How to transition from seeing sexual desire as evaluation of my worth to a human, biological need?

[MtmVaott]

Title says it all.

Feel free to share your experiences and thoughts.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Why would you ever allow another person to determine how you feel about yourself?

I don't understand this. Please expound on why you feel that way because I don't get it.

 

[MtmVaott]

Shame.
Old paramount principle that being liked and accepted requires me to be like others want me to be.

These two things.

 

[Stanley]

You're desire has nothing to do with your worth

You should not measure your self worth based upon your sexual prowess or inversely lack thereof. If you mean how to remove yourself from the emotional 'feely' aspects of it and view it as purely a physical thing you need to detach yourself and devalue the one thing men place far too much value on.

Can you explain at bit more about what it is you mean here?

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I’m guessing you mean how to feel good about yourself, regardless of others wanting you sexually. feeling desirable to other is an addictive dopamine rush. I’m not sure how one would replace that rush.

 

[Gamisch]

There's a reason why some men live a celibate-ish lifestyle. By doing so they seemingly eliminate the need for sex lust women ect. There's also a reason why we have the phrase " sexdrive". You are driving by indeed lust ,ego ,the need to conquer and dominate women. The moment you take these things away you might as well live a celibate life.

There's a happy middle ground ofcourse. "Healthy sexuality " means you can enjoy sex for what it is, even if it affects your self image. I mean, its also called" intimacy "for a reason. The intimacy sex brings goes both in and outwards.

Sex (or lack of) ,by default is a emotional experience . I think that perhaps a prostitute at some point will be able to truly separate emotions from havig sex, but most men won't ever reach such numbers of sexual notches (assuming a prostitute has at least 4 clients a day for a year for example).

And perhaps this is what you are looking for. Perhaps after your 1000th or 500th notch you'll won't be impressed by the act of sex, and you'll be able to mechanically go through the motions when you manage to bang a HB9,5 .

 

[Murk]

To be desired is very hardwired into us, to be undesirable has very negative effects that you see spill out on the forum and all walks of life. Manifesting is terrible behaviours and actions.

That’s why we advocate becoming desirable rather than checking out of the game entirely to become an incel festering in negative thoughts and self pity. Human’s biological need for procreation is linked to desire.

To answer your poorly phrased question, you would have to realise self worth is something God created us with rather than something another human ordains us with. I understand for non religious people that’s an impossible task. If you believe we are evolved from primordial ooze it’s difficult to get away from linking self worth to our lack of biological desire from others because then what is the meaning of life?

 

[Alvafe]

Why would you ever allow another person to determine how you feel about yourself?

I don't understand this. Please expound on why you feel that way because I don't get it.

in general is how we work, we feel good about ourselfs when we get feedback from others, in a natural way we feel more powerfull when woman feel us desirable, same for woman, diference is woman feel ok with attention, we feel good with sex.

best way to surpass this base need is really stop caring about others opnions, not just lip service we normally say to others, is really dont feel the need to apease others and do what you want without regard, nothing much else to do

 

[MtmVaott]

If you mean how to remove yourself from the emotional 'feely' aspects of it and view it as purely a physical thing you need to detach yourself and devalue the one thing men place far too much value on.

I guess you mean sex itself.
This comes close to what I want to achieve in general. Seeing things for what they are, not as some way to be liked/worthy.

I’m guessing you mean how to feel good about yourself, regardless of others wanting you sexually. feeling desirable to other is an addictive dopamine rush. I’m not sure how one would replace that rush.

Yes.

You are driving by indeed lust ,ego ,the need to conquer and dominate women.

Two things:
1. I am ashamed of my own sexual needs / sexuality
2. I see attractiveness as a degree of the worth of a human being. As a consequence, my ego is boosted when women desire me, and lowered when they don't. That's unhealthy and I want to change that.

And perhaps this is what you are looking for. Perhaps after your 1000th or 500th notch you'll won't be impressed by the act of sex, and you'll be able to mechanically go through the motions when you manage to bang a HB9,5 .

I mean what you refer to as healthy sexuality, and what probably Stanley means when he says to detach sex from any moral or romantic ideals and just see it as sex.

Please forgive my English. So to make it clear: The title should have been:
How can I move to no longer see the sexual desire that women show toward me as an evaluation of my worth as a human being, but as a biological, natural need on their part that arouses desire in myself for them.

best way to surpass this base need is really stop caring about others opnions, not just lip service we normally say to others, is really dont feel the need to apease others and do what you want without regard, nothing much else to do

Yes that's what I want to get at in a general sense.

Be yourself and be true to yourself.
Change your life to fit you rather than trying to meet external or internalized expectations.

I want to live up to my own advice that I gave (the one above). So I am interested on your experiences with that. How did you approach it? Did you take help? By yourself with books? Friends? Going into a lot of different situations/environments to get to know who/what you are? How did you shed light on your blind spots about who you are (you can't see what you don't know)? How far in questioning everything did you go? How to efficiently discover expections that are external or internalized? How to find good environments to show yourself as yourself = vulnerable? What are baby steps in showing yourself as yourself and which of these baby steps are repeatable and 'spammable' so one can learn slowly but steadily?

I mean, the advice is extremely easy to say but hard to implement.

 

[Plinco]

I guess you mean sex itself.
This comes close to what I want to achieve in general. Seeing things for what they are, not as some way to be liked/worthy.

Yes.

Two things:
1. I am ashamed of my own sexual needs / sexuality
2. I see attractiveness as a degree of the worth of a human being. As a consequence, my ego is boosted when women desire me, and lowered when they don't. That's unhealthy and I want to change that.

I mean what you refer to as healthy sexuality, and what probably Stanley means when he says to detach sex from any moral or romantic ideals and just see it as sex.

Please forgive my English. So to make it clear: The title should have been:
How can I move to no longer see the sexual desire that women show toward me as an evaluation of my worth as a human being, but as a biological, natural need on their part that arouses desire in myself for them.


Yes that's what I want to get at in a general sense.

I want to live up to my own advice that I gave (the one above). So I am interested on your experiences with that. How did you approach it? Did you take help? By yourself with books? Friends? Going into a lot of different situations/environments to get to know who/what you are? How did you shed light on your blind spots about who you are (you can't see what you don't know)? How far in questioning everything did you go? How to efficiently discover expections that are external or internalized? How to find good environments to show yourself as yourself = vulnerable? What are baby steps in showing yourself as yourself and which of these baby steps are repeatable and 'spammable' so one can learn slowly but steadily?

I mean, the advice is extremely easy to say but hard to implement.

You are the measure of all of what you value. For that reason it's important to value the self.

Sexuality is not something you want to have control you, but it's also nothing to be ashamed of. Sex should not be a goal, but a value, and not the highest of values either.

As far as that validation bit, you have to learn how to detach your emotions from your thinking. That takes practice.

 

[MtmVaott]

You are the measure of all of what you value. For that reason it's important to value the self.

Sexuality is not something you want to have control you, but it's also nothing to be ashamed of. Sex should not be a goal, but a value, and not the highest of values either.

As far as that validation bit, you have to learn how to detach your emotions from your thinking. That takes practice.

I don't understand what exactly you are trying to say.
Can you pin it down with examples?

 

[Plinco]

I don't understand what exactly you are trying to say.
Can you pin it down with examples?

Don't see sex as a need

Learn to validate yourself through your actions, such as feeling good about yourself by starting a business

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Is it really possibl?. Or just theoretical cope? I basically live fof the validation. My worry is someday I will be old. And this validation will end. I’d probably be suicidal.

 

[MtmVaott]

Don't see sex as a need

Ok I still phrased my question poorely, I didn't mean need but desire. A natural, biological desire.

Learn to validate yourself through your actions, such as feeling good about yourself by starting a business

That's still cope and it will stop working when you retire or are too old and then you'll be an old stubborn man/suicidal.
But I'll have to do it anyway to get what I want from life.

 

[Plinco]

Ok I still phrased my question poorely, I didn't mean need but desire. A natural, biological desire.

That's still cope and it will stop working when you retire or are too old and then you'll be an old stubborn man/suicidal.
But I'll have to do it anyway to get what I want from life.

Success is how you define it

 

[MtmVaott]

Success is how you define it

You are like a Zen master that gives his students riddles to solve and get enlightened

Ok got what you wanted to say.

 

[MtmVaott]

I'll move on from the forum. At least for a substantial amount of time. I've got the impression I have to leave when I want to progress.
Take care.

 

[Plinco]

You are like a Zen master that gives his students riddles to solve and get enlightened

Ok got what you wanted to say.

Not trying to be that way. English is not your first language so we are having problems communicating.