I’m in deep

[Divorced w 3]

I don’t know what to do about it.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Second thoughts about the chick you made into an LTR after your divorce?

Basically. I can’t put my finger on it, something in the gut just can’t get past some of the last year, including the Instagram, but at the same time see good qualities that I don’t want to just toss.

 

[Plinco]

If your gut is telling you something (You feel that there's something wrong) then it means that there's something about her that you don't like and you shouldn't pursue her. Saying that there are other qualities you like about her sounds like a rationalization, not reasoning.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Trust your gut, bro. Remeber my Crazy Betty thread?

She had some "good qualities" that I just didnt "want to toss" because they are so hard to find today with modern women. In the end, things didnt work out anyways in spite of those "good qualities".

I basically "wasted" a year of my life on her (not exactly wasted because I learned a lot but you get what Im saying). If I magically travelled back in time knowing everything I know now, I would stay the f0ck away from her.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Trust your gut, bro. Remeber my Crazy Betty thread?

She had some "good qualities" that I just didnt "want to toss" because they are so hard to find today with modern women. In the end, things didnt work out anyways in spite of those "good qualities".

I basically "wasted" a year of my life on her (not exactly wasted because I learned a lot but you get what Im saying). If I magically travelled back in time knowing everything I know now, I would stay the f0ck away from her.

What probably would benefit the thread and in similar fashion as yours, would be a recount of the entire year. Just objectively how it went.

 

[Dr.Suave]

What probably would benefit the thread and in similar fashion as yours, would be a recount of the entire year. Just objectively how it went.

Its the girl that kind of flirted with another guy at a wedding? Or a different girl?

Doesnt matter. Do it bro. When you have the time, make a new thread.

Kind of like a "Year in review with main plate" or whatever you want to call it. You know you are probably gonna take some heat from members for your mistakes but whatever, its part of the learning process.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Its the girl that kind of flirted with another guy at a wedding? Or a different girl?

Doesnt matter. Do it bro. When you have the time, make a new thread.

Kind of like a "Year in review with main plate" or whatever you want to call it. You know you are probably gonna take some heat from members for your mistakes but whatever, its part of the learning process.

Yes her. Fully expect to take a plate full of **** but nothing like what my boys have been giving me, so be it. I come here to improve and that’s part of the process.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Remind us of the Instagram incident. Reader's Digest version.

 

[soulforge]

What exactly is the issue here?

I mean guessing some red flags have gotten your spidey senses tingling?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

What is the issue, is it something she is aware of and is it something she could remedy?

If she doesn't know about, she can't fix it. Not sure if you have sat her down to talk with her about what's bothering you but that should be your first step

 

[Divorced w 3]

I would love to have a better pulse on it but it goes something like this:

We met because she approached me at a bar. I took her out a few times and when we hooked up for the first time she was super comfortable and confident in who she was and what she was doing, both in what she was saying and also without having to say so, and so my gut instinct was I had someone in front of me with plenty of experience. I was going to just keep hooking up but she really got ahold of me and I took a real liking to her. She hadn’t had a real boyfriend in four years, at age 33. In my first month having spent the majority of my free time with her, she asked to be exclusive and then within a minute or two took a text message from an old fling from 2ish years prior / college friend, who was asking for dinner ideas for his girlfriend in the city. They were regularly communicating prior to my meeting, despite not being in contact during the course of his marriage, which ended, and then they hooked up. She receives a text from every let’s say 3-4 months, which she stopped telling me about because she did not want me to get aggravated, but being with her I saw pop up. Most recently in the fall for her birthday, which she said thank you to and then attempted to tell me she didn’t until I said it would be out of character and she eventually admitted she did. There was the wedding incident but also my lead up, and she all but admitted that part of my being there was for the Instagram photo, which she was checking constantly during the night after she posted it and was commenting that it got second most likes to when she ran the marathon . There is an Instagram that I do not feel comfortable tagging her in with photos of my kids because of her prior life. She deleted something like 85 followers, some of them early college age students, that at one point she recently taught. However, on scrutiny I noticed that she allowed some guys to follow her because they have open profiles and she does not, one of which is likely an old flame that liked a photo when she went out west, and he happens to be half an hour north of that city. That trip was a few weeks after asking for exclusivity and there was one night where she stayed out pretty late and she got really weird and quiet on the phone when a few people were in the lobby when she was getting ready to go out. I know she has made comments over the course of the relationship to her friend who is dating a single dad but his relationship with his kids is nowhere as solid as me with mine. Her friends for the large part are party girls. She’s very comfortable with my picking up the check and I have spent a boatload of cash this year , probably 30k, in intangible related to this relationship. That said this relationship was a major diversion for me in a major period of stress.

positives: when together we have a lot of fun. I love the attention which she gives me plenty of. We screw like rabbits. We have fun and are very natural with each other. She is absolutely great with the kids who love her. Families like the significant others. There’s more but hopefully this gets you going. She’s here now and has been here since before the holidays.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I would love to have a better pulse on it but it goes something like this:

We met because she approached me at a bar. I took her out a few times and when we hooked up for the first time she was super comfortable and confident in who she was and what she was doing, both in what she was saying and also without having to say so, and so my gut instinct was I had someone in front of me with plenty of experience. I was going to just keep hooking up but she really got ahold of me and I took a real liking to her. She hadn’t had a real boyfriend in four years, at age 33. In my first month having spent the majority of my free time with her, she asked to be exclusive and then within a minute or two took a text message from an old fling from 2ish years prior / college friend, who was asking for dinner ideas for his girlfriend in the city. They were regularly communicating prior to my meeting, despite not being in contact during the course of his marriage, which ended, and then they hooked up. She receives a text from every let’s say 3-4 months, which she stopped telling me about because she did not want me to get aggravated, but being with her I saw pop up. Most recently in the fall for her birthday, which she said thank you to and then attempted to tell me she didn’t until I said it would be out of character and she eventually admitted she did. There was the wedding incident but also my lead up, and she all but admitted that part of my being there was for the Instagram photo, which she was checking constantly during the night after she posted it and was commenting that it got second most likes to when she ran the marathon . There is an Instagram that I do not feel comfortable tagging her in with photos of my kids because of her prior life. She deleted something like 85 followers, some of them early college age students, that at one point she recently taught. However, on scrutiny I noticed that she allowed some guys to follow her because they have open profiles and she does not, one of which is likely an old flame that liked a photo when she went out west, and he happens to be half an hour north of that city. That trip was a few weeks after asking for exclusivity and there was one night where she stayed out pretty late and she got really weird and quiet on the phone when a few people were in the lobby when she was getting ready to go out. I know she has made comments over the course of the relationship to her friend who is dating a single dad but his relationship with his kids is nowhere as solid as me with mine. Her friends for the large part are party girls. She’s very comfortable with my picking up the check and I have spent a boatload of cash this year , probably 30k, in intangible related to this relationship. That said this relationship was a major diversion for me in a major period of stress.

positives: when together we have a lot of fun. I love the attention which she gives me plenty of. We screw like rabbits. We have fun and are very natural with each other. She is absolutely great with the kids who love her. Families like the significant others. There’s more but hopefully this gets you going. She’s here now and has been here since before the holidays.

This is why you don't make bar women your girlfriend long-term. They don't qualify for that level, IMO.

As That Kid LEROI sings:
"So there you go, oh...
Can't make a wife out of a ho, so..."

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but this woman is likely fvcking around on you on the downlow and might be doing it with more than one guy.

Wish I could say something else but I think you already know that which is why your gut is causing you to have doubts.

 

[Divorced w 3]

This is why you don't make bar women your girlfriend long-term. They don't qualify for that level, IMO.

As That Kid LEROI sings:
"So there you go, oh...
Can't make a wife out of a ho, so..."

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but this woman is likely fvcking around on you on the downlow and might be doing it with more than one guy.

Wish I could say something else but I think you already know that which is why your gut is causing you to have doubts.

You think so, it’s crossed my mind but one thing is that, she is here almost entirely on her free time. Not all of it though. She also bought my kids a ton of stuff for Christmas

 

[obelisk]

Trust your gut. It's telling you everything you need to know. It speaks in what you just wrote.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Trust your gut. It's telling you everything you need to know. It speaks in what you just wrote.

My gut is 50/50 on this

 

[Divorced w 3]

I just said it on text to my boy, that I think I’m going to break up due to too much doubt. It’s out there now. I wanted to do this out of logic and not emotion so I’ve been suppressing and waiting out any emotional concerns over the last few days.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Would you consider downgrading her to plate status?

I don’t see how that would work for either of us. I think I have to cut her loose. There is a lot of feelings between us but I just don’t trust her, largely because she doesn’t communicate well and she has a fear of tension, which to be fair I have not done completely a great job in easing either. But to answer your question no I don’t think I could do it.

 

[The Duke]

I read your post twice so I made sure I understood.

Here's what I gathered:

You have a girl that likes external validation(from men other than you) and uses social media to get it. She also keeps past/potential men orbiting her so she can use them for a rainy day or the day you aren't in the picture.

The relationship is based on sex and good times and you have blown way too much money facilitating all of that.

I've had a few relationships like this and when you removed the sex and good times there wasn't much there.
There certainly isn't the trust and respect.

Where you have screwed up is you let this girl too deep into your life. A girl that behaves this way is simply only good for sex and fun times. It always makes it hard because sure you enjoy her, and she probably has a lot of good traits. But she has some pretty serious faults that don't lend themselves to something successful long term.

"She hadn't had a boyfriend in 4yrs"....but how much dihk did she ride in that period?

The picture you have painted of what has transpired in the past year or so matches the type of girl that approached you the first time. Its how those types behave in a "relationship".

 

[Divorced w 3]

Yeah my dad is coming in a couple hours to watch the kids and I am going to drive her back and cut it off.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I would love to have a better pulse on it but it goes something like this:

She opened you instead of the other way around. She was being masculine (leading the interaction) and in doing so, she kind of put you in the feminine role. This by itself, could be nothing, but when you take into consideration other stuff its kind of a different story.

I took her out a few times and when we hooked up for the first time she was super comfortable and confident in who she was and what she was doing, both in what she was saying and also without having to say so, and so my gut instinct was I had someone in front of me with plenty of experience. I was going to just keep hooking up but she really got ahold of me and I took a real liking to her.

Possible translation: "And so my gut instinct was I had someone in front of me who has been riding the c0ck carousel for a while. Definitely not exclusivity/LTR material, she was clearly plate status/recreational use only. I was going to just keep getting the milk for free for as long as possible but a combination of scarcity mentality and easy sex got the better of me."

In my first month having spent the majority of my free time with her, she asked to be exclusive and then within a minute or two took a text message from an old fling from 2ish years prior / college friend, who was asking for dinner ideas for his girlfriend in the city. They were regularly communicating prior to my meeting, despite not being in contact during the course of his marriage, which ended, and then they hooked up. She receives a text from every let’s say 3-4 months, which she stopped telling me about because she did not want me to get aggravated, but being with her I saw pop up. Most recently in the fall for her birthday, which she said thank you to and then attempted to tell me she didn’t until I said it would be out of character and she eventually admitted she did. I noticed that she allowed some guys to follow her because they have open profiles and she does not, one of which is likely an old flame that liked a photo when she went out west, and he happens to be half an hour north of that city.

"She is still in contact with men she has had sex with and lies about it. If she´s lying about that, what else is she lying about?"

Her friends for the large part are party girls. She’s very comfortable with my picking up the check and I have spent a boatload of cash this year , probably 30k, in intangible related to this relationship.

"Her friends are carousel riders and who will try to sabotage everything conciously or not. Slowly but surely, the sex has become kind of transactional over time. At this point, I´m a Sugar Daddy"

That said this relationship was a major diversion for me in a major period of stress.

positives: when together we have a lot of fun. I love the attention which she gives me plenty of. We screw like rabbits. We have fun and are very natural with each other. She is absolutely great with the kids who love her. Families like the significant others. There’s more but hopefully this gets you going. She’s here now and has been here since before the holidays.

"But when you have some scarcity mentality and easy sex, maybe there´s a way to justify everything and just keep her around?"

I love u bro, sorry if Im being kind of harsh.

-Dr. Suave