need some advice on this.

[saige]

Since started dating, I've recently been dangerously infatuated with someone and was wondering if anyone else is going through this and any advice would help. I feel like all the time all I can think about is that particular person and it really pains me because at first they seemed to be really interested, they told me they liked me, but now I think I'm getting slow ghosted and left on read. I was planning to send this text message: "Hey, I have to ask if everythings ok? I really enjoyed hanging out with you. You're such a cool person and I'd be down to see you again. Ik you've been busy and so sorry for bothering you...just lmk if you're interested still." The thing is, this person I feel like I've connected with them in a way that I haven't with anyone yet. I've met a lot of cool people at university and everything but I feel like no one compares. Idk what I'll do if they actually end up ghosting or blocking me and I can't seem to get them out of my head. I've been trying to prioritize self care and other habits and seeing other people, but everytime I'm with someone else I can only think of that person. Please, any advice would be appreciated.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Firstly, welcome. Second, do NOT send that text. It says too much, gives off a desperate vibe & is not attractive. It will do more harm than good.

For the moment, do nothing until you can get a grip.

Part of maturing in life is learning to sit in our own discomfort. In doing that the discomfort will ease. You’ll be Ok, I promise, no matter the outcome.

What are your expectations for relationships? You sound fairly inexperienced, which at 19 is totally fine, but you’re going to need to learn to manage yourself & your own expectations as part of this exercise.

Third, we’ve ALL been there, so know this phenomenon is something people go through. It’s how you manage it that matters.

Why do you perceive she is distancing herself?

 

[Foe]

Advice from the old lady:

Firstly, welcome. Second, do NOT send that text. It says too much, gives off a desperate vibe & is not attractive. It will do more harm than good.

For the moment, do nothing until you can get a grip.

Part of maturing in life is learning to sit in our own discomfort. In doing that the discomfort will ease. You’ll be Ok, I promise, no matter the outcome.

What are your expectations for relationships? You sound fairly inexperienced, which at 19 is totally fine, but you’re going to need to learn to manage yourself & your own expectations as part of this exercise.

Third, we’ve ALL been there, so know this phenomenon is something people go through. It’s how you manage it that matters.

Why do you perceive she is distancing herself?

Great advise, dont message if she reaches out try to be more reserved and in the meantime keep looking.

 

[saige]

Why do you perceive she is distancing herself?

Well, I hesitated to mention at first on this forum but I am a female, the someone I’m talking about is the boy that I’m really pining for. I’m not sure why he started distancing but it was after we already physically intimate. He is really charming, classically handsome (6’3 fit), and I feel like Is the perfect mix of bad boy and sweetness. I guess he could be considered what’s “Chad” but that didn’t really matter, I know hundreds of guys on college campus that have similar looks, but I felt a vibe and connection with this guy like no other. He seemed to deeply understand me and he had a personality where he simply got and understand women on a deeper level. He’s so talented and a couple years older - a grad student. I just want to get him out of my head and I feel so desperate

 

[BeExcellent]

Gotcha. The best advice I can give is not to lay your cards on the table. Be the one who is not chasing him. Give him the gift of wondering what you are up to, then observe what he does. Too much transparency early on destroys intrigue, and intriguing women have no shortage of men to select from.

For men the natural role is to seek; to initiate. For women the natural role is to receive. If you as a woman pursue him, you are taking on the man’s role; it is not how you gain a relationship with him, he has to chose you and you respond warmly which encourages him.

If you leave him alone, only then can you observe whether or not he reaches out, if he is willing to make an effort or invest his time in you. If he does not? You must accept this. Why? Because if you chase him, you may gain access to him short term, only to be dropped later for a girl HE chose & pursues and is willing to invest in.

High value women chose from men who notice them and show interest in them. A high value woman doesn’t pursue men, I don’t care what modern society says, you cannot change biology or evolutionary psychology.

You do NOT want a man who doesn’t show interest and invest in you. But you must value yourself enough to be patient and allow interested men to pursue. And you can do things to be a high value girl, keep fit, be feminine, respect yourself, be kind. Develop confidence in yourself (not saying you aren’t confident already, but your OP belies a lapse in self confidence.)

If this man isn’t making the effort, stop chasing him. If he makes the effort? Be warm & receptive.

Chasing men generally will not get you where you want to go if you seek a quality relationship. I’ve been there & it was a tough thing to learn, but learn we must. If you aren’t sure what a high value woman does, or how she acts? There are many sources online to outline things for you.

But number one is self respect. Sending the sort of text you are talking about does not come from a self respecting place. It will appear desperate and desperate is simply not attractive my dear.

I am advising you as I would my own daughter, who will be 19 herself in a few months.

 

[saige]

Chasing men generally will not get you where you want to go if you seek a quality relationship. I’ve been there & it was a tough thing to learn, but learn we must

Thank you, this was really helpful and put things in perspective for me. You’re right, if he was truly interested he’d reach out and set something up. It’s just a bit difficult for me to accept because he is one of the coolest and charming people I’ve met and I’m scared to lose him…it’s just rare to find that kind of charismatic energy in people where you feel like they’re truly listening to you. the last few times I’ve always initiated our meet ups and I feel so stupid… I guess the only thing that made me cautious was that he even told me he “can’t do relationships” rn, he just wants to play the field, and that he couldn’t be with the same girl for a long period of time. But thanks anyways, I just need to focus on other things to try to get him out of my head. I thought that seeing other people would help but it just made it worse.

 

[Ricky]

It is an odd thing for sure. Alot of the guys on here probably would love the idea of a woman chasing after them.. until it happened then they would instinctively not like it after the initial ego boost.

thats in fact how its been for me. When a woman has chased me too hard it always had a negative effecf on my interest in her

by the way OP nothing you said or done have made me think you chased him

 

[Dr.Suave]

At first he seemed to be really interested, he told me they liked me, but now I think I'm getting slow ghosted and left on read. I

He was never really into you. If you had sex with him, he got what he wanted and is now ghosting you. If you didnt put out, he got tired of waiting and nexted you. Either way this is how it was gonna end. With a few exceptions that make the rule, mere mortals girls like you cant "win" with Chads.

I've met a lot of cool people at university and everything but I feel like no one compares.

Sound like he made you an Alpha Widow.

Idk what I'll do if they actually end up ghosting or blocking me and I can't seem to get them out of my head.

You are a 19 year old girl. There billions of men out there trying to get in your pants. Odds are at least one of them is better than this guy and wants you for something more than sex. Chill, girl. You will be fine. Hell, most motherf0ckers in this forum would loose a finger if it meant they had a chance to date you.

 

[member162951]

@saige hard to believe you're the same poster who wrote this (below) on a different thread one month ago.

Just eject at the first sign of a red flag, just as women should eject as soon as they feel the vibes being off. Saying that a bpd woman who you’ve dated for YEARS and who ruined your life is wild. Same goes for girls who blabber on about how their dark triad man or whatever gave them mental trauma for life. No one is forcing you to date crazy people…

This^ post sounds quite astute, might I suggest you apply your own advice to your current situation?

Honestly, you sound like two completely different people.

 

[saige]

@JoyDivision1990 i know, I really need to start taking my own advice. I didn’t realize it until now but infatuation can really make you see things in a rose colored lens.

a bit more about the guy, he did give commitment to a 30 yr old who had more money and more experience, until he realized he couldn’t do this “relationship shvt” anymore. We were rlly high one night and talking about what we like, and I got him to admit he had a thing for older women which made me feel a little insecure. I never thought my age would be a problem, he’s 23 so just older by a couple of years.

he also seemed to be into me, he even asked me one night (which completely took me by surprise) “when are you taking me to one your date formals?” (For my sorority).He took me out to a dive bar and we played pool, he took me to his music studio, things seemed to be going good… I mean I don’t even care about dating him as long as I get to just see him, he’s addictive like a drug to me. Like I said he’s the first person I’ve connected with like no other.

one last ironic thing I will say, I have a couple guys into me like crazy, but I just can’t seem to like them back. They are both very attractive physically, have a good character, great personality, I’ve tried falling for them back, but I just can’t. I keep thinking of this one guy who’s emotionally unavailable.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Don't send that text.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I’m not sure why he started distancing but it was after we already physically intimate.

Damn, I missed this. You were "Pumped & Ghosted" AND "Alpha Widow-ed".

Im sorry. I think @Mei Lin went through a similar situation with her High School's Chad/Tyrone

In theory, soon enough you girls Will start riding the c0ck carrousel for years, until you reach the epiphany phase AND lock down a beta bucks provider. You Will still think about this Guy while you have sex with Your husband.

Or maybe you Will be the exception to the rule. Best of luck

 

[kavi]

If you like a guy keep his contact, dont block him or play hard to get or anything, reach out and be cool and just make convo, its not so deep dont worry about anything, dont do too much stuff and get too much in feelings, just stay in contact and keep sufficient distance and be cool and over time you can get to know him if you're nice, if he thinks he has to chase you he wont stay in contact.

Dont be needy and asking to meet or be bf gf or antyhing, just make sure your nice in texting and being cool, dont take the convo too serious.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Something ain’t right in Kansas…

 

[Dr.Suave]

Something ain’t right in Kansas…

Bro whats up with 19 year old girls showing up on SoSuave? First Sarnant and now these girls.

Next thread on SoSuave:

Im a Seventeen year old girl. I used to hang out with Chad all the time when we were platonic. But ever since I let him hit It once, he's been distant. What do I do Guys?

 

[saige]

I really just want to get over him asap. I’m considering just blocking him but Ik I don’t have the willpower, I’ll just keep holding on waiting pathetically for a reply back.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Maybe the forum has always been filled with trolls and people that get off making stuff up and getting others to comment, but it sure seems like the incidence is higher now.

I’ve had new users PM me asking me to start fake fights with them on the forum “just for fun”, that “it would be funny”.

How that would be entertaining I don’t know, but that’s the mentation that would cause people to have multiple identities here and post crap. It just signals a pathetic life…

I smell a rat.

Bro whats up with 19 year old girls showing up on SoSuave? First Sarnant and now these girls.

Next thread on SoSuave:

Im a Seventeen year old girl. I used to hang out with Chad all the time when we were platonic. But ever since I let him hit It once, he's been distant. What do I do Guys?

 

[BadBoy89]

Well, I hesitated to mention at first on this forum but I am a female, the someone I’m talking about is the boy that I’m really pining for. I’m not sure why he started distancing but it was after we already physically intimate. He is really charming, classically handsome (6’3 fit), and I feel like Is the perfect mix of bad boy and sweetness. I guess he could be considered what’s “Chad” but that didn’t really matter, I know hundreds of guys on college campus that have similar looks, but I felt a vibe and connection with this guy like no other.

You overcompensated on the first post and showed your cards on this post.

"Exact height, (6'3) his combo of "bad boy & sweetness" and "Chad", you have nothing but a pair of 2's.

Got to have a better Poker Face brother.

 

[saige]

Ok, Im not sure why but don’t really care if people believe my situation anymore. I guess there’s not really women who post here, I get it, all I want is an answer to this: is there a way to get over a guy you’re hopelessly infatuated with? And if so, what do you think is the best way to get him out of your mind? I appreciate the advice on not texting back, but I still cant help but wait on tenterhooks for him to reply. I still daydream about him all the time and I tried seeing other guys to get over him but every time they’d do a gesture they reminds me of him so I guess my real question is how to get over being “alpha widow?”

 

[SW15]

Well, I hesitated to mention at first on this forum but I am a female, the someone I’m talking about is the boy that I’m really pining for.

Why is a female coming to SoSuave to ask about improving mating outcomes with men?

I would think that there are other forums that would be better for that.

I can't recall seeing a female come to SoSuave looking to seduce other females.