Behaviour of the dumper

[Monkeynuts]

Hey all,

will try and keep this short. Was with a girl for around 14 months ( she’s 28, I’m 36 )
Went into the relationship having been burned before. Was open about this to this new girl.

quite early I would catch her in a lie about who a guy was she was talking to. Being told it’s just a friend when infact it was an ex or a previous flame.
These type of situations happened on like 2/3 occasions.

many insecurities went hay wire and I’m not proud of it but I snooped on her phone a few times ( and got busted for it )

fast forward to feb of this year. Things were going a little weird - asked her if she would show me who she was talking to - she freaked out. Eventually saw messages on her phone from a guy she said she did not have on social media -the last Message was confirming when they would meet up. Obviously I flipped out.Told her to pack her stuff and get out.

we met a week later and I believed what she said about the situation and we decided to work on the relationship and trust - me saying I need total transparency going forward.

last week, she randomly told me someone from her school days DM’d her. She showed me the message and blocked the guy. I was happy and thanked her.

few days later we were about to settle down and watch a film and she showed me a chat her and a mutual friend had on insta ( so I saw her inbox )
she went off to make a drink, her phone was next to me and for whatever reason ( insecurity ) I looked on her phone. Now I don’t have her passcode - so I could browse her notifications - boom. There was a message that day from a guy that had caused us issues in the very beginning.
She came back and I asked her about it - was told she had no message etc etc though eventually came clean.
we broke up over being lied to a few months back and she did the same. She tried saying she didn’t want to cause issues but I don’t buy it. She could tell me about the other guy a few days ago but not this one.

she ended up leaving and literally blocked me on WhatsApp, insta and Facebook.

not heard anything from her since.

going through the usual breakup struggles, not sleeping amazing. Putting her son a pedestal etc

We are members of the same CrossFit box, so have a members page on Facebook. Notification came up that she posted yesterday - so shows she unblocked me. But only on Facebook. No message or contact of any kind.

very confused at the moment as to what’s going on. It’s hard that she’s just shut the door and seemingly cut me out her life so easily.

guess I’ve joined this forum to vent, speak and to stop me reaching out to her. A friend has mentioned to me that the stuff I’ve explained to him she seem very emotionally manipulative towards me. Guess one day I’ll awake from this haze I’m in

 

[Foe]

Had the exact same experience, except I went back probably around 50 times? in 3 years. It never changed man, as they say past events predict future trends, or the classic, you cant turn a hoe into a housewife.

Accept the gift of her disqualifying herself from your life and move on, dont think twice, dont ruminate on what could have been, what you can do, what if this and what if that.

Also be proud of yourself for sticking up for your moral code and breaking up with her in the first place. That was your instinct talking and it was right. You accepting her back is your insecurity talking.

I guarantee she will attempt to come back (shes already starting to unblock you, Id give it a month max), this is a ****test to see what she can get away with and if you are weak enough to try again she will continue to degrade you in worse and worse ways until you are a shell of your former-self.

Find a way to be strong enough to ignore her when she does message......This will set you up for a better relationship and make you feel better about yourself as a whole.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Hey all,

will try and keep this short. Was with a girl for around 14 months ( she’s 28, I’m 36 )
Went into the relationship having been burned before. Was open about this to this new girl.

quite early I would catch her in a lie about who a guy was she was talking to. Being told it’s just a friend when infact it was an ex or a previous flame.
These type of situations happened on like 2/3 occasions.

many insecurities went hay wire and I’m not proud of it but I snooped on her phone a few times ( and got busted for it )

fast forward to feb of this year. Things were going a little weird - asked her if she would show me who she was talking to - she freaked out. Eventually saw messages on her phone from a guy she said she did not have on social media -the last Message was confirming when they would meet up. Obviously I flipped out.Told her to pack her stuff and get out.

we met a week later and I believed what she said about the situation and we decided to work on the relationship and trust - me saying I need total transparency going forward.

last week, she randomly told me someone from her school days DM’d her. She showed me the message and blocked the guy. I was happy and thanked her.

few days later we were about to settle down and watch a film and she showed me a chat her and a mutual friend had on insta ( so I saw her inbox )
she went off to make a drink, her phone was next to me and for whatever reason ( insecurity ) I looked on her phone. Now I don’t have her passcode - so I could browse her notifications - boom. There was a message that day from a guy that had caused us issues in the very beginning.
She came back and I asked her about it - was told she had no message etc etc though eventually came clean.
we broke up over being lied to a few months back and she did the same. She tried saying she didn’t want to cause issues but I don’t buy it. She could tell me about the other guy a few days ago but not this one.

she ended up leaving and literally blocked me on WhatsApp, insta and Facebook.

not heard anything from her since.

going through the usual breakup struggles, not sleeping amazing. Putting her son a pedestal etc

We are members of the same CrossFit box, so have a members page on Facebook. Notification came up that she posted yesterday - so shows she unblocked me. But only on Facebook. No message or contact of any kind.

very confused at the moment as to what’s going on. It’s hard that she’s just shut the door and seemingly cut me out her life so easily.

guess I’ve joined this forum to vent, speak and to stop me reaching out to her. A friend has mentioned to me that the stuff I’ve explained to him she seem very emotionally manipulative towards me. Guess one day I’ll awake from this haze I’m in

She has been trying to get you to dump her for months and she finally dumped you.

She has zero respect for you at this point. You really need to work on your insecurities, they are going to sabotage any relationship you try and have until you get those addresses internally.

 

[Monkeynuts]

I understand both your points.

Looking back at some of her previous behaviour I took alot, when ever there were arguments she would either leave or threaten to leave and I chased her.

Just hard - after being told things for so long, with her always playing the victim its affect my self esteem and confidence massively.
I just to be a cheeky confident guy, and in the end felt I couldnt be myself around her as she didnt like my 'jokes'

Its difficult when I ( we ) are the ones on this side of the fence.

 

[Murk]

I would have left the first time I caught her speaking to ex-flames, should have definitely left when she was trying to meet up with a dude (and probably did), I'd bet money she cheated on you. You still want her back, be happy she blocked you. You really need to dig deep and find some self-respect, because at this point you have none in my eyes. A single mother hoe, dumped you because you called her out on cheating, let that sink in.

 

[Robert28]

I understand both your points.

Looking back at some of her previous behaviour I took alot, when ever there were arguments she would either leave or threaten to leave and I chased her.

Just hard - after being told things for so long, with her always playing the victim its affect my self esteem and confidence massively.
I just to be a cheeky confident guy, and in the end felt I couldnt be myself around her as she didnt like my 'jokes'

Its difficult when I ( we ) are the ones on this side of the fence.

I’ll be honest, I think you had confidence and self esteem issues BEFORE meeting this girl. Know why I know that? Because of how much you put up with for as long as you did. Know how else I can make that claim? Because I’ve been that guy before! She didn’t bring out your self esteem and confidence issues, she just manifested them to heights you didn’t realize they were as bad as they were. If anything she did you a favor and while it sucks right now, if you’ll take advantage of this opportunity you’ll come out stronger than even before you met her when you just “thought” you were confident and had high self esteem.

 

[Monkeynuts]

I would have left the first time I caught her speaking to ex-flames, should have definitely left when she was trying to meet up with a dude (and probably did), I'd bet money she cheated on you. You still want her back, be happy she blocked you. You really need to dig deep and find some self-respect, because at this point you have none in my eyes. A single mother hoe, dumped you because you called her out on cheating, let that sink in.

When you put it like that - Yes I totally see your point. If I was listening to my story I would give exactly the same advice. Funnily enough a mate of mine recently has been dumped by his partner - two days later she is with someone else ( clearly going on behind his back for a while ) 4 months later hes still a mess. And like you IVe told him some home truths - but he hasnt listened.

I will bounce back from this....Just feels like Im in the initial stages.

For the record she doesnt have children

I’ll be honest, I think you had confidence and self esteem issues BEFORE meeting this girl. Know why I know that? Because of how much you put up with for as long as you did. Know how else I can make that claim? Because I’ve been that guy before! She didn’t bring out your self esteem and confidence issues, she just manifested them to heights you didn’t realize they were as bad as they were. If anything she did you a favor and while it sucks right now, if you’ll take advantage of this opportunity you’ll come out stronger than even before you met her when you just “thought” you were confident and had high self esteem.

You're right - I did. The chick before this one basically did the same to me, Though I caught her in the end and walked. I dont think I ever truely got over that and worked on myself - I was happy being single when my last partner showed up unexpectedly. I guess I thought I was healed but clearly I wasnt - and now the Bull my ex has pulled has just put me back even further

 

[Dr.Suave]

Never go back to an ex. Stay strong brother. Welcome to Sosuave

 

[Murk]

For the record she doesnt have children

going through the usual breakup struggles, not sleeping amazing. Putting her son a pedestal etc

I didn't realise this was a typo, my bad

 

[ThisIsSparta]

my last partner showed up

Asides from what the other guys told you........... you need to program that "partner"-thing out of you.

Women are not supposed to be our partners. Women are supposed to be led by men and act accordingly (be compliant/obediant).
Once you got them in that frame, your life will be much easier and they will work their mind around staying in line and not about other men to get validation or dyck from them.

 

[Monkeynuts]

didn't realise this was a typo, my bad

Sorry man - didnt mean to come across rude - Guess my brain is working faster than my fingers currently. Not sleeping much will do that to ya :/

 

[Macadellic]

She is a useless worthless disrespectful b/tch of a dumb c/nt. Treat every woman this way unless she proves otherwise. 10 out 10, 99.99% of women won’t prove you otherwise.

Pump and dump
Finish on her face
And walk

Respect yourself

 

[TheManMasenko]

She is a useless worthless disrespectful b/tch of a dumb c/nt. Treat every woman this way unless she proves otherwise. 10 out 10, 99.99% of women won’t prove you otherwise.

Pump and dump
Finish on her face
And walk

Respect yourself

Said like true champ,

A women did the same thing to me OP, she left me for a man who later pump/dump her.

I'd agree with others who say you're insecure. Work on yourself (workout, invest), love yourself (accept) and learn this lesson, move on.

Welcome to the sosuave.

When you take a women to seriously you lose.

 

[RazorRambo24]

Sorry to hear this happened to you brother. These are the kinds of things that ultimately act as a catalyst to help you level up in life and grow stronger and become better. I want you to know that you're not doomed to your past circumstances. If you stop settling for any woman you find and start focusing more on putting yourself and your goals first, then you will eventually attract a woman that makes you feel validated, supported, loved and understands you.

I would say figure out whatever insecurities you have if any about yourself and work on those things. Do things to help improve your overall self esteem and confidence and itll pay off greatly in due time. For now, it may be best not to focus on women seriously and just try to keep things casual.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

You on other side of the tracks now where the first round is on the house and the real fellas around here will speak in parables.
The game should be sold not told.
This female should have been gone since last year, let alone become nothing more than a fvck buddy piece of azz for entertainment use only.
Girlfriend status should be treated as a sacred oath where the woman has to put in the work for and uphold.
You just can’t give the title to any woman who gives you the azz and that is for the sake of own peace of mind.
She needs to earn that privilege and after that she needs to earn it again.
These baddies should not take you off the market that easy.

Respect is the bedrock of a prosperous healthy relationship with a woman. I can give a fvck about love and I will keep saying that till my casket drops.
If she respects you, she will not cheat on you or be bidding in the dark on her phone.

You did the right move by nutting up and dispatching her back to the curb where she belongs.
Read 48 laws of power and make money.
If you believe in God, pray.

 

[Monkeynuts]

Starting to realise there was hardly any respect from her.

She was allowing her bro to move into her flat for a while. ( she had a flat but lived at her parents ) I asked her one day last week if she wouldn’t mind grabbing my food that I had down her flat and bringing it back.
She got angry and called me the most selfish person in the world. Why did I have an issue with her bro being in the flat. I did not for the record and told her this. I just said it’ll be cramped is we go down there and your bro is there. It’s a small two bed flat.

At times she would be rude to me and snap for no reason.

We went on holiday to America in December. She got in a pi$$ and walked off. We were in a foreign country in a new city ( New York ) and she just walked off.

I’m slowly starting to see I put up with behaviours that most people wouldn’t. I’m not a gimp. I’m a decent guy and a good catch. Clearly insecurities have been amplified and my self esteem hit.

She even admitted last week that she had gone back over my Facebook to post from 6 years ago to do with an ex of mine and screen shotted the pics??? I don’t know why

 

[Foe]

I’m slowly starting to see I put up with behaviours that most people wouldn’t. I’m not a gimp. I’m a decent guy and a good catch. Clearly insecurities have been amplified and my self esteem hit.

They say that woman teach us the lessons we need to learn and I firmly believe this. This girl has taught you what you don't want, need or will tolerate in your life. Don't be a fool and ignore the lesson.

Next time this raging b!tch comes back or anything like her you will know. Be appreciative of how acutely she was able to demonstrate this to you and how easily you learnt the lesson.

On to the next......lesson

 

[Gamisch]

Hey all,

will try and keep this short. Was with a girl for around 14 months ( she’s 28, I’m 36 )
Went into the relationship having been burned before. Was open about this to this new girl.

quite early I would catch her in a lie about who a guy was she was talking to. Being told it’s just a friend when infact it was an ex or a previous flame.
These type of situations happened on like 2/3 occasions.

many insecurities went hay wire and I’m not proud of it but I snooped on her phone a few times ( and got busted for it )

fast forward to feb of this year. Things were going a little weird - asked her if she would show me who she was talking to - she freaked out. Eventually saw messages on her phone from a guy she said she did not have on social media -the last Message was confirming when they would meet up. Obviously I flipped out.Told her to pack her stuff and get out.

we met a week later and I believed what she said about the situation and we decided to work on the relationship and trust - me saying I need total transparency going forward.

last week, she randomly told me someone from her school days DM’d her. She showed me the message and blocked the guy. I was happy and thanked her.

few days later we were about to settle down and watch a film and she showed me a chat her and a mutual friend had on insta ( so I saw her inbox )
she went off to make a drink, her phone was next to me and for whatever reason ( insecurity ) I looked on her phone. Now I don’t have her passcode - so I could browse her notifications - boom. There was a message that day from a guy that had caused us issues in the very beginning.
She came back and I asked her about it - was told she had no message etc etc though eventually came clean.
we broke up over being lied to a few months back and she did the same. She tried saying she didn’t want to cause issues but I don’t buy it. She could tell me about the other guy a few days ago but not this one.

she ended up leaving and literally blocked me on WhatsApp, insta and Facebook.

not heard anything from her since.

going through the usual breakup struggles, not sleeping amazing. Putting her son a pedestal etc

We are members of the same CrossFit box, so have a members page on Facebook. Notification came up that she posted yesterday - so shows she unblocked me. But only on Facebook. No message or contact of any kind.

very confused at the moment as to what’s going on. It’s hard that she’s just shut the door and seemingly cut me out her life so easily.

guess I’ve joined this forum to vent, speak and to stop me reaching out to her. A friend has mentioned to me that the stuff I’ve explained to him she seem very emotionally manipulative towards me. Guess one day I’ll awake from this haze I’m in

Many thing come to mind and i will write them all down.

-you seem very beta. The tone of the music is beta. No knock on you, but something you'll need to work on for the rest of this year.

- 28 is the WORST age to date a woman. She'll be fighting the "hate to become 30" battle. This might influence how she feels about life. In other words; she might be fighting/having a depression .

-add to this ,she is a ho3. Sorry to tell you this. But she is a nasty, remorseless not trustworthy person. If this was a man she could be the type to steal your wallet after you loaned him some money .

-now the MOST IMPORTANT thing!.
This happens when you stay. Lets say you caught her after 4 months. Everything that happened after that time is completely on YOU. To me there's no difference between catching her once vs catching her 20 times.

You should've walked away long time ago. By staying and perhaps even doubling down on the beta behaviour you brought it all on to yourself. Hard to hear I know. But that the basis of your problems.

You could either next her HARD (just leave and never ever look back, delete jer nr and SM and chalk it up , or perhaps should tell her:" i love/like you enough that I tried to give US another chance. But looking back at everything, it seems obvious you would rather be single, so go ahead and be single. "

And you WALK.

You on other side of the tracks now where the first round is on the house and the real fellas around here will speak in parables.
The game should be sold not told.
This female should have been gone since last year, let alone become nothing more than a fvck buddy piece of azz for entertainment use only.
Girlfriend status should be treated as a sacred oath where the woman has to put in the work for and uphold.
You just can’t give the title to any woman who gives you the azz and that is for the sake of own peace of mind.
She needs to earn that privilege and after that she needs to earn it again.
These baddies should not take you off the market that easy.

Respect is the bedrock of a prosperous healthy relationship with a woman. I can give a fvck about love and I will keep saying that till my casket drops.
If she respects you, she will not cheat on you or be bidding in the dark on her phone.

You did the right move by nutting up and dispatching her back to the curb where she belongs.
Read 48 laws of power and make money.
If you believe in God, pray.

Could you tell more about this respect over everything type of philosophy? I would like to hear this and i believe OP needs this information as well

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Sits on the toilet...grabs a magazine or his phone...proceeds to let loose.

 

[Gamisch]

OP, why i called you beta? There's a saying that goes like this:

show me your friends and I will tell you who you are.

Its may now. 5th month. You already stated that your homie got played and 4 months later he still isn't over that shyte. That's why I warn you and advice you to "alpha up" for the rest of this year. If you and your friend are somewhat similar, you'll enter the month September still being heartbroken.

Dont try to get another woman right away. You got SO MUCH to learn, and being 36 is the perfect (but also crucial) age to finally pick up on life lessons your old man should've taught you .

Your friends are also beta, so you all will just reinforce the beta behaviour that's allowing the women to play yall like fiddles.