I need some texting advice

[Stanley]

How did I show eagerness or that I am into her?

I never complimented her on the date. Never put her on a pedestal. She was responding in seconds to minutes via texting, before and after the date. At the end of the date she told me she had a good time. She then text me to say she got home safely. I then left it at the for almost a week before texting, so not coming across clingy or needy etc.

Maybe I was too cold and not affectionate enough towards her?

What should I do now? Set up a definite date and if I get a wishy washy answer then move on.

Quit spinning your wheel like a girl. Just hit her up one last time and see if she's interested in going on a date. If she gives you wishy wash then you move on, that is the answer. The medium is the message.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You're just being a woman, and only a fool would be upset about a woman being a woman.

You laughed at me once, and I’m still a wreck over it.

 

[Atom Smasher]

OP, the mistakes you made have already been pointed out, so my advice to you is that you need a reset.

Make a definite plan for an activity, then text her something like:
Hey, I see you and me doing xyz next Saturday. You in?

This shows boldness and directness, but more importantly it will make you clear on where she stands. If she agrees, you have a reset and a chance to do better. If she declines, perfect! Now you know to cut bait and fish more productive waters.

You win either way because a man should never find himself in a position where he’s wondering if a woman is interested in him. He should always know. Yes or no, that’s it.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Nah she’s out. This is a girl from downtown manhattan (Ulysses @Jesse Pinkman ) last night. i saw her eyeing me when she saw me get approached by a 2 set and she made her move. She’s a nut but she’s fun

If you guys want, let’s use my situation as a way to ‘try again’ since I had a more positive experience?

little color: she inserted herself into my set when she saw us / me getting kino from a girl in a set that practically followed us to our seats. I got up and stood against the wall. I had the intent of blocking this girl out a bit but briana inserts herself and in short order tells me she is saving me. So anyway she takes my number, and she tells me that I’m going to call her and texted me minutes after leaving. While there, heavy kino. I try and f close but she’s there with friends and said she had too much self respect.

Here are my logistics:
It’s Sunday night
I am incapable from Thursday until Monday

Potential next steps:

1. Could set something for Tuesday or Wednesday afternoon
2. Could go totally silent until next week
3. Could set up next week by waiting a few more to call

 

[RazorRambo24]

How did I show eagerness or that I am into her?

I never complimented her on the date. Never put her on a pedestal. She was responding in seconds to minutes via texting, before and after the date. At the end of the date she told me she had a good time. She then text me to say she got home safely. I then left it at the for almost a week before texting, so not coming across clingy or needy etc.

Maybe I was too cold and not affectionate enough towards her?

What should I do now? Set up a definite date and if I get a wishy washy answer then move on.

It's things like not closing on the first date yet asking her when you will see her again.. and then texting back and forth alot. <--

Girls will do this dumb sh.t like go cold on you outta nowhere because most of what girls just need is validation and once they got it, they dont need you anymore.. You need to stay on top of her needing validation from you and not being validated , up until a certain point. If she gets her validation before you do, then you're kinda just fishing for her validation and then she can just use you as one of many suitors to just validate her constantly while she goes after more and more higher status males.

Some girls if you dont talk to them for a week, they'll try and act like they're more busy than they are and stop texting as mcuh too.

Girls I talk to, usually mimic my style of texting. If i text often, they text often but the moment i stop texting as much, they try to copy that .. knowing damn well they can be texting all the time.

All that stuff means nothing though because once u have sex with them, its a diff level of playing field. before taht, its all just psychological games with women.. That's why most dudes mess up before they even begin.. While the alpha males/ high value males usually just capitalize or until they capitalize, show no eagerness or don't validate the woman in any way.. The woman is left thinking "does he really like me,"? "what if he doesnt want to see me again" "when will i see him again " "idk if he liked our date " etc..

 

[sceneparade]

It's things like not closing on the first date yet asking her when you will see her again.. and then texting back and forth alot. <--

Girls will do this dumb sh.t like go cold on you outta nowhere because most of what girls just need is validation and once they got it, they dont need you anymore.. You need to stay on top of her needing validation from you and not being validated , up until a certain point. If she gets her validation before you do, then you're kinda just fishing for her validation and then she can just use you as one of many suitors to just validate her constantly while she goes after more and more higher status males.

Some girls if you dont talk to them for a week, they'll try and act like they're more busy than they are and stop texting as mcuh too.

Girls I talk to, usually mimic my style of texting. If i text often, they text often but the moment i stop texting as much, they try to copy that .. knowing damn well they can be texting all the time.

All that stuff means nothing though because once u have sex with them, its a diff level of playing field. before taht, its all just psychological games with women.. That's why most dudes mess up before they even begin.. While the alpha males/ high value males usually just capitalize or until they capitalize, show no eagerness or don't validate the woman in any way.. The woman is left thinking "does he really like me,"? "what if he doesnt want to see me again" "when will i see him again " "idk if he liked our date " etc..

Up until Saturday, the texting from her was frequent, no more than 1-1.5 hours, but after the date it was 0-3mins tops. Then after Saturday, it was over a day to text back, then 3 or 4 hours to respond. And unlike the previous texts, which was flirty and bantering and lots of fun, she became cold, less engaged, remote, giving closed answers etc.

So, I did what was advised on here and asked her out again. This time she answered the first part of the text, but ignored the part about the date. She then said "I okay, just taking some space to sort myself out, trying not to get overwhelmed." So I have left it.

I am not sure what caused the sudden change in interest. I have some suggestions, which hopefully someone can suggest which is more likely.

1). She was going swimming and I said I can imagine her looking great in a bikini, which she sent a surprised emoji and a laughing emoji, followed by "please try"
2) I didn't talk to her for days
3) Between the days we didn't speak, her friend was chatting to me and asked me how everything was going with her friend. So I mistakenly, said she had a great personality, bubbly etc., and that she was attractive. I think this validating messed things up, and probably her friend went back and told this girl, as they are very very good friends. It was after this she became cold.
4) Texting her too much when we did speak, and complimenting her as suggested by friend. When we originally texted, I never complimented her, but followed friends advice.

 

[sceneparade]

One final point. Where I get confused is the point around texting. Some say you only text to set up dates, others say if you don't build rapport through texting, your risk of flaking rises dramatically. So which is it?

 

[Atom Smasher]

Are you familiar with my previous brain eruptions here on SoSuave?

You failed to adhere to a couple of my basic tenets. The very first order of business when dealing with a new woman is to flip the script and let her know that you are evaluating her.

Like most men, you, my friend, present yourself as a beggar. Think about it. You conveyed to her that you were “all-in”, that you would accept her completely if only she would accept you.

Instead you need to subtly (and sometimes not-so-subtly) convey that you are giving her a chance to impress you; that you are judging her suitability to be in your life.

Men usually don’t understand this, but women crave a man who is not “all-in” and whom they have to work for.

Men are in the mess they are in today precisely for this reason. They are beggars. They are eager puppy dogs looking longingly at women for acceptance and affection.

My massive problems with women completely ceased when I decided to flip the script and convey that I was evaluating THEM even more than they were evaluating me.

You’ve got to trade that eager puppy-dog presentation with a certain detachment or aloofness. You’re still friendly, you’re still creating a fun, self-amused vibe, but instead of the eager puppy dog you present yourself as the King of your kingdom with no time to waste.

When she messes up and says something stupid, you tease her and jokingly warn her that she is losing “points” with you. You act undecided about her. You remind yourself that she is just one of billions of girls and you have no need for any particular woman. She needs to earn a place in your life.

Be prepared and willing to lose or offend any particular woman. You will find that many, many more will find you captivating. It worked for this former loser with women.

Conveying “all-in” is the death knell for female attraction. Women positively “melt” (as they say) for men who have a life and who they need to impress. Be a man who can afford to lose any particular woman. They can sniff this attitude out like a bloodhound and when they catch the scent, they are hooked.

Beggars of the world, hear me.

 

[pranshu]

I think the OP is basically defeating the purpose of plate theory by overthinking and overanalyzing the situation..that's the nerd way, not DJ way.. maybe she doesn't like you anymore(found someone better), or maybe she was genuinely busy. Just assume she is still into you and give it one more try without investing in it so much..if you become nervous and needy like this by overthinking it, she will definitely lose interest if she hasn't already.

 

[pranshu]

One final point. Where I get confused is the point around texting. Some say you only text to set up dates, others say if you don't build rapport through texting, your risk of flaking rises dramatically. So which is it?

I am doubtful in this section too.. most women these days are so cowardly and addicted to mobiles that thats all they can talk about and talk via... all they watch is netflix, kdrama, kpop instead of socializing in the real world..especially the genz ones..
now I know the right approach is to ignore them and filter them out but they are 90% of the women..is that decision profitable?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

How did I show eagerness or that I am into her?

I never complimented her on the date. Never put her on a pedestal. She was responding in seconds to minutes via texting, before and after the date. At the end of the date she told me she had a good time. She then text me to say she got home safely. I then left it at the for almost a week before texting, so not coming across clingy or needy etc.

Maybe I was too cold and not affectionate enough towards her?

What should I do now? Set up a definite date and if I get a wishy washy answer then move on.

You still have to keep the fire lit. You let it go cold by being too aloof.

 

[RazorRambo24]

Up until Saturday, the texting from her was frequent, no more than 1-1.5 hours, but after the date it was 0-3mins tops. Then after Saturday, it was over a day to text back, then 3 or 4 hours to respond. And unlike the previous texts, which was flirty and bantering and lots of fun, she became cold, less engaged, remote, giving closed answers etc.

So, I did what was advised on here and asked her out again. This time she answered the first part of the text, but ignored the part about the date. She then said "I okay, just taking some space to sort myself out, trying not to get overwhelmed." So I have left it.

I am not sure what caused the sudden change in interest. I have some suggestions, which hopefully someone can suggest which is more likely.

1). She was going swimming and I said I can imagine her looking great in a bikini, which she sent a surprised emoji and a laughing emoji, followed by "please try"
2) I didn't talk to her for days
3) Between the days we didn't speak, her friend was chatting to me and asked me how everything was going with her friend. So I mistakenly, said she had a great personality, bubbly etc., and that she was attractive. I think this validating messed things up, and probably her friend went back and told this girl, as they are very very good friends. It was after this she became cold.
4) Texting her too much when we did speak, and complimenting her as suggested by friend. When we originally texted, I never complimented her, but followed friends advice.

The thing is you can never try to explain it. UNless you know a woman, her friends, what she does on her spare time, her family, etc, theres no guessing.. She can be busy with all type of things.. friends, family, multiple guys, or talking to a guy she really likes, etc..

Its hard for women these days because they can't go out on ad ate with a guy or even talk to a guy without soem guys feeling like oh shes supposed to be mine.. shes not yours until she is.. simple as that

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Agree with Billy.

Yeah I know many men believe when a chick is into you, SHE will initiate texts and that's true.
And that uncertainly and tension increase attraction and interest, and THAT is also true.

BUT there is another side to this that is often not discussed or taken seriously, and that is during early stages before a woman has had a chance to bond, too much distance, like waiting a week to reach out again, combined with never complimenting (IOI) or being too aloof, etc may cause the entire situationship to lose momentum.

And thus, a woman's interest, which is why it's often advised to strike while the iron is HOT.

Yes I realize she said she would get back to you with her availability but that did not mean she wanted you to stop texting and showing interest. Not too much, a bit of uncertainty is also necessary, it's a balance.

Intermittent reinforcement, a bit of push/pull can be very powerful when used correctly.

My guess having experienced this myself is she's not feeling much of anything right now, she's indifferent.
She lost momentum, it died.

This is the risk a man takes when he creates too much distance before a woman has had a chance to bond. One week was too long in this case especially when things were on the upswing prior to your distancing.

Again, often not discussed but it's the reality in some cases.

Probably best to move on and learn from it.

Just my take.

Agreed. You have to Speedwagon these women.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Keep the fire burnin'
Let it keep us warm
The world will keep on turnin'
Let it turn you on
And let us not stop learnin'
We can help one another be strong
Let us never lose our yearnin'
To keep the fire burnin' all night long

That's a cheesy song actually. I just liked the implied analogy of piling women into a fast wheelbarrow.

 

[sceneparade]

You still have to keep the fire lit. You let it go cold by being too aloof.

So are you supposed to compliment a woman on the date? Are you supposed to put them on a pedal? Did I wait too long to contact her again? (by leaving it for a few days) I thought you weren't suppose to give women validation by complimenting or putting them on the pedestal and such.

How should I have kept the fire lit?

 

[Divorced w 3]

So are you supposed to compliment a woman on the date? Are you supposed to put them on a pedal? Did I wait too long to contact her again? (by leaving it for a few days) I thought you weren't suppose to give women validation by complimenting or putting them on the pedestal and such.

How should I have kept the fire lit?

 

[Divorced w 3]

So are you supposed to compliment a woman on the date? Are you supposed to put them on a pedal? Did I wait too long to contact her again? (by leaving it for a few days) I thought you weren't suppose to give women validation by complimenting or putting them on the pedestal and such.

How should I have kept the fire lit?

I just tried to keep the theme running from Saturday night. Not too chatty, confident and when the date was set I threw in a double entendre on the going easy on her, now I have a good way to get handsy with her right away tonight

notice her 12:01 reply? That’s due to being a teacher. Literally the second she took her phone back for the morning she wrote. That’s what you’re going for.

 

[Divorced w 3]

@Divorced w 3 clearly you're a great puller of women , but after the first date, how do you keep it going? Assuming you want to.

Reading OP's initial post, this is where he ran into problems, after the initial pull and first date.

If she said she'd let you know her availability at end of week, would you let it go for an entire week like OP did?

Or text every couple of days, keeping the momentum going and fire burning? A bit of push/pull?

What's your game after initial pull?

Talking to men in a support group I used to attend and my brothers, this was a major problem.

They were great at initially pulling and getting the first date, but weren't able to maintain it, maintain the momentum and woman's interest. Waited too long to reach out again, too much push.

Any thoughts on that?

P.S. Re tonight's date, I think you've got this one, she sounds into you and excited!

I've done drinks and bowling on first, had a blast, great way to connect too.

Have fun.

Idk. Let me get past day 1. Nobody recently has interested me enough to get a date let alone day 2. I dropped the bumble girl. She couldn’t do Tuesday and I didn’t like the direction of the chat. I plan tonight on just being open ended, close to the vest and playful. Whenever/ if ever the question on kids comes up I’ll just roll with it.

 

[DonJuanjr]

You still have to keep the fire lit. You let it go cold by being too aloof.

It's OVER for SmolderingCels

 

[Divorced w 3]

OK fair enough. Makes sense.

However, I was talking more about your game pre-marriage since you said in a previous post you've had experience in seduction and also read several books prior to marriage.

But I don't know how long you've been married and I imagine the game has changed quite a bit since then.
So it's like you're starting fresh. I get it.

In any event, your stories are interesting and enjoyable to read, worthy of their own thread imo!

Sort of like @Jesse Pinkman 's Game Guide. Lol

I don’t think the game changed, since the game is human behavior. I just think that I’m playing it on a different level

my date was cool but she still didn’t put out. She’s going to make me work for it. I’m with it. I drove her home and we made out and I put the hands up the legs but it got politely rejected. She’s nice. 33. Older then my normal stomping grounds