Who does the chores?

[CyrusTheGreat]

I did a little search, and it seems that this hasn't been something the guys on this forum care about much. So here we go.

Whether you're in a committed relationship or spinning plate, who's the one doing the chores when you are spending time together? By chores, I am referring to the traditionally feminine chores such as cooking, cleaning, washing, etc. and not things like shopping, fixing, etc.

I believe the ideal ratio of chores is 80-90% women and 10-20% men. But, so far I haven't come across many women in the west (note that I am referring to the women in the west and not just western women) who are happy with this setting.

What's been your experience? Could for example convince a woman that it's more her responsibility than is yours to do the chores?

 

[Murk]

Well it’s my place so if they are staying then cooking and some cleaning is mandatory. I take the bins out, buy food. I will do the dishes while they cook 80% of the time and after we are done eating 40% of the time, which I enjoy doing, it helps things run smoothly. I like being in the kitchen as on my own I’m cooking and cleaning after myself anyway. LTR’s I’m more inclined to let them lead in food/cleaning completely and I take a back seat which I also enjoy. I’ve been told I always interfere with cooking but tbh these women are just not good cooks, too much salt, wrong processes, lazy cleaning/unhygienic. I was raised by Jamaicans of course my cooking and cleaning will have high standards.

My job is to buy things, work, fvck/entertain and provide shelter, warmth, gas, electricity and safety while in my care.

 

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

With all the burdens that a man has in todays relationships, I see no point to commit to a woman if she doesnt do majority of the chores...talking about sex wheter its both of you getting old or your sex drive simply diminishes, what are the pros otherwise?

The fact is not that women do or dont do the chores, the fact is that the same woman behaves differently according to the man she is with.
That mid 30s woman that had to settle for an average man feels offended to do the laundry while had no problems with that 10 years earlier for that other cool guy.

 

[SW15]

The premise of the question is a bit faulty.

This is not at all relevant in a spinning plates situation or a committed relationship without living together. In these cases, both people are running their own households and doing all the chores for their households.

This would only be relevant in a living together situation. A living together situation would involve either a marriage or a living together without marriage situation.

In a living together situation, I think it is best if the woman does the indoor cooking, cleaning, and washing. Men can grill some meals outdoors. If the woman is doing most of the cooking, it probably makes sense for her to most of the grocery shopping. Some other shopping comes up too. Women would likely do more of that.

Does the couple own or rent real estate? That also affect chores.

If the couple pays a mortgage and lives in a single family house, it is best for men to do some outdoor maintenance, indoor maintenance, and even do some light auto repair on her car. In an owned condo/townhouse, basic outdoor maintenance is done by the HOA. In any sort of rental situation, the landlord handles indoor and outdoor maintenance.

Women with demanding careers are not going to like what I described. It's a bit difficult to have a high powered doctor, lawyer, or business executive career and do the day-to-day housework that falls to a woman in a multi-person household. Men's house work like outdoor maintenance and repairs can often be postponed until weekends. Housework also get compounded in households with children.

I believe that there is a reason for the typical gendered division of labor in households that emerged in the 19th and earlier 20th Centuries in Western nations. It is the model that works best.

Husbands who do housework may have less sex, study says

Traditional chores are linked with more sex for married couples.

www.usatoday.com

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

The premise of the question is a bit faulty.

This is not at all relevant in a spinning plates situation or a committed relationship without living together. In these cases, both people are running their own households and doing all the chores for their households.

This would only be relevant in a living together situation. A living together situation would involve either a marriage or a living together without marriage situation.

I disagree. Why would you even entertain the idea of moving in with someone if you don't already know what share of the household they're gonna handle? For example, you can guage her ability/willingness in doing the chores when she comes over to your place, vice versa, or when you travel together.

 

[SW15]

I disagree. Why would you even entertain the idea of moving in with someone if you don't already know what share of the household they're gonna handle? For example, you can guage her ability/willingness in doing the chores when she comes over to your place, vice versa, or when you travel together.

I haven't lived with any of my girlfriends. I agree that it would be possible to gauge her chore behaviors without living together, but even that's not going to be accurate.

Why would a woman do chores at your place though in a dating relationship? Why would she cook a meal for a man at his home? Why would she do dishes at his home? There's no reason for her to clean his toilet, tub, and sinks if she doesn't live with him.

A good portion of women will cook a meal for a man in her own home. She's more likely to do dishes to her own home.

Travel isn't always set up to be accurate either. A typical hotel room doesn't have a kitchen and a lot of leisure travel is less than a week. That wouldn't provide the best insight on chores. There are hotels/timeshare properties that have kitchens and that would be a better gauge of what life would be like when living together in terms of the chores.

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

Why would a woman do chores at your place though in a dating relationship? Why would she cook a meal for a man at his home? Why would she do dishes at his home? There's no reason for her to clean his toilet, tub, and sinks if she doesn't live with him.

I agree that cleaning the toilet, tub, and sink at the man's place is a bit too much. But cooking and washing not so much since she is a direct beneficiary of the meal, and the man has bought the ingredients drinks etc.

For example an ex of mine used to mostly hangout in my place since she shared her flat with others. In such a setting, if the man wants to cook and wash, it's a frame-cide imo.

 

[Dr.Suave]

She can do some chores and you can pay someone to do the rest of them.

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

She can do some chores and you can pay someone to do the rest of them.

Yup, if you can afford it. But most men simply can't afford that much.

 

[member160292]

With plates that stay over, I let her know that I appreciate an empty sink and hate folding clothes.

 

[EyeBRollin]

My wife does 100% of the cleaning and laundry, and about 70% of the cooking. Some meals I’m just better at than her, so I cook those.

I take care of the trash and grocery shopping. Also all things related to home and car repairs.

Pro tip: I enjoy doing the grocery shopping because I control the food supply. My wife has lost 10 lbs since she moved in, simply because I only bring healthy food into the house. She did grocery shopping once when I was out of town for work… it’s amazing the kind of unhealthy bullshvt women buy on their own. “But it tastes good!”

 

[member160292]

Pro tip: I enjoy doing the grocery shopping because I control the food supply. My wife has lost 10 lbs since she moved in, simply because I only bring healthy food into the house. She did grocery shopping once when I was out of town for work… it’s amazing what kind of nutrition less bullshvt women buy on their own.

Absolutely! Women will notice the things you buy and will take note of your current diet. Probably getting love-bombed one of them made me macadamia milk and low-carb cookies. She loves sugar and sweets so I'm going to ween her over to sugar alternatives.
I just had another one drop off keto cupcakes...life is good

F52-F6256-0089-4407-A4-DF-ABA7-D5-BDA8-B6

Image F52-F6256-0089-4407-A4-DF-ABA7-D5-BDA8-B6 hosted in ImgBB

ibb.co

 

[EyeBRollin]

Absolutely! Women will notice the things you buy and will take note of your current diet. Probably getting love-bombed one of them made me macadamia milk and keto cookies. She loves sugar and sweets so I'm going to ween her over to sugar alternatives.

Get a good blender and stock up on fruit. Natural homemade fruit juices and smoothies can satiate the sweet tooth while adding fiber and a whole lot of healthy nutrients. Lower glycemic way to do it…

 

[member160292]

On this topic, I mention that my love language is Acts of Service very early on. I think it helped me filter out chicks that don't try to take care of their man.

 

[member160292]

Get a good blender and stock up on fruit. Natural homemade fruit juices and smoothies can satiate the sweet tooth while adding fiber and a whole lot of healthy nutrients. Lower glycemic way to do it…

Thanks for bringing that up, I have a Ninja blender that's collecting dust right now.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Get a good blender and stock up on fruit. Natural homemade fruit juices and smoothies can satiate the sweet tooth while adding fiber and a whole lot of healthy nutrients. Lower glycemic way to do it…

Fruit juice is little more than flavored sugar water the way most people drink it when it's store bought...better when the entire fruit is used in a smoothie versus juiced in a juicer

 

[EyeBRollin]

Fruit juice is little more than flavored sugar water the way most people drink it when it's store bought...better when the entire fruit is used in a smoothie versus juiced in a juicer

The store bought shvt isn’t even juice.

I was surprised at how well bananas can make smoothies taste. Also, watermelons and pineapples are refreshing af.

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

My wife does 100% of the cleaning and laundry, and about 70% of the cooking. Some meals I’m just better at than her, so I cook those.

I take care of the trash and grocery shopping. Also all things related to home and car repairs.

Pro tip: I enjoy doing the grocery shopping because I control the food supply. My wife has lost 10 lbs since she moved in, simply because I only bring healthy food into the house. She did grocery shopping once when I was out of town for work… it’s amazing the kind of unhealthy bullshvt women buy on their own. “But it tastes good!”

Did she also did the chores when you were in the early stages of dating?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The store bought shvt isn’t even juice.

I was surprised at how well bananas can make smoothies taste. Also, watermelons and pineapples are refreshing af.

Avocados in smoothies are amazing too...gives it a creamy smooth texture that's hard to replicate.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Did she also did the chores when you were in the early stages of dating?

Yes. We didn’t live together but she would come over, clean my place and cook.