How Important Is Communication In A LTR?

[Murk]

Ghost her until she reaches out, and when she does reach out, you're having dinner with a friend.

Or just dump her over text.

 

[soulforge]

UPDATE!

So she just messaged me with..

Hey how's your day been? Xx

Notice how she has not mentioned anything about last night or this morning, not a mention of her going off the radar.

This is her trying to set the FRAME..

She is hoping that I will simply overlook the fact that she didn't even contact me last night nor did she message me this morning.

This is my plan.. I will ignore her for the next 4-5 hours..

Then simply let her know that it was FD up that she didn't even let me know how/when she got home or even got home safely...

After that I intend to do a slow fade, till she gets the message or she walks away.

Honestly man, these fvkin chicks take the pizz.. this was clearly a shvt test... And I didn't cave in..

I understand woman will always shvt test.. however this kind of trick she pulled causes permanent trust issues and damage to an LTR

Do you think I should let her know that she FD up? Or simply treat her as she treated me.

 

[soulforge]

@soulforge here's my $.02 fwiw and again I'm female.

Don't LTR a girl until you have fully vetted and trust her.

Don't LTR and think you can build trust by making "rules," you're not her parent, you're her boyfriend.

And if she's not worthy or doesn't behave with integrity and strong character, she will rebel against such rules like a spoiled child.

I don't know the dynamic between you but it's possible the latter is what she's doing now.

A good girlfriend should already know how to properly behave, which includes not frequenting night clubs or bars for drinking purposes and chatting up guys and being accountable to you.

You shouldn't need to lay down the law about that.

Probably best to next her and lesson learned, to vet very very carefully before long terming and have developed trust.

Sorry this one didn't work out mate.

The not going to bars/clubs thing was something we BOTH decided on... She even wanted to shake my hand on it lol.

I agree I should not have LTRd her... Also she just messaged me now, acting like nothing has happened between us (Chvt test)

Problem now is, I will not trust her again when she goes out

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Literally everything.

If you have poor communication it will end sooner rather than later and will increasingly become an issue.

Relationships take work, most people are unwilling or unable to do the work that it requires and that involves communication which sometimes is uncomfortable but necessary if you want the relationship to remain stable and able to grow further.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

This is my plan.. I will ignore her for the next 4-5 hours..

Just call her out and get an answer. Waiting 4-5 hours next to your phone sweating profusely will not change the outcome.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Doesn't sound good

Seriously Man, she is chatting away with whoever right now and not even sent me a text.. next level disrespect.

No going back after this... I don't know if I should simply ghost and disappear, or finish it by text.

Could be a possibility that she might send a dumping text to me.

I don't know how best to go forward

Doesn't sound good at all ,

go ghost even if she messages you i would ignore it for a few days let her stew

Every woman ive been in a serious relationship with could barely go an hour without finding out what i'm up too

this chick ain't bothered which tells me she's either entertaining someone else or simply doesn't care

either way it looks like this has run its course unless you want to go into orbiter mode

 

[Dr.Suave]

A good girlfriend should already know how to properly behave

Agree 100%

 

[soulforge]

Doesn't sound good


Doesn't sound good at all ,

go ghost even if she messages you i would ignore it for a few days let her stew

Every woman ive been in a serious relationship with could barely go an hour without finding out what i'm up too

this chick ain't bothered which tells me she's either entertaining someone else or simply doesn't care

either way it looks like this has run its course unless you want to go into orbiter mode

Well she messaged me an hour after her shift ended to ask me how my day has been.

No mention of what happened last night and her not even letting me know when she got home etc

 

[Dr.Suave]

Do you think I should let her know that she FD up? Or simply treat her as she treated me.

Demote to plate status. She probably wont go for it, so you Ghost and block her from everywhere

 

[soulforge]

Just call her out and get an answer. Waiting 4-5 hours next to your phone sweating profusely will not change the outcome.

Lol true, I think I need to just need to call her out. Maybe she has an explanation

 

[Bingo-Player]

Well she messaged me an hour after her shift ended to ask me how my day has been.

No mention of what happened last night and her not even letting me know when she got home etc

Yep so let her stew , bad behaviour needs to be punished

Go offline make some dinner , put a movie on go to sleep and get back to her tomorrow evening

 

[Dr.Suave]

Maybe she has an explanation

Of course she has, but you wont buy it because you dont trust her, and you are probably right not to trust her.

 

[soulforge]

Demote to plate status. She probably wont go for it, so you Ghost and block her from everywhere

Well I am definitely pulling back. No more good mornings or goodnights. She will walk away or face her new reality.

I do think I need to let her know about how it was FD up last night. And then pull away

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I'm asking this question, because last night the girl I am in a LTR with (5 months) went out with her friend to the cinema.

It was late in the afternoon around 7pm.. We both have an agreement in place, that we do not do bars/clubs/drinking etc.

Anyway while she was at the cinema, she sent me some video footage, so I know for a fact she was there.

But... She did not text me when she got back home. No message letting me know when she got home or even a goodnight like she usually does.

This raised my suspicion as to what she has been upto.

She will more likely message me tonight after she finishes work...

However I have no idea when/or if she got home last night.

Would this be an issue for you guys?

May be a test of your desperation/insecurity.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Of course she has, but you wont buy it because you dont trust her, and you are probably right not to trust her.

Then he needs to tell this girl goodbye instead of dancing around the bush and secretly hoping she comes crying back to him because he put on Mr. meanie ghostie face lol.

 

[Barrister]

On the surface this comes across as odd behavior. Five months is not a huge amount of time, but it is enough time for her to know that being dark overnight is generally not going to be taken well if you two are in a committed relationship. Especially when she out without you.

How has the rest of the relationship been? Is she constantly testing boundaries or is this fairly new for her? I would say to avoid a knee jerk reaction of "calling her out" as some have suggested. While I would say there probably isn't a great explanation out there for her to not let you know how the night went, it is hard to definitively say that without knowing more. If you have established a routine whereby you each always let each other know when you get home when you go out without each other, it looks problematic. However, for instance, if you yourself have gone out before without saying anything once you got home, it doesn't look as bad.

I think you need to address it with her and hear the explanation. If the rest of the relationship has been good to very good, I think you extend some grace. But you DO need to set a clear boundary moving forward.

 

[soulforge]

May be a test of your desperation/insecurity.

Possibly.. this is why I'm considering maybe not calling her out on it... And just treat her as she treated me.. simply pull away..

Downgrade and then eventually ghost her

 

[soulforge]

Maybe calling her out is a bad idea as this could have been a Chvt test to see if I lose my mind and start calling her because she vanished?

That being said... And I know girls Chvt test, this type of Chvt test can create massive trust issues.

Part of me wants to call her out... Part of me wants to simply pull back and downgrade her

 

[soulforge]

I'm torn but sometimes silence and distance speak louder than any words ever could.

At least for now.

Let her ask why you've been silent after which you can tell her (calmly and rationally) and discuss, hopefully resolve.

Assuming you want to work it out and remain in the relationship.

If trust is totally gone then next her.

She isn't bringing the issue up... She is carrying on like nothing happened. Feels stupid of me to point it out to her..

For now I am thinking simply silence and limited replies and distance. If she asks what is up, than simply lay out what my expectations are in regards to letting each other know when home.

But to be honest I will struggle to trust her and next time she goes out.

 

[Barrister]

I'm torn but sometimes silence and distance speak louder than any words ever could.

At least for now.

Let her ask why you've been silent after which you can tell her (calmly and rationally) and discuss, hopefully resolve.

Assuming you want to work it out and remain in the relationship.

If trust is totally gone then next her.

For a man - silence and distance is generally always the best option. Getting angry, upset (emotional) is generally going to register as insecure behavior in the mind of a woman and is going to begin the process of her feeling detached. You likely have experienced this yourself. There is nothing wrong with OP being secure in his information before deciding what needs to happen - it certainly doesn't make him a cuck or anything else. Again, knee-jerk, emotional reactions will generally be seen as weakness.