How to check your woman?

[RazorRambo24]

Told her that she needs to evaluate her relationship with these friends because every time she hangs out with them, there's an extremely high chance of a very negative outcome. I also told her that she seems to submissively pedestalize these people and treat her true friends like they are replaceable. I don't know if this group of women used to bully her in HS because her excuses for these people scream of Stockholm Syndrome. Luckily, she rarely hangs out with them, but if it becomes more common than I will have to re-evaluate this relationship.

I think that's an overly sympathetic approach to just plain old bad behavior/not being able to handle ones self like a respectable adult. Her friends are not responsible for her behavior--she is. Ofc there's a lot of details we don't know of.. but regardless, I stand with @CAPSLOCK BANDIT in what he said. You need to be stern and set your boundries and what you tolerate/wont tolerate quickly and efficiently.. empathetic and understanding doesnt bring results.. Its more or less my way or the high way type of attitude.. Especially if you know you got your sh.t together in life.

 

[logicallefty]

In the exact scenario of the OP, I always say "I am leaving. Are you coming with me or not?" They usually do. But by giving them a choice they don't try to play the "you are controlling" card about it later. Also, I think if they end up staying it gives them time to stew over where I may have went and what's going to happen with me when we talk about it later. Last time I did this I left, didn't answer her calls for an hour. When i finally did answer I actually got a full apology, her begging me to come back to pick her up, some reflection on what she had done wrong, and some great sex when we got home.

 

[Divorced w 3]

In the exact scenario of the OP, I always say "I am leaving. Are you coming with me or not?" They usually do. But by giving them a choice they don't try to play the "you are controlling" card about it later. Also, I think if they end up staying it gives them time to stew over where I may have went and what's going to happen with me when we talk about it later. Last time I did this I left, didn't answer her calls for an hour. When i finally did answer I actually got a full apology, her begging me to come back to pick her up, some reflection on what she had done wrong, and some great sex when we got home.

This is a pro move. I agree, have the control to leave the bar and make it a privilege to come back with you. Speaking for myself, I shut the bar down too often and have more than I should, and wonder sometimes why frame suffers.

 

[parabellum]

No matter what girl you date, there’s going to be a time where she disrespects you. I was in a situation last night at a club crawl type scenario and I basically said we are going home because she was drunk and playing mind games that could've just devolved into a worst situation. Furthermore, we both knew the night was going to be bad because it involved catching up with toxic friends that advised her not to do. Either way, last night was the worst I had ever seen her intoxicated wise and it ended in a disaster. We get back, she starts pulling the drunk girl tears & flailing on the floor/drunk puking bs. The next morning, she is in a death state from being extremely hungover, but we still have make-up sex and I dropped her off at her place to just go to sleep for the rest of the day.

I plan to address my concerns when she is in a better condition, but what do y'all do to check your woman being disrespectful? I personally think the sit back passive frame behavior is stupid and doesn't solve shvt especially when it involves a girl that is above a plate status.

1. what mind games?

2. It seems to me you had a scarcity mindset during that whole interaction. Happens to the best of us I guess.

If you feel disrespected you need to bring it up asap and reach a compromise or gtfo.

 

[The Duke]

@CornbreadFed

1. You keep yourself out of those situations. That was your first mistake.

2. When you see the drunkenness coming on, you tell her it's time to go before the drama escalates. 2nd mistake.

3. When all else fails you leave her ass there. She can find her own way home.

4. Give her 3days to sober up and marinate about the disrespect.

Always tough love. Talking to a woman and explaining isn't very effective. Many have stated that before me.

What they do understand is being ignored.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Update: She apologized, we’ve had a lot of sex, and she bought me the pair of golden goose shoes I was eyeing at the mall lol.

 

[SargeMaximus]

It’s not worth it for me. There’s always another woman out there. No girl is special enough that I want to micromanage her

 

[manfrombelow]

Getting drunk to the point she loses control of herself is a typical sign of low-level. I mean if this is not who you're going to marry next year, then who gives a fvck?

In caseOP really truly needs to have that conversation, make sure to keep it short and simple.

 

[soulforge]

This is probably the biggest challenge in an LTR.
Still the way you handled it doesnt work.
Think of "death by a thousand cuts"
This is good. If it happens again you walk away without engaging it in public.
Or if possible you spin it on her and make it a joke but then again that takes hella frame.
The 2 days was good. Curious how long before she tests this again in public.
This kind of thing has a deeper meaning behind it. There is something else off.

Yeh something is off... What if she does this again?

By the way, in an LTR maximum how many chances should a girl get for disrespect or sabotaging the relationship?

 

[Divorced w 3]

Update: She apologized, we’ve had a lot of sex, and she bought me the pair of golden goose shoes I was eyeing at the mall lol.

The tell is that she bought you the kicks. The other two mean zero. Glad to hear and hope it works for you though. Live and learn and all that.

 

[Divorced w 3]

This kind of thing has a deeper meaning behind it. There is something else off.

^^^^

 

[CornbreadFed]

Yeh something is off... What if she does this again?

By the way, in an LTR maximum how many chances should a girl get for disrespect or sabotaging the relationship?

I've seen girls literally cheat on their guys and they still beg them back. Of course, there's one time deal breakers like that but your gf is human after all.

 

[soulforge]

There is no set formula. LTRs are more fluid. I would highly suggest to any guy to have this checked at the beginning.

If you are just finding the RP and in an LTR thats a different animal altogether.
You are basically un-beta-ing yourself in her eyes and that is a tough situation. Rian Stone has some good LTR stuff on youtube.
If that were my girl at 7 years I would have left her there. Not told her shyt and the next day told her to go stay with her parents/sister/cousin (whatever) for a couple weeks I got to do some thinkkng.

Gotta be willing to go scortched earth at some point.
Some women will behave so badly that they literally are pleading with the dude to punch them in the face. Thats how far some search for a boundry

Problem with walking away for two weeks is, gives her time to think things through too, and maybe she weighs out some of her other options.

That being said it's the only thing we can do in order to keep her in check. Walk away

 

[soulforge]

I've seen girls literally cheat on their guys and they still beg them back. Of course, there's one time deal breakers like that but your gf is human after all.

I'm all for giving a girl one chance for a serious discretion.

When it becomes two or more.. It's legs day. Time to walk

 

[Divorced w 3]

Problem with walking away for two weeks is, gives her time to think things through too, and maybe she weighs out some of her other options.

And?

 

[Millard Fillmore]

In the exact scenario of the OP, I always say "I am leaving. Are you coming with me or not?" They usually do. But by giving them a choice they don't try to play the "you are controlling" card about it later. Also, I think if they end up staying it gives them time to stew over where I may have went and what's going to happen with me when we talk about it later. Last time I did this I left, didn't answer her calls for an hour. When i finally did answer I actually got a full apology, her begging me to come back to pick her up, some reflection on what she had done wrong, and some great sex when we got home.

Good response here. A man's tools are his attention or lack thereof.

"Boundaries" doesn't mean telling her what not to do. It means showing what you won't accept.

 

[soulforge]

And?

I'm not suggesting that shouldn't walk away, I'm simply highlighting something that may likely happen, considering how many options they have.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I'm not suggesting that shouldn't walk away, I'm simply highlighting something that may likely happen, considering how many options they have.

I understand, and that is really the point. OP would be sending a very clear message that this type of behavior does not equate with the type of relationship he’s interested in. A secondary message in the action is that he is confident in his abundance, but primarily is that he just does not interest in that behavior , for whatever reason.

To be sure, OP better not be throwing a rock at a glass house.

 

[anour]

A few weeks ago, my wife was openly disrespectful to me in public for the first time ever (married 7 years). I told her right then and there that she could cut the sh*t, or find a different ride home. She b*tched about it, then stopped. I didn't say a word to her for 2 days until she came around asking "what's wrong?" like a child who goddamned knew better. I said "I will not put up with disrespect in any manner, but if you're disrespectful to me in front of other people again - I'll have someone else to fill your spot in my bed within the week."

She shut the f*ck up and realized I wasn't playing. It was a sh*t test and I nuked it from orbit. Her apology involved suction.
A couple days later, she started showing the first true signs of wanting to submit to me after 3 months of running my MAP.


Women are going to check your boundaries. They're hardwired to.

It's on YOU to lock that sh*t down and make sure she knows you're gone if she doesn't stop.

What is MAP?

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

What is MAP?

It’s an old term meaning Male Action Plan. Derived I believe from Athol Kay’s work.