When u dont wanna threaten divorce/break-up/defcon 2 punishments/consequences

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Silence & Distance. Now. It looks different in a marriage than a dating situation. Your reward to her is your time/attention which she should value.

If she doesn’t value your time & attention you have bigger problems. That means she is less invested in the relationship than you are. That’s indicative of other (potentially larger) issues.

I will add that I think having to (or feeling the need to) police her social media is a huge problem. I have social media (FB & IG) and I’m totally comfortable with my husband seeing whatever I post (which is super rare on IG -that’s more to interact with my kids).
I don’t worry about what hubby does either. There is trust.

If there is already a lack of trust that’s concerning. All you can do is withdraw and observe. That can be subtle or not so subtle. Work later. Decline outings, go hunting or some other male centered activity. See if she notices.

And that should spark a conversation. You also need to be sure you have reasonable expectations. If you feel the need to control that often arises from insecurities or guilt.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

Jeez some of you been watching 50 shades of grey as much as the girls watch it.

Spanking her? for bratty behaviour, disrespect, agression, hissy fits? Nope that might work in the movies, but not in reality.

The only power a man has, is to walk away and mean it. Remove your attention and time.

It's a risk, as she might let you walk. But it's pretty much the only option us men have.

Walking away repeatedly? Absolutely pointless.

If you're having to walk away from her multiple times, then your girl is a fvking headache and you need to dump her.

The Walk away should happen ONCE, and if her bad behaviour continues, then she is literally sabotaging the relationship.

Time to walk away for good.

Yeah but there are tons of small breaks in frame so if you were to abide by your rule of only threatening to walk away once, then you would quickly run out of responses. I'm talking for small infringements here. Walking away is a big time play.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

that’s my experience too. Being a bit more distant when she misbehaves is good even when you do it more than once but continuously walking away, ultimatums, aggression or any else form of punishment will not be taken seriously by her if you do it often.

it’s similar with kids. Parents that permanently shout or hit their kids have no real control over their kids.

Exactly my point.

Here's the other part of the equation: you're not always dealing with someone so rational so conversation might not always be the answer. U need to sometimes match her irrationality to a point when it comes to selecting a response.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

It's not the walking away. It's being able to walk away.

I have three kittens. One of them, who joined last, sometimes tries to brat by telling me she's going home and I should just call one of the other women.
The first time I grinned and said, "Just one of them? I could call both, have a threesome."
She kneeled by my side and said, "I was just kidding."
I told her that fellatio affected my memory, so if she wanted me to forget about her brattish behaviour she should use her mouth for something else than talking.
Now, whenever she has one of 'those moments', I just look at her with the same grin and don't even need to tell her to kneel by my side and tend to my trouser snake worm.

Haha beautiful although this is the alternative relationships route, a guy in a more traditional marriage is bound to other tactics lol

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

Advice from the old lady:

Silence & Distance. Now. It looks different in a marriage than a dating situation. Your reward to her is your time/attention which she should value.

If she doesn’t value your time & attention you have bigger problems. That means she is less invested in the relationship than you are. That’s indicative of other (potentially larger) issues.

I will add that I think having to (or feeling the need to) police her social media is a huge problem. I have social media (FB & IG) and I’m totally comfortable with my husband seeing whatever I post (which is super rare on IG -that’s more to interact with my kids).
I don’t worry about what hubby does either. There is trust.

If there is already a lack of trust that’s concerning. All you can do is withdraw and observe. That can be subtle or not so subtle. Work later. Decline outings, go hunting or some other male centered activity. See if she notices.

And that should spark a conversation. You also need to be sure you have reasonable expectations. If you feel the need to control that often arises from insecurities or guilt.

Yeah thats kind of what I was leaning towards: I like this softer approach too although I'm also a fan of the occasional burst to keep her in line (a tactic my friend used that worked to keep his crazy latina sort of ghetto ex in line). But yeah just doing a more male centered activity and kind of distancing a bit so she can get the message. I'm sort of doing this to my roommate right now and he's a dude for other reasons but in my case, it is sort of escelating cuz now I just wanna split ways when the lease ends cuz he doesn't seem to be getting the point. I guess u also want to avoid distancing too much and creating this cold silent void that nobody wants to address...how would u answer that?

 

[soulforge]

I got that, yes.

I don't mind that, but he takes the wrong conclusion from what I wrote.

If you are able to walk away from dramatic people, they have to drop their mask and reveal themselves to you in order to be interesting enough.

My kitten used to be a party girl and get a lot of validation for her looks, but now she's thirty-one and her looks are fading and she knows I see other women and that makes her insecure and validation seeking.
However, not only is she attracting attention in the wrong way (annoying me), I know that validation is a black hole. No matter how much validation I'd give her, she'd never have enough.
She wants validation, but what she needs is safety. She needs to feel safe with me that I don't abuse my power over her, so she can submit to me in all her vulnerability. She needs to trust me.

And, she has to be satisfied with any time she gets to spend with me. That is hard, because she used to be the one who was able to walk away, snap her fingers, and find herself someone else. Now she knows she's not needed anymore and she needs to be wanted.

The other thing is that she only feels like herself when she's with me. That's not easy to understand for herself, let alone an outsider who would probably judge her for her dark desires. With me, she can show her true dark self and not be judged for it. She searched for someone like me. Now she got me, but she has to share me. Sharing is not her forte.

So, after I told her she was right and yes I could call other women to spend their time with me, and pissed her off with a grin she couldn't slap from my face, that grin imprints on her that she's unable to walk away. And every time she tries to annoy me, I only have to use that same grin to remind her that she doesn't wield the power over me.

She hates that, but she loves that too. Because she wants to feel awed when she looks at her man.

(I don't expect you to understand that, @soulforge, but if you're looking for a place where women kneel for you, you shouldn't go to Disneyland.)

I can agree that this particular dynamic works for you, especially in a non committal relationship & your plate is aware that you have other plates in place.

Especially when these chicks are older now and the wall is coming for them.

However the posters thread was regarding methods to apply, other than having to divorce/break-up, which suggests tools that can be used in a COMMITED relationship.

The poster referenced his previous ex.

If you're in a long term relationship, if you're girl is acting up & threatening to leave, telling her it's fine, I have two other chicks on the way and we are about to rock a threesome.

It's highly unlikely she will step into line, drop to her knees and gobble trouser snake haha, sit in the corner like a good little girl etc

Like I said.. for the vast majority of people, it would have to be a rational/reasonable conversation with her.. and if the bad behaviour continues, unfortunately walking away is the only tool we have.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

I can agree that this particular dynamic works for you, especially in a non committal relationship & your plate is aware that you have other plates in place.

Especially when these chicks are older now and the wall is coming for them.

However the posters thread was regarding methods to apply, other than having to divorce/break-up, which suggests tools that can be used in a COMMITED relationship.

The poster referenced his previous ex.

If you're in a long term relationship, if you're girl is acting up & threatening to leave, telling her it's fine, I have two other chicks on the way and we are about to rock a threesome.

It's highly unlikely she will step into line, drop to her knees and gobble trouser snake haha, sit in the corner like a good little girl etc

Like I said.. for the vast majority of people, it would have to be a rational/reasonable conversation with her.. and if the bad behaviour continues, unfortunately walking away is the only tool we have.

This dynamic is dread game 101. It works even better in commited relationships because the woman should be more invested and has more to lose. If the women is convinced there is no loss if you leave, you have allready lost the game and no amount of talking will fix that.

Rational/reasonable conversations can be had with men. Women in general are guided by their emotions and in their head they will forge their own private reality based on their feelings. HER "truth" will be what she imagines, not what facts dictate. Reasoning with geneticaly unreasonable people is like talking into a paper bag. While they might comply out of fear (of losing you f.e.) , they most likely will not understand and if they ever lose their fear, they will fall back on their old patterns.

I agree that walking away is the ultimate tool to get rid of a pain in the azz.

If simply walking away is not the first choice for whatever reasons, one has to operate with manipulations like dread game.

Of course one has to be more subtile in a marriage f.e. then telling her you would call the other bytches.

Being married myself, i had to start developing skillsets to manipulate things in my favour.

 

[soulforge]

This dynamic is dread game 101. It works even better in commited relationships because the woman should be more invested and has more to lose. If the women is convinced there is no loss if you leave, you have allready lost the game and no amount of talking will fix that.

Rational/reasonable conversations can be had with men. Women in general are guided by their emotions and in their head they will forge their own private reality based on their feelings. HER "truth" will be what she imagines, not what facts dictate. Reasoning with geneticaly unreasonable people is like talking into a paper bag. While they might comply out of fear (of losing you f.e.) , they most likely will not understand and if they ever lose their fear, they will fall back on their old patterns.

I agree that walking away is the ultimate tool to get rid of a pain in the azz.

If simply walking away is not the first choice for whatever reasons, one has to operate with manipulations like dread game.

Of course one has to be more subtile in a marriage f.e. then telling her you would call the other bytches.

Being married myself, i had to start developing skillsets to manipulate things in my favour.

Dread game has it's pla

This dynamic is dread game 101. It works even better in commited relationships because the woman should be more invested and has more to lose. If the women is convinced there is no loss if you leave, you have allready lost the game and no amount of talking will fix that.

Rational/reasonable conversations can be had with men. Women in general are guided by their emotions and in their head they will forge their own private reality based on their feelings. HER "truth" will be what she imagines, not what facts dictate. Reasoning with geneticaly unreasonable people is like talking into a paper bag. While they might comply out of fear (of losing you f.e.) , they most likely will not understand and if they ever lose their fear, they will fall back on their old patterns.

I agree that walking away is the ultimate tool to get rid of a pain in the azz.

If simply walking away is not the first choice for whatever reasons, one has to operate with manipulations like dread game.

Of course one has to be more subtile in a marriage f.e. then telling her you would call the other bytches.

Being married myself, i had to start developing skillsets to manipulate things in my favour.

I think for serious offences dread game is ideal, however she needs to be invested/high interest level for dread to work.

For major offences, walking away is your best bet.

 

[soulforge]

Yeah but there are tons of small breaks in frame so if you were to abide by your rule of only threatening to walk away once, then you would quickly run out of responses. I'm talking for small infringements here. Walking away is a big time play.

Agreed on this. Walking away isn't something to be taken lightly, should only be for a serious offence.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Haha beautiful although this is the alternative relationships route, a guy in a more traditional marriage is bound to other tactics lol

There's a consensual kink called '1950s household' where the male/female dynamic is akin to the traditional values of a Fifties household where the man rules and the woman is subservient. I think many guys would like that type of dynamic, but it does require the man to be a Man and take charge.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

If simply walking away is not the first choice for whatever reasons, one has to operate with manipulations like dread game.

There's a reason why women both like and dislike when other women hit on their man. They like their man to be desirable enough for other women to desire him, but they don't want to lose him to these other women.

I've done the dread tactic in committed relationships as well by setting down the boundaries right at the beginning. For instance, a woman who uses sex to manipulate me will lose. Deny me access and I will just go and access someone else. If she wants to hold on to me, she better give good sex. When a woman knows you have other options, it makes you more desirable.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

However the posters thread was regarding methods to apply, other than having to divorce/break-up, which suggests tools that can be used in a COMMITED relationship.

Most men are so happy they get to dip their wick that when it comes to commitment, the man just agrees to a woman's Terms & Conditions without putting down his own boundaries. That will eventually be exploited when the woman's passion dies down.

I've been in committed relationships, I was even married for twelve years out of the sixteen years I spent together with the mother of my two children. However, I wasn't a novice when I got married and established some ground rules before I committed to our marriage.

Whenever I hear pvssy-whipped guys talk about 'having to sleep on the couch' after an argument with their spouses, I wonder why they go along with their women manipulating them that way. Why didn't they set their own T&C, instead of being a doormat and agreeing to anything she says?

Commitment, especially marriage, is a 'contract', where two parties get into bed together. It doesn't make sense for just one party to lay down the rules and the other party to just go along.

Men will go to battle for the T&C in a business deal, but just acquiesce to commitment T&C like supporting each other in good and bad times and sticking with each other 'until death' without putting down some of their own. Why? Because they subconsciously feel inferior to their spouse and are afraid she will turn down the commitment if the man has some boundaries she cannot manipulate.

 

[Ricky]

There's a consensual kink called '1950s household' where the male/female dynamic is akin to the traditional values of a Fifties household where the man rules and the woman is subservient. I think many guys would like that type of dynamic, but it does require the man to be a Man and take charge.

I used to have exactly this situation for many years with my wife. It worked well for both of us

When things went bad between us she let small resentments from this time build up and she accused me of treating her as a slave wife. It certainly wasnt the case and i would argue that for many years my marriage was much better than the pwhipped neighbors and a couple of my brothers were having with their wives.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

When things went bad between us she let small resentments from this time build up and she accused me of treating her as a slave wife.

So what? If she consented during that time, she has no reason to complain about it after. That's why you use safe words in kink. To make sure that she's not 'play-resisting' but wants to stop. If she consented and didn't use her safe words, she's complicit and has nothing to argue.

It certainly wasnt the case and i would argue that for many years my marriage was much better than the pwhipped neighbors and a couple of my brothers were having with their wives.

I wouldn't argue at all. Women who get in any type of relationship with me know exactly what type of guy I am. No regrets.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

This is the wrong approach, punishment means you're so attached and irrational that you wanna make the other person feel bad because you feel hurt, it just not right.


Like what exactly, give examples


Imagine being with a woman, and have to resort to tactics and tricks "to keep her in line" does this sound like an enjoyable relationship. If you have to resort to tactics and tricks, that's the same a puas, don't have anyhting going on in their life, children with dynamite.


Dread is for dead bedrooms, where the woman doesn't wanna have sex with the man, its the first step of a MAP (Male Action Plan), improve himself and that creates dread, there are 12 steps of dread in Here.

If you keep improving as a man, physique, status, money, you won't have to implement dread, because your whole life is dread.

Agreed on dread being ur whole persona. I had a friend who used to play dread games with his ex and it was so freakin cringe. He would post himself out partying on snapchat and then ignore his ex the whole night when she'd call. Dumbest drama ever. I never did that with my ex and instead has this more rational and conversational approach to solving problems.

However, we are all irrational and biological beings. To get a bit philosophical, rationality is sort of a myth. Either way, we all have nervous systems. If our nervous system does not feel engaged by something, we will not be very influenced by it. Seems like some people are highly cerebral but for the most part, nervous system engagement is key.

That being said, u can't use logical arguments at every turn of the road. Perhaps subtly hinting that u have options is one of the best subtle strategic objectives in keeping a woman in line.

However, sometimes u want something more tactical.

One example would be the time my ex said that she was at a friends house and wouldnt pick up the phone. She was however texting me during this time. Something she never does. Then she said her ex's BF was driving her home. I suspected foul play. I didn't dump her after that but maybe I could have punished her. I think my initial reaction was to threaten her regarding me leaving. I lost my sh1t cuz I thought she was cheating on me (and maybe she was, I'll never know).

Other times, my ex would bother me about me not spoiling her with enough stuff (which is true, I was a bit too cheap to be a BF compared to how much she invested, now I would have deff spoiled her more looking back).

Maybe you're right, u want to be on top of ur game and keep her in line mostly that way. But I cant help but wonder if there is a better tactical approach when she blows her top. Would it be to laugh and treat her like a child?

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Strong women negotiate with words, but strong men negotiate with their very presence alone, if you leaving or withdrawing isn't problematic for her it's very likely that the whole thing is not gonna work out to begin with.

Boundaries and limitations need to be enforced, however if your running border patrol every damned day then you are in over your head likely and need to either find new boundaries or idk... There is an art to setting boundaries, because if you set an unrealistic one then that impacts the effectiveness of your realistic boundaries as well, the whole respect side can unravel very quickly just from one unrealistic boundary, it is a singular concept born of respect not a particular situation.