Girl (27 y/o) acting hot and cold. No sex yet though

[Don732]

Have been dating this girl for 4 months, we kiss, hug, you pretty much name it and we do everything except sex. We been very close to have sex couple of times, but she breaks it off saying she is not ready yet. She says she only have sex while she in a relationship. But she is not ready for a relationship now, however, she likes me and afraids that if we get too close, it might hurt her in the future. She told me she only had one boyfriend (long term) and that's pretty much it. Also, a while ago she mentioned how other dudes are chasing her, sending flowers, etc but she is here with me, so take it as a compliment.

Everytime we get close to sex, the next day she acts cold and then some time after hot again. Also, recently she was telling me she is more than ready for a relationship now. But the next day she says she not sure yet.

So, i'm bit confused now, she not saying "YES" or saying "NO" . Experienced fellas please help me to understand whats happening here? I'm sorta getting addicted to her, even though in the beginning i had no such plans.

 

[pipeman84]

She's 27 and had at least one boyfriend according to her, so 4 months is enough time to determine whether she finds you suitable for relationship or not ... her actions (denying sex) show the answer is NO while her words are ambiguous (one day Yes, next day No). Bottom line: she's not into you and she's wasting your time.

Also, a while ago she mentioned how other dudes are chasing her, sending flowers, etc but she is here with me, so take it as a compliment.

This doesn't sound right to me at all. She puts herself on a pedestal and sees you as a guy who should feel lucky she pays attention to you.

 

[Don732]

She's 27 and had at least one boyfriend according to her, so 4 months is enough time to determine whether she finds you suitable for relationship or not ... her actions (denying sex) show the answer is NO while her words are ambiguous (one day Yes, next day No). Bottom line: she's not into you and she's wasting your time.

This doesn't sound right to me at all. She puts herself on a pedestal and sees you as a guy who should feel lucky she pays attention to you.

Pipeman84, thanks for reply! At one point i just was ready to walk away, stopped messaging, calling her. But then she started to act hot towards me, messaging me when we can hangout, etc. I just find this really weird, why is she in active engagement with me during those 4 months, i mean it takes energy, time from her side as well. Or i'm not getting something here. Or is there anything i can do to get her regardless, since i really do want now

Thank a lot in advance for your reply!

 

[pipeman84]

OP, it depends on how you see yourself and what you want out of life. If you see yourself as a prize and want passion, excitement, no drama from the girl you're with, you drop her like a hot potato. I can't know why she's acting so confusingly (don't have enough data, and probably you don't either) but at the end of the day the reason (she's mental, she has other guys who act hot/cold with her, whatever) is not really important.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She isn't that interested in you.
The simplest answer is usually the right one.

 

[Pedrito0906]

She's fvcking her ex, you're just the entertainer who spends money on her, and she gives you a million of excuses.

Have been dating this girl for 4 months, we kiss, hug, you pretty much name it and we do everything except sex. We been very close to have sex couple of times, but she breaks it off saying she is not ready yet. She says she only have sex while she in a relationship.

Members here will say no all women are ho3s, she wants a relationship first LOL, you should marry her, she sounds like a keeper, get on your knees and propose to her. (Sarcastic)

 

[Pedrito0906]

At one point i just was ready to walk away, stopped messaging, calling her. But then she started to act hot towards me, messaging me when we can hangout, etc. I just find this really weird

Its not weird, you started acting like a fvcking man with respect. You wanna have s3x with her? Take her to your room, start undressing her, if she puts the tiniest bit of excuse you put your big boy pants on and tell her "Okay I can't do this anymore, good luck on your dating life" Then you walk and you never look back. She'll probably start shaming you that you only want s3x with her, like every female does when she doesn't want a man to walk away, but don't bulge, she's not interested in s3x and you're waiting on her like a puppy dog for the treat.

 

[Robert28]

Reverse the rolls and think about it. Would ANY woman stick around you if YOU denied her sex for 4 months but did everything else? The answer is no. They’d be gone within a month or less.

 

[The Duke]

Girls that act like this usually have mental issues. All she wants is attention from you. Understand the currency being traded. Sex and attention.....the problem is you haven't gotten paid.

If you were a landlord would you keep a tenant that didn't pay rent or kick them out?

Always believe their actions over words.

 

[Hal9000]

Girls that are into you won't make you wait months for sex. Sounds like she's either a prude, a flake or shes just leading you on. Either way its best to quit wasting your time.

 

[Dr.Suave]

@Don732

Bro, my spidey sense is tingling. Something is very wrong with this girl. 4 months and no sex? Come on bro, that´s a HUGE red flag. I understand some girls like to take it slow but 3 months should be a good limit in the most extreme of cases. Im with @Howiestern on this one, she has mental issues. She´s alpha-widowed / not over her ex at the very least.

 

[Stanley]

"Have been dating this girl for 4 months, we kiss, hug, you pretty much name it and we do everything except sex. "




Some girls like to take it slow...and some girls want to use you for attention, time and money while withholding the one thing she knows you really want for months on end because she 'isn't ready'. My BPD sensor isn't quite going off, but something ain't right my guy.

Maybe she isn't over her ex? maybe she is a prude? Maybe she has mental issues? Maybe she isn't that into you.... but really what matters here is what you want.

What is it you want my guy? It isn't clear. You looking to do some indoor gymnastics with her? Then you need to go for it, otherwise it is probably in your best interest to move on from this girl because she clearly ain't healed. If she is wishy washy it means she is unclear in her feelings/interest towards you, not good. If this continues I only see your mental health diminishing and you will be drained. The Likely best course of action is to have a conversation with her and make a decision.

My first gf was never 'ready' and she had a messed up history with relationships and sex. Dated for nearly a year and never had relations and she ended up cheating anyways. You probably want to abandon ship.... and soon. Do not date broken girls less you want to become fractured in the process

 

[SW15]

There could be any variety of reasons that this interaction has lasted 4 months without sex.

You need to end the interaction.

 

[Murk]

Unless she's a virgin or close, next.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP is the girl Catholic?

 

[Pedrito0906]

OP is the girl Catholic?

 

[CollegeMan22]

Girls that act like this usually have mental issues. All she wants is attention from you. Understand the currency being traded. Sex and attention.....the problem is you haven't gotten paid.

If you were a landlord would you keep a tenant that didn't pay rent or kick them out?

Always believe their actions over words.

One thing that worked for me is telling a girl with who I had been on three dates and had done everything but sex with that she was "using me for my attention". Basically, flip the script on the girl. Tell her she is leading you on. Tell her that you refuse to give her attention with nothing from her end. Tell her you are unhappy. Tell her that this cannot go on. Keep using the words "you are using me".

This worked for me. I banged her hard the next date. But then again I hadn't been "dating" her for four months like you have been......

 

[devilkingx2]

Have been dating this girl for 4 months, we kiss, hug, you pretty much name it and we do everything except sex. We been very close to have sex couple of times, but she breaks it off saying she is not ready yet. She says she only have sex while she in a relationship. But she is not ready for a relationship now, however, she likes me and afraids that if we get too close, it might hurt her in the future. She told me she only had one boyfriend (long term) and that's pretty much it. Also, a while ago she mentioned how other dudes are chasing her, sending flowers, etc but she is here with me, so take it as a compliment.

Everytime we get close to sex, the next day she acts cold and then some time after hot again. Also, recently she was telling me she is more than ready for a relationship now. But the next day she says she not sure yet.

So, i'm bit confused now, she not saying "YES" or saying "NO" . Experienced fellas please help me to understand whats happening here? I'm sorta getting addicted to her, even though in the beginning i had no such plans.

Usually when a woman isn't making sense and it's not obvious low interest, it means there's another dude involved.

Either she's still holding out hope her ex will take her back, or she's still with her last boyfriend and only telling you they're broken up. Maybe she's dating another guy at the same time as you and that guy is winning the race to become her boyfriend.

Either way what you need to do is minimize investment and make sure every date you go on from now on has the potential for sex and an attempt to escalate from you.

Meet and date other girls as well, that should be your primary dating focus until this girl has sex with you.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

This b1tch is 27 and only has had sex inside a relationship?
Then I have a bridge I can sell you.
I love it when these washed up females put up the unicorn facade for the dude they ain’t got one drip of attraction for but when that bad boy is in their crosshairs they be gushing and will turn into a dirty one for the wrong reasons real quick

She fvcking somebody that knows how to press her buttons or still gushing hard over that son of a gun who kicked her to the curb.
She is a nut either way

This one ain’t go no interest in giving it up to you and never will.

At this point, pull a Houdini before she castrates you for good.

 

[The Diver]

recently she was telling me she is more than ready for a relationship now. But the next day she says she not sure yet.

A highly interested girl won't confuse you!

4-5 dates max', one month max' - no sex? You move on, and It doesn't matter the reasons for her withholding sex.

Waiting so long for sex is playing against you: By you agree to her conditions, you voluntarily assign yourself the label of a Chump, and so, lose her respect for you.

The longer you agree to wait, the bigger a Chump you are in her eyes: and the more significant the loss of respect from her.

At this point, the chance she will share her body with you, entirely surrounding herself to you, "The Chump" in her eyes, is unlikely and diminished at the speed of light.

( even a virgin won't wait four months if she is highly interested in you).

Move on and take this interaction as a lesson.