How do you go about getting into a girl's dms on instagram? What are the fundamentals of instagram game?

[AntoniousIV]

www.youtube.com/watch?v=htYdpp0LxOE&ab_channel=ProfessionalMisogynist

 

[SW15]

Build a social circle from scratch then

How do I do that after college tho? Especially post covid. American social culture is just so cliquey and closed off, there's just no sense of community anywhere and people aren't looking to get to know others

Your options are:

1. Swipe apps, where men face many disadvantages. Swipe apps are a big sausage fest and you're nowhere near the Top 10-20% in looks. At best, you'll be able to slam some overweight woman pussie with what you offer. And said overweight woman will probably put you through many hoops to do so. Many swipe app experiments show that overweight women have more abundance of Likes on the apps than Top 10-20% in looks men.
2. Instagram, where your profile is nowhere near optimization
3. Approaching strangers, either at nightlife venues or non-bar venues
4. Building a social circle

Your realistic options are Options 3 and 4.

Social circle introductions are the best option for a normie range guy. Most men are normie range.

Social circle is great for getting a girlfriend. Pay close attention to the words "a girlfriend". That means one girlfriend. If you're looking for an extended relationship (2-5 years or more), your best bet for getting that with the least amount of grief and frustration is social circle. Many men who get social circle girlfriends tend to retain those girlfriends for a long time and often beyond the useful life of the relationship. A lot of the social circle girlfriend guys are beta males and beta males operate from a scarcity mindset. It's common to see a 10 year+ relationship from social circle which does lead to a marriage proposal.

For men with social circles, the problem with the social circle method eventually becomes sustainability as social circles get pissed at men who continually exchange girlfriends, even if the relationships are semi-long (1-4 years). The behavior described in the last sentence is serial monogamy, so it is accurate to say that social circles get pissed off at serial monogamists. It is important to remember that social circles generally have a blue pill viewpoint on romantic relationships. A man might be able to pull 2 LTRs from a social circle without marrying one. After 2 instances, he will have typically bled the social circle dry. This is known as "poisoning the well".

When the paragraph above starts applying to men, they will either need to have stranger approaching skills, or they need to start developing them.

Most men with normie range looks will have a rather difficult time in approaching strangers for many reasons. It's inefficient. You'll probably be starting a lot of conversations with women with existing boyfriends, and that's even if you optimize your venue selection for approaching. The good thing is that most of those interactions will fall flat and die within 30-60 seconds, probably before she can even tell you she has a boyfriend.

Also, after about ages 30-35, if you were to build a social circle with similarly aged people, most of them would be in LTRs and the majority of their contacts would also be in LTRs and married. I'm 40 years old right now and all my mid-30s to mid-40s contacts are married people, and most of these marrieds have kids.

While I am not a social outcast due to my personality and vibe, I am in a different place in lifestyle than a lot of my social connections, and that impacts the relationships.

My social circle at this time cannot provide me with the introductions that I need to find dates. Even when I was 30, that was true as well. It's even possible to have friends but not have social connections that can provide you with meaningful introductions. When I was 30, my mid-20s to mid-30s contacts were either unattached people or people in extended, non-marital relationships who were all childless. Although my social circle was stronger on paper at 30 than 40, it still wasn't capable of anything meaningful.

I would say making friends after college age is pretty difficult anywhere in the world. It is possible, just slower. I would start getting involved in some clubs/societies/community stuff that are of your interest. Don’t use these environments to try pick up, just friends in general, preferably male friends first. Then female friends. You’ll start meeting the friends of the friends little by little. Filter and get out your way to make friends with social people who will invite you to events, get together, trips etc. I know, easier said than done, because of the initial shallow traits of these interactions, you might be tempted to just forget about it.

That's the biggest issue with social circle game. Most men have an immediate sexual need, yet it takes years to build an effective social circle. Even if a man can make friends in the way that you describe, there's no guarantee that he can make friends with people with valuable social contacts.

If someone approaches strangers, they are going directly to the source of pussie. However, these direct approaches are judged more harshly than an introduction from a trusted mutual acquaintance.

Still tho is there any way to increase likelihood of women approaching you? If I could actually find some way to get them to on a consistent enough basis, it would solve a lot of the problems that I won't shut up about on here

There isn't for most men. Even 'Chad' tier guys have to approach in-person if they choose that method. 'Chads' who choose that method might get more indicators of interest/approach invitations and have easier approaches than more normie range guys, but even they can't rely on women approaching them.

Eliot Rodger the incel was pissed that his BMW 328 and designer clothes weren't even for college aged women to approach him at a college known for attractive women and a party environment. Eliot Rodger did one total approach lifetime and the interaction lasted less than 15 seconds.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

That's the biggest issue with social circle game. Most men have an immediate sexual need, yet it takes years to build an effective social circle. Even if a man can make friends in the way that you describe, there's no guarantee that he can make friends with people with valuable social contacts.

This is a huge concern of mine. People have told me to expand my social circle but as an introverted guy it's daunting and there's only so much I'd be able to get out of it. I'm terrible at finding social events or things I can do regardless. ANother thing is that even if I expand my social circle, it's actually very unlikely to meet women who are single, attractive, and willing to date me. From my experience if I come across a woman irl who's attractive and interesting she already has a boyfriend. But regardless I would expect anywhere I go to try and expand my social circle to be a sausage fest. I'd have to try to expand my social circle and grind and grind and try to meet people when the likelihood that I'll meet a woman who's worthwhile and willing to date me is no higher than it would be on apps. Furthermore if I try to do this for a sustained period and i don't meet women or make any connections out of it, I'll have no motivation to continue and will just give up. Everything anybody has suggested to me ends up being a huge long shot, and no advice I've heard has been able to make me ditch the dating apps for good. At the end of the day I feel like there's nothing that will give me any better results than what I'm accustomed to on apps.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

There isn't for most men. Even 'Chad' tier guys have to approach in-person if they choose that method. 'Chads' who choose that method might get more indicators of interest/approach invitations and have easier approaches than more normie range guys, but even they can't rely on women approaching them.

Man that really makes me sad. For a guy like me to meet a woman in real life and eventually come to date her, it would almost have to be the women approaching me in order for that to succeed. I would really appreciate it if a woman did that. I really wish women approached guys more often. Maybe we should try to implement a psyop to convince women to start doing that lol. Is there really not any way to get women to approach you or at least make it more likely? God I'd be so much less stressed out about my problems meeting women if women actually did that sometimes. Are there any cultures in the world where it's more normal for women to approach men?

 

[SmoothSmooth]

Listen OLD largely does not work if you want hot girls aged 18-24. They will always see you as a beta. I have spoken with guys with hundreds of thousands of followers and they all say the same. None of them meet girls on the gram, even though girls slide in their DMs. You can have some success online but it’s usually the worst way to meet girls ESPECIALLY if you are a HVM/Chad and want a girl on your level

 

[SmoothSmooth]

If you meet on the gram/online she will always think you struggle to get women in real life. Online is where girls go to flex on guys and amass ‘followers’, so entering that arena signals a level of desperation no matter how good your profile is.
Online you are leading with your VALUE - your muscles, your money, your career etc which is a poor substitute for raw sexual attraction and mystery which comes in real life

online will work on older girls (ie aged 25+) that are struggling to meet men IRL and desperate for a husband. It allows women to select for value and commitment (a beta guy that’s gonna message them for weeks before meeting as opposed to a scarce alpha male). It allows those girls to edit their pictures and show their bodies etc to attract higher intensity of desire
For a girl approaching 30 looking for a serious relationship, online would be a place to search for a blue pilled guy that has a good career and little experience with women
Please do not be fooled into thinking that hot women make the effort of going online to find a slick talking, sexually confident man for a night. This illusion is how the apps make their money.
if a hot girl wants a ONS, she is going to vegas, miami, ibiza…or she is going to allow herself to get approached in her day to day life or night life . She is going to an environment where she can be relaxed, turned on and seduced by one guy in a single interaction, she’s not going to an environment where she has to deal with 100s of messages from weirdos feeling creeped out to search for one p3nis she likes … that is a very masculine way to try and get laid

 

[obelisk]

Bergischer, you gotta fight the despondency and defeatist attitude. The Red Pill shows you what reality actually is vs what you want it to be. There is some quality advice in this thread to you but you're response at every turn is "I'm going to fail so why bother trying". She already has a boyfriend. How will she ever be attracted to me if she isn't already? etc. ad nauseum.

The solution is in the process of trying but YOU have to take those first steps in any of these areas of your life. We can't do it for you. You want the success without putting in the effort. You walked 1 mile into the forest. You have to walk 1 mile back out.

 

[NealIRC]

OP go outside

No, you're much better luck msging a girl on Facebook than approaching in real life. On Fb for example, you won't need to ask her for her #.

A girl on Fb will just view you profile and you can knock her socks off when she views your profile, sees how popular you are with women, which you can't do in real life (unless you approach a girl with a group of girls...).

There have been cases where I talked to a girl 2 times in a campus and she wasn't receptive, then 1 day, I announced on my Fb I was taking a class at that campus, and someone msg'd that girl my Fb, and what did she do? She lurked and lurked my profile...

 

[NealIRC]

Did ya fck her? If not congrats you got a lurker. Whatever the fck that means.
You young guys are so screwed its not even funny

Well it's mission accomplished. Sex doesn't mean anything to me, it's getting women to *want* to have sex with you, is the ego part.

 

[Captain Redbeard]

Well it's mission accomplished. Sex doesn't mean anything to me, it's getting women to *want* to have sex with you, is the ego part.

if you think a woman checking out your fb page means she wants to fvck, I've got bad news for ya buddy....

 

[SmoothSmooth]

if you think a woman checking out your fb page means she wants to fvck, I've got bad news for ya buddy....

Exactly lmao.
Your profile is NOT you.
Guys need to understand this about the online world.
She swiped right on your profile, not on you.
She is checking out your story, not you.
She is liking your posts, not you.

The solution? Post things that are directly provocative s/sexual/dominant/asserting your status as the higher value person (challenging her frame as the buyer and instead frame it so yourself is the prize and her the groupie) and if she continues to check it out, then it’s more about you.

 

[SW15]

Online you are leading with your VALUE - your muscles, your money, your career etc which is a poor substitute for raw sexual attraction and mystery which comes in real life

The muscles could represent raw sexual attraction.

online will work on older girls (ie aged 25+) that are struggling to meet men IRL and desperate for a husband. It allows women to select for value and commitment (a beta guy that’s gonna message them for weeks before meeting as opposed to a scarce alpha male). It allows those girls to edit their pictures and show their bodies etc to attract higher intensity of desire
For a girl approaching 30 looking for a serious relationship, online would be a place to search for a blue pilled guy that has a good career and little experience with women

I agree with this. If a woman can figure out how to meet men in her daily life, she has no need to use a swipe app or respond to DMs on Instagram.

Please do not be fooled into thinking that hot women make the effort of going online to find a slick talking, sexually confident man for a night. This illusion is how the apps make their money.

Good point.

if a hot girl wants a ONS, she is going to vegas, miami, ibiza…or she is going to allow herself to get approached in her day to day life or night life . She is going to an environment where she can be relaxed, turned on and seduced by one guy in a single interaction, she’s not going to an environment where she has to deal with 100s of messages from weirdos feeling creeped out to search for one p3nis she likes … that is a very masculine way to try and get laid

This makes sense.

Some one night stands do happen from apps like Tinder though. The Instagram DMs can also lead to one night stands and casual sex.

I'd still recommend real world approaching over Tinder and Instagram.

 

[NealIRC]

if you think a woman checking out your fb page means she wants to fvck, I've got bad news for ya buddy....

There's 2 things wrong with your post. 1stly is that my context was in reply to his context. If my context is not accurate, then it's because his context was not accurate, do you understand?

2nd of all, you changed my words "lurks my page" to "checks out my page." That's straw manning my argument.

 

[NealIRC]

LOL

Right, I'm a visual guy. You know how a lot of guys into the butt or breasts, grow up thinking other men are like that too? Well, not all guys are kinesthetic guys, I'm a visual guy. If I want to ejaculate, I can just get a tissue, Kleenex, toilet paper, wrap it around my thing, to jizz. Sex is temp, pics last longer.

 

[Cowboy-Cheems]

I will make this easy for you.

Step 1: Be attractive. Dress and groom yourself well. Keep a healthy looking physique.

Step 2: Find a niche. Every successful social media influencer fills some sort of niche. These can include sports, fashion, modeling, fitness and a myriad of other things. Your goal is to cater to one of these niches and make it the "theme" of your profile.

Step 3: Market. Learn some basic editing skills, or find somebody with them and take good quality photos and videos. Once You have a public profile with a lot of posts and decent following, you can hit up a girl's DMs with a much higher success rate, since you have the digital appearance of what many shallow gen z thinkers consider "success."

There are some caveats to this though; such as:
-A crowded marketplace of other niche-micro-internet celebrities.
-You will have access to an entire world of women, but no convenient way to access the majority of them in person, this problem is not nearly as severe when you live in a densely populated city or travel for work.
-It is time consuming. Managing a successful and viral social media page can become a job in itself, and not an exactly fulfilling one.
-If you think just being yourself, running a minimalist account and hitting up random pretty girl's DMs is going to get you into a relationship, you are in for a world of disappointment.

 

[SmoothSmooth]

The muscles could represent raw sexual attraction.



I agree with this. If a woman can figure out how to meet men in her daily life, she has no need to use a swipe app or respond to DMs on Instagram.



Good point.



This makes sense.

Some one night stands do happen from apps like Tinder though. The Instagram DMs can also lead to one night stands and casual sex.

I'd still recommend real world approaching over Tinder and Instagram.

ONS do happen online, I didn’t say they didn’t. But they happen with girls 3 points below your smv. Ontop of them being unattractive, they usually have real mental health/personality disorders. If you want to damage your self esteem and self worth out of desperation then go ahead.
Yes, muscles can represent raw sexual attraction - but more so in the real world where she can assess your personality as smooth/dominant and pheromones are active. Not so much over an iPhone screen.

Summary
The bottom feeders of the sexual market place to go online.
Bottom feeding women looking for ONS - that can’t get relationships and are settling for s3x from a guy 3 points better than them.
Bottom feeding men that can’t approach women so soak them online desperate for some s3x
Or women that are 25+ looking for a husband/provider type.

Online is not where the fun seduction happens between attractive people. That’s why online dating coaches never do well, there is no real business model beyond being a blue pill guy looking to date girls that are 25+ or being a Chad looking to desperately compete for girls that are 5s.
Do you know what hot and attractive girls do online? They use it to gain attention, followers and potentially make money (sponsorships on instagram YouTube etc). They’re playing a different game.

If you don’t believe me look at the online dating coaches (scammers). Playing with fire’s girlfriend (now fiance) is a 5 at best and over 25. That’s the best he could do after ‘teaching’ guys how to get girls on tinder for years. Todd V’s girl was also revealed to be a 5. If you genuinely think Todd V is getting hot women on tinder for casual sex based on his ‘text game’ you are delusional

 

[Cowboy-Cheems]

This is a huge concern of mine. People have told me to expand my social circle but as an introverted guy it's daunting and there's only so much I'd be able to get out of it. I'm terrible at finding social events or things I can do regardless. ANother thing is that even if I expand my social circle, it's actually very unlikely to meet women who are single, attractive, and willing to date me. From my experience if I come across a woman irl who's attractive and interesting she already has a boyfriend. But regardless I would expect anywhere I go to try and expand my social circle to be a sausage fest. I'd have to try to expand my social circle and grind and grind and try to meet people when the likelihood that I'll meet a woman who's worthwhile and willing to date me is no higher than it would be on apps. Furthermore if I try to do this for a sustained period and i don't meet women or make any connections out of it, I'll have no motivation to continue and will just give up. Everything anybody has suggested to me ends up being a huge long shot, and no advice I've heard has been able to make me ditch the dating apps for good. At the end of the day I feel like there's nothing that will give me any better results than what I'm accustomed to on apps.

It looks to me like you have given up already. If you are not willing to go past your introvert ways, and participate in basic group activities, then you are in a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You also say that all attractive girls already have a boyfriend, but that is no excuse since many modern men are either cucks or easily replaceable. If you hit right emotions, you can end a relationship and make it yours; women do it themselves all the time, in fact.

As for the swipe apps, they are irritating as hell, but should be treated like a supplement or minor side part of your social game. If you are solely reliant on them, you will always be frustrated.

Every thread you post on this website follows the same formula:
-Asks about "easy way" or "cheat code" to get women
-Every other poster explains why the suggested method is unrealistic, and gives you advice on how to actually improve your situation
-You reject the advice or come up with excuses of why you can't apply it.

A simple definition of insanity is doing the same thing constantly and expecting a different result. Stop being insane. Many of us here actually want to see you succeed, but you need to stop looking for easy ways out and actually put forth an effort to be more sociable.

 

[itouchyou]

That's the biggest issue with social circle game. Most men have an immediate sexual need, yet it takes years to build an effective social circle. Even if a man can make friends in the way that you describe, there's no guarantee that he can make friends with people with valuable social contacts.

Very true. This is why I focus on myself as a value proposition via looks/game. More reliable than a social circle which gives no guarantee.

 

[SW15]

More reliable than a social circle which gives no guarantee.

Men who don't have viable social circles are likely to turn to using swipe apps and Instagram to meet women.

Earlier in the thread, I mentioned some of the advantages of social circle game.

Minimizing lifetime relocations is the best way to build an effective social circle. In addition to minimizing relocations, a man will need at least adequate social skills to do this. He can't come off as creepy or weird either. If he's a normal range guy, it's good enough to work.

The men that I have seen have very effective social circles are men who spent their entire childhoods in one geographical area to start. For that phase, they can thank their parents for that. Then, if they went to college, they went to a college in that same region, typically within a 2-4 hour drive of the area where they grew up. After college, they returned to the same general area as where they grew up. This would be someone with deep social ties in that one specific geography. This is the most effective way to play social circle game in the mating environment.

There are few other situations where I've seen men get social circle girlfriends, but rarely as dependably as the scenario described above.

There are scenarios in life where men can have friends and not be a social outcast, but not have an effective social circle for dating introductions. This is often as a result of multiple relocations, both in childhood and adulthood.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

It looks to me like you have given up already. If you are not willing to go past your introvert ways, and participate in basic group activities, then you are in a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You also say that all attractive girls already have a boyfriend, but that is no excuse since many modern men are either cucks or easily replaceable. If you hit right emotions, you can end a relationship and make it yours; women do it themselves all the time, in fact.

As for the swipe apps, they are irritating as hell, but should be treated like a supplement or minor side part of your social game. If you are solely reliant on them, you will always be frustrated.

Every thread you post on this website follows the same formula:
-Asks about "easy way" or "cheat code" to get women
-Every other poster explains why the suggested method is unrealistic, and gives you advice on how to actually improve your situation
-You reject the advice or come up with excuses of why you can't apply it.

A simple definition of insanity is doing the same thing constantly and expecting a different result. Stop being insane. Many of us here actually want to see you succeed, but you need to stop looking for easy ways out and actually put forth an effort to be more sociable.

It's not that I'm unwilling to participate in social activities, it's more that I'm terrible at finding any to do and I'm not sure I'd find any women to date there. I've read many accounts of guys trying to go to different social events or groups to try to meet women, for example, and in almost all of them those guys don't succeed. They usually say that either the women there already have boyfriends, or there's just no women there they could date at all. As I've also said before a lot of what I'm into is either solitary or male dominated, so the chance I could meet women thru my interests is already very slim.

It is indeed true that many modern men are pipsqueaks that look like they could be knocked over by a stiff breeze, and I have many advantages over such guys, but I would feel weird about the prospect of stealing a woman from anyone. Furthermore if I get a girl who I've stolen from her pipsqueak of a boyfriend, I would worry about her leaving me for someone else, even if I'm not a pipsqueak myself by any definition of the term.

I understand swipe apps are awful, and I have a sincere desire to reduce of eliminate my use of them, but when you've spent all your adult life using them to meet women because real life proved fruitless like has been the case with me, it's hard to do anything else. I never learned how to engage women irl and turn those interactions into dates like I was supposed to have learned growing up. Like I keep saying, if it wasn't for apps, I'd still be a virgin. They've always been the only way I've ever been able to even be visible to women at all. That's why I'm freaking out so much that apps never work for me. They were my one outlet to meet women and now since they no longer work, I'm flailing. I want to end dependency on dating apps, but right now I have no viable alternative. I just keep crawling back to apps since in real life nothing happens. I should have been learning to approach women when I was 16/17 like how normal guys are supposed to, not in my late 20s after solely relying on dating apps. These circumstances make the prospect of learning to approach the be daunting and uncertain. I don't want to have to spend years grinding and grinding just to maybe have a chance of meeting a woman in real life. I get the sinking feeling that by the time I'd be able to approach in earnest, I'd be too old to attract the sort of women that I want.

I'm sorry that I'm coming across as hostile to people's suggestions. I keep asking about potential alternative ways to meet women since I understand that cold approach isn't really suited to someone like me. Really I'm just looking for workarounds to my situation that can be easily implemented, that don't require years of grinding before any measurable result happens. I understand I have to put forth an effort to be more sociable, but it's not easy for a guy like me. My ADHD affects me socially to some extent, and although I'm not clinically autistic and doctors have conclusively proven to me that I don't have autism, I'm basically only one step above that as far as how introverted I am. Unlike an autistic person I understand how social dynamics work and I always have, but my ADHD makes it harder for me to socialize than the average person. I'll include a link that explains a lot of the specific social difficulties I face. In any case, with the specific difficulties I have in mind, I need to find ways to compensate for the deficits I have. With this in mind, not all the traditional advice I get on here is necessarily applicable to me. I don't want to come across as the guy that shoots down everybody's advice, my feelings are more like a lot of the advice I'm given doesn't properly take into account the specific circumstances I find myself in.

How Adult ADHD Can Affect Social Skills And Relationships | www.succeedsocially.com

Some ways Adult ADHD can make social skills and relationships more difficult.

www.succeedsocially.com