The Difference Between Covert Disrespect & Overt Disrespect

[soulforge]

Most of us guys I believe would recognise disrespect when it's pretty obvious & in your face from a female.

However the big acts of disrespect generally come later on, usually she will throw the Covert Disrespect your way, in order to test the water on how much she could get away with down the road.

The covert disrespect is usually done with humour & jest, so you can't really call her out on it, in a harsh manner, as she can gaslight you into believing that you're an overly "sensative" guy.

Can you think of anything that you would consider as covert disrespect?

I was looking at buying a new car recently & I recall going for a walk with my ex & she saw this really pathetic looking car parked up, & it looked all bent out of shape & old fashioned. She giggled & said

"Oh that's the kind of car that will suit you"

I knew this was some mocking type behaviour, but was unsure about how to handle it.

 

[Plinco]

I was looking at buying a new car recently & I recall going for a walk with my ex & she saw this really pathetic looking car parked up, & it looked all bent out of shape & old fashioned. She giggled & said

"Oh that's the kind of car that will suit you"

I knew this was some mocking type behaviour, but was unsure about how to handle it.

I would have calmly answered, "honey I'll drive whatever the fck I wanna drive" and walked past her

 

[soulforge]

Take a joke guys

I think it's fine to take a joke from time to time, but when it's a pattern, you know something is up.

Also it's rare for someone to go full on disrespect in one foul swoop.. it starts gradually, a little mocking here, a little underhanded remark there... A little disrespect disguised as a joke.. As time goes by, those little underhanded remarks, that mocking behaviour here & there that you ignored, well now has blossomed into full blown disrespect.

Ask anyone who ended up in a relationship with a disrespectful bich.. it was initially baby steps by her, then the overt disrespect came along.

 

[The Duke]

Don't let a crazy biatch drive you into the ground.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

"Oh that's the kind of car that will suit you"

"Probably, as cars are not status symbols to me, merely transport. That's why I ride a motorcycle."

 

[Glassguy]

If its something to ignore, ignore it. Sometimes playful sarcasm can be confused with disrespect. But if this behavior is slighting you becomes a pattern, its best to either tell her to knock it off or escalate to just withdrawing your attention from her.

If its something to not ignore (as in very disrespectful), just withdraw attention from her. She either figures it out and changes her behavior or let her go roast someone else by sending her back to the streets.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Women play games. They love to test for congruency. If you're a cool guy and she overtly disrespects you, just smile and walk away.

If she does the 'covert disrespect', which I tend to call teasing, you have to be able to defuse that with wit or sarcasm, so she knows that she cannot offend you that easily.

And, of course, tease her back mercilessly.

 

[Redwood]

Sometimes you're not in the mood and just need to nip that in the bud

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Sometimes you're not in the mood and just need to nip that in the bud

Of course you need to do that, but this is about how you should nip that in the bud.

 

[soulforge]

Women play games. They love to test for congruency. If you're a cool guy and she overtly disrespects you, just smile and walk away.

If she does the 'covert disrespect', which I tend to call teasing, you have to be able to defuse that with wit or sarcasm, so she knows that she cannot offend you that easily.

And, of course, tease her back mercilessly.

Yeh I have done this in the past.. the slight mockery I just laughed it off and anything that can be considered as serious disrespect I walked away.

However...if the small incidents of mockery are very regular, that's a problem and fvking annoying.

 

[soulforge]

I think sometimes us men notice a chick mock you in that jokey way, but we are too scared to nip it in the bud, because she might consider you as the guy who isn't congruent or is easily rattled.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

However...if the small incidents of mockery are very regular, that's a problem and fvking annoying.

Sounds like a habitual teaser. I have a kitten who tended towards passive aggressive remarks. At some point, I sat her down and explained to her that her coping mechanisms were annoying me. Not annoying me enough to toss her out, but she might want to reconsider annoying me if she wanted to have any type of relationship with me.

I think sometimes us men notice a chick mock you in that jokey way, but we are too scared to nip it in the bud, because she might consider you as the guy who isn't congruent or is easily rattled.

Definitely, that is why it's best (IMO) to not show any emotion (except maybe boredom) when you tell her she should cut out the annoying mocking. If you show any type of agitation, it will confirm to her that she's 'getting to you' and you want her to realise the opposite, that her games are becoming a bore.

 

[soulforge]

Sounds like a habitual teaser. I have a kitten who tended towards passive aggressive remarks. At some point, I sat her down and explained to her that her coping mechanisms were annoying me. Not annoying me enough to toss her out, but she might want to reconsider annoying me if she wanted to have any type of relationship with me.


Definitely, that is why it's best (IMO) to not show any emotion (except maybe boredom) when you tell her she should cut out the annoying mocking. If you show any type of agitation, it will confirm to her that she's 'getting to you' and you want her to realise the opposite, that her games are becoming a bore.

It's a difficult one, as that mockery is a fine line between actual mockery and disrespect.

I will give you examples with my ex.

01. Pointed at a terrible looking car & said that's the car that would suit me.

02. Walked past an apartment & through the apartment window, we could see some really bad looking furniture, like an old arm chair, said that's the perfect furniture for someone like you.

03. I put a little weight on, kept pointing at my belly and called me fatty once or twice lol (I'm super ripped now)

04. Seen my gym picture & said I didn't look like a strong man (this was early days of dating)

05. I'm quite alot older than her, walked past a elderly persons nursing home, said I should go live there haha

And several other incidents.. one time I let her know straight up, hey watch your slick mouth and check how you talk to me, as your walking a tight rope of getting put back on the streets. She stopped mocking after that.

In the end, I did put her back on the streets.

Going back to the original point of my thread.. It's the smaller incidents of mockery that is man should nip in the bud, as disrespect usually starts with the smaller things and when she realises she can get away with it. She will escalate to Overt Disrespect.

 

[soulforge]

Come on man, she was teasing you and you took it personally? I imagine you went passive aggressive the whole day after that, unless she's calling you names, that's where you call her out and enforce boundaries. Drop the Alpha Guy who doesn't allow teasing anything from people.

Some comeback will be, " I know right, that's why I'm with you" or "Nah, I don't like the color"

Being able to come back shows intelligence, socially calibrated, shows you're confident in what you have and can do as a man. Leave the serious stuff when its time.

Btw you're beating @Bigpapa in who posts more $hit daily, get out more and make some irl friends. (that was a teasing, give me your comeback)

Nah I took it as a joke, I didn't make an issue of it at all... You missed my point.

The odd occasion of her mocking isn't a problem. It's the regular mockery that becomes a problem. At some point when it's getting out of hand, you do have to nip it in the bud.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Going back to the original point of my thread.. It's the smaller incidents of mockery that is man should nip in the bud, as disrespect usually starts with the smaller things and when she realises she can get away with it. She will escalate to Overt Disrespect.

I get that, you should've nipped it in the bud the moment she started it. And when she tried it again, you should just scowl at her and ask her where she bought her sense of humour, at [insert cheap store name].

The mental attitude to mockery:
Putting down your lover is incredibly stupid, because it shows that you're an idiot for dating the person you're putting down.

 

[Bigpapa]

Btw you're beating @Bigpapa in who posts more $hit daily, get out more and make some irl friends. (that was a teasing, give me your comeback)

Not there mentally man, got some girl problems and apparently I am not Jay Z

 

[soulforge]

Come on man, she was teasing you and you took it personally? I imagine you went passive aggressive the whole day after that, unless she's calling you names, that's where you call her out and enforce boundaries. Drop the Alpha Guy who doesn't allow teasing anything from people.

Some comeback will be, " I know right, that's why I'm with you" or "Nah, I don't like the color"

Being able to come back shows intelligence, socially calibrated, shows you're confident in what you have and can do as a man. Leave the serious stuff when its time.

Btw you're beating @Bigpapa in who posts more $hit daily, get out more and make some irl friends. (that was a teasing, give me your comeback)

And she did stop that attitude, once I roasted her 10x worse lol

LOL she is the perfect troll, and she was fvcking with you because like a bully, she knew you had those insecurities and women love to crack on mens insecurities.


All of these are related to old age, and physical appearance, I'm fvcking sure you mentioned age at some point or she mentioned your age and your insecurities about being older and not in great shape came to the convo, women love to $hit test mens insecurities. She kept pushing your buttons cause that bothered you. However, instead of being a secure man and working hard on your physique to improve it, you let her get to you.

Can you fvcking imagine James Bond worrying about a chicks mocking him about his age? Come on man.


This is an ultimatum, they never work, cause otherwise you would have thrown her in the streets right there and then



Was that the girl that you had a big fight in her apartment?

Nah actually that isn't the case she carried on like that a few times, I just laughed most of it off.. in-fact i roasted the chit out of her straight back.

As for the weight gain, mocking is a massive motivation for me. I laughed it off and within weeks got back in great shape, and now super lean.

The only time I really checked her was, when she was outright disrespectful which happened once. The second time she was outright disrespectful I ended chit with her.

Those mocking incidents I mentioned, I didn't react to them.. I let them slide and just mocked back somewhat.

The whole point of my thread was, should I have nipped them in the bud.

Some people take an inch and run a mile.

It's a slippery slope when it comes to disrespect.

By the way I've been training over twenty years, rarely do I get out of shape, other then the month or so I mentioned, as I was on holiday a few times haha

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Can you imagine a younger hot woman you're fvcking teasing you about being twice her age, would really be getting upset and giving ultimatums? That's just for men with no power in the relationship

Young women date me because I am (much) older than they are, so how are they going to tease me with something that attracted them to me in the first place?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Oh no woman has ever teased you about being a sugar daddy, or about your age? Nevermind man, you're the exception with women.

Of course women (mostly 40-55 years old) have tried to give their negative opinions to me about my younger lovers. I thought this was about the women you date mocking you, not about women in general. I don't care about their opinions.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

No, I mean women you date, they've never teased you about any age related? Maybe you as as playfully which is how it should be and you don't remember.

I remember being with one of my younger lovers having dinner in a restaurant and she joked that some of the patrons and staff probably thought she was my daughter, so while we were waiting for our food she kissed me on the mouth on take away that notion.

And she was right, because after her kiss, I could see the evil eye in women my age and guys her age.

I don't see that as 'mocking my age'. I don't hide my age, any woman who is intimate with me knows exactly how much older I am. Since my maturity is often one of the reasons why they are attracted to me, mocking my age would be kind of immature, don't you think?