I’m in deep

[Dr.Suave]

I understand and I’m not in disagreement.

39 years old and not getting younger, I’m not a spring chicken anymore.

You are no spring chicken but you can still do better than her.

 

[Divorced w 3]

one thing I am holding out for and yet to see is any comments on actions she should be taking. Maybe I am off the mark in this thinking. Because part of me is interested in offering her the opportunity to head out tonight and have a conversation with no guarantee but I think sitting face to face and putting my cards on the table, which include a lot of wreckage over the last year, would be a good test.

 

[Dr.Suave]

one thing I am holding out for and yet to see is any comments on actions she should be taking. Maybe I am off the mark in this thinking.

She should accept she doesnt deserves exclusivity but women cant wrap their head around that.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I probably would wait on the move in but honestly this woman is starting to win me over.

There are very very very few women you will ever meet who are going to love you as much as this woman obviously does. That has to count for something.

All said I agree with a lot of what you are saying. She comes out here all the time and she is doing it at bad hours sometimes on public transit most of the time. Would you find her text message a little long in the tooth? Isn’t the rule of thumb essentially, the longer the explanation the more bs?

 

[member162951]

Firstly @Divorced w 3 based on her actions throughout, you DO have reason to mistrust her imo. Very much so.

And as such, I find her response suspect and may actually prove the opposite of what she's attempting to prove, if that makes sense.

It was overkill, too over the top and overly defensive. Again, a truly innocent person does respond that way imo.

They'd be more inclined to be hurt and angry at YOU for not trusting them, I know I would be if roles were reversed.

Also, the comment she made as you were kicking her out about how her lack of presence in your kids lives would hurt them, I find highly manipulative.

Using her relationship with YOUR kids to somehow hold you. It was extremely manipulative imo, guilt-trippy, and wrong.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Firstly @Divorced w 3 based on her actions throughout, you DO have reason to mistrust her imo. Very much so.

And as such, I find her response suspect and may actually prove the opposite of what she's attempting to prove, if that makes sense.

It was overkill, too over the top and overly defensive. Again, a truly innocent person does respond that way imo.

They'd be more inclined to be hurt and angry at YOU for not trusting them, I know I would be if roles were reversed.

Also, the comment she made as you were kicking her out about how her lack of presence in your kids lives would hurt them, I find highly manipulative.

Using her relationship with YOUR kids to somehow hold you. It was extremely manipulative imo, guilt-trippy, and wrong.

I’m a bit inclined to agree with you. Look at the first paragraph which seems natural, it was written quickly, easily and properly punctuated about the bar.

look at the second. It’s choppy, it’s obviously edited and put together. It wasn’t off the top of her head, it was thought through and recomposed. She ‘finally remembered?’

 

[member162951]

I’m a bit inclined to agree with you. Look at the first paragraph which seems natural, it was written quickly, easily and properly punctuated about the bar.

look at the second. It’s choppy, it’s obviously edited and put together. It wasn’t off the top of her head, it was thought through and recomposed. She ‘finally remembered?’

Yeah, she would have been better off leaving the second paragraph out altogether. Assuming she was innocent of any wrongdoing.

The energy of that paragraph screams she was hiding something and attempting to cover her tracks.

The first and third paragraphs were fine.

Have you responded?

 

[Divorced w 3]

Yeah, she would have been better off leaving the second paragraph out altogether. Assuming she was innocent of any wrongdoing.

The energy of that paragraph screams she was hiding something and attempting to cover her tracks.

The first and third paragraphs were fine.

Have you responded?

Not yet

 

[BackInTheGame78]

All said I agree with a lot of what you are saying. She comes out here all the time and she is doing it at bad hours sometimes on public transit most of the time. Would you find her text message a little long in the tooth? Isn’t the rule of thumb essentially, the longer the explanation the more bs?

Perhaps, but you've put in her in a situation where your own insecurities have become her problem. That's not right.

Those are you for you to deal with, not try and dump on her and have her explain and fix.

To some degree, not sure how much exactly, you've created a problem that didn't exist and then demanded she fix it.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Perhaps, but you've put in her in a situation where your own insecurities have become her problem. That's not right.

Those are you for you to deal with, not try and dump on her and have her explain and fix.

To some degree, not sure how much exactly, you've created a problem that didn't exist and then demanded she fix it.

I’m tempted to invite her out and chat. She’s going to find out I burned 125k in litigation last year and that I am keeping my head down and my bottom line lean. I’d be telling her straight up that last year was an anomaly, if she wants to be part of it she’s welcome to. I’ll say this all nicely of course.

 

[member162951]

I’m tempted to invite her out and chat. She’s going to find out I burned 125k in litigation last year and that I am keeping my head down and my bottom line lean. I’d be telling her straight up that last year was an anomaly, if she wants to be part of it she’s welcome to. I’ll say this all nicely of course.

Could you also add that you would like her to? Be part of it? Or is that assumed by your comment she's "welcome to"?

Just trying to see it from a female perspective.

In any event, you know she will, it's clear that no matter what her behavior last year, and yours, she's in love with you.

To add, you just got out of a toxic marriage at least during the latter years, she hasn't been in a relationship in four years, as such you're both new to the "relationship" arena and attempting to figure it all out.

It's natural for there to be some miscommunication, misunderstandings, push/pull as you become closer, feelings intensify and you navigate your way towards commitment.

Take these words to heart by George Harrison.

Isn't it a pity
Now, isn't it a shame
How we break each other's hearts
And cause each other pain
How we take each other's love
Without thinking anymore
Forgetting to give back
Isn't it a pity

 

[Divorced w 3]

Could you also add that you would like her to? Be part of it? Or is that assumed by you're comment she's "welcome to"?

Just trying to see it from a female perspective.

In any event, you know she will, it's clear that no matter what her behavior last year, and yours, she's in love with you.

To add, you just got out of a toxic marriage at least during the latter years, she hasn't been in a relationship in four years, as such you're both new to the "relationship" arena and attempting to figure it all out.

It's natural for there to be some miscommunication, misunderstandings, push/pull as you become closer, feelings intensify and you navigate your way towards commitment.

Take these words to heart by George Harrison.

Isn't it a pity
Now, isn't it a shame
How we break each other's hearts
And cause each other pain
How we take each other's love
Without thinking anymore
Forgetting to give back
Isn't it a pity

Nice post. I may wait another day though and see if I can smoke out anything else with a little space. I think I have my thought process in line as to what I would need on the relationship, parameters etc.

believe it or not I actually am getting work done today too. I was doing sprints on the football field this morning and I feel like a tiger.

 

[Divorced w 3]

 

[Divorced w 3]

 

[The Duke]

Why make this so complicated?

 

[Divorced w 3]

Why make this so complicated?

Idk string likes that guy a lot

 

[Divorced w 3]

Why do I get this feeling that my insecurities took a mole hill and turned it into a mountain? Not to discredit legitimate observations over the course of the relationship but the way I went about a bunch of them, I’m just reading some reputable stuff online and man, kind of hitting. Instead of bringing her back on new years I should have just sat quietly for a bit and worked on this.

 

[The Duke]

Why do I get this feeling that my insecurities took a mole hill and turned it into a mountain? Not to discredit legitimate observations over the course of the relationship but the way I went about a bunch of them, I’m just reading some reputable stuff online and man, kind of hitting. Instead of bringing her back on new years I should have just sat quietly for a bit and worked on this.

There ya go, lol and I told you this several pages back. Self awareness

 

[Rainman4707]

That’s a big deal IMHO if she actually sticks to that commitment. I’d make sure to hold her accountable on that and check in on it regularly. I’m not going to lie that in my next relationship I’m going to request an open phone policy. Look at my phone any time you want. That means I can see yours. No secret worlds hidden in layers…some might say this is controlling, but in this day and age I’m not so sure anymore.

Don't agree on an open phone policy. My gf deleted snapchat and insta when we first got together and she told me her phone pin, i did'nt ask for it. However, i will not give her my pin. My text conversation with family and friends are PRIVATE. If i was messaging my mother, brother or siser ,,it's for their eyes only (no joke intended) i would expect the same in return.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]