New to Game, just had a third date, but where to go from here?

[Avidus]

So, I'm relatively new to the game and am just now starting to get with girls I have wanted to get with for a long ass time. I had a third date with this chick yesterday; we got physical, I tried to move things toward sex, and she told me to be patient, not tonight. So I say, "it's ok, no problem," - but whatever, the point I want to get at is after these last two dates, she has been wishy-washy at the end of each one. It's like she is playing games. At the end of this last date, I mentioned I would be busy the rest of the week. I am on spring break from med school, and I have friends I am catching up with throughout the week since I don't get to see them when I am in school. But then I ask what she is doing next week. Usually, girls with high IL are like, "oh, I have this, and this is going on, but we can hang out if you want," but this girl is like, "yeah, I have a lot going on; I am busy with my mom, and work, etc." then after a while of talking to her she says with a smile, "but maybe I can pencil you in." After she says this, I lean in to kiss her and send her on her way home, and she says, "but will you text me?" I say sure, kiss her, then that's the night's end.

I know she won't text me from here because she has been making a habit of not texting me until I ask her out. Then, after I ask her out, she messages me all day, lol. So, I am worried that the relationship might fizzle out if I don't text her for the rest of the week. On the other hand, I thought about asking her to grab coffee with me on Friday, and we could work on school stuff and her business together. But I think this is a bad move. My goal is not to chase; I think it'll push her away if I do that. I think the best move is not to message her; maybe text her on Saturday to see how her trip this weekend is going, then message her next Tuesday to set up another date. Things are great when we are together, but my thought is her lack of texting, ambiguity at the end of dates, and her not having sex with me on the third date signals I am just a runner-up and she has another plate that is more priority. What are your thoughts on this situation, and how do I approach a fourth date and future sex?

By the way, for this last date, she canceled plans with her girlfriends to be with me - that's a good sign; I don't know if you want to factor that into this situation.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Well...there are a few things that could be at play here.

The most likely scenario is that she is lukewarm towards you. This is usually what happens in these situations...they will show some interest, will kiss you and spend time with you but aren't interested enough to fvck.

Basically she will spend time with you until something better comes along and then she will be gone like a ghost in the night. No sex = no emotional attachment on her part so it will be easier to move on.

Now, this doesn't necessarily mean that is what is happening...it could also be that she likes you but sees you as more long term potential and wants to be sure of things before sex happens, but in my experience it is usually 80-20 or even 90-10 in favor of the first scenario I described.

 

[Avidus]

Well...there are a few things that could be at play here.

The most likely scenario is that she is lukewarm towards you. This is usually what happens in these situations...they will show some interest, will kiss you and spend time with you but aren't interested enough to fvck.

Basically she will spend time with you until something better comes along and then she will be gone like a ghost in the night. No sex = no emotional attachment on her part so it will be easier to move on.

Now, this doesn't necessarily mean that is what is happening...it could also be that she likes you but sees you as more long term potential and wants to be sure of things before sex happens, but in my experience it is usually 80-20 or even 90-10 in favor of the first scenario I described.

Sounds good, how do I avoid these situations. I feel like I find myself getting to these scenarios where I am making out intensely with these girls, but not having sex. How do I set myself up as more of a sexual prospect instead of the good LTR guy

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Sounds good, how do I avoid these situations. I feel like I find myself getting to these scenarios where I am making out intensely with these girls, but not having sex. How do I set myself up as more of a sexual prospect instead of the good LTR guy

Your ability to transition from making out to sex needs work. It's a skill like anything else...

 

[Avidus]

Your ability to transition from making out to sex needs work. It's a skill like anything else...

Well, you got any pointers?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Well, you got any pointers?

This is the general pattern I follow that works well for me...

Touching/hands running over their body -> kissing -> licking neck/nibbling earlobes -> whispering in their ear how sexy/hot they are or something like "you excite me" -> hand down front of their neck then under shirt and feeling tits -> taking their hand and putting it squarely on your c0ck and holding it there until they start rubbing it -> unbutton your pants so they can pull it out and tell her to stroke it -> take her shirt off and bra off -> get up and take her hand and say "come with me" and walk to your bedroom and finish undressing and then starting fingering her until she is soaked and start fvcking her

 

[Stanley]

Low interest wishy washy behavior. A girl that is interested won't confuse you or make you wait.

 

[Avidus]

Low interest wishy washy behavior. A girl that is interested won't confuse you or make you wait.

Appreciate the blunt feedback. **** sucks, especially starting out cus I'm finally getting so ****ing close, but no cigar. Turns my stomach a bit. But I know I must be patient and keep improving, and ill get there. I'll let this girl contact me if she wants to see me again. If you or BackintheGame78 disagree with that move, let me know.

 

[member160292]

Well, you got any pointers?

Lead her by the hand to the bedroom

 

[Stanley]

I can see why you are confused with this girl and it is not a fun situation to be in. I no longer bother with girls that are confused, structured or wishy washy. Some guys might be willing to put in the 'effort', but I don't. Plenty of girls out there who won't confuse you.

Appreciate the blunt feedback. **** sucks, especially starting out cus I'm finally getting so ****ing close, but no cigar. Turns my stomach a bit. But I know I must be patient and keep improving, and ill get there. I'll let this girl contact me if she wants to see me again. If you or BackintheGame78 disagree with that move, let me know.

I think that is the play. I personally would step back a bit and reflect. If it's been multiple dates and she suddenly flips a switch when you validate her then she likely just wants the attention. However, it could also be your inability to escalate properly with this girl as well. The only exceptions that come to mind to her low interest could be she is very shy, anxious or inexperienced. These girls can throw you off your game so you need to be very cognizant of her behaviors and actions. That said they are exceptions and not the norm, up to you to decipher that. I dealt with a girl that sounds alot like this one, she was high interest but had so much baggage and was extremely shy and constantly confused me and at times came across as disinterested. I worked through it, but it still ended poorly and the mental gymnastics to process her wishy washy behavior was not worth it.

but this girl is like, "yeah, I have a lot going on; I am busy with my mom, and work, etc." then after a while of talking to her she says with a smile, "but maybe I can pencil you in." After she says this, I lean in to kiss her and send her on her way home, and she says, "but will you text me?" I say sure, kiss her, then that's the night's end.

This in it of itself is confusing. She says: no, i'm more or less too busy to see you, then gives you some false hope and put's herself in the position of chooser at the same time. In other words she put you in her frame and is dictating things. She sounds like she doesn't know what she wants or at least doesn't come across very self assured in your posts

I know she won't text me from here because she has been making a habit of not texting me until I ask her out. Then, after I ask her out, she messages me all day,

This could be a test on her end to see if you are willing to initiate and lead. It could also be gameplaying and a way to receive attention from you.

So, I am worried that the relationship might fizzle out if I don't text her for the rest of the week.

Not a relationship and do not worry. If she is of genuine interest it won't fizzle out in a week. Relax.

My goal is not to chase; I think it'll push her away if I do that. I think the best move is not to message her; maybe text her on Saturday to see how her trip this weekend is going, then message her next Tuesday to set up another date.

Good, don't chase. It has been multiple dates, if she is into you she will reach out, she knows you are interested by now. You 'could' text her about the trip...or you could let her hit you up and you ask her about it. In other words you test her interest. After 3 dates I certainly would

Things are great when we are together, but my thought is her lack of texting, ambiguity at the end of dates, and her not having sex with me on the third date signals I am just a runner-up and she has another plate that is more priority. What are your thoughts on this situation, and how do I approach a fourth date and future sex?

You could be a runner up, so this girl must understand your ability to have options (whether you do or don't). For all she knows she is just an option to you and to be frank she should be. This isn't your gf and be comfortable with her maybe seeing other guys because you should be (or be able to) see other girls. I personally would allow her to make the 4th date assuming you made the past three, by that point if the girl isnt putting in an effort i'm out. (probably would've pulled back sooner)

By the way, for this last date, she canceled plans with her girlfriends to be with me - that's a good sign; I don't know if you want to factor that into this situation.

That is a good sign, which is equally confusing as she has once again been wishy washy and it does sound like this girl doesn't know what she wants. These girls will drain you man and you do not want to deal with a girl who is 'confused'. That and if she isn't high interest I would move on completely since too many guys get caught up on girls that aren't that into em. That and be weary of the structured woman. It is never EVER worth the wait. If you have other girls you were going after then this would be easier to place on a back burner and genuinely make her an option.


Remember this always:

Judge her actions, not her words. Things will be more clear

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Well, you got any pointers?

No heavy makeout sessions unless you're in a sex location (at least a car in a private area). If not in a sex location, give her a short passionate kiss that leaves her hanging and wanting more.

 

[Avidus]

I can see why you are confused with this girl and it is not a fun situation to be in. I no longer bother with girls that are confused, structured or wishy washy. Some guys might be willing to put in the 'effort', but I don't. Plenty of girls out there who won't confuse you.



I think that is the play. I personally would step back a bit and reflect. If it's been multiple dates and she suddenly flips a switch when you validate her then she likely just wants the attention. However, it could also be your inability to escalate properly with this girl as well. The only exceptions that come to mind to her low interest could be she is very shy, anxious or inexperienced. These girls can throw you off your game so you need to be very cognizant of her behaviors and actions. That said they are exceptions and not the norm, up to you to decipher that. I dealt with a girl that sounds alot like this one, she was high interest but had so much baggage and was extremely shy and constantly confused me and at times came across as disinterested. I worked through it, but it still ended poorly and the mental gymnastics to process her wishy washy behavior was not worth it.



This in it of itself is confusing. She says: no, i'm more or less too busy to see you, then gives you some false hope and put's herself in the position of chooser at the same time. In other words she put you in her frame and is dictating things. She sounds like she doesn't know what she wants or at least doesn't come across very self assured in your posts



This could be a test on her end to see if you are willing to initiate and lead. It could also be gameplaying and a way to receive attention from you.




Not a relationship and do not worry. If she is of genuine interest it won't fizzle out in a week. Relax.




Good, don't chase. It has been multiple dates, if she is into you she will reach out, she knows you are interested by now. You 'could' text her about the trip...or you could let her hit you up and you ask her about it. In other words you test her interest. After 3 dates I certainly would




You could be a runner up, so this girl must understand your ability to have options (whether you do or don't). For all she knows she is just an option to you and to be frank she should be. This isn't your gf and be comfortable with her maybe seeing other guys because you should be (or be able to) see other girls. I personally would allow her to make the 4th date assuming you made the past three, by that point if the girl isnt putting in an effort i'm out. (probably would've pulled back sooner)


That is a good sign, which is equally confusing as she has once again been wishy washy and it does sound like this girl doesn't know what she wants. These girls will drain you man and you do not want to deal with a girl who is 'confused'. That and if she isn't high interest I would move on completely since too many guys get caught up on girls that aren't that into em. That and be weary of the structured woman. It is never EVER worth the wait. If you have other girls you were going after then this would be easier to place on a back burner and genuinely make her an option.


Remember this always:

Judge her actions, not her words. Things will be more clear

Bless up, I greatly appreciate this breakdown. Yes, I will let her initiate the fourth date and initiate the next message. I guess for the record, I do have other plates spinning. I have a date tomorrow, another Friday, and a fourth date Sunday with another girl with high IL. I'm going over to her place. I guess I feel obsessed with this girl because she is, in my opinion, crazy hot. The other three are super cute, but this girl, oofta. haha. But, yeah, I agree, no ***** is really ever worth the wait or mental gymnastics and stress, especially when I am certain I'll get some Sunday and I got two other girls in development. Much appreciated

 

[Stanley]

Bless up, I greatly appreciate this breakdown. Yes, I will let her initiate the fourth date and initiate the next message. I guess for the record, I do have other plates spinning. I have a date tomorrow, another Friday, and a fourth date Sunday with another girl with high IL. I'm going over to her place. I guess I feel obsessed with this girl because she is, in my opinion, crazy hot. The other three are super cute, but this girl, oofta. haha. But, yeah, I agree, no ***** is really ever worth the wait or mental gymnastics and stress, especially when I am certain I'll get some Sunday and I got two other girls in development. Much appreciated

S*** yeah man, don't sweat this chick

Also, "new to game" and you've got a whole bunch of girls lined up! nice. How'd you met em

 

[Avidus]

S*** yeah man, don't sweat this chick

Also, "new to game" and you've got a whole bunch of girls lined up! nice. How'd you met em

Well, I’m not proud of this but, three of these four girls are from dating apps, the other one goes to med school with me. I’m not proud because I need to nutt up, go to clubs or wherever and start initiating conversation with girls in person more often. I definitely use apps as a defense from rejection. But I’m just now starting to work on that

 

[Stanley]

Well, I’m not proud of this but, three of these four girls are from dating apps, the other one goes to med school with me. I’m not proud because I need to nutt up, go to clubs or wherever and start initiating conversation with girls in person more often. I definitely use apps as a defense from rejection. But I’m just now starting to work on that

Nah man, If you're pulling girls off apps that means you got something they want based off looks alone. Good for you. I used apps and did well and now i'm trying more 'night game' as the weather gets nicer. Whatever works, works. I felt I was lacking in experience in settings like clubs and bars thus the reason I am pursuing it now. It makes me uncomfortable and for that reason I must overcome it.

 

[RazorRambo24]

I think New to Game says it all. Your interactions might be coming off a bit too professional or like a business casual lunch kinda thing.. Its just my assumption ofc based on what i've read and seen thusfar.

Game is all about sexual flirtation. Nothing more nothing less. ALot of the women ive dealt wit in life, i never even learned sht about their lif,e their history, what kind of sht their into, because i had one goal in mind, to have sex lol. ofc its diff when you're looking for commitment and a long term relationship.. there are alot of things you might want to know beforehand

I'm starting to hate sosuave right now the advice is jsut trash. Its like most of these guys got their game from reading **** online and watching videos from dweebs. They want you to believe "shes just low interest" not realizing, as am an, you have to cultivate interest.. your looks only get you so far --get you on the date, from there, the sexual chemistry is dependent on you. If you're coming off as a bit too form and professional and not as sexually flirtacious, you're not going to turn her gears.. thats just how ti goes

A girl that is low interest will not go on dates with u 3 times, and won't cancel plans with friends to come see you.

 

[Avidus]

Nah man, If you're pulling girls off apps that means you got something they want based off looks alone. Good for you. I used apps and did well and now i'm trying more 'night game' as the weather gets nicer. Whatever works, works. I felt I was lacking in experience in settings like clubs and bars thus the reason I am pursuing it now. It makes me uncomfortable and for that reason I must overcome it.

I love that, yeah I’m always trying to perfect the things I’m **** at or the things that scare me. If you don’t have at least two butterflies in your stomach, are you living?

 

[tksniper]

I've probably been in this situation a hundred times. She sees you as high value long term potential (you being med school student) and doesn't want to be pump and dumped. The manosphere usually thinks all of this playing hard to get is a sh!t test. But it's the opposite. Youre too high value for her to act normal. If you think she's making you jump through hoops, it's your own insecurities. She just doesn't trust you. She doesn't trust that you see her as long term potential or just another pump and dump. This is literally the number 1 thing most (sane) women protect themselves against when they are dating a guy they see as long term potential.

This whole thread talks about tactics, but what is your actual intent? Is it to date her long term or pump and dump? Women have a 6th sense for your intent.

 

[The Diver]

I had a third date with this chick yesterday, I tried to move things toward sex, and she told me to be patient, not tonight.

Third date, and she asks you to wait for sex, but she'll fuk Ghad in the bar's toilet after half an hour of meeting him.

Girls make rules for Beta and break them for Alpha.

 

[SW15]

A girl that is low interest will not go on dates with u 3 times, and won't cancel plans with friends to come see you.

She's not low interest but he hasn't demonstrated enough value to be sexually worthy in her eyes.

Third date, and she asks you to wait for sex, but she'll fuk Ghad in the bar's toilet after half an hour of meeting him.

Girls make rules for Beta and break them for Alpha.

That's the thing. @Avidus doesn't have a strong enough frame. He's not getting perceived as an Alpha worthy of rule breaking.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #1

Frame is everything. Always be aware of the subconscious balance of whose frame in which you are operating. Always control the Frame, but resist giving the impression that you are.