The Danger Of Girls With Many Male Friends?

[BeExcellent]

I do understand that @JoyDivision1990 I really do.

All I’m saying is what Serenity and Amsterdam Assassin are saying. Observe & evaluate on an individual basis.

 

[soulforge]

@BeExcellent first off just want to say I believe you. But frankly, being as perceptive as you are I'm surprised this needs to be pointed out, this is NOT most men's experience.

You and your experiences, at least this particular one being able to maintain male friendships with no hassle, is NOT the norm for most women. It's just not.

Given the fact you have many good male friends, why don't you know that? Do they not share their own experiences with you? Being you're such a good friend and all?

Women have orbiters. Women have men pretending to be their friends when all the while they want to date them or at least f*ck them. And most women just love the attention too.

And it CAN become a big problem when she enters a relationship, rightfully so.

Yes we know you're not like that and I believe you! But again please understand you are not the "typical" woman, which is probably why you're able to garner the respect you have here.

Talk to your male friends. I'm shocked they haven't shared with you (as a friend) what the guys here have shared w/r/t women (their girlfriends) having male "friends."

It happens and it can and has caused problems in many relationships.

There will always be an exception to the rule.

These days it's not only the (Real World) males freinds that a dude needs to worry about, it's also the Virtual Online dudes she has in her Orbit, that will also become a problem in the relationship.

When you need to watch your chick like a fvking Hawk, because she needs that male attention, that relationship will never end up in a healthy place.

 

[member162951]

There will always be an exception to the rule.

I know there are exceptions and @Be is one of them, I posted that. But sometimes when she posts, I read it like she believes what she experiences is the golden rule and the rest of us are crazy or wrong.

I doubt that is her intention and maybe it's me and how I interpret things and if so, my bad.

 

[soulforge]

I know there are exceptions and @Be is one of them, I posted that. But sometimes when she posts, I read it like she believes what she experiences is the golden rule and the rest of us are crazy or wrong.

I doubt that is her intention and maybe it's me and how I interpret things and if so, my bad.

Women generally view the world from there OWN experience.

 

[BeExcellent]

There will always be an exception to the rule.

These days it's not only the (Real World) males freinds that a dude needs to worry about, it's also the Virtual Online dudes she has in her Orbit, that will also become a problem in the relationship.

When you need to watch your chick like a fvking Hawk, because she needs that male attention, that relationship will never end up in a healthy place.

Listen. I strongly agree that if a chick seeks male validation and is an attention w h o r e that’s a serious red flag and should not be ignored.

If you are having to police your girl’s virtual interactions with men, that’s also a problem.

In my case I’m more “Meh” about male attention and utterly open & transparent in my interactions. My husband knows the male friends and he hangs out with them sometimes without me. One of my husbands close female friends is actually an ex girlfriend from a few years ago. She’s become a close friend of mine & was a bridesmaid in our wedding.

Look for character in the women you get involved with. Women with character are not going to do you wrong, but few women have good character out in the wild (those girls get wifed up early).

 

[BeExcellent]

Women generally view the world from there OWN experience.

That’s true of humans my dear, not just women

 

[member162951]

I’ve always had male friends who were strictly friends. It’s called boundaries.

Yeah but @Be, just because they're able to respect "boundaries", how do you know with certainly that secretly (without your knowledge) if the opportunity presented itself to date you or f*ck you, they wouldn't jump on that opportunity?

I don't mean for this to be a snark but are you psychic? How do you know what goes on the deep recesses of their minds?

Kudos to them for respecting boundaries, but you just don't know. You can't.

 

[member162951]

That’s true of humans my dear, not just women

.
I'm gonna challenge you on that Be. Because while I agree we ALL project our own experiences to a certain degree, if we're observing what goes on around us, outside our world, talk with people, listen to people and what they experience, we come to learn and understand that what WE ourselves experience is not the golden rule.

It's our experience and that's all.

 

[soulforge]

If you lined up 100 men & asked them if they felt uneasy about their girlfriend having male friends, I am confident 80% would have an issue with it.

The 20% who are absolutely fine with it, they are the exception.

Keep this in mind too.. Most men are too damn scared to tell his LTR "Hey I don't want you associating with dudes"

Most men are scared of her reaction, or worried she will leave. Therefore they will tolerate her having multiple backup diks (in emergency break glass diks)

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

The 20% who are absolutely fine with it, they are the exception.

Are you a man or a mouse? Men who get nervous that their desirable woman gets male attention do not deserve that desirable woman.

 

[BeExcellent]

Yeah but @Be, just because they're able to respect "boundaries", how do you know with certainly that secretly (without your knowledge) if the opportunity presented itself to date you or f*ck you, they wouldn't jump on that opportunity?

I don't mean for this to be a snark but are you psychic? How do you know what goes on the deep recesses of their minds?

Kudos to them for respecting boundaries, but you just don't know. You can't.

I know because it’s been openly discussed. I’m not guessing. One of the reasons it works is because I’m cool company. I’ve had guy friends say to my face and in a group that I’m like a dude in a hot chicks body. I know MANY desirable men. I don’t lust after them. That’s what desperate women do, they lust after men they don’t qualify for. I’ve got a sexy af guy who I’m with. That itch is just fine thank you very much.

My male friends have no issue getting laid. They know many beautiful women and meet more all the time if that’s the phase they are in. I’m also older than two of my closest guy friends by 8 years and by 13 years respectively. They are interested in younger girls in their 20s/30s. So no, they aren’t secretly lusting after me I promise.

If YOU can’t wrap your head around the concept above then YOU are either insecure about your ability to attract and keep a desirable woman and/or you are in a scarcity mindset or both.

This is NOT rocket science. A satisfied lion does not devour every piece of meat that gets within reach. I run with lions, not hyenas.

 

[CountSuavula]

Here is a nice combination to hear from a new woman in your life:

”I have a lot of guy friends”
”I can’t trust other women”
”I am bipolar”
”My dad committed suicide”

This seems to be the magic combo

 

[NealIRC]

I feel sorry for the insecure men worried about women having guy friends. Just cuz you can't make female friends, doesn't mean the other gender shouldn't.

 

[CountSuavula]

I feel sorry for the insecure men worried about women having guy friends. Just cuz you can't make female friends, doesn't mean the other gender shouldn't.

I think men doing this operate under the premise of logic. Unlike you, you make decisions based upon your feelings, and emotions, and deflection, shame and underlying insults. Like the mirrors and fog machines in a funhouse.

 

[SW15]

What @BeExcellent is describing is the situation where kids grow up together and see each other as siblings. There is an ick factor. My wife has a friend with a daughter that is getting cuter everyday and moms talk about how great it would be if one of our boys dated her. My boys are like “hell no”, would be like dating a sister since they’ve known her for so long.

This can happen and this partially explains why men who stay in the same geographic area their entire lives have a much easier time with social circle game.

Men who stay in the same area their entire lives will have female friends/acquaintances who also stay in the same area as adults. Because these men and women typically met in the K-8 era before hormones were raging, some sort of platonic relationship can emerge. Those male-female platonic relationships with deep roots in childhood can lead to some social circle introductions post puberty and into adulthood.

Men who are less geographically fixed end up being app swipers, stranger approachers, and Instagram DM'ers. At the same time, the women who are less geographically fixed are also more reliant upon the swipe apps, fielding in-person approaches from men, and entertaining some of their DMs. When I was using swipe apps, almost all of the women who I went on dates with were not women with strong local ties to my area. They were women who had multiple childhood and/or adulthood relocations in their pasts. They didn't have a strong enough social circle for introductions, even if they managed to have friends (which they all did).

If you lined up 100 men & asked them if they felt uneasy about their girlfriend having male friends, I am confident 80% would have an issue with it.

The 20% who are absolutely fine with it, they are the exception.

Keep this in mind too.. Most men are too damn scared to tell his LTR "Hey I don't want you associating with dudes"

Most men are scared of her reaction, or worried she will leave. Therefore they will tolerate her having multiple backup diks (in emergency break glass diks)

I found this assessment accurate.

The typical man interacting with a woman who has male friends is a man who is a beta male. Beta males operate from a place of scarcity so most beta males will end up tolerating their prospective girlfriend/girlfriend/wife having male friends.

The majority of men do find women with male friends to be more difficult in interactions. It can be an effort to figure out which male friends are threats to the interaction/relationship and which ones are not.

I'd judge the nature of those friendships to determine whether it really is mutually platonic or there's obviously tensions present.

Not that hard to spot unless you're emotionally and socially incompetent.

If a man has adequate social and emotional skills, he can figure out which male friends would be problematic vs. the ones that wouldn't be problematic. Like I said above, it is an effort to do that and some men don't desire to make that effort.

 

[NealIRC]

I think men doing this operate under the premise of logic. Unlike you, you make decisions based upon your feelings, and emotions, and deflection, shame and underlying insults. Like the mirrors and fog machines in a funhouse.

Like all the people I'm insulting/bullying?

 

[member162951]

If YOU can’t wrap your head around the concept above then YOU are either insecure about your ability to attract and keep a desirable woman and/or you are in a scarcity mindset or both.

This^^ was unnecessary. I didn't attempt to insult you, not sure why you felt it necessary to insult me or attempt to (you didn't).

I mean it was you yourself who posted this:

Sure if we weren’t friends they’d hit on me....

Hello! Of course they would, because you're an attractive woman and they're attracted to you!
Regardless of any "boundaries" because well hey, we're just friends.

Which was my entire point.

Sorry if you can't wrap your brain around that.

 

[NealIRC]

This^^ was unnecessary. I didn't attempt to insult you, not sure why you felt it necessary to insult me or attempt to (you didn't).

I mean it was you yourself who posted this:

So what would be the preferred word over insecure? You're just like any other person who says "X is wrong" but not provide solutions.

 

[member162951]

So what would be the preferred word over insecure? You're just like any other person who says "X is wrong" but not provide solutions.

I didn't say it was wrong, I'm only asking that she acknowledge that her male friends may possibly have another motive for wanting to be her friend other than a true friendship, say like she has with her female friends. Don't get how that makes me insecure or that I have a scarcity mindset.

I mean come on she just admitted if they weren't friends, they'd hit on her!

Could she say the same about her female friends? Oops forgot, she doesn't have any.

Look, I like Be, she has great insight and adds a lot of value here. But in this situation, I think she's a bit off, that's all.

JMO. I didn't mean to offend anyone.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Other than the sorts of situations @BeExcellent talks about, I do not approve, as I’ve noticed a track records of “all my friends are guys” women. I actually have a close female friend of 20 years who I look at as a cousin of sorts. Contrary to @BadBoy89 ‘s statement I’ve never ever had sexual interest in her. My wife and several family members know and have socialized with her and she has met my wife and kids. We used to do double dates when she was married.

Traits I’ve seen in seen in women who say “all my friends are guys”:

1. Early sexualization, as early as twelve.
2. Near constantly in the presence of males from a young age.
3. Never, ever, without a boyfriend or spouse. An eternal monkey brancher, even being in contact with exes while with “currents”.
4. Alpha windowing.
5. Exaggerated hypergamy.