I’m in deep

[Manure Spherian]

Why make this so complicated?

I actually was just going to post a similar post. I was going to post, “This is awfully complicated!”

If I were divorced man with children and wanted another wife in my life—I say wife even if not formally a wife in the governments eyes—I’d state this:

“1. We are not dating, nor are we “boyfriend and girlfriend.” I am a grown adult with children, and I need a woman to fill the roles of wife and mother.
2. I will not tolerate cheating. You cheat, you’re out!
3. Here is what is in my bank account. Here are my earnings and debts. This is what I’m made of.
4. Make your social media accounts private. I will not tolerate attention whoring on social media with stupid, provocative posts!
5. If you need to discuss something important, excluding informing me of emergencies, don’t text; call me!
6. Cease all communication with male “friends” unless they’re actual friends you’ve known for years, from say, school, your hometown, or childhood. I must meet such men.
7. Now make up your mind. I’m not here to play stupid high-school games.”

This is direct, unlike the shenanigans I cannot even piece together in this thread. Eg: “Oh, she seemed serious in this text. Oh, she was a fibbing clown in the other.” “She said some guy was hot.” “Her friend said some guy was hot.” This is not good.

Women understand directness and power! The saying “shape up or ship out”applies.

 

[Rainman4707]

If there is one super important thing that I really struggled to accept, its what @BackInTheGame78 just said. This is so damn true. I always wanted to see the best in people instead of seeing who they really were. And it always becomes apparent later on.

Corey Wayne teaches the same.

 

[Rainman4707]

I returned her call which turned into a 5.5 hour conversation. I’m currently making a coffee and waffles and at some point will update.

It’s like pulling blood from a stone. But she’s also afraid of my reactions. If none of you have noticed I have big reactions.

Remember the personal focus iPhone setting, well basically it exists to suppress names from popping up as I suspected and her explanation that it wasn’t about the amount of names coming up so much as how much my lid was going to blow if I saw something come up- and I mean that’s a fair criticism I lost my mind earlier this year when it wasn’t totally forthright about the prior fling that texted during the day she wanted exclusivity … as well as prior to meeting me how she didn’t need names coming up around family and other people she was dating .

She said that as a victim of sexual assault in college, she hooked up with nobody in four years, and as such until age 25 did not have sex outside her 1.5 year relationship and slowly progressed from there, therefore she says it is not a high number, which tracks to what I know about 5 years ago which if to be believed would put her in low to mid single digits at mid 30- and I worked on explaining that the phone setting was obvious and all it was doing was creating a corrosive situation in our communication and trust.

Also said so about that deletion of the social media idea you had and she countered is that really fair, family & friends all over the place posting life updates on that, to which I can see both sides but I was like obviously it serves a dual purpose.

ill also add this … over the year for 9 months when I didn’t have the opportunity to be there every other weekend and during week for kids she was incredibly forthcoming about sending photos when she was out or calling me a reasonable time just about every night even when out west on her trip. But when she touched her coworkers back and the girl she was out west with had that involuntary facial reaction it def gave me pause in the summer.

I’ll post more in a bit.

Wow, 5.5 hour convo must be a record on here.

A half an hour convo with my girl has me pulling my hair out.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I actually was just going to post a similar post. I was going to post, “This is awfully complicated!”

If I were divorced man with children and wanted another wife in my life—I say wife even if not formally a wife in the governments eyes—I’d state this:

“1. We are not dating, nor are we “boyfriend and girlfriend.” I am a grown adult with children, and I need a woman to fill the roles of wife and mother.
2. I will not tolerate cheating. You cheat, you’re out!
3. Here is what is in my bank account. Here are my earnings and debts. This is what I’m made of.
4. Make your social media accounts private. I will not tolerate attention whoring on social media with stupid, provocative posts!
5. If you need to discuss something important, excluding informing me of emergencies, don’t text; call me!
6. Cease all communication with male “friends” unless they’re actual friends you’ve known for years, from say, school, your hometown, or childhood. I must meet such men”.
7. Now make up your mind. I’m not here to play stupid high-school games here.”

This is direct, unlike the shenanigans I cannot even piece together in this thread. Eg: “Oh, she seemed serious in this text. Oh, she was a fibbing clown in the other.” “She said some guy was hot.” “Her friend said some guy was hot.” This is not good.

Women understand direct directness and power! The saying “shape up or ship out”applies.

Back in the day this was so obvious for me too. Man what a pile of man goo I’ve turned into over the years.

 

[Manure Spherian]

.

Wow, 5.5 hour convo must be a record on here.

A half an hour convo with my girl has me pulling my hair out.

I actually think a man should not speak to a woman continually for such a length of time. This is not good.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Back in the day this was so obvious for me too. Man what a pile of man goo I’ve turned into over the years.

I don’t think you are that. I think all of us at one time or another were jammed up with obsessive thoughts about women.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I don’t think you are that. I think all of us at one time or another were jammed up with obsessive thoughts about women.

No I don’t either, I think a dozen years locked in a marriage o should have never been in, without any self reelection, eroded my frame to the consistency of a toothpick. I actually think I know exactly what I am going to do and say now. Thank you.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Man what a pile of man goo I’ve turned into over the years.

We all have highs and lows. Sometimes we lose frame with the girls. Sometimes we get complacent and stop improving. Sometimes we forget some stuff and we have to re-learn it the hard way.

I actually think I know exactly what I am going to do and say now. Thank you.

F0ck you for keeping us in suspense, bro . Looking forward to the next update.

 

[Divorced w 3]

We all have highs and lows. Sometimes we lose frame with the girls. Sometimes we get complacent and stop improving. Sometimes we forget some stuff and we have to re-learn it the hard way.



F0ck you for keeping us in suspense, bro . Looking forward to the next update.

 

[Divorced w 3]

We all have highs and lows. Sometimes we lose frame with the girls. Sometimes we get complacent and stop improving. Sometimes we forget some stuff and we have to re-learn it the hard way.



F0ck you for keeping us in suspense, bro . Looking forward to the next update.

Basically the weekend is coming up, she is either going to call me before it or she won’t. I have a feeling being the year anniversary she will call. I didn’t hear from her last night but I’ll let the call set the stage for the list. It is a non negotiable set of needs that I have. It’s a no judgement list. It’s logical, it sets the tone for leadership and direction in the relationship and it gets us a good answer either way. I think she will do it. I am asking a lot.

It’s so funny. In business I do not negotiate. People may think I am but they’re coming into my number whether they realize it or not. I don’t meet people in the middle and I am good in the board room.

I don’t know how I got to this point. Breaking up with her the other day reminded me of my college years in the moment. Sad as that it is to say it felt like frame was breathing back in. Keep you posted.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Thank you.

You’re welcome.

 

[Divorced w 3]

So I broke no contact and I texted her back “thanks for letting me know” in response to her text yesterday morning and then when a reply didn’t come after about six hours I deleted her from social so I wouldn’t get unnecessarily pulled into whatever she’s up to.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Update:

Spoke this morning, asked if she had time to reflect and consider what she needed, she gave me it which was essentially a place to feel free to be honest and open, and I said I would not waste your time and here’s how I get there.

I delivered the following, I am paraphrasing but I said basically here’s what we need on our side, I hope this works but I understand and no judgement if you can't. Consider what I am saying and then simply say yes or no.

explained that without the following I cannot live properly therefore I need them and they are not open to interpretation


Priorities in this order:

Health - Money - Family

Move in this weekend - live here
On lease April / rent or sell your apartment
License April 1
Car or split the lease
Finances discussion
Splitting expenses
No travel this year
Plan schedules together
Living clean - nothing to excess - the heavy boozing is done
Prior life - ceased asap - drop them - friends with history included - this is distracting, the validation comes from us let it go - do it today

I said the above will provide clarity and direction to us, a framework of trust and everything in the past will be gone and that’s not something I will ever bring up again.

she agreed and asked if I was sorry about Monday. I said I am not. Someone needed to pump the breaks and walk away. You apologized for shady behavior and we hope you can be a part of our life going forward and the is is how we do it.

any good salesman knows it’s not done until the check is cashed. Keep you posted.

 

[Divorced w 3]

You’re proposing that she moves in with you?

That horse was way out of the barn. If she wants to be part of our life this is how. Otherwise this situation is too cumbersome for me and it was up to her if she could work under these conditions.

 

[FMCSMT]

I’m tempted to invite her out and chat. She’s going to find out I burned 125k in litigation last year and that I am keeping my head down and my bottom line lean. I’d be telling her straight up that last year was an anomaly, if she wants to be part of it she’s welcome to. I’ll say this all nicely of course.

Wait, I’m a trained paralegal with a pile of family law case background.

$125,000 in litigation fees? Oh I know exactly what that means.

Custody was likely at issue. (Probably a gross understatement).

You’re losing to these low value women, my guy.

Let’s talk about your boy and Rollo, then I’ll circle back to your litigation history.

Your boy is right and wrong. His is right about the mirror. He is wrong about your status.

When you look in the mirror, it’s only You v. You. Everything and everyone is just in your way.

Move them out of your way.

Single dads and Single moms are not the same.

Single dads are praised for the smallest things. They provide, guide and keep families safe. The gah dam heroes. Not all, but enough.

All Single moms are low hanging fruit. I realize the woman in question is not one but I say this so you know that you are far superior to any of them. They drain resources and can damage a man beyond recognition.

Sure, I was hurt by a few. I was but younger than you. Then Rollo…

Try not to thing of Rollo-the man. Think of only his work as a guide.

His work stems from a man like you. I don’t know your divorce story but the one Rollo tells is of a man who had the trophy wife, kids and life. The wife left him after this man did everything “right.” Shortly thereafter, he self-deleted. Enter “The Rational Male”.

Don’t think of his work in terms of right or wrong. Think of it as a guide.

Any veteran here reading this post can see clearly that you have “oneitis”- A virus that is infecting you, your family and your future.

It’s an interesting post and I do commend you for sharing.

Let’s get back to court, shall we?

Because that’s exactly where you’re gonna live.

Notice of Motion and Motion to Modify Custody and Parenting Time…Ex Parte.

Temporary Motion to Suspend Parenting Time and Custody [GRANTED].

Motion for Supervised Visitation at a Visitation Center (paid by you).

Motion to Modify Child Support.

These are the notices your attorney will receive because you messed around with wrong woman and have resisted the red pill lense.

I see the commenters showing you how this woman leaving your family will be hard on the kids and you are acknowledging that.

Truth is, they (and you) seemingly have no idea how bad this could get.

Do you think that this woman won’t be entered as witness against you regarding any family law matter should the relationship go south?

Never believe what a woman says. In text or otherwise. Believe her behavior.

Never let her move in. Doing so is going full ratard.

On that note, what are you going to do if she lives with you but cheated on you? Throw her out? Let me know how that goes.. and let me know how it feels being forced to let her stay while she drips of another man’s chowder in your home.

What happens if you get into an argument and she alleges DV while living with you?

I know the answer, but do you?

The woman you marry and the woman you divorce are 2 totally different women.

Same holds true in these circumstances and you won’t know until it’s too late.

Some men like to complicate their lives with this drama when they should focus on their overall success.

To each their own I guess.

 

[soulforge]

I actually was just going to post a similar post. I was going to post, “This is awfully complicated!”

If I were divorced man with children and wanted another wife in my life—I say wife even if not formally a wife in the governments eyes—I’d state this:

“1. We are not dating, nor are we “boyfriend and girlfriend.” I am a grown adult with children, and I need a woman to fill the roles of wife and mother.
2. I will not tolerate cheating. You cheat, you’re out!
3. Here is what is in my bank account. Here are my earnings and debts. This is what I’m made of.
4. Make your social media accounts private. I will not tolerate attention whoring on social media with stupid, provocative posts!
5. If you need to discuss something important, excluding informing me of emergencies, don’t text; call me!
6. Cease all communication with male “friends” unless they’re actual friends you’ve known for years, from say, school, your hometown, or childhood. I must meet such men.
7. Now make up your mind. I’m not here to play stupid high-school games.”

This is direct, unlike the shenanigans I cannot even piece together in this thread. Eg: “Oh, she seemed serious in this text. Oh, she was a fibbing clown in the other.” “She said some guy was hot.” “Her friend said some guy was hot.” This is not good.

Women understand directness and power! The saying “shape up or ship out”applies.

Honestly this is the best approach.

We are used to hearing this alot on SS.

"Don't say this to her, don't say that to her, as she will precieve this as insecurity"

Fuk no.. I believe a man should be upfront, very direct about his expectations & boundaries..

She will either follow your boundaries, or she will refuse upfront.. in which case you cut her off straight away.

It's so much easier to cut a woman off a 2-3 months in, than having to cut her off two years in, simply because you wasn't firm enough about your expectations.

Another thing to add to this.. STOP communicating by text message.. If she has something important to say or an important conversation needs to be had, get her to call you.

Be careful of girls who intentionally avoid phone conversations, they are usually upto some shady business.

 

[FMCSMT]

I actually was just going to post a similar post. I was going to post, “This is awfully complicated!”

If I were divorced man with children and wanted another wife in my life—I say wife even if not formally a wife in the governments eyes—I’d state this:

“1. We are not dating, nor are we “boyfriend and girlfriend.” I am a grown adult with children, and I need a woman to fill the roles of wife and mother.
2. I will not tolerate cheating. You cheat, you’re out!
3. Here is what is in my bank account. Here are my earnings and debts. This is what I’m made of.
4. Make your social media accounts private. I will not tolerate attention whoring on social media with stupid, provocative posts!
5. If you need to discuss something important, excluding informing me of emergencies, don’t text; call me!
6. Cease all communication with male “friends” unless they’re actual friends you’ve known for years, from say, school, your hometown, or childhood. I must meet such men.
7. Now make up your mind. I’m not here to play stupid high-school games.”

This is direct, unlike the shenanigans I cannot even piece together in this thread. Eg: “Oh, she seemed serious in this text. Oh, she was a fibbing clown in the other.” “She said some guy was hot.” “Her friend said some guy was hot.” This is not good.

Women understand directness and power! The saying “shape up or ship out”applies.

1. I don’t do relationships - she will try harder
2. Cheat all you want, Idgaf.
3. How much do I make? How much does she weigh?
4. If she has social media - she cheats. See Item 2.
5. If she needs to discuss something important - don’t call or text me! I’m not her girlfriend.
6. Men and women can’t be friends. Refer again to Line 2.
7. Take as much time as you need because I don’t care and never will. Forgot about her already.

 

[FMCSMT]

Honestly this is the best approach.

We are used to hearing this alot on SS.

"Don't say this to her, don't say that to her, as she will precieve this as insecurity"

Fuk no.. I believe a man should be upfront, very direct about his expectations & boundaries..

She will either follow your boundaries, or she will refuse upfront.. in which case you cut her off straight away.

It's so much easier to cut a woman off a 2-3 months in, than having to cut her off two years in, simply because you wasn't firm enough about your expectations.

Another thing to add to this.. STOP communicating by text message.. If she has something important to say or an important conversation needs to be had, get her to call you.

Be careful of girls who intentionally avoid phone conversations, they are usually upto some shady business.

Boundaries are stupid.

What is the penalty for crossing said boundaries?

You cut her off?

47 other betas are in waiting and they don’t have those boundaries.

Does setting boundaries make her more attractive to you?

After setting these boundaries, does she become aroused??

She’s complaining to her girlfriends (and probably guys) about your controlling behavior that you label “respect” and “loyalty”.

She should naturally conform to your reasonable expectations without direction.

If she doesn’t, then she isn’t it.

 

[soulforge]

Boundaries are stupid.

What is the penalty for crossing said boundaries?

You cut her off?

47 other betas are in waiting and they don’t have those boundaries.

Does setting boundaries make her more attractive to you?

After setting these boundaries, does she become aroused??

She’s complaining to her girlfriends (and probably guys) about your controlling behavior that you label “respect” and “loyalty”.

She should naturally conform to your reasonable expectations without direction.

If she doesn’t, then she isn’t it.

This is a fair point.

When I state boundaries, I meant the simple things, such as communication etc..

When it comes to the bigger issues, such as male friends and social media addiction and so forth, partying and drink too much..

I don't think there is any point in trying to polish a turd.. best to not take chicks like that seriously from the offset.

 

[soulforge]

Boundaries are stupid.

What is the penalty for crossing said boundaries?

You cut her off?

47 other betas are in waiting and they don’t have those boundaries.

Does setting boundaries make her more attractive to you?

After setting these boundaries, does she become aroused??

She’s complaining to her girlfriends (and probably guys) about your controlling behavior that you label “respect” and “loyalty”.

She should naturally conform to your reasonable expectations without direction.

If she doesn’t, then she isn’t it.

This sounds good to on paper, but do let me know where this attractive girls are, who "naturaly conform to reasonable expectations, without any direction at all"

All females require a little direction in the current climate.. Unless you got a time machine and can transport yourself back to 1950s

How & what will she naturally conform to, if she is completely oblivious to what your expectations are?