How do you go about getting into a girl's dms on instagram? What are the fundamentals of instagram game?

[SW15]

Let's go back to the original subject -- how is your Instagram right now?

Do you have more Followers than accounts you Follow? Do you have at least 1,000 Followers?

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Let's go back to the original subject -- how is your Instagram right now?

Do you have more Followers than accounts you Follow? Do you have at least 1,000 Followers?

No to both questions

 

[SW15]

No to both questions

You are not even close to being ready to send DMs on Instagram and get an acceptable response rate.

If you want responses on Insta, you need more Followers than Following, a good quantity of Followers, shirtless pics showing off your above average physique, and photos/videos that demonstrate a higher value lifestyle.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

When there is a will there is a way

What's the way then. So far I haven't found any alternative to apps that could work for me. Trying to grind and attempt to force myself to cold approach isn't sustainable or realistic. After all, meeting women and going out with them is supposed to be fun, and doing that is just going to be a chore and it won't be enjoyable or fulfilling for me at all. For a particular method to be usable for me, it needs to be something I can implement in pretty short order, not something where I'd have to grind it out for a few years like it's a full time job before I get any measurable results. If I tried to do that I'd just get discouraged by lack of progress and give up. Not everybody can stick it out like that. There's only so much attrition and lack of results I can take. I need something that'll be more natural for me than cold approach would be

 

[BergischerLöwe]

You are not even close to being ready to send DMs on Instagram and get an acceptable response rate.

If you want responses on Insta, you need more Followers than Following, a good quantity of Followers, shirtless pics showing off your above average physique, and photos/videos that demonstrate a higher value lifestyle.

So I'm better off doing something else? What then? I still feel like there's nothing I can really implement

 

[Captain Redbeard]

Years away from being able to approach? You won't get better at approaching by not doing it. Set the goal way closer... start with just making eye contact and saying "hi" to women you see in passing. Every time you do it is a win. Build that muscle and then start to get progressively bolder. Before you know it you're having little conversations and can go for a number. Just keep racking up small victories.

Sometimes we have to climb mountains. It can be tempting to stay at base camp scheming and planning for alternate routes, constantly searching for the easiest path. At the end of the day, you'll still be at base camp. Strap on your boots and get climbing, that's how progress is made

 

[parabellum]

You are not even close to being ready to send DMs on Instagram and get an acceptable response rate.

If you want responses on Insta, you need more Followers than Following, a good quantity of Followers, shirtless pics showing off your above average physique, and photos/videos that demonstrate a higher value lifestyle.

I agree with everything except the shirtless pics and absolute quantity of followers. In my opinion is better to not show too much of your body, if you have a good physique it will show with any clothes, preferably stylish classy slightly unique clothes. Anecdotically, I have seen successful guys with as little as 30 followers. Let me clarify that yes, they are above average.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Years away from being able to approach? You won't get better at approaching by not doing it. Set the goal way closer... start with just making eye contact and saying "hi" to women you see in passing. Every time you do it is a win. Build that muscle and then start to get progressively bolder. Before you know it you're having little conversations and can go for a number. Just keep racking up small victories.

Sometimes we have to climb mountains. It can be tempting to stay at base camp scheming and planning for alternate routes, constantly searching for the easiest path. At the end of the day, you'll still be at base camp. Strap on your boots and get climbing, that's how progress is made

Cold approach is too much of a grind in order for me to consider learning it. Ideally I'd want ways to meet women irl that isn't that, but I have no way to do that either. Is there really no alternative to cold approach AND dating apps? Cold approach is an awful idea for someone like me. Nobody's answered the fundamental question I've always posed on this forum: How can I meet women if online no longer yields me any results, I'm not the sort of guy who would be well suited to cold approach, AND apps are literally the only way I've been able to meet women to date for my entire adult life? What the hell do I do then? Why won't anybody just give me a straight answer? People just keep pushing the idea of cold approach on me without any due regard to the nuances of my situation and personality. It's frustrating

 

[SW15]

So I'm better off doing something else? What then? I still feel like there's nothing I can really implement

Build a social circle from scratch then

 

[Captain Redbeard]

If no cold approach and no apps, you'll be limited to women you meet through social circle, work, some sort of shared activity/hobby.

Find a career and/or hobby that puts you in contact with attractive women

 

[BergischerLöwe]

If no cold approach and no apps, you'll be limited to women you meet through social circle, work, some sort of shared activity/hobby.

Find a career and/or hobby that puts you in contact with attractive women

But how can I do that when my hobbies are niche and solitary and I've never been able to ever get a date from my social circle either? How can I even begin to have any success trying to meet women irl when meeting them thru apps is literally all I know how to do? In my current situation, quitting dating apps would mean quitting dating all together. I never learned how to interact with women irl and get dates that way like how you're supposed to when you're a teenager. Now I'm 27, apps no longer work, and I'm flailing. Man all the threads I make always just devolve into me saying this over and over, but I've never gotten a satisfying answer

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Build a social circle from scratch then

How do I do that after college tho? Especially post covid. American social culture is just so cliquey and closed off, there's just no sense of community anywhere and people aren't looking to get to know others

 

[parabellum]

How do I do that after college tho? Especially post covid. American social culture is just so cliquey and closed off, there's just no sense of community anywhere and people aren't looking to get to know others

I would say making friends after college age is pretty difficult anywhere in the world. It is possible, just slower. I would start getting involved in some clubs/societies/community stuff that are of your interest. Don’t use these environments to try pick up, just friends in general, preferably male friends first. Then female friends. You’ll start meeting the friends of the friends little by little. Filter and get out your way to make friends with social people who will invite you to events, get together, trips etc. I know, easier said than done, because of the initial shallow traits of these interactions, you might be tempted to just forget about it.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

I would say making friends after college age is pretty difficult anywhere in the world. It is possible, just slower. I would start getting involved in some clubs/societies/community stuff that are of your interest. Don’t use these environments to try pick up, just friends in general, preferably male friends first. Then female friends. You’ll start meeting the friends of the friends little by little. Filter and get out your way to make friends with social people who will invite you to events, get together, trips etc. I know, easier said than done, because of the initial shallow traits of these interactions, you might be tempted to just forget about it.

I'm not very good at finding those kinda things, though I attend religious lectures every week and I've met some people that way. Still that's the only thing I really do right now where I can socialize on a regular basis. Meetup.com is pretty much useless in my area and like I said I'm not good at finding social events in the first place

 

[NealIRC]

Years away from being able to approach?

Or, work on getting approached by women.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Or, work on getting approached by women.

Women don't really do that tho. It'd be nice if they did but they just don't so I can't expect that

 

[NealIRC]

Women don't really do that tho. It'd be nice if they did but they just don't so I can't expect that

So they don't approach you. That's what you can definitely be sure of.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

So they don't approach you. That's what you can definitely be sure of.

Well how do I get them to? Meeting women would be so much less stressful for me if they did that. If a girl approached me irl I would actually really appreciate it. How can I make something like that happen for real? Is it even realistic to expect? Is it possible to learn this power?

 

[characternote]

Is it even realistic to expect? Is it possible to learn this power?

I doubt he's talking about a super power. Basically all advice in this forum boils down to 'hit the gym more to get in better shape' and 'make more money'.

But as far as getting approached a lot by really hot girls, I wouldn't bank on either of them things to help i'm afraid. VERY few people are gonna have hot young girls walking up to them and hitting on them (bar celebs and stuff of course). I have one friend who gets cold approached a tonne but he's the only one out of hundreds of friends I have. He hit the genetic lottery lol.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

I doubt he's talking about a super power. Basically all advice in this forum boils down to 'hit the gym more to get in better shape' and 'make more money'.

But as far as getting approached a lot by really hot girls, I wouldn't bank on either of them things to help i'm afraid. VERY few people are gonna have hot girls walking up to them and hitting on them (bar celebs and stuff of course). I have one friend who gets cold approached a tonne but he's the only one out of hundreds of friends I have. He hit the genetic lottery lol.

Still tho is there any way to increase likelihood of women approaching you? If I could actually find some way to get them to on a consistent enough basis, it would solve a lot of the problems that I won't shut up about on here