like she was hiding something.

Also, some men get off on knowing other men find their girlfriends or wives sexy and hot.

Who knows? Nothing surprises me anymore.

Seeing another side to this, depending on their particular dynamic, it's possible they didn't view it as disrespect but again full transparency.

But again who the hells knows. She's still has good insights and a valued member of the community imo.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Just my take, but the spin may be her hubs doesn't have a jealous bone in his body and they both believe in full transparency, so why cut the guy off?

Whatever works for them. I take “transparency” of this sort as turning a marriage into a silly game. Imagine something as serious as marriage (usually involving children), and in it, showing the other person, “See, better be a good boy/girl. I got exes who reminisce about screwing me.” I consider this the employer-employee dynamic I’ve several times mentioned here.

He´s suspposedly this High Value Man with decent money and Rockstar looks but somehow he was unmarried and childless, and he then decided to date and eventually marry a divorced single mom. Is it possible? Yes, technically its possible but...

Yes, it’s possible, and I believe this case. What I thought was interesting was the notion that such a man, if chucked, couldn’t possibly find another intelligent, pretty woman. He can!

Also the concept of better is interesting. If one truly cherishes a spouse and the family and home they made, how could someone else be “better”. That is, if he is a good husband and father, what about such a man filling such roles can be better?

Wait… I’m speaking too idealistically and romantically. We know better means more powerful, more influential, and richer.

I’ll leave this alone now as I don’t want to start e-drama. That was just a shocking post and an indication of the condition of the American man, that of a simp.

 

[BeExcellent]

B, that’s seme seriously facked up shyte.

1. you have better options to your husband? Really humble eh. Yeah well I’d say exercise them. Tells us what you think of him and that in your mind “he serves at your pleasure”.

2. If you’d done anything but cut Joe Puck off, it’s unacceptable. Much less letting the goon talk at your husband. That’s some bold faced sh1t woman.

Wow, just damn. I seriously believed you about having a great relationship with your “rockstar looks” younger husband, not so much anymore.

Nice job cucking him. If you used to fack Joe Puck and I was your hubs I’d file the soonest possible. Jesus, the truth always let’s out.

Relax guys, FFS.

The hockey player was never a boyfriend. I was never intimate with him. On our second date he was embarassing at a very nice restaurant after having too much to drink and making a couple of racial slurs about a table seated nearby. So I dropped him cold. He wasn't used to that. He would call on occassion to chat about business & ask advice on his latest floozy. Hadn't spoken with him in a very long time (2 years?) a LONG time.

He called out of the blue from an unfamiliar number, I immediately told him I was married and my husband was in the car, and he was very complimentary of me & telling my husband how lucky he is. Total convo? Less than 5 minutes.

How that cucks anyone I'm not quite sure.

You guys need to read. What I said was that I had better options THAN my husband does (if we were to split).

That is true for a number of reasons. Sure he could find someone younger/hotter than me. She would either want children (he never wanted kids), have young children (which he won't deal with) and she wouldn't be the emotionally stable person I am. He will end up with plenty of money (7 figures) from his parents. I didn't know that till this past holidays (after we married). He knows I have rental properties. He also knows that I've worked my rear off to earn what I have. Its not about the money per se but about a positive success mindset.

He accepted my older children because he liked me as much as he did.

Yes he's a high value guy. He is everything I have always said. He is perfectly capable of acting like an ass hole, and yes, I have to check him at times because I'm not going to be treated that way, but he used to get away with bad behavior as a "bad boy" from women who were afraid to lose him.

He has female friends (most of whom he used to fvck or date.) One of his ex gfs is a really cool girl and I've become close friends with her. They didn't work out for a number of reasons but they stayed friends. I'm not worried in the least about that, I talk with her now more than he does. Her elderly parents are in town & I made us all a pie & we saw her & her family last Sunday.

I have male friends (none of whom I used to date) and he's met them, likes them and is cool with them. He talks to a couple of them more than I do. In fact his ex gf has become close with one of my male friends. Great!

Read what I write & try not to flip out. I am hella confident & make no apologies for that. If y'all think that's arrogant? It ain't bragging if it's true. My husband and I are both highly desirable people. It is fine between us and life is good.

 

[BeExcellent]

Which was precisely my point @ Be. He did NOT have the IDGAF attitude advocated here and IF he did, knowing you, it's doubtful you would have wanted to continue dating him.

He cared, he demonstrated he cared, you fell in love with him, in part, because he cared and married him.

So my original question was, how does the "I don't give a f*ck" mindset actually benefit men?"

Anyway, question was answered by @Dr.Suave . It's nuanced, and we are probably defining it differently.

He did. But that has to evolve into "outcome independence" coupled with stand up behavior. You can't constantly be a jerk and expect worthwhile women to stick around. Floozies? Sure.

Quality girls require more investment than that.

We love what we invest in.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Calling them as I see them.

You’re hitting us with the trope that if it makes a man uncomfortable to read your post it just means that he’s insecure…

Nope it means that the behavior is not acceptable to the reader. It clearly is acceptable to your’s and not because he’s got rockstar looks or is desirable or confident. But hey it works for ya’ll, so whatevs.

If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it’s probably a horse.

 

[BeExcellent]

Listen @Pierce.Manhammer my husband is cool and finds the way I treat him (very well), to be something he appreciates and my behavior as loyal.

I give examples as illustrations. Y'all are the ones flipping out. I'm the one in my actual marriage & life.

Last night we are at the movies (seeing a flick directed & produced by a high school classmate of mine)...we went for a drink after. Bounced to a 2nd place. I didn't want to go to the second place because it's somewhere my 3 year ex bf is likely to be. Hubby wanted to go anyway. So he calls up one of my guy buddies, says hey we are here, come hang out, BE doesn't want to go in because ex might be here....

So he insisted we go in, probably to rub it in my ex's face. Our buddy shows up, we go in. I've not had any contact with this ex in almost 4 years. Sure enough ex is there, knows our other buddy & my ex comes over & introduces himself (I told my husband exactly how my ex would act if he's there & I was spot on.) So I was cool even though I thought going there was a bad idea. I'm over that ex entirely & according to various people he's not over me. Ugh. What the hell am I supposed to do? My husband felt like rolling the dice & poking the bear. So he did. My ex was respectful but its a social circle situation so you can't just be a b itch.

Every relationship is it's own thing. He woke up this morning laughing about how my ex was buying him drinks (I didn't drink there) & trying to be cool to him but I'm much less cavalier about that situation.

<Shrugs>