Not sure how to be happy as I get older

[Stephen89]

I'm 33 and I have to accept as I get older I won't get the attention i got in my 20s.

I went to amusement parks, and many chances of befriending women etc and I get jealous of younger males with groups of women.

I have a stable job, I'll inherit this house and as I get older my finances will be good.

I do have a few female friends however they have their own family, lives.

When I was young, I had a lot going on for me and a lot to look forward to. Forums, sports practice, watching sports, video games, backyard cricket, forums, college etc.

Possibly their could be some venture opportunities, self employment opportunities as I get older.

Im passionate about life, watch horror stuff etc. I have another cousin who I watch this stuff.

I'll travel, however underneath I wish to be in my 20s.

However I'm a sort of group person and I sort of always envisioned myself and get jealous of younger males having a fun time with females at the cinema and experiencing life.

I'm a group person and maybe a should join a private paid membership club or something or nightlife etc.

I'm friendly and get on well with people, i know I'll have male friends.

I just feel very sad.

 

[jaymbrs]

You’re not alone. Growing older and apart from your friends is unfortunately common especially if you don’t go the traditional route of marrying early and starting a family. I find that over time you just get used to it. Just don’t wait too long otherwise you’ll end up a depressed older man like my friend who is about to hit 50. He partied his ass off til his 40s then it all came crashing down. Females are no longer interested in him and he has a genuine hatred for women now.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Seriously? 33 and you’re feeling old? Your 30’s should be your salad days man! Still young enough to pull 20-something’s without much of an issue, you should be well established in your career and have some disposable income. You’re also a target for women your age, and beyond.

Some day you’ll look back at your 30’s and realize all that you had going on.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Bro 33 is nothing. @LucianoM is older than me and he posted the pic of a hot 18 year old he pulled this year. You could also find new friends who are still single.

 

[corrector]

Cry me a river dude, I'm 46.

 

[Jor-El]

I get it...but if you are feeling sad now your (young..) youth is over,well,what ya gonna do assuming you live to be 85 ? Gotta find new reasons to be cheerful or you are going to live out the rest of your days in misery....iv no answers really,but,remember,the young uns you see today,well,there old age will come,there`s no escape

 

[corrector]

I was 21 years old when this song came out about youth. I did do allot of walking and exploring the town during that time when I was studying for R.E. There is just so much potential and possibilities and hope during these times. I always remember the 90s fondly. I turned 33 2009. That was a second-youth with me. Took up biking, swimming lessons, travelled to Israel, Trinidad twice and got a ex-gf and ex-wife well into my 30s. It's only after 2019 (ie 43 years old) it started feeling like the beginning of the end of that youth.

You should still have some more mileage at 33, as I consider that still a very young age.

 

[Stanley]

Dude you're prime time, this sounds like depression. You're not old

 

[SOG_85]

Instead of adding a bunch of stuff to your life, consider removing unnecessary things in order to make more room for stuff that you really enjoy. Food for thought.

 

[manfrombelow]

Hey OP, I'm the same age as you, and trust me I know exactly what you're talking about.

It sounds like you're single now?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

The curse of 33 strikes again.

 

[Stephen89]

Thanks for all the comment guys.

I am single right now, I'm very confident I'll be in a ltr. And have children.

I was attractive.

I imagined it would be an extension to my 20s which going into my 30s which are house parties, etc.

The stuff that makes me happy, cricket has gone boring, nothing good about it now and not the game it used to be over 10 years ago, I was mad passionate about in the 90s, 2000s. This 20 over cricket is akin to have soccer 20 mins futsal, who likes that where there is no finesse.

I enjoy watching movies, horror stuff, reading etc, I might go back to uni to do a masters in comp sci in my mid 30s. That could be interesting.

I could still fit into my local community.

As I said there will be venture, self employment opportunities in the future.

I often romanticise the past when I was in early school, college, just being young, looked forward to those international cricket tournaments on TV which doesn't happen now, backyard cricket, many other stuff.

As I said, I'm a group person, maybe I need to go on meet ups, join clubs, network with people.

 

[ubercat]

Mate you still have an escape window. Start up a side business and go digital nomad.

 

[Stanley]

I often romanticise the past when I was in early school, college, just being young, looked forward to those international cricket tournaments on TV which doesn't happen now, backyard cricket, many other stuff.

As I said, I'm a group person, maybe I need to go on meet ups, join clubs, network with people.

Brother I get you. When I was only 23 I was having thoughts like yours. They only sought to **** up my worldview.

People would tell me i'm young, but it didn't cut through at the time. At 25 I know I am young and at 33 I know you are also young. I too focused on the past and many of the missed opportunities, it was unpleasant. Do not be incongruent with your core values. Your anxiety, sadness comes from a place of internal lack, real or not. Your subconscious is screaming at you and it surfaced in your thoughts and mood. Become the person you want to be. Do the things you want to do. Tell societies 'expectations' to **** right off, they only seek to pacify you and keep you from your potential.

Build your relationships, garner a strong social circle, stay on your purpose and enjoy living in the moment. Make yourself priority number one, become disciplined and understand what it is you want to accomplish. Follow your passions and do what you want to do for yourself. Don't allow a victim mindset to take hold of you, that is slippery slope and often leads men to depression. Kick that shid to the curb and leave it there. Undertake extreme accountability and grow! Kick the sadness and anxiety in the ass, it does not serve you aside from giving you motivation to grind. I like David Goggins approach to self deprecation. He believes there are two core voices in your head, one that serves you and one that lessens and belittles you. Let that voice of obstinance overtake your doubtful inner monologue. Fear is a cage and being in a state of discomfort when used correctly can be a catalyst for growth. Do not doubt yourself. Make a plan and start doing it. It isn't cliche that this coincides with new years; the time of year is irrelevant to undertaking personal growth.

Depression is rooted in the past and anxiety in the future. Consider therapy if you think your are genuinely depressed. It helped me tremendously. Finding a good therapist is difficult, but it has been one of the best decisions i've made for my mental well being. Can't recommend it enough. It is not 'beta' and anyone who tells you otherwise only seeks to bring you down...crab mentality is sometimes here.

I've recently taken a liking to Bedros Keuilian over on youtube. He (imo) has some great takes and has many videos I'd consider worthwhile. I'll link one below if you're interested.

 

[manfrombelow]

@Stephen89 we can talk on Skype or Zoom if you're interested, since we are exactly the same age.

 

[kavi]

OP is depressed due to living an a system of atomization that causes loneliness, boredom, lack of meaning etc. Humans are social creatures and the current state of the world is greater atomization which is problematic. Self-Improvement, suck it up, grow up etc is not the solution to this. You can make it more bearable by throwing yourself into work, money, fitness, relationships etc but it is not a real solution.

It is not helped by men thinking a relationship or nuclear family set up is the solution. The only solution is the building of communities.

I was in the same place as OP a few years ago. I remembered my best times was when I was young in school, had friends and a community to belong too. I remembered around 35 that my best times where when I was 12 years old and I organised a local soccer meetup where lots of my local friends and relatives came and every week we played soccer. It was like a community friend group thing.

Knowing at 35 that was my biggest personal achievement and happiness is what caused me to go down the path of community building, hoping to get back that feeling of 'connectedness' and community.

 

[Stephen89]

I was thinking, maybe I could build a backyard cricket team with my pals and I could join meet ups etc.

 

[Mike32ct]

By "group person," I'm going to assume you mean "extrovert?"

Loneliness is not a big deal to introverts (like myself). But I imagine it's a lot tougher for extroverts.

Notwithstanding, I think it's way too early to worry about being "old" at 33.

 

[Machine10033]

You will always feel sad and unfulfilled at any age if you have no purpose. When we are younger society literally pre programs us with that purpose school: from 5-22 years old we are in a cycle of self improvement for the purpose of eventually finishing our education and go into the real world.

At some point it’s on you to find your purpose and what makes you tick. At 33 no one gives a sh!t if your sad because no one pays attention to you anymore. Go get your purpose, strive to improve every moment your breathing and in time people will begin to notice you again.

Ask yourself why is no one paying attention to me and begin to fix that.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

One thing I have noticed is that younger men and women - those who grew up with social media - are largely living lives of dissatisfaction. They seem to suffer from a severe lack of self-esteem and a debilitating "pick me" attitude. When all they see is all these people on Tiktok and Instalonde or this gram and whatever living this seemingly impossible life, they feel diminished.

Even here, where forum members are definitely more enlightened than the populace as a whole, there seems to be an undercurrent of "who is hotter, this brunette" guys seem to want a consensus on what they should consider attractive - this seemingly stems from the need for approval.

Young(er) men of SS: make your own way, don't care what others may think of you, never compare yourself or allow yourself to be told what you should want from life. The grass is always greener on the other side: BECAUSE ITS ASTROTURF!

Find your thing, get hobbies, get passionate AND STOP FROM POSTING YOUR WHOLE LIFE STORY ON SOCIAL MEDIA; it's not necessary - you want to be different? Don't be like all the cookie-cutter people in your age group - stay out of the SM trap - trust me, you'll be noticed more as a non-conformist than your pic of you eating a donut will on Insta.