Do all women lose respect?

[SW15]

do you think this happens with any kind of woman and relationship or is this something we as men can control? does it only happen because we lose frame etc or does any relationship just expire?

Beta-ization happens in any long term relationship. I've seen it happen within my primary social circle. While my primary social circle is not a representative sample, it has validity for this phenomenon.

Beta-ization is related to the loss of frame. In "The Unplugged Alpha", Richard Cooper calls this "beta-ization by a thousand concessions". A lot these concessions in LTRs are so small that they aren't noticeable, but over time all of these small concessions add up. Eventually, you'll look in the mirror and the cold hard truth is that you'll be some sort of henpecked husband. Or, a man will stay single like I have and notice these changes in his male friends.

I've often promoted the idea that monogamous relationships have a shelf life of about 5 years of goodness. That 5 year shelf life is a better case scenario where the man has a better than average frame. For a lot of beta males with scarcity mentality and a weaker than average frame, this shelf life can be shortened.

What happens with relationships that pass the 5 year point of couplehood?

While plenty of relationships pass the 5 year anniversary marker (not wedding anniversary, total time of being a couple), there's often a deterioration in the quality of the interaction. The girlfriend/wife is less attracted to their boyfriend/husband beyond this 5 year point and it's because of his loss of frame and beta-ization.

For longer term relationships, loss of frame and beta-ization can be minimized if you don't live with the woman, don't marry her, and don't have babies with her. She also has to feel competition anxiety. When she feels competition anxiety, she feels that the relationship could end and that she wouldn't like it if the relationship ended. When she has these feelings, she tends to behave better.

 

[Bigpapa]

@Bigpapa

give me some common sense please man. Im emotional today I had a moment where I almost called her.

You feel like sh1t because contrary to what you felt ( you liked her & she treated you good ) you still did stuff that eventually broke the relationship you had with the girl, based on some red pill ideas . Basically you were too much in your head

What you feel is regret and this one f8cks you over more than anything else

The only way to move on is to make peace with yourself that you f8cked up and to learn from the mistake + eventually even telling her the same thing to have closure that at least in the last minute you were true to yourself ( in case you did not do it already )

 

[Baibars]

You feel like sh1t because contrary to what you felt ( you liked her & she treated you good ) you still did stuff that eventually broke the relationship you had with the girl, based on some red pill ideas . Basically you were too much in your head

What you feel is regret and this one f8cks you over more than anything else

The only way to move on is to make peace with yourself that you f8cked up and to learn from the mistake + eventually even telling her the same thing to have closure that at least in the last minute you were true to yourself ( in case you did not do it already )

I showed her that I regret and I apologized. I tried to make things work but she didn’t feel it anymore. I kept doing it for weeks.
she knows how I felt afterwards. There’s nothing I could and should do with her anymore right?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Not all women lose respect, unless you give them reason to do so.

Once someone loses respect for you, regaining that respect is pretty much impossible.

 

[Bigpapa]

I showed her that I regret and I apologized. I tried to make things work but she didn’t feel it anymore. I kept doing it for weeks.
she knows how I felt afterwards. There’s nothing I could and should do with her anymore right?

Ofc she will tell you that she does not feel it, women are very proud and have big egos

Depends what you did exactly, but as an idea it is very difficult to salvage something that you dynamited yourself

But something that a lot of guys forget in these type of situation is to game again the girl, just like they would do with a new one

One simply does not go like that guy hacker “ come on baby, I love you, let’s get back together “ , unless he truly wants to make her run away even further away. Those kind of stuff does not come from a place of manliness but from a place of neediness

 

[Bigpapa]

Not all women lose respect, unless you give them reason to do so.

Once someone loses respect for you, regaining that respect is pretty much impossible.

Through social proof and pre-selection you will back on your feet in no time

 

[Divorced w 3]

To be honest with you, the more entrenched I become in my relationship the more I think the respect she has is growing. That said, it’s making me consider plate theory. If a girl as hot as the one that crossed my path now like the one I basically blew off in the spring (and then agreed to go out with me 100 days later totally after no contact anyway!), I would take her out. I am always a stubborn learner , my friends could literally inject wisdom into my head with a syringe and I don’t think it would stick until I experienced it, but something in my gut, whether it’s learning more about her body count, whether it’s some of the vanity, whether it’s just a believe that I’m 39 and I have three kids and I can still pull and I basically lost an entire decade, I don’t know what specifically but I think I need to just feel it out. She’s a good person and my kids absolutely love her, like my son just told his entire class that his dad’s girlfriend gave him the best present he got on his birthday IN FRONT OF HIS MOTHER. Nonetheless

 

[Bigpapa]

the one I basically blew off in the spring (and then agreed to go out with me 100 days later totally after no contact anyway!)

Hey man, glad you had that experience !

Always glad when I see guys turning around stuff

 

[member162951]

it’s just a believe that I’m 39 and I have three kids and I can still pull...

That's interesting and admire the self-disclosure.

I actually had a discussion about this with this bloke I met recently, he's in his mid-40s thereabouts and pulls young women - 20-25.

Someone asked him the fascination and he responded it had very little to do with their svelte bodies, wrinkle-free skin or even how hot and nubile they were.

He admitted he pulled these women to prove to himself he's still 'got what it takes' and can.

He was getting older and it was validating and a huge ego boost.

It has virtually nothing to do with the girl herself.

I thought that waa interesting.

 

[Divorced w 3]

That's interesting and admire the self-disclosure.

I actually had a discussion about this with this bloke I met recently, he's in his mid-40s thereabouts and pulls young women - 20-25.

Someone asked him the fascination and he responded it had very little to do with their svelte bodies, wrinkle-free skin or even how hot and nubile they were.

He admitted he pulled these women to prove to himself he's still 'got what it takes' and can.

He was getting older and it was validating and a huge ego boost.

It has virtually nothing to do with the girl herself.

I thought that waa interesting.

I guess it’s simply that if I can do that, then I am being potentially short sighted about what else is possible and potentially narrow on where I am now. There’s a big world out there.

 

[Divorced w 3]

That's interesting and admire the self-disclosure.

I actually had a discussion about this with this bloke I met recently, he's in his mid-40s thereabouts and pulls young women - 20-25.

Someone asked him the fascination and he responded it had very little to do with their svelte bodies, wrinkle-free skin or even how hot and nubile they were.

He admitted he pulled these women to prove to himself he's still 'got what it takes' and can.

He was getting older and it was validating and a huge ego boost.

It has virtually nothing to do with the girl herself.

I thought that waa interesting.

Another thought on plate theory, replace the concept of women with food, music or whatever else. How would you even know what personality and whatever else you like if you aren’t trying a bunch and making comparisons?

 

[member162951]

Another thought on plate theory, replace the concept of women with food, music or whatever else. How would you even know what personality and whatever else you like if you aren’t trying a bunch and making comparisons?

If I read this correctly, I agree. Which is why I was surprised to learn you were in a serious relationship so soon after your divorce.

But you also admitted last year to having experience spinning plates and Game before you got married.

But that was 12+ years ago so it makes sense you want to explore what's out there, whether it's with young women (early-mid 20s) or older.

Not sure why the focus on age, a woman doesn't wake up on her 30th birthday suddenly out of shape or whatever else men think about 30÷ women.

Why not focus on the woman herself? Unless all you want is to spin various plates with young hot chicks for validation and if so, fair enough!

 

[Divorced w 3]

If I read this correctly, I agree. Which is why I was surprised to learn you were in a serious relationship so soon after your divorce.

But you also admitted last year to having experience spinning plates and Game before you got married.

But that was 12+ years ago so it makes sense you want to explore what's out there, whether it's with young women (early-mid 20s) or older.

Not sure why the focus on age, a woman doesn't wake up on her 30th birthday suddenly out of shape or whatever else men think about 30÷ women.

Why not focus on the woman herself? Unless all you want is to spin various plates with young hot chicks for validation and if so, fair enough!

I just started a thread to this effect, and you’re right, a decade out of the game, and in a completely different point in life, it requires a little rediscovering.

 

[ManlyMan]

If she disrespects you or creates drama. Radio silence. No contact until the problem of disrespect has been resolved.

 

[Divorced w 3]

If she disrespects you or creates drama. Radio silence. No contact until the problem of disrespect has been resolved.

So she’s going to sit on the proverbial mountain and drink tea and watch the clouds burn off with the sunrise and one day it’s just going to click?

 

[Plinco]

this hit me hard today.
That’s exactly what I’ve done with my ex.

yeah she was a single mother, she lied about her body count but she did everything for me.
She kept tolerating it when I ghosted her and just didn’t care.

In the end her emotions changed and after that i tried everything to get her back.
I acted needy and chased her.
Nothing helped.
Then 2.5 weeks ago we met the last time. First I acted cool but when I realized she doesn’t even want a hug from me I cried and acted all emotional. Since then we didn’t talk.

I tried for 2 fcking months man. She moved on but I’m still stuck in my head even though I met women. Right now I don’t even want to meet women..

but I know why I did it. I treated her that way because I knew she was a hoe. I knew I didn’t want to commit forever. As a person she was very good but I couldn’t deal with all of the red flags.
It hurt me and I knew these things would keep hurting me if i would commit to her.

I don't know exactly why you are ghosting, but that aside, your neediness is a symptom of a problem. Why do you feel needy?

 

[Plinco]

after our last trip in mid August I stopped talking to her because we had an argument during the trip.
I did that every few weeks/months during the relationship.
She cried and begged, she wanted to talk things out make things work and i always took her back every time. I was not like that the whole time. I gifted her things, we went on trips, we did fun activities. I was romantic too.

Perhaps when you stopped talking to her after an argument, she saw it as abandonment. The majority of adults are children cognitively, especially true for women. If there's a problem, it is a good opportunity to fix it. People respect a transition into a more rational state. You could have gained respect in the situation.

 

[bat soup]

I gifted her things, we went on trips, we did fun activities. [Paid for by who???? $$$$]

And in return....

She said she's depressed
She didnt want to kiss or be intimate and also didnt want to make things work.
She said i dont deserve this several times and cried a lot [sounds fun]

she kept giving me excuses

I appreciated her a lot as a person. She was like my best friend [except she lied, wasted your time and never paid for anything]

- she had condoms and sex toys when we first started dating, i knew she had many guys but she said she had only 2

[she thinks it's ok to lie to men to get what she wants (money/committment to spend or give her money $$$$)]

All in all, I'd say good riddance and be more careful next time. Don't get emotionally involved with someone that lies to you and is out to ride your wallet.