I’m in deep

[Gamisch]

Who cost me a drivers license or sacrificed a trip for my children? I think you misunderstood what happened then and now. I told her point blank that last year was an anomaly, that I did it for myself, and that if she’s interested in doing this moving forward she can come out my way each and every time.

my kids and my peace of mind are okay. my side hustle hit 50% of annual target yesterday in the second week of the year - I recovered almost all my legal yesterday in commission, I acted like it was another day at the office and she just shot me $150 for Costco for mutual goods. Whatever doubt I had about what I did and how I’m doing it officially left the station last night.

I appreciate everyone’s input. Literally the best advice I got was to put my needs on direction out on the table and say take it or leave it. I did that, and I’m glad it was a good thought experiment for the board. I don’t have too many concerns at this point.

Oke my apologies if I'm incorrect with my assessment.

But when it's about the combination of money and women I become uncle Scrooge. If I go on a dating spree I always calculate what's going out. Mind you, I've been rockbottom broke where I had to ask my homies for money for groceries. That is something that will never happen again if its up to me.

I thought you said you blew like 20 k on this woman in the time span of one year.

I think that amount is way too much and if you are a father like me that money could've been spent better. We never know what tomorrow will bring....

All my humble opinion, no means to offend you bro.

One love.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Oke my apologies if I'm incorrect with my assessment.

But when it's about the combination of money and women I become uncle Scrooge. If I go on a dating spree I always calculate what's going out. Mind you, I've been rockbottom broke where I had to ask my homies for money for groceries. That is something that will never happen again if its up to me.

I thought you said you blew like 20 k on this woman in the time span of one year.

I think that amount is way too much and if you are a father like me that money could've been spent better. We never know what tomorrow will bring....

All my humble opinion, no means to offend you bro.

One love.

You did not offend me whatsoever. One dad to another I completely understand where you are. The guy treating Rollo like he’s Marcus Aurelius is full of **** though. Rambo 2.0

 

[FMCSMT]

Oke my apologies if I'm incorrect with my assessment.

But when it's about the combination of money and women I become uncle Scrooge. If I go on a dating spree I always calculate what's going out. Mind you, I've been rockbottom broke where I had to ask my homies for money for groceries. That is something that will never happen again if its up to me.

I thought you said you blew like 20 k on this woman in the time span of one year.

I think that amount is way too much and if you are a father like me that money could've been spent better. We never know what tomorrow will bring....

All my humble opinion, no means to offend you bro.

One love.

He spent $30,000 in 12 months on this girl.

 

[Foe]

Basically. I can’t put my finger on it, something in the gut just can’t get past some of the last year, including the Instagram, but at the same time see good qualities that I don’t want to just toss.

Im in the same boat man, have this fairly attractive girl (other people say she is, Im like meh) whos submissive and loyal. For me this is a first in a long time and first couple of months was a nice change of pace however now Im feeling conflicted about continuing.

I dont have any real reason not to, its super easy with no flags to speak of other then shes poor which isnt a big deal to me as I have money. Wish I could put my finger on it but for whatever reason I wish I was single.

 

[soulforge]

Im in the same boat man, have this fairly attractive girl (other people say she is, Im like meh) whos submissive and loyal. For me this is a first in a long time and first couple of months was a nice change of pace however now Im feeling conflicted about continuing.

I dont have any real reason not to, its super easy with no flags to speak of other then shes poor which isnt a big deal to me as I have money. Wish I could put my finger on it but for whatever reason I wish I was single.

Perfection doesn't exist man. If overall she is a good chick, and no obvious major red flags, I would just go with the flow and keep your eyes open a little.

 

[Manure Spherian]

for whatever reason I wish I was single.

Why don’t you become so?

 

[Divorced w 3]

Im in the same boat man, have this fairly attractive girl (other people say she is, Im like meh) whos submissive and loyal. For me this is a first in a long time and first couple of months was a nice change of pace however now Im feeling conflicted about continuing.

I dont have any real reason not to, its super easy with no flags to speak of other then shes poor which isnt a big deal to me as I have money. Wish I could put my finger on it but for whatever reason I wish I was single.

Honestly, just tell her how you feel. It’s fvcking refreshing. Just be sure it’s how you actually feel, don’t throw something out there that you’re going to change your mind on. I would sit alone for a couple of days.

Also, you’ll observe how she handles whatever that information is that you share. Her initial responses, how she acts and moves forward, it’s so much easier bro. Just put your needs out there. Let life do the rest.

I thought for a bit that I got away from anti dumps machine until I sat back and realized that I got exactly what I wanted from it because it works, I didn’t do it perfectly but I got pretty close. I recommend you start there.

 

[member162951]

Im in the same boat man, have this fairly attractive girl (other people say she is, Im like meh) whos submissive and loyal. For me this is a first in a long time and first couple of months was a nice change of pace however now Im feeling conflicted about continuing.

I dont have any real reason not to, its super easy with no flags to speak of other then shes poor which isnt a big deal to me as I have money. Wish I could put my finger on it but for whatever reason I wish I was single.

Come on man, do yourselves both a favor and next this girl. Hell, you don't even find her that attractive, describing her as "meh"?

Sure she looks great on paper- submissive, loyal, compliant - everything a man could want, right? Problem is, you're not dating a 'piece of paper'.... and the real person (her) just doesn’t 'do it' for ya the way it should.

You can't force a feeling just cause she looks good on paper, has certainly qualities you like (submissive, loyal) and it's 'easy'. Emotions don't work that way.

In fact, it's the opposite. We tend to value more the things we have to work for a bit, true for both women and men.

She values you because she's working for you, submitting to you and compliant leaving YOU feeling meh because for you, it's "easy" (your own words) all you need to do is exist. Yawn.

There's no challenge, nothing inspiring you to want to work for her and commit, she doesn't require it which again sounds great on paper for all you redpillers, and you scream it's what you want.

But is it really? I mean, you just posted you wished you were single!

What does that tell ya?

 

[Dr.Suave]

Come on man, do yourselves both a favor and next this girl. Hell, you don't even find her that attractive, describing her as "meh"?

Sure she looks great on paper- submissive, loyal, compliant - everything a man could want, right? Problem is, you're not dating a 'piece of paper'.... and the real person (her) just doesn’t 'do it' for ya the way it should.

You can't force a feeling just cause she looks good on paper, has certainly qualities you like (submissive, loyal) and it's 'easy'. Emotions don't work that way.

In fact, it's the opposite. We tend to value more the things we have to work for a bit, true for both women and men.

She values you because she's working for you, submitting to you and compliant leaving YOU feeling meh because for you, it's "easy" (your own words) all you need to do is exist. Yawn.

I mean, you just posted you wished you were single!

In my experience, giving exclusivity to a girl you describe as "meh" and that makes you wish you were single, doesnt end well. I think there would have to be extraordinay circunstances for it to work, something like "Yeah, she´s meh and makes me wish I was single BUT..." maybe you are really into Rock & Roll music and she happens to be the lead singer of your favorite Rock band or something.

 

[member162951]

In my experience, giving exclusivity to a girl you describe as "meh" and that makes you wish you were single, doesnt end well. I think there would have to be extraordinay circunstances for it to work, something like "Yeah, she´s meh and makes me wish I was single BUT..." maybe you are really into Rock & Roll music and she happens to be the lead singer of your favorite Rock band or something.

Obviously I agree with what's bolded, I just posted same, but considering committing to a chick you feel meh about and uninspired by because she's the lead singer in your favorite rock band?

That's the equivalent of a chick who's not into you but stays with you because you increase her social status and she's able to live a lifestyle she's unable to afford on her own.

 

[Manure Spherian]

What does that tell ya?

I have no intention of insulting anyone on here, but I feel some on here are just desperate and needy for women. Like they cannot go a day without a woman and will put up with all sorts of nonsense to just keep or get one.

 

[Murk]

This is why you don't make bar women your girlfriend long-term. They don't qualify for that level, IMO.

As That Kid LEROI sings:
"So there you go, oh...
Can't make a wife out of a ho, so..."

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but this woman is likely fvcking around on you on the downlow and might be doing it with more than one guy.

Wish I could say something else but I think you already know that which is why your gut is causing you to have doubts.

I think bar women dont make good LTR's not because they would cheat (if you're a solid guy they have no reason to), but because inherently they make bad decisions, aren't mentally on par with you and ultimately drag you down in your pursuit of an equal.

This is my experience. I met my last 2 LTR's one in a rave (1yr) one in a bar (4 yrs on and off), that's 5 years of my life I wont get back. They were good women and didn't cheat, but I was settling, not happy, cheated on them and was coasting. That's not good for a man. A great spot for a sex deprived take anything I can kinda man, but we are built different, we need the best.

 

[member162951]

I have no intention of insulting anyone on here, but I feel some on here are just desperate and needy for women. Like they cannot go a day without a woman and will put up with all sorts of nonsense to just keep or get one.

That's part of it but another part is that I think many guys who have been badly burned in the past by being "too giving" (too beta for lack of a better word) start reading redpill nonsense and go to the opposite extreme.

Expecting submission and compliance, heck the phrase "comply or bye" is plastered all over this forum, what does it even mean?

That if she isn't at your beck and call 24/7, complying to all your crazy demands (for example NO Sunday brunch with her friends, which was a topic of discussion recently) she's OUT?

Then, when he finds such a women, he becomes uninspired, unmotivated, bored, and wants out because of that.

Just like @Foe .

No one knows what they're doing anymore, the lines are blurred; no one understands you can have balance, it's not one or the other (comply or bye).

 

[Dr.Suave]

That's part of it but another part is that I think many guys who have been badly burned in the past by being "too giving" (too beta for lack of a better word) start reading redpill nonsense and go to the opposite extreme.

Expecting submission and compliance, heck the phrase "comply or bye" is plastered all over this forum, what does it even mean?

That if she isn't at your beck and call 24/7, complying to all your crazy demands (for example NO Sunday brunch with her friends, which was a topic of discussion recently) she's OUT?

Then, when he finds such a women, he becomes uninspired, unmotivated, bored, and wants out because of that.

Just like the OP.

No one knows what they're doing anymore, the lines are blurred; no one understands you can have balance, it's not one or the other (comply or bye).

You make some good points. It creates a vicious cycle. I think you need a girl who is a "challenge" but she "challenges you in all the right ways" if that makes sense.

 

[member162951]

You make some good points. It creates a vicious cycle. I think you need a girl who is a "challenge" but she "challenges you in all the right ways" if that makes sense.

Yes it makes perfect sense, exactly.
And YOU challenge her in the right ways too!

Those are the best relationships imo, where you inspire and challenge each other. In just the right doses. Balance.

 

[Manure Spherian]

bored

That actually is an excuse women use to no-fault divorce and wreck their families.

Getting entertainment from women. Lmao.

 

[member162951]

That actually is an excuse women use to no-fault divorce and wreck their families.

Getting entertainment from women. Lmao.

It's an excuse (reason) both genders use. @Foe didn't use the word 'bored' but it came through loud and clear anyway.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Expecting submission and compliance, heck the phrase "comply or bye" is plastered all over this forum, what does it even mean?


no one understands you can have balance, it's not one or the other (comply or bye).

actually, both of what you are stating is true and possible. Comply or bye, as you call it, is the basis for any honest and fair relationship, of any sort, when you’re dealing with needs / principles. If you have certain needs and the partner cannot meet them, you cannot move forward, it’s impossible, this is a statement of fact. It’s not good for either party.

Having any other issues that are not true needs should be evaluated on the merits of compromising them or not to determine if doing so improves one’s situation in the whole.

In other words, you can’t ask someone to comply if you don’t know what you need yourself. That was the core issue I was having.

 

[member162951]

actually, both of what you are stating is true and possible. Comply or bye, as you call it, is the basis for any honest and fair relationship, of any sort, when you’re dealing with needs / principles. If you have certain needs and the partner cannot meet them, you cannot move forward, it’s impossible, this is a statement of fact. It’s not good for either party.

Having any other issues that are not true needs should be evaluated on the merits of compromising them or not to determine if doing so improves one’s situation in the whole.

In other words, you can’t ask someone to comply if you don’t know what you need yourself. That was the core issue I was having.

I know, in my post that @Dr.Suave quoted, I first wrote "just like OP" forgetting you were actually the OP! I changed it to @Foe .

Your sitch is different because you spelled out what YOU needed to move forward. She complied and you're happy, she's happy. And perhaps you both inspire each other in different ways too at the same time. Win-win!

Unlike @Foe who I sense has different needs and HE is uninspired and feels meh.

The phrase "comply or bye" is rather ambiguous imo, it can mean different things to different people.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I know, in my post that @Dr.Suave quoted, I first wrote "just like OP" forgetting you were actually the OP! I changed it to @Foe .

Your sitch is different because you spelled out what YOU needed to move forward. She complied and you're happy, she's happy. And perhaps you both inspire each other in different ways too at the same time. Win-win!

Unlike @Foe who I sense has different needs and HE is uninspired and feels meh.

The phrase "comply or bye" is rather ambiguous imo, it can mean different things to different people.

I appreciate the kind words but truthfully once someone examines a relationship on this basis it’s eye opening. There’s a really good book ‘never split the difference’ by Chris Voss. It’s a cornerstone of how I work with my clientele and truthfully it’s a good approach to dealing with key issues in any situation in life. Compromising on principle is bad for all involved. Chew on it.