Bi Polar Disorder

[member162951]

Thanks for clarifying. Puts a bit of a different spin on it imo.

The WAY she left was egregious. She addressed that in the note. She said that leaving was the hardest thing she's had to do and she didn't have the courage to tell me.

That’s what I meant but I'm glad you added her reasoning for it. That she didn't have the courage to tell you in person. Doesn't justify it but it was honest. When experiencing strong emotions, some people express themselves better in writing so it's somewhat understandable. That she took the time and effort to write a 2-page letter says a lot too. And that she apologized and taking ownership of her emotional reaction.

She left a jewelry box with some important pieces in it. I'm going to wait a few days to let emotions settle, both of us think about all that's happened, and then let her know that I have it and she can come and get it.

Like I said, I don't think this is over. I know many members here will disagree but it's a stumbling block on your journey together. It happens. It's how you both choose to resolve that's important imo.

Again, good luck, hope it works out for yall, assuming that's what you want.

 

[soulforge]

I've been divorced for 10 years. I was sort of a player before I got married and I went full rotation of plates for YEARS after I got divorced, outside of a 3 yr relationship.
I'm 100% a rotation guy. But when one comes along that's worthy or a relationship with me, I'm 100% committed to that person and faithful.
It's funny because as soon as I changed my fb profile to single, I had like 15 women sending me messages.
And I'll build another rotation and go from there. I'm not committed to anyone in a rotation but I'm very committed while in an exclusive relationship....which is rare.
But this break up stings and I'm going to ease back into dating instead of jumping right back in head first.

Yeh take a break from dating for a little while, that's a good strategy.

Painful as it is, I think when dealing with a disordered woman,

Hey @Glassguy sorry about all this man. Sounds like you had a good thing until this sh*t went down.

I wouldn't blame it all on mental illness though, women are emotional creatures, often irrationally so when it comes to their emotions,. She just happens to have bi-polar likely in conjunction with BPD (borderline personally disorder, cluster B) which is not uncommon and adds to the cray especially the Borderline.

Did she leave an address where she's staying in her note? Did she block you? I ask because she admitted to feeling insecure and it could be a sh*t test, she's watching now to see how hard you'll fight for her. It's happened to me a few times, I'm pretty familiar with these types of sh*t tests.
When younger, I would chase, and it only got worse. Now I just let em go, go NC and they come back eventually.

IME the most egregious part was that she led you to believe everything was fine, was playing all cute and cuddly and the following day while you were at work, she left.

That's low and basically unforgiving. If she needed space to regroup her emotions, she could and should have talked about it with you, NOT left a damn note. That's what people who give a sh*t do, they don't just leave after leading you to believe all was well the night before.

I don't think this is over tho. After a time once she realizes you are done and not gonna chase, she'll have a rethink and be back. Could almost guarantee it.

You're gonna be longing for her too, you're human and you're really into her, that doesnt just go away overnight it'll take a while, so think about how you will respond when/if she returns.

Good luck man ane keep us posted.

It's likely she will come back, based on the letter she left for the op.. She seems invested to some degree.

Problem is though, even if she did come back & OP got back together with her, what could be the next trigger for her to pack her bags an leave again?

She did put on a strong act about everything being great with op, then she does a complete U-turn.

The relationship could be walking on eggshells moving forward for the op.

This was serious sabotage of the relationship.

 

[member162951]

Problem is though, even if she did come back & OP got back together with her, what could be the next trigger for her to pack her bags an leave again?

Seriously good point.

 

[soulforge]

Seriously good point.

My ex did something similar, sent me a text message ending the relationship.

I accept the break up & ghost.. Two days later she does a complete U-turn and begins blowing up my phone, with attempts at getting back together.

I did get back with her, however the relationship was never the same again from MY perspective.

Its the not knowing exactly why she did, what she did.

Was it a chit test? Did she lose interest? Is she the type to cut a relationship loose at the first sign of an obstacle?

I never felt quite the same after that sabotage attempt by my ex, and felt uneasy about investing in her, because I just didn't know when the wheels would fall of again.

As you can imagine the wheels did fall off and I am no longer with her. Without long term security/trust there is no relationship.

That being said OPs girl overall sounds like a good woman. For OP it might be worthwhile attempting again, my concern would be if she became suspicious again about something down the road.

 

[Stuffnu]

I used to call a local rollercoaster ride the “ByePolar“.
Strap-in my friends.

 

[soulforge]

I used to call a local rollercoaster ride the “ByePolar“.
Strap-in my friends.

Yeh man, I have been on that ride.. lol exhausting!!!

 

[Glassguy]

Seriously good point.

I want peace, comfort and respect in my life. I'm not going to go through life with someone looking over my shoulder or feel like I'm walking on eggshells. Which is why I have been completely silent since I got home yesterday, after she moved out.
Did she leave the jewelry on purpose? Not sure. But I do know that she was trying like hell to get out before I got home and she had to see me in person.
Would I entertain a conversation with her if she reached out? Yes. Because a really good connection with someone these days is rare. And we had it.
I don't think I would have to necessarily change anything other than more information on the best way to handle certain things within a relationship with someone with BPD. But she has a lot of things to work through that she must be able to do on her own. And that takes effort.
I have no interest into going back to what it was over the last month. I would entertain going back to the way it was prior to that but again, she would have a lot of work to put into herself in order for the relationship to ever work again

 

[CBear]

This area has about 70k people in a 20 mile radius.

And before my (now ex) gf, I'd hooked up with a chick. About a month before. I had to block this chick because she got really mad when I told her that I started seeing someone and she got very disrespectful and I had to block her. And I showed my (now ex) gf. Fast forward to 3 weeks ago, everything WAS fine, and my now exs ex husband started talking to the chick I hooked up with from my past (the irony). The crazy chick told my ex gfs ex husband that I was texting her all the way up until just a few months ago (total lie) but I had deleted everything after I had to block her back in December. And of course my now exs ex husband told her about it. And we had a long conversation which led to what I thought was everything being ok. Then she brought it back up a week later. We talked. Everything ok.
This week she started losing her shyte about it. Threatening to move out.

Last night I figured out how to pull up the phone and text log through my wireless provider. And I showed her that I hadn't texted this chick since right after we started dating. She had the proof of me telling the truth and this crazy chick lying. We went to sleep last night all cuddled up and feeling good about everything after showing her that i had been loyal and truthful the entire time. Wrong....
She moved out today while I was at work. Lied straight to my face last night about never going to lose me again, how much she loves me, blah blah blah.

And she left me a nice note after moving out saying that it's all in her head, she needs space, I'm her soul mate and that we will hopefully reconnect later on when she is in a better place.

To which she will be totally wrong about. It's funny that he left her jewelry cabinet that also had her wedding rings from her previous marriage.

And I'm in my 40s and she is 28. Never in my life have I been tricked like this. I'm normally really good at spotting the crazy ones from a mile away.

So I erased her from social media and I have a nurse prac on her way over now to hang out.

Onward and forward. The show must go on lol. Live and learn

What you initially mentioned sounded like just regular female drama and something that could be worked on. Moving out of nowhere after reassuring you the day before, leaving a note of how much she loves you, and leaving some belongings ARE what sound like the bipolar part, however. Understand that she may be doing this on purpose, as screwed up as it sounds. And I can tell you with 100% certainty that this isn't the last of her. She WILL come back. Thanks for sharing. It's important for other men to see that even a more knowledgeable poster like @Glassguy will be mentally affected and left confused with feelings of still wanting someone who is bipolar and takes meds. It is a constant push and pull and anyone and everyone will fall victim to it should they choose to be with someone like this. This is why you should never date someone with these kind of problems unless you want your sanity affected by it.

 

[soulforge]

I want peace, comfort and respect in my life. I'm not going to go through life with someone looking over my shoulder or feel like I'm walking on eggshells. Which is why I have been completely silent since I got home yesterday, after she moved out.
Did she leave the jewelry on purpose? Not sure. But I do know that she was trying like hell to get out before I got home and she had to see me in person.
Would I entertain a conversation with her if she reached out? Yes. Because a really good connection with someone these days is rare. And we had it.
I don't think I would have to necessarily change anything other than more information on the best way to handle certain things within a relationship with someone with BPD. But she has a lot of things to work through that she must be able to do on her own. And that takes effort.
I have no interest into going back to what it was over the last month. I would entertain going back to the way it was prior to that but again, she would have a lot of work to put into herself in order for the relationship to ever work again

If she truly is bipolar/bpd then that is a mental illness my man, something she has been living with for a very long time and is taking medication for.

I can't see how she would be able to overcome her issues in a short space of time.

Again you cannot negotiate that change from her, she would need to be willing to make those changes herself? The only way that can happen is when you have the leverage & she is knocking on your door, wanting to be back together with you.

You are not in a barganing position right now. She walked out on you.

 

[member162951]

I have no interest into going back to what it was over the last month. I would entertain going back to the way it was prior to that but again, she would have a lot of work to put into herself in order for the relationship to ever work again.

Tell her this next time yall talk. Like no matter how difficult, don't just walk out, talk to you, have a conversation.

Is she in therapy in addition to taking meds? And yeah I do think she left the jewelry box intentionally.

This is a tough one and don't envy the position you're in. Perhaps @BeExcellent could chime in as a woman? Her posts lately have been on point imo..

 

[soulforge]

Tell her this next time yall talk. Like no matter how difficult, don't just walk out, talk to you, have a conversation.

Is she in therapy in addition to taking meds? And yeah I do think she left the jewelry box intentionally.

This is a tough one and don't envy the position you're in. Perhaps @BeExcellent could chime in as a woman? Her posts lately have been on point imo..

Honestly I think it's worth trying again, only because OPs girlfriend seems like a good chick, however you will always be a prisoner to her mental illness.

Don't expect her to behave in a rational manner for too long. Her illness doesn't allow her to.

 

[Dash Riprock]

I want peace, comfort and respect in my life. I'm not going to go through life with someone looking over my shoulder or feel like I'm walking on eggshells. Which is why I have been completely silent since I got home yesterday, after she moved out.
Did she leave the jewelry on purpose? Not sure. But I do know that she was trying like hell to get out before I got home and she had to see me in person.
Would I entertain a conversation with her if she reached out? Yes. Because a really good connection with someone these days is rare. And we had it.
I don't think I would have to necessarily change anything other than more information on the best way to handle certain things within a relationship with someone with BPD. But she has a lot of things to work through that she must be able to do on her own. And that takes effort.
I have no interest into going back to what it was over the last month. I would entertain going back to the way it was prior to that but again, she would have a lot of work to put into herself in order for the relationship to ever work again

Hey GG,

Wow. The thing that struck me is how she lied to your face about how much she cares etc. etc. and then moves out the next day. Obviously it was all premediated and planned so that would REALLY burn me. What a total b*tch move. Absolutely no regard for being a person of integrity and honesty. Evidently not values she feels are important to her or she wouldn't have pulled off the move out-move. Yeah, the connection might have been good but look what you have to take on to get the connection. She would likely repeat this behavior over and over and it may even get more extreme if you were ever the one to break it off. Maybe going to cops with BS charges, calling your employer, who knows. People like this don't change nor are they suddenly "cured." The behavior ebbs and flows and you're often the emotional punching bag as you found out. She would always be accusatory and suspicious, a really hard way for you to live.

I think it was a blessing in disguise she moved out. Saved you a lot of hassle down the road. I would go NC for at least a few weeks. If she inquires about the jewelry, meet her out and give it to her. Will be a lot easier.

My advice is to make as clean of a break as possible as soon as possible and just move on. People can hide their true colors for a long time. Hers finally bubbled up and you had a ring side seat. You dodged a huge bullet.

Good luck.

 

[Glassguy]

What you initially mentioned sounded like just regular female drama and something that could be worked on. Moving out of nowhere after reassuring you the day before, leaving a note of how much she loves you, and leaving some belongings ARE what sound like the bipolar part, however. Understand that she may be doing this on purpose, as screwed up as it sounds. And I can tell you with 100% certainty that this isn't the last of her. She WILL come back. Thanks for sharing. It's important for other men to see that even a more knowledgeable poster like @Glassguy will be mentally affected and left confused with feelings of still wanting someone who is bipolar and takes meds. It is a constant push and pull and anyone and everyone will fall victim to it should they choose to be with someone like this. This is why you should never date someone with these kind of problems unless you want your sanity affected by it.

I feel like I'm better with women than 95% of men. And I've always been successful with women.
Truthfully it sucks to me to even start a post like this one. But it's reality that even someone with an alpha mindset has feelings and emotions. I can protect myself by running a rotation of plates and never worry about getting hurt because I never let them get close enough to hurt me.
But this one I did let do that and for good reason. But now it hurts. It will also work itself out either way for the best.
I don't think I've heard the last of her either. Which is why I started this thread. I want to better understand other people's experiences when they were in the situation I'm in now so I'm better equipped to handle this when she does reach out.
Good informative post btw!

 

[Glassguy]

Tell her this next time yall talk. Like no matter how difficult, don't just walk out, talk to you, have a conversation.

Is she in therapy in addition to taking meds? And yeah I do think she left the jewelry box intentionally.

This is a tough one and don't envy the position you're in. Perhaps @BeExcellent could chime in as a woman? Her posts lately have been on point imo..

I'm going to give it a couple more days for the emotions and tension to settle. If she doesn't reach out by then, I'll reach out. She is on 30mg of prozac and does not do any counseling/therapy. But I'm going to make it a point to let her know that if the therapy is something that she stands to benefit from, she has a man in her corner to help her with it.
And that's funny about @BeExcellent . She is a very close and dear friend of mine offline, even though we are a thousand miles away. And we literally talk all the time. Her female perspective is spot on

 

[soulforge]

Unless you are some type of head doctor, your going to talk her into, convincing her brain to function the way you want it to function.

Good luck with that.

How many threads have we seen on SS about BPD relationships, and dudes at the brink of self deleting themselves.

 

[Glassguy]

The thing that struck me is how she lied to your face about how much she cares etc. etc. and then moves out the next day. Obviously it was all premediated and planned so that would REALLY burn me. What a total b*tch move. Absolutely no regard for being a person of integrity and honesty

I'm certainly not denying that. And trust me, I have thought about that a lot since it happened

 

[Glassguy]

Unless you are some type of head doctor, your going to talk her into, convincing her brain to function the way you want it to function.

Good luck with that.

How many threads have we seen on SS about BPD relationships, and dudes at the brink of self deleting themselves.

Lol I'm definitely not on the brink of that. You should know from my stance on this forum over the years that I have no problem walking away. In this case I'm just making sure that if I have to shut the door, it's going to stay locked.
Women are emotional creatures. I'm sure the BPD does not help matters in that regard. From my experiences with her, which have been mainly great until recently, I think the situation deserves a couple of days to settle down before locking the door.

 

[soulforge]

Lol I'm definitely not on the brink of that. You should know from my stance on this forum over the years that I have no problem walking away. In this case I'm just making sure that if I have to shut the door, it's going to stay locked.
Women are emotional creatures. I'm sure the BPD does not help matters in that regard. From my experiences with her, which have been mainly great until recently, I think the situation deserves a couple of days to settle down before locking the door.

If you had mentioned that she was a bich at times with you, or disrespectful etc.. Then I would say lock that door, walk away for good.

However she has been a good chick to you upto this point, then yes let the dust settle and wait for her response.

She needs to make the effort to reach out to you though & make it very clear she wants to work things out.

 

[Glassguy]

If you had mentioned that she was a bich at times with you, or disrespectful etc.. Then I would say lock that door, walk away for good.

However she has been a good chick to you upto this point, then yes let the dust settle and wait for her response.

She needs to make the effort to reach out to you though & make it very clear she wants to work things out.

Outside of the recent drama the past few weeks, she's been great. Very bubbly personality, gets along great with my friends, lots of effort to do things for me, etc.
The last few weeks she's still mainly tried to be nice. But she's also had this doubt that I wasn't telling her the truth about the issue, and I think her insecurities from past relationships started really creeping until she went full Fight of Flight. On 2 occasions she became irritated and a little sarcastic with me during conversations about all the BS, which was very outside her normal personality.

 

[BeExcellent]

Hang in there my friend. Perspective will clarify itself over the near term. You are a courageous soul to post your experiences here. It helps others & gains you varied viewpoints.