Trying to Setup a First Date

[BeExcellent]

One SoSuave member did this years ago. I cant remember his name. One of the girls throwed a drink of water in his face and left. The other girl didnt take it so bad and got to enjoy a nice evening with the the guy.

I think I remember that actually.

I don’t know why @pipeman84 is bent. This is well known advice that originates from a well known former member here & you can probably search and find that advice.

Listen. High value abundance mindset people realize that other high value abundance minded people have options!!! I always have, the men I date are no different. Now. I’m not a flaker myself, but I’m also super direct. If I’m not very interested I’ll decline giving my number in the first place. So I don’t make plans I might not attend. That conserves my time, which is valuable, and the guy doesn’t waste his time getting his hopes up.

Very few women have the guts to straight up say no from the get go. Most women are terribly conflict averse and would rather flake or not respond later instead of (in their mind) hurting your feelings or your ego to your face. Obviously there is a polite/kind way to decline, an art of itself. Most women comply & flake later in an option rich environment.

Poor character, maybe in flaky chicks. Character is rare in a woman. Remember that.

The other thing you’ll see is lukewarm chicks who maybe you’re the best offer they got going RIGHT NOW but if someone they like better/more/etc comes along later then she’ll bounce in favor of the other dude.

They owe you nothing. It’s your job to value your own time.

My fiancé might have had other dates early on. What did I care? So did I. Desirable people have options. It’s not like we met and that same night agreed to be exclusive, thats ridiculous. I knew he’d see my value because I know my value and I value myself.

I didn’t worry about it at all precisely because I know my value. Voila, here we are.

Double book. If you are philosophically against that? Fine. Then don’t. But don’t complain about time waster girls when you won’t value your own time.

 

[pipeman84]

I don’t know why @pipeman84 is bent. This is well known advice that originates from a well known former member here & you can probably search and find that advice.

I read through guru1000's threads when I joined the forum and indeed he dropped some wisdom in his posts. But he also was a guy with a prison record, divorced and with I don't know how many exes. That all points to character issues and the double booking (which basically translates to dishonesty and disregard for a fellow human being YOU decided to start some sort of relationship with) is an example of that.
So when a guy sees nothing wrong with double bookings and whatever other reprehensible behavior, he shouldn't be surprised /angry that he meets women with similar behavior.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I read through guru1000's threads when I joined the forum and indeed he dropped some wisdom in his posts. But he also was a guy with a prison record, divorced and with I don't know how many exes. That all points to character issues and the double booking (which basically translates to dishonesty and disregard for a fellow human being YOU decided to start some sort of relationship with) is an example of that.
So when a guy sees nothing wrong with double bookings and whatever other reprehensible behavior, he shouldn't be surprised /angry that he meets women with similar behavior.

Hence why these guys attract what they are and they prove it based on what they complain about on this site.

 

[Dr.Suave]

This Is backwards for me. Some single bookers aré basically implying a Guy starts right off the bat with what you consider bad behavior (overbooking) and he gets bad behavior in return because karma's a b1tch or "like attracts like".

I dont think this Is the case. I would imagine most Overbookers start off single Booking and after a while they start overbooking a consequence of women's bad behavior.

This Is a place where a lot of questionable behavior Is preached and celebrated. Spinning plates, Trying to get sex as soon as posible, sex without any commitment, etc. But overbooking, which to me seems like a small thing in comparison to other stuff that Is preached/celebrated here, Is demonized. Sorry, I cant wrap my head around It.

 

[CornbreadFed]

This Is backwards for me. Some single bookers aré basically implying a Guy starts right off the bat with what you consider bad behavior (overbooking) and he gets bad behavior in return because karma's a b1tch or "like attracts like".

I dont think this Is the case. I would imagine most Overbookers start off single Booking and after a while they start overbooking a consequence of women's bad behavior.

I started out single booking, got flaked on and started overbooking. I got flaked on because I was a pill npc and low smv. Once I started emotionally connecting better with women and raising my smv, they became more invested in meeting me so over booking became unnecessary and regressive, so I applied the strategy @SW15 mentioned. Furthermore, since I was developing myself, the one and off flake was a relief more so than annoyance.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I started out single booking, got flaked on and started overbooking. I got flaked on because I was a pill npc and low smv. Once I started emotionally connecting better with women and raising my smv, they became more invested in meeting me so over booking became unnecessary and regressive, so I applied the strategy @SW15 mentioned. Furthermore, since I was developing myself, the one and off flake was a relief more so than annoyance.

Now, this Is some good stuff. Most posts read like "Let me call you unethical and low value or some variant while Im sitting around on some high horse".

 

[BeExcellent]

Now, this Is some good stuff. Most posts read like "Let me call you unethical and low value or some variant while Im sitting around on some high horse".

Exactly.

I mean Danny Trejo was locked up for 25 years or so. Nobody is going to say he’s not a good dude now. There’s an interesting documentary on his life that’s worth watching.

People change & evolve. If pipeman84 doesn’t like me? So what. Guru has a great deal of experience in the field irrespective of his past, which honestly he’s been pretty straightforward about. There are a number of experienced contributors around here that I’ve had conversations with. There are a few who I consider friends.

As a woman I find stringing girls along to be exponentially worse behavior than double booking. I mean using a girl for sex that you never are going to be exclusive with even though she wants to be your girl? While she invests her time in making an effort toward you? Not cool. But how many here date strippers or escorts or thots who want more? Lots.

You’re willing to use the thot for sex but not be exclusive to her….but double booking is a cardinal sin? A few of you need to go outside more. Seriously.

If a man refuses a woman exclusivity there is always a reason. Smart chicks catch a clue & eventually split if she’s never getting what she wants out of the deal.

Double booking is learning to respect your own time because often, random women won’t.

Wait. @pipeman84 Stop press. Asking a woman out = starting a relationship??????

No wonder you are so upset. Way over invested due to scarcity mindset and throw in some white knighting for the little darlings.

It’s a date with a stranger for Pete’s sake. It’s not a marriage proposal.

Strangers are unlikely to value your time. That’s your job. That’s all double booking does. Otherwise no harm no foul. It’s like having two parties to go to the same night. You either pick one & ditch the other or go to one first, then the next. No big deal.

 

[SW15]

I started out single booking, got flaked on and started overbooking. I got flaked on because I was a pill npc and low smv.

If you were a blue pill NPC with low SMV, the surprising part is not your flake rate. The more surprising aspect was actually getting first date agreements on the swipe apps.

Once I started emotionally connecting better with women and raising my smv, they became more invested in meeting me so over booking became unnecessary and regressive, so I applied the strategy @SW15 mentioned. Furthermore, since I was developing myself, the one and off flake was a relief more so than annoyance.

Game is some combination of looks, money, status, and charisma/personality. When you say that you were emotionally connecting better with women, that refers to the charisma part of Game. Charisma/personality can be somewhat difficult to establish with in-app messaging on a swipe app or via text message. Without improving your personality, you would have needed more in the way of either looks, money, or status to compensate for any perceived personality deficiencies.

The strategy of booking consecutive nights and not double booking was a good move when I use apps. However, after using apps, I found the whole app experience to be more negative than positive. I am happier with only arranging dates in-person.

 

[pipeman84]

Wait. @pipeman84 Stop press. Asking a woman out = starting a relationship??????

No wonder you are so upset. Way over invested due to scarcity mindset and throw in some white knighting for the little darlings.

I said some sort of relationship, not a relationship. In other words, an interaction.
I'm not upset at all. Where'd you get that idea? I'm not a woman at risk of being double booked and I'm not using OLD. #winwin
I just pointed out something that seems obviously wrong to me but others find perfectly fine.
And this isn't about the women, it's not white knighting. It's about the guys, you act in a certain way (with double booking being a marker of it), you'll attract a certain type of woman. So don't come later and start a thread about NPD, BPD, BLA BLA ex and how there weren't any red flags or signs of a 5 tonnes baggage.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I find stringing girls along to be exponentially worse behavior than double booking. I mean using a girl for sex that you never are going to be exclusive with even though she wants to be your girl? While she invests her time in making an effort toward you? Not cool.

You’re willing to use the thot for sex but not be exclusive to her….but double booking is a cardinal sin?

Yes, thank you. We are on the same page. This is why people being against overbooking in such a strong way rubs me off the wrong way.

But at the same time, @CornbreadFed did make some good points on his last post. The flake % is inversely proportional to your SMV, so he increased his SMV to a point where flakes where a non-issue, making overbooking unnecesary.

 

[nismo-4]

If you haven’t met the girl in person yet, how can it be a flake?

Doesn't matter. I don't know where guys get this "She never met you" thing from, but it's still a flake. You want to meet in person and she doesn't. If you saw her online, fine. But you're always competing with guys in her vicinity as well as her exes.

If a girl flakes, she had a better option or better offer.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Doesn't matter.

If a girl flakes, she had a better option or better offer.

Actually it does matter. You aren’t even a real person until she meets you.

 

[The Duke]

I recently set up dates with two different girls from online dating that both flaked on first dates:

Girl A texts me 4hours before our date and says she had to go to her job she just quit to pick up some personal belongings and says she couldn't get in the building so she had to go back at a later time and now didn't have time to do all that, drive, and get ready to meet up. She says "I'm sorry, lets do a different day maybe a different place."

I heard a little bit of hesitation in the previous phone call we had to set up the date in regards to the venue I picked as well as her not having enough time but she agreed anyways. There were also some other things I picked up on during the phone call that told me she is a girl that doesn't always think things thru and doesn't know herself very well. She claims she is super "picky" and feels she has a right to be. LMAO Sure thing!

Girl B texts me 8hrs before our first date and needs to cancel. She just got a reminder about a hair appointment and they will charge her if she cancels.
She also explains she has other commitments thru out the week and tells me exactly what they are. She then asks me if Friday or Saturday works.
I tell her Friday works.

I think this girls interest is solid. She pointed out that the venue I picked was closer to me than her but she would still meet me. This girl isn't as hot as Girl A but still nice looking. She's got more feminine qualities than Girl A.

Meanwhile I'll keep looking, collecting phone numbers. I approach dating like they do. No big deal if it doesn't work out, and always be entertaining multiple options. Do this and you'll make better choices and the flakes won't bother you much at all.

***Update***

Girl A never reached out and neither did I. As a guy, if you can learn to interpret their hesitations and understand what isn't being directly communicated, you won't be left wondering.

I hit up Girl B the day before to see if she was still good with our rescheduled time for a first date. She told me her work was really busy and she didn't know if she could get off in time but would let me know for sure.

My reply to her was, "let's just pick a better time that's certain. I don't wait around for "maybe's". " She understood and has been initiating text conversations for a few days since. Her interest level is not where it needs to be, and mine just took a big plunge. She is likely entertaining multiple men, gets off on the free attention, on her period, I'm not her number one choice, who the hell knows. I'm certain she would go out if I was persistent, but there would be too much song and dance to go thru before she started feeling tingles. Girls like this are always a hassle to date. I have more respect for bar sluts.

 

[SW15]

I have more respect for bar sluts.

Bar sluts are better than swipe app women.

 

[member160292]

***Update***

Girl A never reached out and neither did I. As a guy, if you can learn to interpret their hesitations and understand what isn't being directly communicated, you won't be left wondering.

I hit up Girl B the day before to see if she was still good with our rescheduled time for a first date. She told me her work was really busy and she didn't know if she could get off in time but would let me know for sure.

My reply to her was, "let's just pick a better time that's certain. I don't wait around for "maybe's". " She understood and has been initiating text conversations for a few days since. Her interest level is not where it needs to be, and mine just took a big plunge. She is likely entertaining multiple men, gets off on the free attention, on her period, I'm not her number one choice, who the hell knows. I'm certain she would go out if I was persistent, but there would be too much song and dance to go thru before she started feeling tingles. Girls like this are always a hassle to date. I have more respect for bar sluts.

Haha, that’s a good take at the end there. It’s just a numbers game as it was decades ago and always will be. You have to approach this new world of dating with a IDGAF attitude, there’s tons of women coming into my matches everyday and likely will never meet up. It’s free and only costs me 20 mins a day to banter. Good luck out there, brotha!

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Haha, that’s a good take at the end there. It’s just a numbers game as it was decades ago and always will be. You have to approach this new world of dating with a IDGAF attitude, there’s tons of women coming into my matches everyday and likely will never meet up. It’s free and only costs me 20 mins a day to banter. Good luck out there, brotha!

But new world it not, it just same as ever was...

 

[member160292]

But new world it not, it just same as ever was...

Much more options/technology to get distracted

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Howie what app(s) did you use?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Much more options/technology to get distracted

Lol I know, I was just channeling my inner bigpapa

 

[member160292]

Lol I know, I was just channeling my inner bigpapa

Lol, dude….