Lacking Chemistry w/ Hottie

[jaymbrs]

I've recently reconnected with a girl I met in college, 15 years ago who is my age, single and kidless. She reached out to me via SM. After some back and forth, we then agreed to go out. When I saw her, I realized she hadn't really aged much and she had a banging body. I was pleasantly surprised which instantly put me in the "hmm I'd like to do more than catch up" mode. While at the pub, we had a few drinks, talked about life and how we're both doing well financially, and open to settling down. After the "date", we both suggested to going out again. A couple of weeks later, we go out again. This time I picked her up at her house and we went to a restaurant. Again she was looking super cute. But on this date I realized we didn't have a whole lot in common as far as activities went, topics to talk about and before I knew it, there were some periods of awkward silence. I was thinking it's too early to already be struggling with thinking of what to say. On the drive back to her house to drop her off, I figured I'd make a move regardless and go from there. So I did and she was very mildly receptive. She did not invite me in and said to have a goodnight. She then texts me saying she had a great time and can't wait to see me again. But even if she did have a great time and wants to see me again, I'm just not feeling it. And it irritates me because she's really effing cute, just not many commonalities to continue engaging in dates that may likely end like this last one.

Thoughts, ideas or experience in how to push through this? I was thinking of inviting her out on a date where we're actually doing something like bowling or Top Golf that way we don't have to talk as much.

 

[derby1]

I've recently reconnected with a girl I met in college, 15 years ago who is my age, single and kidless. She reached out to me via SM. After some back and forth, we then agreed to go out. When I saw her, I realized she hadn't really aged much and she had a banging body. I was pleasantly surprised which instantly put me in the "hmm I'd like to do more than catch up" mode. While at the pub, we had a few drinks, talked about life and how we're both doing well financially, and open to settling down. After the "date", we both suggested to going out again. A couple of weeks later, we go out again. This time I picked her up at her house and we went to a restaurant. Again she was looking super cute. But on this date I realized we didn't have a whole lot in common as far as activities went, topics to talk about and before I knew it, there were some periods of awkward silence. I was thinking it's too early to already be struggling with thinking of what to say. On the drive back to her house to drop her off, I figured I'd make a move regardless and go from there. So I did and she was very mildly receptive. She did not invite me in and said to have a goodnight. She then texts me saying she had a great time and can't wait to see me again. But even if she did have a great time and wants to see me again, I'm just not feeling it. And it irritates me because she's really effing cute, just not many commonalities to continue engaging in dates that may likely end like this last one.

Thoughts, ideas or experience in how to push through this? I was thinking of inviting her out on a date where we're actually doing something like bowling or Top Golf that way we don't have to talk as much.

dont you just love it when a woman ages and suddenly decides to apply all the dating restrictions she should have applied in 1875

on a seperate note why entertain her? She would ghost the hell out of you? women are cold AF

 

[jaymbrs]

dont you just love it when a woman ages and suddenly decides to apply all the dating restrictions she should have applied in 1875

on a seperate note why entertain her? She would ghost the hell out of you? women are cold AF

Simply put, I never had sex with her and I figured why not try again. But now I see it's not gonna be as easy as I assumed.

 

[derby1]

Simply put, I never had sex with her and I figured why not try again. But now I see it's not gonna be as easy as I assumed.

keep it in the chamber but expect her to follow the ABC's of dating,

I hooked up with a 26 year old the other day and she made it so easy for me it was a joy. (Im 39)

the difference between that and over 30s is night an day

 

[self_is_an_illusion]

I've recently reconnected with a girl I met in college, 15 years ago who is my age, single and kidless. She reached out to me via SM. After some back and forth, we then agreed to go out. When I saw her, I realized she hadn't really aged much and she had a banging body. I was pleasantly surprised which instantly put me in the "hmm I'd like to do more than catch up" mode. While at the pub, we had a few drinks, talked about life and how we're both doing well financially, and open to settling down. After the "date", we both suggested to going out again. A couple of weeks later, we go out again. This time I picked her up at her house and we went to a restaurant. Again she was looking super cute. But on this date I realized we didn't have a whole lot in common as far as activities went, topics to talk about and before I knew it, there were some periods of awkward silence. I was thinking it's too early to already be struggling with thinking of what to say. On the drive back to her house to drop her off, I figured I'd make a move regardless and go from there. So I did and she was very mildly receptive. She did not invite me in and said to have a goodnight. She then texts me saying she had a great time and can't wait to see me again. But even if she did have a great time and wants to see me again, I'm just not feeling it. And it irritates me because she's really effing cute, just not many commonalities to continue engaging in dates that may likely end like this last one.

Thoughts, ideas or experience in how to push through this? I was thinking of inviting her out on a date where we're actually doing something like bowling or Top Golf that way we don't have to talk as much.

You’re the prize, bro. Limit seeing her to once a week. Go to the gym 2X more and have a side thing so you can maintain competition anxiety. There is no “ONE”.

 

[jaymbrs]

You’re the prize, bro. Limit seeing her to once a week. Go to the gym 2X more and have a side thing so you can maintain competition anxiety. There is no “ONE”.

She’s gonna reach out again for another date. She’s all over my SM commenting on everything. I’m just thinking about how to respond. I’m inclined to just tell her I’m not feeling the vibe from her and leave it there.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Low interest maybe. Some girls just take longer to lay. As long as there´s an average positive I wouldnt think too much about it the first few weeks.

 

[jaymbrs]

Hey @jaymbrs just want to say I found your post really refreshing! Why? Because ever since the beginning time, all we (women) hear from men (the majority, not all) is how all that matters is a woman's looks and if she's hot (young and fertile), she's IN.

In my experience, many men don't even understand what true genuine chemistry is (an energy generating between BOTH of you). They dismiss this "energy" thing, call it new age hokus pokus, and INSIST it's all about looks.

If she's hot, there's chemistry or rather HE feels chemistry. Nevermind the fact SHE may feel nothing (even if he's hot), all that matters is that HE feels "chemistry" because she's hot.

As you've discovered, this is not always how it works. What I sense from your post is there was no energy between you, the conversation felt forced, the entire interaction awkward and contrived, there was NO connection, NO click. Despite her hotness.

I am sorry that it didn't work out and there was no connection, that's how it goes sometimes, one or both just aren't "feelin it" as they say.

Nonetheless, you sound like a man with depth, who seeks something deeper than merely the superficial, who looks beneath the surface (in addition to what's ON the surface which is also important but not all there is to it), which is really refreshing to see.

EDIT: As for her, my guess is she wasn't "feelin it" either (because genuine chemistry is mutual) but simply enjoys the validation and attention which is why she wanted to see you again.

I can't say it's easy to just walk away from someone I'm physically attracted to. If she decided to keep it sexual, I wouldn't say no. But I've never understood men who are able to sit and talk with someone they have zero in common with, typically the ones with large age gaps. I've tried and it's like talking to a kid. It's just weird.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Nonetheless, you sound like a man with depth, who seeks something deeper than merely the superficial, who looks beneath the surface (in addition to what's ON the surface which is also important but not all there is to it), which is really refreshing to see.

Gents, this is an obvious pandering attempt for more attention and validation from forum members. Don't fall for it.

EDIT: As for her, my guess is she wasn't "feelin it" either (because genuine chemistry is mutual) but simply enjoys the validation and attention which is why she wanted to see you again.

I think that's best. Don't lead her on. Exercise some humanity.

Notice how these is no call to action for the woman here, only the man.

Jay, do what you want. Don't feel compelled to take the high road when this woman isn't. If you want to break it off, go for it but there is no moral obligation here.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I can't say it's easy to just walk away from someone I'm physically attracted to. If she decided to keep it sexual, I wouldn't say no. But I've never understood men who are able to sit and talk with someone they have zero in common with, typically the ones with large age gaps. I've tried and it's like talking to a kid. It's just weird.

That's what game is for.

 

[The Duke]

I can't say it's easy to just walk away from someone I'm physically attracted to. If she decided to keep it sexual, I wouldn't say no. But I've never understood men who are able to sit and talk with someone they have zero in common with, typically the ones with large age gaps. I've tried and it's like talking to a kid. It's just weird.

If all I was looking for was sex and good times then I wouldn't focus on what you don't have in common. Chances are you both like drinking, adventures, and are attracted to each other so take it and run with it.

New girls are always fun for a while. You always learn more about women and yourself as well.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She’s gonna reach out again for another date. She’s all over my SM commenting on everything. I’m just thinking about how to respond. I’m inclined to just tell her I’m not feeling the vibe from her and leave it there.

If you think she is hot then why not bang her and turn her into a FWB? If she looks good naked and fvcks like a champ that can do a lot to overcome lack of commonalities.

What's another date or two if she is going to turn into a regular fvck?

 

[RazorRambo24]

Instead of having fun you're just lookin for validation. keep goin out but don't focus so much on her otherwise.. she's just a friend at this point. You gotta know how to turn her on if shes the hot one here.

Not every guy is gonna be able to capitalize right away and not every girl is gonna put out right away.. But if u do keep hangin out with her and theres no chemistry, either she's not hot enough or you just need to move on or polish up your skills

If I had to guess, i'd say currently she just likes the company but doesn't see you as someone she wants to have sex with.. possibly because she senses your energy isnt about that.. seems like you're waiting for her to make the move and forcing it... rather than the chemistry being their naturally through escalation/action/language

 

[jaymbrs]

If you think she is hot then why not bang her and turn her into a FWB? If she looks good naked and fvcks like a champ that can do a lot to overcome lack of commonalities.

What's another date or two if she is going to turn into a regular fvck?

It doesn't seem to be going in that direction. Otherwise she would've been more receptive to my advancement.

Instead of having fun you're just lookin for validation. keep goin out but don't focus so much on her otherwise.. she's just a friend at this point. You gotta know how to turn her on if shes the hot one here.

Not every guy is gonna be able to capitalize right away and not every girl is gonna put out right away.. But if u do keep hangin out with her and theres no chemistry, either she's not hot enough or you just need to move on or polish up your skills

If I had to guess, i'd say currently she just likes the company but doesn't see you as someone she wants to have sex with.. possibly because she senses your energy isnt about that.. seems like you're waiting for her to make the move and forcing it... rather than the chemistry being their naturally through escalation/action/language

I've put my arm around her, brought her in to me, kissed her but she pulls away. So I'm chalking it up to her just not being interested. I bolded the part I believe may be the case which is why I don't intend on agreeing to another outing with her.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

How much did you kino at the pub OP? It helps to follow an escalation ladder.

https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/hlmra

 

[EyeBRollin]

You were thinking with the wrong head. Bang her first, worry about compatibility after.

 

[RazorRambo24]

It doesn't seem to be going in that direction. Otherwise she would've been more receptive to my advancement.



I've put my arm around her, brought her in to me, kissed her but she pulls away. So I'm chalking it up to her just not being interested. I bolded the part I believe may be the case which is why I don't intend on agreeing to another outing with her.

The thing is you're doing these things without her feeling comfortable with you yet. If she didnt like you and you were doin this sh.t she would def not want to hang with you again trust me on that. Just take it easy like I said.. continue to hang out with her and see where it goes.. Not everyone has to be this player who cracks women the first or 2nd date everytime lol.. Also ask yourself, are you trying to force escalation or are you doing it because it feels right in the moment?

Have fun with it.. For me, every interaction with a girl is a fun experience.. because when you dated enough girls you realize that while certain things are similar between women, theres so many vast differences -- figuring out part of that is a major part of the fun for me.. the sex is just the dessert of it all. Some people want the dessert before going through the first and 2nd course. If it happens fast, cool. But if it doesn't slow down, enjoy the ride.. you're not late for anything.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It doesn't seem to be going in that direction. Otherwise she would've been more receptive to my advancement.



I've put my arm around her, brought her in to me, kissed her but she pulls away. So I'm chalking it up to her just not being interested. I bolded the part I believe may be the case which is why I don't intend on agreeing to another outing with her.

Ehh...not always the case. I doubt she would have texted you saying she looked forward to seeing you again if she wasn't interested.

Guys complain they can't find quality women, then get upset when the women doesn't put out on the first or second date. Kinda can't have it both ways.

 

[Gamisch]

I've recently reconnected with a girl I met in college, 15 years ago who is my age, single and kidless. She reached out to me via SM. After some back and forth, we then agreed to go out. When I saw her, I realized she hadn't really aged much and she had a banging body. I was pleasantly surprised which instantly put me in the "hmm I'd like to do more than catch up" mode. While at the pub, we had a few drinks, talked about life and how we're both doing well financially, and open to settling down. After the "date", we both suggested to going out again. A couple of weeks later, we go out again. This time I picked her up at her house and we went to a restaurant. Again she was looking super cute. But on this date I realized we didn't have a whole lot in common as far as activities went, topics to talk about and before I knew it, there were some periods of awkward silence. I was thinking it's too early to already be struggling with thinking of what to say. On the drive back to her house to drop her off, I figured I'd make a move regardless and go from there. So I did and she was very mildly receptive. She did not invite me in and said to have a goodnight. She then texts me saying she had a great time and can't wait to see me again. But even if she did have a great time and wants to see me again, I'm just not feeling it. And it irritates me because she's really effing cute, just not many commonalities to continue engaging in dates that may likely end like this last one.

Thoughts, ideas or experience in how to push through this? I was thinking of inviting her out on a date where we're actually doing something like bowling or Top Golf that way we don't have to talk as much.

I wanted to ask you something about the awkward silence. I personally can't remember being with any woman and experiencing that. I only felt like that when I was way younger (teenager times) and I felt like the girl was better than me and I had to prove to her i was "also oke". I kinda sense that you saw her looking good and youngish, and your whole attitude towards her changed. Gotta keep it light and playfull.

If anything, I've learned to talk less when I am with a woman. Or to talk in such a way that it becomes flirty rather quickly. The old fashioned long 50's 60's married couples we fancy so much, werent talking with each other all the time at all. Man and woman in silence " loving" each other. You decide when and where the conversation takes place . No need to be in a conversation all the time. Perhaps sometimes you just wanna enjoy the environment ,or you just "wanna observe her" while you look at her with hunter eyes.

Thing is, if she shows up I assume interest. Like I always say, my geuss is she did shaved her poosy that night...think about that.

And about the " rejection " part. Why the hell would you TELL her you didn't feel it. Your only job is for ask for a second date. Her reaction will tell you all you need to know.

Again ,I wouldn't mind it personally if she rejects my advances the first time.I would be mad at myself if I didn't try. Timing is crucial when going in for the kiss especially when you know her for so long. Still, you made your intentions clear . Now all you need is a second date and go from there.

 

[jaymbrs]

Ehh...not always the case. I doubt she would have texted you saying she looked forward to seeing you again if she wasn't interested.

Guys complain they can't find quality women, then get upset when the women doesn't put out on the first or second date. Kinda can't have it both ways.

There's def some type of interest there. I just don't want it to be the free lunch/dinner kind. Which this very well may be.

I wanted to ask you something about the awkward silence. I personally can't remember being with any woman and experiencing that. I only felt like that when I was way younger (teenager times) and I felt like the girl was better than me and I had to prove to her i was "also oke". I kinda sense that you saw her looking good and youngish, and your whole attitude towards her changed. Gotta keep it light and playfull.

If anything, I've learned to talk less when I am with a woman. Or to talk in such a way that it becomes flirty rather quickly. The old fashioned long 50's 60's married couples we fancy so much, werent talking with each other all the time at all. Man and woman in silence " loving" each other. You decide when and where the conversation takes place . No need to be in a conversation all the time. Perhaps sometimes you just wanna enjoy the environment ,or you just "wanna observe her" while you look at her with hunter eyes.

Thing is, if she shows up I assume interest. Like I always say, my geuss is she did shaved her poosy that night...think about that.

And about the " rejection " part. Why the hell would you TELL her you didn't feel it. Your only job is for ask for a second date. Her reaction will tek you all you need to know.

Again ,I wouldn't mind it personally if she rejects my advances the first time.I would be mad at myself if I didn't try. Timing is crucial when going in for the kiss especially when you know her for so long. Still, you made your intentions clear . Now all you need is a second date and go from there.

I haven't told her anything yet. Just left it up in the air and I haven't reach out to her.