New to Game, just had a third date, but where to go from here?

[Avidus]

I think New to Game says it all. Your interactions might be coming off a bit too professional or like a business casual lunch kinda thing.. Its just my assumption ofc based on what i've read and seen thusfar.

Game is all about sexual flirtation. Nothing more nothing less. ALot of the women ive dealt wit in life, i never even learned sht about their lif,e their history, what kind of sht their into, because i had one goal in mind, to have sex lol. ofc its diff when you're looking for commitment and a long term relationship.. there are alot of things you might want to know beforehand

A girl that is low interest will not go on dates with u 3 times, and won't cancel plans with friends to come see you.

I've probably been in this situation a hundred times. She sees you as high value long term potential (you being med school student) and doesn't want to be pump and dumped. The manosphere usually thinks all of this playing hard to get is a sh!t test. But it's the opposite. Youre too high value for her to act normal. If you think she's making you jump through hoops, it's your own insecurities. She just doesn't trust you. She doesn't trust that you see her as long term potential or just another pump and dump. This is literally the number 1 thing most (sane) women protect themselves against when they are dating a guy they see as long term potential.

This whole thread talks about tactics, but what is your actual intent? Is it to date her long term or pump and dump? Women have a 6th sense for your intent.

Well, right now, I am persistent in not committing to a relationship. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't want fwb or anything. After reading all these different responses, I dont know where to go from here. How do I shift frame? backing off and letting her come text me first, right? You all are right, just from my interactions with her, she thinks she holds the frame and the direction of this relationship

 

[Avidus]

Well, right now, I am persistent in not committing to a relationship. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't want fwb or anything. After reading all these different responses, I dont know where to go from here. How do I shift frame? backing off and letting her come text me first, right? You all are right, just from my interactions with her, she thinks she holds the frame and the direction of this relationship

 

[Avidus]

How can I build a stronger frame? For this girl, and with other women going forward? I have read Rational Male - even took notes, but maybe there are pieces I have overlooked or am missing, if yall can shed light

 

[Avidus]

I think New to Game says it all. Your interactions might be coming off a bit too professional or like a business casual lunch kinda thing.. Its just my assumption ofc based on what i've read and seen thusfar.

Game is all about sexual flirtation. Nothing more nothing less. ALot of the women ive dealt wit in life, i never even learned sht about their lif,e their history, what kind of sht their into, because i had one goal in mind, to have sex lol. ofc its diff when you're looking for commitment and a long term relationship.. there are alot of things you might want to know beforehand

I'm starting to hate sosuave right now the advice is jsut trash. Its like most of these guys got their game from reading **** online and watching videos from dweebs. They want you to believe "shes just low interest" not realizing, as am an, you have to cultivate interest.. your looks only get you so far --get you on the date, from there, the sexual chemistry is dependent on you. If you're coming off as a bit too form and professional and not as sexually flirtacious, you're not going to turn her gears.. thats just how ti goes

A girl that is low interest will not go on dates with u 3 times, and won't cancel plans with friends to come see you.

I hear you, but this last night, I was definitely more flirtatious. Would like to hear how you approach it, how you can even flirt with a girl without at least getting to know something about her lol

 

[tksniper]

From my personal experience, you don’t think what she offers is worthwhile now. Because you are young. But let me give you some life advice. You will appreciate women like her 10 years from now. The problem is 10 years from now women like her won’t show up again. So you have to ask yourself now. Can you commit to a quality woman or do you wanna wait 10 years where you will feel like “they don’t make women like they used to.”

 

[tksniper]

From my personal experience, you don’t think what she offers is worthwhile now. Because you are young. But let me give you some life advice. You will appreciate women like her 10 years from now. The problem is 10 years from now women like her won’t show up again. So you have to ask yourself now. Can you commit to a quality woman or do you wanna wait 10 years where you will feel like “they don’t make women like they used to.”

Your window is wide open right now for genuine women. In 10 years you’ll get a lot of gold diggers.

In case you haven’t noticed, women get crappier by the decade.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Your window is wide open right now for genuine women. In 10 years you’ll get a lot of gold diggers.

In case you haven’t noticed, women get crappier by the decade.

He's 25. He can handle a (different) woman like this better once he has better game. He has time.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP if you go on a 4th date with her don't try and take control. She'll sniff incongruity and be suspicious. Let her lead but try and guide. Can't really fix a frame that's broken from the start unless you distance yourself for a number of months and subsequently re-engage.

 

[Avidus]

Your window is wide open right now for genuine women. In 10 years you'll get a lot of gold diggers.

In case you haven't noticed, women get crappier by the decade.

Bruh, this woman is a lot of things I would want. She is ambitious, hungry for personal growth, loves to read and be adventurous; she is crazy beautiful, and a tad goofy. She is pretty great, but you are shattering my mind right now because I've been told over and over not to settle down, to keep increasing my value and spin plates until I can get the most attractive and right-fitting girl I can find. I guess you could say this could be it, but so soon? But then this moves into Oneism territory, and I think it's important to remember that there will always be more than one girl right for us. So I think it's kind bull**** that you would tell me to settle down with this girl cus I may never find another like her. There is no way that is true. No disrespect intended

 

[Avidus]

OP if you go on a 4th date with her don't try and take control. She'll sniff incongruity and be suspicious. Let her lead but try and guide. Can't really fix a frame that's broken from the start unless you distance yourself for a number of months and subsequently re-engage.

She just messaged me, which was a surprise, lol. I imagine there will be a fourth date now - hopefully. Im gonna give time before I respond. Can you tell me more about gradually fixing this frame? Would it just be best to let things flow this time, not push for anything, maybe even keep touching and kissing to a minimum unless she tries touching and kissing me first?

 

[tksniper]

He's 25. He can handle a (different) woman like this better once he has better game. He has time.

That’s not how it works bro. You get chicks coming your way based on how much value you have.

Bruh, this woman is a lot of things I would want. She is ambitious, hungry for personal growth, loves to read and be adventurous; she is crazy beautiful, and a tad goofy. She is pretty great, but you are shattering my mind right now because I've been told over and over not to settle down, to keep increasing my value and spin plates until I can get the most attractive and right-fitting girl I can find. I guess you could say this could be it, but so soon? But then this moves into Oneism territory, and I think it's important to remember that there will always be more than one girl right for us. So I think it's kind bull**** that you would tell me to settle down with this girl cus I may never find another like her. There is no way that is true. No disrespect intended

Life is “damned if you do and damned if you don’t.” Just go with it. And suffer the consequences. Life is literally suffering bro lol. Forget all that new age nonsense. Not saying you won’t find another. But you have her now. So appreciate her and enjoy her now.

 

[Stanley]

But you have her now. So appreciate her and enjoy her now.

He does not have her, for christ sake they've gone out on three dates and aren't committed, he hardly knows her at this point. Let the man play the field and experiment. Once he actual gets' to know her if things progress then he can reassess and see what she really has to offer. I understand what you are getting at though and don't disagree necessarily, but we don't know this gentleman in real life or what he wants or what best suits him. I actually appreciate you telling guys to see what's before them and go for quality over quantity.




If you dig this girl and want to focus on her more then the others by all means go for it. Sounds like you like her, so if you are willing you can be more patient with her. Just don't overinvest or wait around for her and be aware of the oneitis.

@Avidus Look, everyone is gonna give you their take on the matter based on the limited info you give us. We won't all say the same things or agree on everything. You don't need to take everyone's advice, you can listen to it, pick and choose what fits and think for yourself.

When it comes to frame all that really means in its simplest form is that your are operating from a place of your own mental origin. It gets' whacky, but largely it means that you are in control and are doing your own thing and not being led into someone else's picture. Really it stems from a place of confidence and being on your purpose.

She just messaged me, which was a surprise, lol. I imagine there will be a fourth date now - hopefully. Im gonna give time before I respond. Can you tell me more about gradually fixing this frame?

If there is chemistry and you enjoy each others company it should flow, but you should still escalate with her gradually if your intention is sex. BUT that is my take on the matter and again you don't need to take anyone's advice if ya don't want to.

 

[MatureDJ]

If you had more plates, you would simply lose interest and move on - instead, you are here asking for advice on how to get woman that obviously does not feel any dread for making you "wait" for her to give it up.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP if you're just starting to get with girls you've "wanted to get with for a long ass time", you are starting from a place of thirst. I imagine these girls see themselves as being above you, since their impressions of you are already established, regardless of your newfound adoption of game.

Resist the temptation and chase strange.

 

[Stanley]

Frame is not something you do. Its not something you build. It is already there its who you are.
I know that seams vague and it took me a while to grasp this because frame is so misunderstood.
When there are 2 ppl if your not operating in your frame. You are in someone else's.
Self actualization is what you need.
Trying to "build" frame for girls is just another mental contract.

I do get what he is saying though, I suppose you do not build it per say, but instead be aware of it and start recognizing it in daily interactions. With time it becomes second nature and hopefully one fully realizes it.

It is a hard thing to define to someone, but it is real for sure

 

[CollegeMan22]

I do get what he is saying though, I suppose you do not build it per say, but instead be aware of it and start recognizing it in daily interactions. With time it becomes second nature and hopefully one fully realizes it.

It is a hard thing to define to someone, but it is real for sure

Frame for me boils down to: who is doing the selecting? Who is judging the other and has their standards high? From that, all frame flows. High expectations for a girl means you will treat her completely different than if you feel “blessed” to go out with her. You will judge her. You will ask if she works out, and if she doesn’t, you tell her she should get back. If you’re in her frame — walking on eggshells — that would be impossible to say.

But now that you’re selecting her, what does that mean? That implicitly means you are HIGHER value than her. Just as managers select new team members and colleges students, so too you are now selecting a woman. Which means they feel the need to perform for you. Now you have her chasing and she’s in your frame. Once this happens, the whole game becomes so much easier. You sit back and judge as she tries to impress. No lying to her: simply state your standards with a bit of tease and a shoulder punch, and you’re good. No more anxiety: now it is time to figure out if the girl is good enough for ME.

 

[Stanley]

Frame for me boils down to: who is doing the selecting? Who is judging the other and has their standards high? From that, all frame flows. High expectations for a girl means you will treat her completely different than if you feel “blessed” to go out with her. You will judge her. You will ask if she works out, and if she doesn’t, you tell her she should get back. If you’re in her frame — walking on eggshells — that would be impossible to say.

But now that you’re selecting her, what does that mean? That implicitly means you are HIGHER value than her. Just as managers select new team members and colleges students, so too you are now selecting a woman. Which means they feel the need to perform for you. Now you have her chasing and she’s in your frame. Once this happens, the whole game becomes so much easier. You sit back and judge as she tries to impress. No lying to her: simply state your standards with a bit of tease and a shoulder punch, and you’re good. No more anxiety: now it is time to figure out if the girl is good enough for ME.

I agree with what you say here, but disagree with the implication of being high value equating to someone being in your frame

'High Value' and 'low value' get tossed around on this board far too much and the semantics driven black and white thinking is tiresome. I can have someone playing into my frame regardless of any perceived hierarchical status built on some presupposed value. I do not need to be 'above someone' in any regard to have the influence of my frame be felt. Would it make it easier in a scenario where one person was of higher social status, sexual value or place of authority to have a greater influence over another? Sure, but it isn't a requirement...

I've had girls in the past who were by all accounts 'out of my league' back then, yet they played into my frame with ease. You do not need to be a rich savant or exceptionally good looking 'high' value guy to have considerable frame. Does it help? Absolutely, but those aforementioned qualities are superfluous and a complete ugly loser can have extremely good frame while being 'low' in value.

Many guys here place too much 'value' on themselves and think they are god's gift to mankind and that every woman should chase them, but that is far from the truth. The "i'm the prize mentality" has its merit, but only to a limited extent. Most men are in fact not the prize, but they should strive to be a man of worth regardless, whether that be in intellect, finances, fitness, career, or any of the like.

Men should not define themselves and their self worth relative to what a woman perceives as valuable. That would be weak frame. Frame is unbridled confidence in one's self and their ability to simply be indifferent and unphased at attempts to be controlled and manipulated by outside forces, or in other words pull them from their frame.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Frame for me boils down to: who is doing the selecting? Who is judging the other and has their standards high? From that, all frame flows. High expectations for a girl means you will treat her completely different than if you feel “blessed” to go out with her. You will judge her. You will ask if she works out, and if she doesn’t, you tell her she should get back. If you’re in her frame — walking on eggshells — that would be impossible to say.

But now that you’re selecting her, what does that mean? That implicitly means you are HIGHER value than her. Just as managers select new team members and colleges students, so too you are now selecting a woman. Which means they feel the need to perform for you. Now you have her chasing and she’s in your frame. Once this happens, the whole game becomes so much easier. You sit back and judge as she tries to impress. No lying to her: simply state your standards with a bit of tease and a shoulder punch, and you’re good. No more anxiety: now it is time to figure out if the girl is good enough for ME.

Newsflash...women always do the selecting.

 

[GioWolf]

Bruh, this woman is a lot of things I would want.

You've put her on a pedestal and she can sense that.