Logistics of a first date

[Juanto]

Hi guys, let me know your opinion on this. If I´m setting up a first date with a woman that lives lets say around 30/40km from me, I always either try to setup a place somewhere in the middle, or in my city (which is the biggest city of my region). I have had instances where even the middle solution got rejected by the women in question, where they wouldnt budge from meeting me unless it was in their town. I have always refused this, as for me it shows very low interest in my opinion.

Am I being correct in my interpretation here or am I being too stubborn?

 

[CornbreadFed]

This largely depends on where you live it. In retrospect, a girl has a lot more options to choose from so there’s no real reason for her to go out of her way to meet you on some first date. The only way she will do this is if you are literally “the one” potentially and you did a good job checking all of her boxes out beforehand.

 

[pipeman84]

I assume you're getting these dates from OLD so I think it's too much to expect from a woman to drive 40 km to meet a total stranger. Even suggesting to meet in the middle sounds too much for me and not what a gentleman would do. I would arrange a low investment date in her town (depending on weather, either a walk in the park or meeting in a coffee shop) and consider that 40 km drive or bus ride as an opportunity to meditate or listen to a podcast.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Low interest

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I assume you're getting these dates from OLD so I think it's too much to expect from a woman to drive 40 km to meet a total stranger. Even suggesting to meet in the middle sounds too much for me and not what a gentleman would do. I would arrange a low investment date in her town (depending on weather, either a walk in the park or meeting in a coffee shop) and consider that 40 km drive or bus ride as an opportunity to meditate or listen to a podcast.

40km isn't that bad, honestly that's nothing. Basically like driving between two suburbs on the opposite sides of a decent sized city if not farther. 40km is only 25 miles. That's a very normal distance to drive in the US for pretty much anything.

I've had women drive way further than that. Some have driven 60+ miles which is like over 100km.

 

[Juanto]

40km isn't that bad, honestly that's nothing. Basically like driving between two suburbs on the opposite sides of a decent sized city if not farther. 40km is only 25 miles. That's a very normal distance to drive in the US for pretty much anything.

I've had women drive way further than that. Some have driven 60+ miles which is like over 100km.

I live in Europe, but I get your point. So you mean if a woman is interested, she would drive those 40km to meet me at my city?

 

[Dr.Suave]

So you mean if a woman is interested, she would drive those 40km to meet me at my city?

A girl with high interest would move heaven and earth. She would pay for plane tickets and fly to your location. Nothing and nobody would stop her from riding your d1ck

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I live in Europe, but I get your point. So you mean if a woman is interested, she would drive those 40km to meet me at my city?

Hard to say. In the US this wouldn't even be a question. That really doesn't come up until it gets to like 40-50 miles normally. Then again, gas prices aren't ludicrously high like $7-8+ a gallon like they are in Europe. Outside California maybe haha

 

[pipeman84]

A girl with high interest would move heaven and earth. She would pay for plane tickets and fly to your location. Nothing would stop her from riding your d1ck

But not on a first date. That reeks of desperation/issues. Not only it's the masculine thing to make the first move in dating, but with OLD being all about visual it naturally rises the interest level of the man much more than that of the woman.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

But not on a first date. That reeks of desperation/issues. Not only it's the masculine thing to make the first move in dating, but with OLD being all about visual it naturally rises the interest level of the man much more than that of the woman.

The assumption that 40km is a long way to drive for anyone in the US is where this goes off the rails for me. There are cities where it's farther than that to drive across to the other side of the city.

Europe, maybe I can see it...gas prices are ridiculously high there and there isn't as much driving that takes place.

In the US 40km or 25 miles is literally nothing.

 

[Hal9000]

I would always agree to go to them. If you have managed to get someone who doesn't really know you to agree to meet its a bit much to also expect them to leave their comfort zone for your convenience as well. Never waste your time chatting with someone if you arent even willing to drive to them for a first date.

 

[CornbreadFed]

The assumption that 40km is a long way to drive for anyone in the US is where this goes off the rails for me. There are cities where it's farther than that to drive across to the other side of the city.

Europe, maybe I can see it...gas prices are ridiculously high there and there isn't as much driving that takes place.

In the US 40km or 25 miles is literally nothing.

Traffic in major US cities can be a huge factor in this. Living in a large city can turn even 10 miles in to a terrible drive you wouldn’t want to make often. In Europe, does this 25 miles involve switching trains/buses? 25 miles only seems meaningless if you live in a rural or less densely populated area.

 

[pipeman84]

The assumption that 40km is a long way to drive for anyone in the US is where this goes off the rails for me. There are cities where it's farther than that to drive across to the other side of the city.

Europe, maybe I can see it...gas prices are ridiculously high there and there isn't as much driving that takes place.

In the US 40km or 25 miles is literally nothing.

Agree, distance is perceived differently in US vs EU. But the point remains that it's on the man to make the first move/effort in dating. I personally would be very circumspect of a woman willing to go out of her way to meet me based off a few photos on OLD and a bit of chit-chat on WhatsApp. That would be a second big red flag, her being on OLD is the first.

 

[EyeBRollin]

It depends on her living situation.

Does she have roommates or live alone?
Does she live near bars and restaurants?
Does she have public transportation options?
Does she own a vehicle?
Does she live way out in the suburbs or rural area?

If she lives alone or in a prime area with good venues, you should absolutely go to her area. Those are favorable logistics for the opportunity of sex.

If she has roommates or lives in a suboptimal area, it is best to require the venue be halfway, or in your area.

I do find that refusal to see the bigger picture in logistics is indeed stubborn. Guys need to stop worrying so much about “appearing beta.” More important is having the date actually happen while also providing the highest chance of sex.

 

[CornbreadFed]

It depends on her living situation.

Does she have roommates or live alone?
Does she live near bars and restaurants?
Does she have public transportation options?
Does she own a vehicle?
Does she live way out in the suburbs or country?

If she lives alone or in a prime area with good venues, you should absolutely go to her area. Those are favorable logistics for the opportunity of sex.

If she has roommates or lives in a suboptimal area, it is best to require the venue be halfway, or in your area.

I do find that refusal to see the bigger picture in logistics is indeed stubborn. Guys need to stop worrying about this. More important is having the date actually happen while also providing the highest chance of sex.

You are correct, most women on OLD live in prime downtown areas, so unless you live in a better area then you are going to be the loser on the table.

 

[Juanto]

Agree, distance is perceived differently in US vs EU. But the point remains that it's on the man to make the first move/effort in dating. I personally would be very circumspect of a woman willing to go out of her way to meet me based off a few photos on OLD and a bit of chit-chat on WhatsApp. That would be a second big red flag, her being on OLD is the first.

Remember that I usually offer them a halfway place for both of us, so these women that rejected my offer wouldnt drive those 80km (2 way trip), they would drive around half. Even still, the last one rejected to do so.

 

[Juanto]

You are correct, most women on OLD live in prime downtown areas, so unless you live in a better area then you are going to be the loser on the table.

In my case its the opposite, I am the one that lives in downtown of the biggest city of my region

 

[EyeBRollin]

Remember that I usually offer them a halfway place for both of us, so these women that rejected my offer wouldnt drive those 80km (2 way trip), they would drive around half. Even still, the last one rejected to do so.

Remember your ultimate goal.

If she has favorable logistics near her (venues or lives alone), traveling to her has potential benefit.

If she has unfavorable logistics and refuses to even meet you halfway, your likelihood of anything with this girl is nil to begin with. Her rejection is saving you time and money!

 

[CornbreadFed]

In my case its the opposite, I am the one that lives in downtown of the biggest city of my region

Then she needs to come to you, but tbh I have a hard radius cutoff range for a reason. If this was to work out, do you really want to make this commute often?

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Hi guys, let me know your opinion on this. If I´m setting up a first date with a woman that lives lets say around 30/40km from me, I always either try to setup a place somewhere in the middle, or in my city (which is the biggest city of my region). I have had instances where even the middle solution got rejected by the women in question, where they wouldnt budge from meeting me unless it was in their town. I have always refused this, as for me it shows very low interest in my opinion.

Am I being correct in my interpretation here or am I being too stubborn?

I personally think you are being too stubborn, and I say that with the utmost respect.

Because stubbornness as it pertains to this issue tells me that you are a man of standards and principle.

So much respect.

However, my thing is, I would not travel 40 miles to go on a first date with a woman, UNLESS I am almost certain there is a good chance I will smash.

I would invite you to have the same mindset.