The oddest situation I’ve [M23] ever been in with a girl [F21] at work need some game guru’s to help a brother out. Hi guys so there’s a younger F(20

[Lostman2000]

The oddest situation I’ve [M23] ever been in with a girl [F21] at work need some game guru’s to help a brother out.

Hi guys so there’s a younger F(20) at work I’m M(23) I’ve been working with her for 4-5 weeks now and I decided to shoot my shot with her which is normally against my own policy of not ****ting where you eat with regards to women at work but she’ll be leaving to go back to college (uni here in the U.K.) in September and it’s basically August so I thought better late than never.

To make a long story short she’s a very social outgoing girl she’s talkative and asks questions to pretty much everyone she actually mentioned she got an ADHD diagnosis whilst living in the US. She was subconsciously **** testing me, testing my frame for instance getting me to help her with tasks, asking me to bring her stuff she could get herself, trying make me jealous or overact by saying she found some security random guy hot. She started texting me first at work as well. Noticing small details about me touching me etc. Asking for my surname to try and instagram stalk me then straight up asking me if I had had Instagram saying it tells a lot about a person.

At work I initiated a small hug she laughed saying it was so random but allowed me to hug her, I think nothing off it. Anyway I decide to shoot my shot asked her to meet at short notice she said busy and said maybe another time and said sure wasn’t sure because she works with with me and stuff which is fair enough. Then I tried to change the the power dynamic I’d give her time to think about it and the offer of a casual date stood and she knew where to contact me if she wanted to go on one and to think about it. she then says she prefers our dynamic as friends. I said i wasn’t interested in being platonic friends and I don’t see her as a friend and she seemed to get really annoyed or upset by that I said our dynamic at work would be different because I’ll be moving on and no longer giving the same level of interaction. She said he she’s very surprised by my advances I.e me telling her I found her attractive and had a soft spot for her and doesn’t know how to respond or what to say as she’s has a closed off person. She was texting back quickly and seemed to be putting thought into her responses even texting me late at night. I’m very confused.

 

[Lostman2000]

Someone help a brother out

 

[Dr.Suave]

She´s just using you for Attention / Validation. Next

 

[RazorRambo24]

Yea my dude, she doesn't like you and is using you like @Dr.Suave mentioned.

Anytime someone seems desperate for answers and needs to ask anyone, its almost 100% chance that you're dealing with a chick that doesn't really like or respect you.

When a girl really likes you, you will always know it.. unless you're just dense af.

 

[Lostman2000]

Just tell her what you want without apology. But im guessing she has already got you pegged as the "nice guy" you are.

I’m not a nice guy at all I saw her at work yesterday and basically did no contact holding my frame I’m not sitting in the friend zone or being her plutonic friend **** that. I didn’t speaker to her unless she spoke to me and I acted like I didn’t care at all which I don’t so I wasn’t really acting.

 

[Lostman2000]

W

I would think you wouldnt be in this situation if you werent a nice guy. Not being a nice guy has little to do with being a mean guy. Its a bit of a bigger scope.
Thats unfortunate about the acting part. Acting is part of life.
Maybe thats why she dont wsnt to fck you. Maybe your jyst being yourself

What have I don’t that demonstrates I’m a nice guy absolutely nothing give me one example

 

[sangheilios]

@Lostman2000

Why did you title the thread like this is some **** on the dating forum of reddit lol?

Move on from this woman. You were just having a fun and light hearted interaction with a woman who may also have seen you in the "coworker" category and automatically pegged you in a platonic zone. I don't mean this as an insult, when women meet men in a certain context they quickly place them in various categories and it's difficult to get out of that. Coworkers, classmates, etc. often fall under a platonic bin because you met each other in a set of circumstances like this. It's a bit different than say if you met at a bar, a singles event, the gym, at the grocery store, etc.

 

[Lostman2000]

@Lostman2000

Why did you title the thread like this is some **** on the dating forum of reddit lol?

Move on from this woman. You were just having a fun and light hearted interaction with a woman who may also have seen you in the "coworker" category and automatically pegged you in a platonic zone. I don't mean this as an insult, when women meet men in a certain context they quickly place them in various categories and it's difficult to get out of that. Coworkers, classmates, etc. often fall under a platonic bin because you met each other in a set of circumstances like this. It's a bit different than say if you met at a bar, a singles event, the gym, at the grocery store, etc.

I’m not taking this personally thanks for the advice but you guys shouldn’t be so hard on a young man like me trying to learn about male female interaction all this is really knew to me I don’t have any males in my life who’ve taught me anything about male female interaction father is is useless and no brothers which is why I’m trying to learn and understand.

 

[ManFromTartarus]

you guys shouldn’t be so hard on a young man like me trying to learn ......................... I’m trying to learn and understand.

It's what you need right now, so read the replies on your thread ( and others on this site) ........ and learn.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Actually, I think the guy did well.

He basically went Mode One on her by telling her that he found her attractive, wants to date her, and isn't interested in being platonic friends.

Can't ask for more than that.

It appears she is either..

1. What ARC classifies as a "wholesome pretender", which is a woman who is upholding a "good girl" image (but in reality, shes not.)

Or..

2. In not feeling you.

Although the latter part of your post suggests that there is interest.

Keep working on her day after day, as long as you keep it sexual so far as your work situation permits.

 

[Learning Curve]

The oddest situation I’ve [M23] ever been in with a girl [F21] at work need some game guru’s to help a brother out.

Hi guys so there’s a younger F(20) at work I’m M(23) I’ve been working with her for 4-5 weeks now and I decided to shoot my shot with her which is normally against my own policy of not ****ting where you eat with regards to women at work but she’ll be leaving to go back to college (uni here in the U.K.) in September and it’s basically August so I thought better late than never.

To make a long story short she’s a very social outgoing girl she’s talkative and asks questions to pretty much everyone she actually mentioned she got an ADHD diagnosis whilst living in the US. She was subconsciously **** testing me, testing my frame for instance getting me to help her with tasks, asking me to bring her stuff she could get herself, trying make me jealous or overact by saying she found some security random guy hot. She started texting me first at work as well. Noticing small details about me touching me etc. Asking for my surname to try and instagram stalk me then straight up asking me if I had had Instagram saying it tells a lot about a person.

At work I initiated a small hug she laughed saying it was so random but allowed me to hug her, I think nothing off it. Anyway I decide to shoot my shot asked her to meet at short notice she said busy and said maybe another time and said sure wasn’t sure because she works with with me and stuff which is fair enough. Then I tried to change the the power dynamic I’d give her time to think about it and the offer of a casual date stood and she knew where to contact me if she wanted to go on one and to think about it. she then says she prefers our dynamic as friends. I said i wasn’t interested in being platonic friends and I don’t see her as a friend and she seemed to get really annoyed or upset by that I said our dynamic at work would be different because I’ll be moving on and no longer giving the same level of interaction. She said he she’s very surprised by my advances I.e me telling her I found her attractive and had a soft spot for her and doesn’t know how to respond or what to say as she’s has a closed off person. She was texting back quickly and seemed to be putting thought into her responses even texting me late at night. I’m very confused.

Here is your help.

At work I initiated a small hug

A small hug for what? Showing your interest already? or trying to create a friendship vibe? bad way to go.

Not sure, maybes, another time is low interest.

Here how the conversation should have went:

Her : she said busy and said maybe another time and said sure wasn’t sure
You : No Problem, take care.

-

"Then I tried to change the power dynamic I’d give her time to think about it and the offer of a casual date stood and she knew where to contact me if she wanted to go on one and to think about it"

So what you told her is that you will sit down and wait like a good puppy when she decides to go out with you?

Which exact dynamic have you changed here? What you have accomplished is show all your interest which in this case a woman's interest plummets to the ground.

I said i wasn’t interested in being platonic friends and I don’t see her as a friend

You don't see her as a friend? again displaying more interest and she has displayed none yet.

Her : I want to be friends
You : I have friends, thanks for the interest though. Have to run.

-

I’m very confused.

Cut all contact, let her chase.

if she reaches out ask her out for a drink and escalate. If she plays difficult or avoids your messages for going out or anything besides you and her getting in the bed having s3x don't waste your time.

You displayed way to much interest for a ch1ck that has low interest. Stop creating interest in your brain and thinking that this will make her more interested.

You displayed way too much weakness with your responses and actions.

Back-off let her chase never contact her again.

 

[Lostman2000]

Here is your help.

At work I initiated a small hug

A small hug for what? Showing your interest already? or trying to create a friendship vibe? bad way to go.

Not sure, maybes, another time is low interest.

Here how the conversation should have went:

Her : she said busy and said maybe another time and said sure wasn’t sure
You : No Problem, take care.

-

"Then I tried to change the power dynamic I’d give her time to think about it and the offer of a casual date stood and she knew where to contact me if she wanted to go on one and to think about it"

So what you told her is that you will sit down and wait like a good puppy when she decides to go out with you?

Which exact dynamic have you changed here? What you have accomplished is show all your interest which in this case a woman's interest plummets to the ground.

I said i wasn’t interested in being platonic friends and I don’t see her as a friend

You don't see her as a friend? again displaying more interest and she has displayed none yet.

Her : I want to be friends
You : I have friends, thanks for the interest though. Have to run.

-

I’m very confused.

Cut all contact, let her chase.

if she reaches out ask her out for a drink and escalate. If she plays difficult or avoids your messages for going out or anything besides you and her getting in the bed having s3x don't waste your time.

You displayed way to much interest for a ch1ck that has low interest. Stop creating interest in your brain and thinking that this will make her more interested.

You displayed way too much weakness with your responses and actions.

Back-off let her chase never contact her again.

I hugged her because I wanted to gauge how she responded to my physical touch whether she’d embrace me properly or shy away. She’s already be touching me physically at this point like poking me to get my attention playfully etc.

 

[Lostman2000]

Here is your help.

At work I initiated a small hug

A small hug for what? Showing your interest already? or trying to create a friendship vibe? bad way to go.

Not sure, maybes, another time is low interest.

Here how the conversation should have went:

Her : she said busy and said maybe another time and said sure wasn’t sure
You : No Problem, take care.

-

"Then I tried to change the power dynamic I’d give her time to think about it and the offer of a casual date stood and she knew where to contact me if she wanted to go on one and to think about it"

So what you told her is that you will sit down and wait like a good puppy when she decides to go out with you?

Which exact dynamic have you changed here? What you have accomplished is show all your interest which in this case a woman's interest plummets to the ground.

I said i wasn’t interested in being platonic friends and I don’t see her as a friend

You don't see her as a friend? again displaying more interest and she has displayed none yet.

Her : I want to be friends
You : I have friends, thanks for the interest though. Have to run.

-

I’m very confused.

Cut all contact, let her chase.

if she reaches out ask her out for a drink and escalate. If she plays difficult or avoids your messages for going out or anything besides you and her getting in the bed having s3x don't waste your time.

You displayed way to much interest for a ch1ck that has low interest. Stop creating interest in your brain and thinking that this will make her more interested.

You displayed way too much weakness with your responses and actions.

Back-off let her chase never contact her again.

No I didn’t I said I’m not going to pressure you to do anything and I’m only asking once I said think about it the dynamic I changed was she was expecting me to start constantly asking and texting her trying to be beg her to meet me. If she says no then that’s fine I won’t be reaching out or texting again or validating her at work with the attention (I have the power) she says yes I’m in the drivers seat as she’s complied with my timeline the reason why I said that was because she was on holiday for ten days about a couple of days later so we weren’t meeting before that regardless so I said think about it on your holiday. Anyway she made her choice she basically blew me off and that’s fine I won’t be asking again or texting her ever again I meant what I said it was a one time offer take it or leave it.

 

[Lostman2000]

Actually, I think the guy did well.

He basically went Mode One on her by telling her that he found her attractive, wants to date her, and isn't interested in being platonic friends.

Can't ask for more than that.

It appears she is either..

1. What ARC classifies as a "wholesome pretender", which is a woman who is upholding a "good girl" image (but in reality, shes not.)

Or..

2. In not feeling you.

Although the latter part of your post suggests that there is interest.

Keep working on her day after day, as long as you keep it sexual so far as your work situation permits.

Thanks man, I’ll admit I was caught off guard by the rest of the conversation because I wasn’t expecting her to get angry/annoyed at me telling her I’m not interested in being her platonic friend I thought she’d be like yeah fair enough see ya kind of thing.

 

[Learning Curve]

I hugged her because I wanted to gauge how she responded to my physical touch whether she’d embrace me properly or shy away. She’s already be touching me physically at this point like poking me to get my attention playfully etc.

You hugged a low interest woman.

Nothing wrong with hugging a woman, it's a good kino escalation. But you need more signs of attraction then that.

Eye contact?, Flicking her hair?

 

[Learning Curve]

No I didn’t I said I’m not going to pressure you to do anything and I’m only asking once I said think about it the dynamic I changed was she was expecting me to start constantly asking and texting her trying to be beg her to meet me. If she says no then that’s fine I won’t be reaching out or texting again or validating her at work with the attention (I have the power) she says yes I’m in the drivers seat as she’s complied with my timeline the reason why I said that was because she was on holiday for ten days about a couple of days later so we weren’t meeting before that regardless so I said think about it on your holiday. Anyway she made her choice she basically blew me off and that’s fine I won’t be asking again or texting her ever again I meant what I said it was a one time offer take it or leave it.

No you don't have the power.

Listen, when you come to this forums you better take the advice you receive and improve.

When someone goes and replies in detail to you it's because he wants to help you. Nothing wrong with trying to justify your actions because we as humans want to believe that we are correct no matter what because our internal believes and ego can't handle the rejection.

You not asking her anymore will not make any difference to her attraction level. You destroyed the attraction by doing small mistakes yet you believe you have the power. This tells me you don't want to learn.

Is she going to reach out again? Maybe. But if you have the same mentality you will blow it totally.

Power is when your inaction and behavior shows dominance and not weak beta sh1it. Your responses and the way you treated this woman shows way too much interest.

Learn, rinse and repeat.

 

[Divorced w 3]

What have I don’t that demonstrates I’m a nice guy absolutely nothing give me one example

First of all, nobody is actually helping you in this thread. Everyone’s saying walk away, nobody is telling you why. There is a difference between being helpful and ascribing a losing attitude. Quitting without rationale is a losing attitude.

She was coming onto you with confidence and / or conversing with you in a flirty excited way and you played right into her style. In doing so you telegraphed to her that you were interested. The complete opposite of what this girl needed because her entire life, as young as the sweet angel sitting next to me, everyone has literally been playing into the palm of her hands.

You needed therefore to give her a different response than the one she is wired for. The one that is actually going to get her attention - literally not giving her any attention. Therefore, the right replies would have been : short nonchalant answer , she comes back with more attention seeking and then you neg , she gets in a fuss and you let her walk away and with the right touch maybe call her sweetheart but clearly you’re not there yet to do it.

she would be home wondering what just happened and creaming for you by the following day.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Thanks man, I’ll admit I was caught off guard by the rest of the conversation because I wasn’t expecting her to get angry/annoyed at me telling her I’m not interested in being her platonic friend I thought she’d be like yeah fair enough see ya kind of thing.

Sometimes, what women say and what they mean are two different things.

Just keep checking the temperature day by day, and remember to keep it sexual.

No free attention.

Quick story..

Back in the day, there was a young woman I began talking to on a warm approach.

My plan was to butter her up daily, and then close in for the number.

Well, when I thought I had buttered her up enough, I asked for her number.

Her response: "Why would I give you my number? I don't even know you".

Ouch.

I had to take the walk of shame.

All that hard work for nothing, right?

Well, long story short, that same woman; not only did she become my girlfriend, but I wound up taking her virginity and knocking her up.

Like I said, what a woman say and what she means could be two different things.

 

[Gamisch]

I fecking made that mistake ALL the time when I was that age ; rather busy with chasing women at the job than actually trying to get that fecking bag and FOCUS on my career. There are some cool stories but unfortunately you can't pay the groceries and oke, the FINER things in life ,with these " cool stories".

Little I knew that would be a disastrous decision to chase women at the job. But as I say , I can understand it because I did that bs too. My advice is to stay away from women at the job .

And IF really really you want a woman you're working with she better be ALL IN to you, so you can do things on your term. I mean she gotta be in love with you . No point in wasting your time at the job on a woman who makes it ,apparently, extremely difficult for you.

 

[Luni]

Well, long story short, that same woman; not only did she become my girlfriend, but I wound up taking her virginity and knocking her up.

Like I said, what a woman say and what she means could be two different things.

did you marry her?