OLD and why it has dramatically changed - here's an alternative

[Black Widow Void]

On the forum, we read about how good OLD was back in the day, but not as good now.... and there's a reason that has yet to be addressed.

It's not just about women that get over-inflated egos. There's more.

Back in the day, there were lots of new women. They heard about OLD from a friend and decided to give it a try. Now days, there's still a few like this, but it's now becoming the exception and no longer the rule.

Instead, the majority of women know all about OLD and are usually returns. And return quickly, they do, And so, it's no longer the woman that was in a long relationship giving OLD a try. Instead, it's a woman that may have been recently pumped and dumped, or had a short-lived relationship. In order to feel better about themselves and their negative circumstance, they dive right back on OLD. This is the problem. These aren't 'fresh' catches. Instead, they didn't take time to heal and consequently arrive with last week's baggage.

I seriously encourage you all to try Meetup. If you find a group that caters to your hobbies, activities etc... you win. There's also a bonus. You meet women in these groups in a low-key non-threatening environment.

My approach is to engage a woman of interest in some casual conversation. Find a commonality. Then, a few days later, contact her on Meetup's email messaging. She already knows you, and your return is much higher. Also, she's more likely not to be the typical OLD type that is arriving with multiple baggage.

I have had great success. I'm sure that if you give it a try, that you'll likely find it better than OLD.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

I agree wholeheartedly. Most of the women that are “normal“ that I have encountered on OLD are of the former category, it’s their first time in online dating. They don’t have the normal hangups that we’ve all gotten used to from women. I’ve been pretty lucky to come across a few.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I used it until Covid. Was great then. Now? No idea.

 

[corrector]

I seriously encourage you all to try Meetup.

You mean the sausage-fest worked for you? You must have amogged everyone else in the group and stole someone's gf, lol!

 

[BergischerLöwe]

I looked for meetup groups in my area and I found nothing remotely interesting. But I've heard from others that have gone this route that there's hardly and dateable women in those groups and it's mostly single guys with the same idea. People have suggested Meetup to me plenty of times and it just comes across like when ignorant boomers say something to the effect of, "Well have you tried eHarmony?"

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

The standard rules related to making yourself attractive apply in any environment. To attract women your fundamentals must be in place.

If you’re a slob or look like a dork nothing will work. You also need to have the ability to start and maintain a conversation as well.

 

[corrector]

I looked for meetup groups in my area and I found nothing remotely interesting. But I've heard from others that have gone this route that there's hardly and dateable women in those groups and it's mostly single guys with the same idea. People have suggested Meetup to me plenty of times and it just comes across like when ignorant boomers say something to the effect of, "Well have you tried eHarmony?"

You have to be hot enough to steal someone else's chick because the only women usually there are already taken.

 

[SW15]

I seriously encourage you all to try Meetup.

Meetup has a bad reputation. It's generally considered to be trash and low quality.

The biggest problem with Meetup is that women are sheep/followers and do what's cool. Meetup has never had the cool factor. The reputation of Meetup is that it is a haven for where rejects go. Desirable women generally will not associate with something uncool and Meetup is uncool.

The worst Meetup groups are the general social groups that tend to congregate at bars typically on weeknights. It's usually thirsty, dweeby STEM guys approaching the 1-2 decent looking women who show up. So you'll have 10 thirsty mediocre to subpar men swarming 1-2 women who might have looks in the 5-6 range while subpar looking women at the event are ignored. The women in the 5-6 range who attend get frustrated because they don't want to interact with social misfit dweebish men. They stop going to Meetups.

Meetup groups that are about a specific activity are a little bit better but desirable 20s/30s women still tend to avoid the Meetup platform as a whole.

 

[SW15]

I looked for meetup groups in my area and I found nothing remotely interesting. But I've heard from others that have gone this route that there's hardly and dateable women in those groups and it's mostly single guys with the same idea. People have suggested Meetup to me plenty of times and it just comes across like when ignorant boomers say something to the effect of, "Well have you tried eHarmony?"

This is correct. It's hardly any dateable and single guys with the same idea.

Meetup might be useful for older men (typically 45+) trying to date an older woman (typically 45+). In younger age groups, its reputation is trash. Meetup has been around since 2002 so its reputation is well developed. I used Meetup when I moved to a new city in the early 2010s and my observations were mainly based upon what happened then. I doubt Meetup has improved in the last ~10 years.

It is generally easier to approach a woman at a Meetup event than it is to randomly approach someone in a real life, unstructured outdoor or indoor venue. That's an advantage.

 

[sosuave213]

On the forum, we read about how good OLD was back in the day, but not as good now.... and there's a reason that has yet to be addressed.

It's not just about women that get over-inflated egos. There's more.

Back in the day, there were lots of new women. They heard about OLD from a friend and decided to give it a try. Now days, there's still a few like this, but it's now becoming the exception and no longer the rule.

Instead, the majority of women know all about OLD and are usually returns. And return quickly, they do, And so, it's no longer the woman that was in a long relationship giving OLD a try. Instead, it's a woman that may have been recently pumped and dumped, or had a short-lived relationship. In order to feel better about themselves and their negative circumstance, they dive right back on OLD. This is the problem. These aren't 'fresh' catches. Instead, they didn't take time to heal and consequently arrive with last week's baggage.

I seriously encourage you all to try Meetup. If you find a group that caters to your hobbies, activities etc... you win. There's also a bonus. You meet women in these groups in a low-key non-threatening environment.

My approach is to engage a woman of interest in some casual conversation. Find a commonality. Then, a few days later, contact her on Meetup's email messaging. She already knows you, and your return is much higher. Also, she's more likely not to be the typical OLD type that is arriving with multiple baggage.

I have had great success. I'm sure that if you give it a try, that you'll likely find it better than OLD.

This is a great procedure. I would strongly recommend this. And that way you can talk to multiple women at the meet-up without coming off as a player.

Regarding OLD, yes, it's true that you have to like hundreds or even thousands of profiles before you get a good match. 90% are duds looking for an ego boost, 5% are disqualified, and then 2-3% more are not as interested as you'd like.

It's a numbers game. Reciprocate!

 

[Black Widow Void]

You all raise some interesting points. If you live in a small rural town, the meetup options may not be as plentiful. It's likely that you're not going to meet a lot of women at an agricultural type group etc..

A lot can depend on the group, environmental setting and female attendees. Depending on where you live, will likely depend on the outcome. To give an example, I'll share my market. I live in a larger city.

I belong to a few philosophical groups. Yes, these types of groups are predominantly dominated by men, but that's okay. These men usually lack social finesse, others appear more 'egg-head,' while others arrive looking slouchy or look the type that live in mom's basement. I am far from perfect, but by comparison, I come across rather polished. Although the women are few, these women are usually more intellectual (that's a plus in my book) and though there's higher male attendance, I really face no competition.

I also belong to a couple of "book clubs." In these groups, you'll meet women of all ages. Some of these women are undesirable because they are more of the feminist type, while others are not very attractive, but there's usually at least one or two that are worth pursuing. There's always a much higher percentage of women.

The "social" groups can be more limiting, because other men arrive well dressed and with better social skills, but these also usually bring larger crowds and you have more choices.

Of course, I scope out the female attendees that RSVP'd... but I arrive as if I'm only there for the theme that the group represents. The purpose is to socially engage a female of interest without closing the deal. Arrive at a meetup group as if you aren't a 'predictor.' A few days later, you send an e-mail that touches on something she (the female interest) shared. This is really no different than a cold approach and asking her about her unique piece of jewelry or her tattoo. Women appreciate being recognized for their uniqueness. You gradually build a rapport and then suggest going out for a drink, coffee, a walk in the park etc...

This isn't to say that your batting average will be 100% (mine sure isn't) but your return should be much better than doing on line dating. The quality is usually higher and she's already met you in a social setting and so there's already a familiarity. The outcome of meeting her one to one usually provides more favorable odds.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

As has been said Meetup is variably location dependent, it’s the same argument as the OLD one. Some people find it useful others don’t.

Several factors play into peoples opinions on environments that are acceptable to meet desirable women. Here are some of them:

1. Men often overvalue themselves in the sexual marketplace, the result being that they expect to have better returns based on their attractiveness level, which isn’t there. This is a painful one. No one wants to admit to not being attractive to the women that he finds attractive.

2. Men often think that they have social skills that they do not; we all know that a guy that is a smooth talker can make a woman laugh can outcompete a man that is objectively a point or two higher than he is on the attractiveness scale. Provided he isn’t a slob, overweight or other things that make him physically unfavorable.

3. I also think that many of the men that come here and post expect there to be a bulleted list of things that they can do in order to be with women. There isn’t, everything is nuanced everything has shades of gray. Yes, there are fundamental pieces of advice that are universal, but is there a formula to get that “hot girl “? Not really.

You have to be willing to learn and experiment. Many men here share the things that work for them, part of that is that they have found their niche. You need to find yours: whatever it is some guys are huge and muscular, some guys pull off the pirate look, some guys have a dog that gets them attention and chance to open a chick, some guys teach martial arts, some guys are yoga instructors.

There is no such thing as a free lunch, you have to put in the work if you want to be successful.

There are no shortcuts so stop asking for them, get out there and try stuff until you find something that works.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

You have to be hot enough to steal someone else's chick because the only women usually there are already taken.

How could I ever steal someone else's girl when I've never even gotten a date from a girl I've first met irl? I would NEVER be able to pull that off

 

[BergischerLöwe]

This is correct. It's hardly any dateable and single guys with the same idea.

Meetup might be useful for older men (typically 45+) trying to date an older woman (typically 45+). In younger age groups, its reputation is trash. Meetup has been around since 2002 so its reputation is well developed. I used Meetup when I moved to a new city in the early 2010s and my observations were mainly based upon what happened then. I doubt Meetup has improved in the last ~10 years.

It is generally easier to approach a woman at a Meetup event than it is to randomly approach someone in a real life, unstructured outdoor or indoor venue. That's an advantage.

The longer I keep reading threads on this forum, the longer I feel like I truly have no way of meeting women. Apps are dead, meetup is a bunch of single guys with the same idea, there's no third spaces to meet women, cold approach would never work for someone with my personality and lifestyle, college is over so I can't meet women there, my friends don't know any single women I could date, my family wouldn't be able to introduce me to any women, going to other countries to try and meet women is a huge gamble and I've never been able to get even close to meet women while traveling, and there's no dateable women at the gyms I go to. I truly have no options. Maybe it's time to give up

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I’m an organizer for a meetup of 2k+ members and agree that it’s a great avenue for meeting new women. Sure it’s a haven for rejects and thirsty dudes, but it shouldn’t be hard to ‘amog’ all of them

I used Meetup as another tool in the toolbox. Put up a good picture. Women will often initiate contact. Go to events you think are fun & see what happens.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Can I ask why it is that you’re worried about these things? You need to be worried about your fundamentals. Do you have everything in that respect under control? If you don’t, you can’t expect anything to go your way unless it happens to be sheer luck.

First you crawl, then you walk, then you run.

Stop putting the cart before the horse and trying to figure out ways that you could fail as opposed to making baby steps starting with your fundamentals. You’re overthinking about things you cannot do given your current spot in life. Stop finding reasons not to do something and find reasons to do it. Until you could look at yourself in the mirror and take inventory of your life and are honestly able to say “I am the best version of everything that I can be given my limitations.” You should not be wondering what it would be like to try to “steal” anyone’s girl.

If you need a refresher course on what your fundamentals are, I’ll be glad to list them for you, but they are listed all over the site.

The longer I keep reading threads on this forum, the longer I feel like I truly have no way of meeting women. Apps are dead, meetup is a bunch of single guys with the same idea, there's no third spaces to meet women, cold approach would never work for someone with my personality and lifestyle, college is over so I can't meet women there, my friends don't know any single women I could date, my family wouldn't be able to introduce me to any women, going to other countries to try and meet women is a huge gamble and I've never been able to get even close to meet women while traveling, and there's no dateable women at the gyms I go to. I truly have no options. Maybe it's time to give up

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Can I ask why it is that you’re worried about these things? You need to be worried about your fundamentals. Do you have everything in that respect under control? If you don’t, you can’t expect anything to go your way unless it happens to be sheer luck.

First you crawl, then you walk, then you run.

Stop putting the cart before the horse and trying to figure out ways that you could fail as opposed to making baby steps starting with your fundamentals. You’re overthinking about things you cannot do given your current spot in life. Stop finding reasons not to do something and find reasons to do it. Until you could look at yourself in the mirror and take inventory of your life and are honestly able to say “I am the best version of everything that I can be given my limitations.” You should not be wondering what it would be like to try to “steal” anyone’s girl.

If you need a refresher course on what your fundamentals are, I’ll be glad to list them for you, but they are listed all over the site.

Well as far as fundamentals, what would I most need to work on?

 

[SW15]

Well as far as fundamentals, what would I most need to work on?

No mustache and a higher paying, more stable job. Your vibe is also not likely where it needs to be. You likely do not make an impression as a suave guy.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

No mustache and a higher paying, more stable job.

I still need to get career counseling, it's a new years resolution I have

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Are you in the best shape possible?

Is your haircut on point?

Do you dress to impress?

When you see a guy in public with a woman you wish you could be sleeping with do you look even remotely close to the way he does?