No real motivation to meet/date girls anymore

[NealIRC]

How do you know she viewed your profile daily/weekly? That is not how facebook works.

The People You May Know List can refresh, especially after you attempt to add someone.

 

[NealIRC]

I've thought about doing that but it still would be a long shot. I have literally no track record pulling girls irl as I keep saying, so even if I met an attractive single woman in such a location it's pretty much bound to fail. Usually when I come across attractive women in my day to day life I suppress my attraction to them since I know nothing would come of it. Like for example back when I was in college there would occasionally be hot girls in my classes, but I would never really try to talk to them because I knew the futility of it. Plus most women who are actually attractive already have boyfriends anyway

Then your goal shouldn't be to pull girls, but to be desired by them. They see you actively participate in the community, go give them butterflies. Walk around shirtless. Drive around in colorful cars.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Then your goal shouldn't be to pull girls, but to be desired by them. They see you actively participate in the community, go give them butterflies. Walk around shirtless. Drive around in colorful cars.

That's all well and good but all that would do is get the women to look at me but nothing more than that

 

[NealIRC]

That's all well and good but all that would do is get the women to look at me but nothing more than that

So get involved in social media from your area too, you want women to see you in real life and go "I seen this guy post on the Internet before" and girls to see you on the Internet to go "I seen him in person before too." Confident women can set you up to approach them. Like, they can pretend to drop something so you would offer to help pick it up...

 

[BergischerLöwe]

So get involved in social media from your area too, you want women to see you in real life and go "I seen this guy post on the Internet before" and girls to see you on the Internet to go "I seen him in person before too." Confident women can set you up to approach them. Like, they can pretend to drop something so you would offer to help pick it up...

Idk I don't really like social media that much and I don't want to spend that much time invested in it. Do I really need to become an influencer just to have attention from women? The whole thing sounds far fetched and not really relevant to my situation no offense

 

[NealIRC]

Idk I don't really like social media that much and I don't want to spend that much time invested in it. Do I really need to become an influencer just to have attention from women? The whole thing sounds far fetched and not really relevant to my situation no offense

What would happen if Brad Pitt walked into a coffee shop, or Jason Momoa?

So yes, it would help to be a little famous.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

What would happen if Brad Pitt walked into a coffee shop, or Jason Momoa?

So yes, it would help to be a little famous.

Bro I'll never even be close to being that famous and recognizable. Their situations aren't comparable to my own in any respect whatsoever. For the most part the only people who even know or care who my band is are a few weird european hippies that buy our albums. The only time I've been recognized on the street like that was in Pittsburg, Kansas when my band was there to play a show on our tour, and that was only two people. That was like 6 years ago too

 

[NealIRC]

Bro I'll never even be close to being that famous and recognizable. Their situations aren't comparable to my own in any respect whatsoever. For the most part the only people who even know or care who my band is are a few weird european hippies that buy our albums. The only time I've been recognized on the street like that was in Pittsburg, Kansas when my band was there to play a show on our tour, and that was only two people. That was like 6 years ago too

But I'm talking about being a little famous only in your municipality.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

But I'm talking about being a little famous only in your municipality.

I know but still I don't think pursuing local fame in some vague bid to get more women interested in me is a realistic prospect. After all, who the hell am I? That advice seems like a long shot and I don't desire material fame

 

[NealIRC]

After all, who the hell am I?

Certainly not what you used to be.

 

[MatureDJ]

I’m a 27 year old guy and as I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed my desire to date has gradually waned. When I was in college I was always really excited about the prospect of trying to hook up with girls, especially since I was a late bloomer when it came to that sort of thing. Now, however, that excitement and enthusiasm is gone. My last relationship ended in the fall of 2019 and since then I have not had sex, but somehow it doesn’t bother me. Over the past two years Ive matched with several different girls on apps who have flat out said they wanted to have sex with me, and even though they were all pretty attractive and I was turned on at the prospect of sleeping with them I never had sex with any of them. Even though they were all keen and clearly wanted some I never met up with any of them, I just let the text conversations die out.

Some have suggested that I could be asexual but I don’t think so. I am without a doubt attracted to women sexually, I still think back upon the various times I’ve been with women and I still see women in public and think they’re attractive, but my desire to pursue women in earnest is gone. These days I’m content with jerking off rather than trying to hook up with a real woman. I’m not really alarmed by this development, just confused as to what has caused it.

I have a few ideas as to why this has happened. Maybe I just grew tired of hooking up with mediocre women from apps, or perhaps it has something to do with my fear of accidental pregnancy, or maybe I’ve just matured emotionally and no longer desire meeting women as much as I did in the past. In addition I’ve never met a woman I’ve felt a true romantic connection with. There has not been a time in my life when I’ve felt a significant “spark” with any woman ive hooked up with, I’ve always felt each time that I’m settling in some way.

In short I dont know how to feel about this or what should be done. Right now I feel oddly content with my lack of female company, but what if in the future I want it and the only women left to date are single mothers or crazy women with baby rabies? Plus when I grow old and unattractive and my hair falls out how would I be able to find anyone good? I may be content now with sitting on the sideline but my worry about regretting this later. I still have vague ideas of finding a life partner but I dont consider it something that will realistically happen. Either way I’m sure some of you on here have dealt with the same thing. How did you navigate these feelings, and what did you do? I’d like to hear your insights on this. What should I do to understand and deal with this?

You've basically made the determination that the juice is not worth the squeeze - and probably have had enough romance-roller-coaster experience to determine that you're not aching to go on that ride again. I think a lot of folks - men & women - have this feeling; for men, it typically comes when the age of women that are available and seem interested in them gets to a certain age where they say "eh", or alternatively, the women might be young enough, but they are fat and /or single mommies.

 

[MatureDJ]

There is this pervasive myth that, if a guy is a cel, then he is necessarily a super clingy simp.

I never understood how they arrived at that lol.

There are plenty of shy, aloof, highly introverted cels. They couldn’t “simp” if they tried.

An incel that manages to get a woman is like a hungry dog with a bone - he ain't giving it up!

 

[MatureDJ]

I'm 47 years old and am not regretting anything since I don't see there is anything in the past I could have really changed as to where I am now. You may come to the same realization too down the line.

Everyone can look back and say that they could have done something different to have a better situation now - I think what you're saying is that you don't regret the decisions you had made, because looking back, you have determined that you had made the proper decisions given the available information at the time.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

You've basically made the determination that the juice is not worth the squeeze - and probably have had enough romance-roller-coaster experience to determine that you're not aching to go on that ride again. I think a lot of folks - men & women - have this feeling; for men, it typically comes when the age of women that are available and seem interested in them gets to a certain age where they say "eh", or alternatively, the women might be young enough, but they are fat and /or single mommies.

So I either find a way to get the kind of relationship I want with a woman I'm actually excited about or I make peace with sitting on the sidelines?

 

[corrector]

An incel that manages to get a woman is like a hungry dog with a bone - he ain't giving it up!

Key word is "manages to get", rather than being "teased". Once can argue you don't truly have something unless if you let it go and it comes back to you. There is a wise saying, that if you let a bird out and it comes back then the bird is really yours. If you let a bird out and it never comes back then it was never yours to begin with. I've had a "relationship" and a marriage in the past, but in both case, I never truly had the woman or neither would be exes today.

 

[corrector]

Everyone can look back and say that they could have done something different to have a better situation now - I think what you're saying is that you don't regret the decisions you had made, because looking back, you have determined that you had made the proper decisions given the available information at the time.

Exactly. However, it's not just that. If I look at the trajectory in life of where I would be today had I made a different decision, then I can't say that I'd be better off than I am today. For example, one ex-gf I always post about moved to New Zealand in 2016 (I don't know or care where she is today). I can't imagine had I continued with her when there was a fork in the road back in Nov, 2012, if I'd face another fork of having to move to New Zealand together with her and if things didn't work out there, eventually be homeless and on the street in New Zealand as a worst case scenario, or live with someone who might not respect me if she's outearning me. In the other example with my ex-wife, if things went differently, then I'd have more explosure to her child, I might have brought a child into the world, and be in a much worst place then I am today.

 

[MatureDJ]

So I either find a way to get the kind of relationship I want with a woman I'm actually excited about or I make peace with sitting on the sidelines?

It's accepting what dishes are availabe on The Menu.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

It's accepting what dishes are availabe on The Menu.

I see. According to this video I shouldn't count on falling in love or finding the right women for me as it's statistically very unlikely, but instead should derive meaning from other things in life. My religion (Vaishnavism) has a similar message. It's all about renouncing material desire, as it is fleeting and temporary, and instead to focus on self-realization, cultivating love of God, and living a peaceful and simple life. The Bhagavad Gita, our main scripture, explains this very in depth. I derive meaning in life from my religion, I socialize with my bandmates and the friends I've made at the temple, I go to the gym and lift weights, I play, write and record music, and in general I have plenty of things going for me. Because of these things my life is mostly good anyway, so it goes along with the message of this video which is don't count on women and just focus on other things to give your life meaning.

It really would be nice to meet a woman that I really like and to have a life with her, but indeed I seriously doubt it's very likely to happen. Statistically it will not, in fact. Sometimes I get self conscious that I haven't found love at this age, especially now when I see so many people in my age group getting married, but I remind myself that for them it will likely not last. Those getting married now will divorce, or the woman will lose her looks, or they'll cheat on each other, or they'll have children and be emotionally and mentally drained by the burden of raising them. I always have to remind myself that I actually have it pretty good, even though most likely what I'm looking for with women/dating will never come to pass.

 

[corrector]

or they'll have children and be emotionally and mentally drained by the burden of raising them.

Yeah, that part seems to be left out of the glamour of having kids.

 

[GoodMan32]

My story is somewhat similar to the OP.

In the past 8 years, I've only had free sex once. I've had lots of sex with escorts these past 8 years, however.

Buying an escort for the first time is nerve-wracking. Once you get in the habit of buying escorts though, it feels like you've discovered a cheat code in a video game. You no longer have to tolerate all the BS that comes with getting a woman to fornicate for free.

I don't have the time/energy for a relationship anyway.