She can't let me go

[BeExcellent]

Ya know I’ve also been there @Gamisch. Three year BF. Sexy AF, great Latin dancer (a passion of mine), exactly my type looks wise, ex military bipolar NPD with PTSD so bad he’s 100% disability rated for it. Hot & cold. We’d have a blast out dancing, he’d randomly pick a fight on the way home. He was a hot mess. One night he got physical and that was it. Cold Turkey quit him.

Tough. But now I’m fine and it’s so weird to have gotten involved with him looking back.

No Contact. The guys are right 100%.

 

[Barrister]

I understand why guys remain in toxic relationships. Its an unfortunate result of low self esteem and lack of confidence and self respect and ultimately low vibes aka scarcity mentality. @Gamisch your biggest fight with yourself couldnt be more true.

I think those things can certainly be involved to an extent - but when it comes to weening yourself off a Cluster B type it is much more that the rollercoaster of sex and fighting is a high and low of a drug. It is difficult to break off from that and can affect even the most confident of men. I also don't think it has much to do with having a scarcity mindset. 100% agree that a man must be strong and have self-respect in this situation to get over the hump. It can take a bit.

 

[Barrister]

You are absolutely right. Getting rid of this woman is like trying to drown a ball; the harder I push the faster she comes right back. To stay within this analogy; only a firm cut will do. I know that. I Tried it, as I described in a previous post .

The thing I've also noticed is that as long as she lingers around I am emotionally unavailable to other women. The pattern is we fight, break up and next thing I'm rebounding with a "random" woman. This woman will like me ,but get tired of my lack of effort. Meanwhile I am "pulling a no contact " on ex gf, making her hamster spin and somehow she always catches me with some new, temping promise. "You'll just watch football while you get your d sucked all day". And then she back im the picture.

Yeah ,this one needs to go. But she literally told me she wont go without a figurative fight. Seems like the biggest fight is with myself though...

You won't be able to emotionally connect with any other women so long as this one is such a focal point. Now, I would argue you shouldn't even be trying to do that anyway at this juncture, but you need to decide what you want to do. I do think sleeping with other women solely for sex will help you get over her, but I wouldn't be trying to maintain anything more than plate status with these other women.

It is hard to not respond when she reaches out. Trust me. I have been there and it is one of the hardest things to do to say "no" when you know this woman who you have a deep (but toxic) connection with can be at your place later that day for sex. It takes a lot of mental fortitude to give yourself space in this situation. Stay strong, see other women if you need sex, and you will get through it. Good luck, brother.

 

[Gamisch]

She's been chasing me again and again and again. Last week she canceled, so i told her I'd put serious consequences on her next time if sge fecks me up.

Her bff called me over an hour, told ger bff the same. Stop. Contacting. Me . For. Life.

So ,ofcourse this weekend she came by unannounced. To bringme a present. ..i got pissed like hell. Puhsed her face in and tackled her down the street. She's yelling. People gathered. Called police. I got away with a cap.

Hopefully she'll never contact me again..but I said that 4 times already this year...

 

[BadBoy89]

I had the same issue with my ex. The sex was amazing and I couldn't resist. I couldn't go "no contact" because she was Sexy. She re-enacted sex scenes from Basic Instinct and Lust Caution.

Then she started talking about her legal rights in the relationship and started taking steps to ensure she got them. Returned all her stuff and never talked to her again. She called me 6 times and I didn't answer.

"No Contact" is a piece of cake once women bring about their "legal rights"

 

[soulforge]

Wrote about her many times. Last time she wasnt feeling it. I told her its fine. Then she wanted back in though.

Flipped out at her, like a ugly serious flip . Told her to never contact me again. So she came over to suck me dry, bought me dinner ect.

Wtf? Telling me she just cant let me go. I dont know how to feel besides sexually satisfied for now..

Just when I planned Monk mode by taking a break from women and being fine with it ,I seem to get attention from all these ladies.

It's pretty simple.

A relationship that's meant to work, will work.

Relationships of multiple break-ups, drama, chaos, Trauma are ALWAYS doomed.

There is no happy ending here, for either one of you.

It's time to stay firm on NC and let that poison leave you body permanently.

Your quitting drugs right now.

 

[soulforge]

I understand why guys remain in toxic relationships. Its an unfortunate result of low self esteem and lack of confidence and self respect and ultimately low vibes aka scarcity mentality. @Gamisch your biggest fight with yourself couldnt be more true.

Exactly why it's absolutely KEY to eject her when those first Initial red flags pop up.

It's easier to next a hot toxic woman, before you have become attached to her.

Once that attachment has happened, you will probably wallow in her toxic mess, possibly for years to come.

And yes, some guys will DELETE themselves because of this type of situation.

 

[soulforge]

Fock her as much as you want, just dont agree to any exclusivity and you should be fine

This is kidding yourself.

Honestly this idea of casualy fukin her without exclusivity is CAP

It's cope, because you are unable to completely let her go. The more you have sex with her, the attachment continues.

The Only way out of a toxic situation is FULL ON NO CONTACT

 

[obelisk]

You need to approach this from the perspective of protecting yourself. That kind of behavior can lead to false rape charges, violence (by her or you if she pushes you too far), keyed vehicles etc.. I get that it sucks and she's pulled you into her world like a black widow but you gotta remain vigilant. Get a second phone if need be for a few months but STOP texting her, responding to her and maintain physical and emotional boundaries against her worming her way back into your life.

 

[Dr.Suave]

She's been chasing me again and again and again. Last week she canceled, so i told her I'd put serious consequences on her next time if sge fecks me up.

Her bff called me over an hour, told ger bff the same. Stop. Contacting. Me . For. Life.

So ,ofcourse this weekend she came by unannounced. To bringme a present. ..i got pissed like hell. Puhsed her face in and tackled her down the street. She's yelling. People gathered. Called police. I got away with a cap.

Hopefully she'll never contact me again..but I said that 4 times already this year...

You should be the one calling the police on her. Get a restraining order

 

[member162951]

She's been chasing me again and again and again. [SNIP]

So ,ofcourse this weekend she came by unannounced. To bringme a present. ..i got pissed like hell. Puhsed her face in and tackled her down the street. She's yelling. People gathered. Called police. I got away with a cap.

Dude, man WTF. Chick is obsessed with you, chasing you (every DJ's dream girl lol), brings you a gift and your response is to get angry and physically assault her?

I don't get it. Get a grip man, if you didn't want her coming around, if it messes you up, YOU had every opportunity to get rid for good but instead you kept taking her back. That's on you man not her.

My advice? Own it and stop getting pissed at her. She's not the problem here.

Sorry bro.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

It's pretty clear you've never had a Klingon or stalker, they're pathetic and yuck - even when they're attractive - crazy is crazy. It's unwanted attention, and to think that he should be enjoying it shows how out of touch you are.

Yes the OP f'ed up a few times and should've killed this, still, the attention is unwanted. He seemingly is taking steps to stop it. If nothing else works, a TRO should.

Dude, man WTF. Chick is obsessed with you, chasing you (every DJ's dream girl), brings you a gift and your response is to get angry and physically assault her?

I don't get it. Get a grip man, if you didn't want her coming around, if it messes you up, YOU had every opportunity to get rid for good but instead you kept taking her back. That's on you man not her.

My advice? Own it and stop getting pissed at her. She's not the problem here.

Sorry bro.

 

[member162951]

It's unwanted attention, and to think that he should be enjoying it shows how out of touch you are.

Lol, I've had my share and my comment that it was every man's dream girl was tongue n cheek based on posts here stating that girls chase.

My point was that instead of blaming her for chasing, stalking escalating to where he physically assaulted her, own his sh*t and take some responsibility.

This sh*t should never have happened and HE could have stopped it a long time ago had he wanted to. Its not like she had a gun pointed at his head.

He didn't. Own it.

 

[Gamisch]

Lol, I've had my share and my comment that it was every man's dream girl was tongue n cheek based on posts here stating that girls chase.

My point was that instead of blaming her for chasing, stalking escalating to where he physically assaulted her, own his sh*t and take some responsibility.

This sh*t should never have happened and HE could have stopped it a long time ago had he wanted to. Its not like she had a gun pointed at his head.

He didn't. Own it.

I never disagreed nor agreed with you.

If anything , i am fully aware that this makes me look like a damn fool. I could've kept it to myself ofcourse , but that would be weak. It's just what it is. I always advocate for honesty so here i am..

I could and probably should've tried to kill this relationship long time ago. BUT , the interesting thing is( and that's where @Pierce.Manhammer DOES have a valid point!!) that I've tried many many ways to do this. She's chasing me for YEARS .

Lately I see more clearly that she will always come back. Its like the tenth time in a row she comes back, and ALWAYS 2with top notch reasons; I'm working several jobs so she offers to help me with my household, before this its was "simply " p00sy, now she starts buying me presents and gifts..also she ALWAYS brings up "old lessons " and tries to convince me she understands what I've been saying all along.

So no, it's NOT as easy as you'd think to get rid of a (yes toxic) woman who is 100000% after you...and still an hb8 goddamn..one moment of weakness and she's back.

She came UNANNOUNCED, a two hour trip, with gifts...

 

[soulforge]

I had a similar situation to OP maybe like 18 years ago.

Blonde single mom, very attractive.

Broke up with her 6 month's into the relationship. She came back 8 months later.. broke up again... she turned up at my house 3 months later.

We Break up again and I delete her from EVERYWHERE and blocked from everything.

6 months down the line she begins sending me these heartfelt letters about how things would be better and I'm her soul mate blah blah blah

Ignored her for months, till she eventually stopped.

10 years have passed & only two months ago, I get a Facebook friends request off her.

It's not impossible. You literally have to avoid her like the plague.

The more you interact with her, the worse it will get.

 

[member162951]

I never disagreed nor agreed with you.

I know you didn't my second response was to @Pierce.Manhammer post.

I read your response and don't want to have a debate about it but still disagree. Man, I've been stalked, threatened, the whole nine, I never encouraged it by allowing her to stop by, get me off w a bj, then continue complaining she wouldn't leave me alone. And this chick was a 9, model looks. But she was nuts and her behavior was a complete turn off, I didn't want her touching me! I allowed her no access to me and threatened her with TRO if she didn't stop.

I dunno man, to allow it and yourself to get to the point where you lost your sh*t and assaulted her, that's the part I'm having trouble with.

 

[Gamisch]

I know you didn't my second response was to @Pierce.Manhammer post.

I read your response and don't want to have a debate about it but still disagree. Man, I've been stalked, threatened, the whole nine, I never encouraged it by allowing her to stop by, get me off w a bj, then continue complaining she wouldn't leave me alone. And this chick was a 9, model looks. But she was nuts and her behavior was a complete turn off, I didn't want her touching me! I allowed her no access to me and threatened her with TRO if she didn't stop.

I dunno man, to allow it and yourself to get to the point where you lost your sh*t and assaulted her, that's the part I'm having trouble with.

I agree with the last part. Iost my shyte completely.

But, even as a man you will always be human, and humans have animalistic ways once they lose their shyte. I am just being honest most will lie about this or simpy dont mention it. I don't hide the ugly truth.

 

[Gamisch]

Dude, man WTF. Chick is obsessed with you, chasing you (every DJ's dream girl lol), brings you a gift and your response is to get angry and physically assault her?

I don't get it. Get a grip man, if you didn't want her coming around, if it messes you up, YOU had every opportunity to get rid for good but instead you kept taking her back. That's on you man not her.

My advice? Own it and stop getting pissed at her. She's not the problem here.

Sorry bro.

My only trouble with this mindset is that it conveniently puts all responsibility on the man. Believe me, she now" understands " she pushed things way too far( like a child getting physically disciplined).

It's society and messages like these that make men and people in general white knighting and ALWAYS picking the women's side by default.

Makes me as man ..almost desperate and makes her do stupid shyte like she does( because she's probably also been told there basically are zero consequences).

You need to approach this from the perspective of protecting yourself. That kind of behavior can lead to false rape charges, violence (by her or you if she pushes you too far), keyed vehicles etc.. I get that it sucks and she's pulled you into her world like a black widow but you gotta remain vigilant. Get a second phone if need be for a few months but STOP texting her, responding to her and maintain physical and emotional boundaries against her worming her way back into your life.

I did most of this several times. Tbh,after months when things calmed down I felt for some seduction shyte (not even sex, more like chores ect).

Its crazy ....

Exactly why it's absolutely KEY to eject her when those first Initial red flags pop up.

It's easier to next a hot toxic woman, before you have become attached to her.

Once that attachment has happened, you will probably wallow in her toxic mess, possibly for years to come.

And yes, some guys will DELETE themselves because of this type of situation.

Ive been hard on you in the past, and probably will be hard on you in the future ...

So feelfree to roast the feck out of me bro
.dont hold back.

I am a huge idiot for even entertaining the thought being (yet again) a good gentleman and NOT sending her azz back despite she's been traveling for more than 2 hours...

But your right. Many men delete themselves for women like this. Her keyword was "best intentions ".

 

[member162951]

The only trouble with this mindset is that it conveniently puts all responsibility on the man.

In a way, it IS your sole responsibility. You wanna a toxic chick and toxic relationship out of your life, it's your responsibility to get rid.

I dunno I'm of the belief we are all responsible for our lives and what happens to us in our lives, the things we have control over anyway, like this situation.

She didn't hold a gun to your head or hold you hostage, you made the choice to continue allowing her access to you. You continued to engage with her, in a way encouraged her. Then suddenly lost your sh*t, assaulted her but then blame her for not being able to let you go?

I dunno, didn't mean for this to be a roastfest, and I'm probably missing some context. The most important thing now is she's GONE so now you can move on and carry on. Good luck man.

 

[obelisk]

We're no trying to kick you while you're down. Just some tough love. There are good reasons why plenty of psychotherapists consider NPDs untreatable. The fact that you are aware of a) your own weaknesses towards this girl and b) her antics past and present make it far more likely that you can keep her out of your life in the future.

Moth towards the flame. Stop being the moth.