Am I being paranoid or did I fvck up my frame

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

So I've been seeing this girl since like Late September and I invited her to come up to the city where I am from for Christmas. She said she didn't have any family to really celebrate with and she celebrated it with her ex the previous years, so I felt bad. She said her friends (either Asian or Hispanic) have been giving her crap about it being really soon to meet my parents, but she said she didn't care about what they say and does her own thing. I told her that she didn't have to go, or she can just stay back when I go visit them no big deal and she said that she's going to go anyway. It was supposed to be more of a vacation with seeing my parents as a bonus lol. We aren't even staying with them lol. Now before y'all go and kill me, here's my pointers.

1). She has already introduced me to all of her friends and closest people to her while she has only met like 1 of my friends/we have been on a trip already.

2). I'm not very close with my family and I told her that meeting my friends is more important to me than meeting my parents lol. My parents have met like 6 of my exes, my friends have only met 2 lol and I told her that too.

3). I don't plan on getting married/having a wedding, so this might be the only opportunity for her to meet them. My home city is 25 hours round trip away; I don't make that trip often. It's been 2 years since I have seen my parents lol.

4). I think she will never fully understand me if she doesn't know where I fvcking come from. Think David Goggins upbringing in a richy white suburb lol. I am pretty firm about this because I don't want other people getting in my way of thinking. If I'm going to be with someone longterm, I want them to understand why I act, think, and present myself a certain way.

Am I just letting her friends get to my head or should I start redownloading the apps lol?

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Also, the trip like 10-20% dealing with me family too, so I didn't see it as a big deal.

 

[SW15]

Am I just letting her friends get to my head or should I start redownloading the apps lol?

You are letting her friends get to your head. Frame is everything.

 

[Stanley]

You've been dating for months, she can meet you parents it isn't a big deal.

Her friends sound like asshats and I don't know why their ethnicity is relevant? Dude, it sounds like you genuinely like this girl and are trying to find reasons to justify NOT bringing her along for the holidays. Don't self sabotage a good thing, this sounds like a good thing. Just let go and have fun with her. Visiting with family doesn't have to mean **** if you don't make it mean something. I was at a family party two nights ago, a relative brought a girl he's been seeing for a few months. He didn't claim girlfriend or use any labels and the two of them had a good time.

Clearly, you like this girl and want her to know your background so let her. You also mention or at least hint at ltr potential, might as well start vetting her in that regard too and see how she is around your family. I think you're overthinking things and maybe even looking for excuses to bail out on her and 'dowload apps'. Why do that if she's a quality girl you dig? Give it a shot I say and just let go and have fun.

Also, were you beat by your dad at roller-skating rink as a kid? The David Goggins line got me curious as I just read his book and man dude had it rough.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Y'all are right, I am letting her friends get in my head. I will cancel the grandma part of my trip because that was the part causing me the most anxiety and I don't want to put her through that mess.

Also, were you beat by your dad at roller-skating rink as a kid? The David Goggins line got me curious as I just read his book and man dude had it rough.

Lol I forgot about that part. Mainly the similar schools and both of our parents just being complete degenerates and random af lol.

 

[Stanley]

Y'all are right, I am letting her friends get in my head. I will cancel the grandma part of my trip because that was the part causing me the most anxiety and I don't want to put her through that mess.



Lol I forgot about that part. Mainly the similar schools and both of our parents just being complete degenerates and random af lol.

Ah ok. Yeah man just chill though. You're totally in the clear. Don't get anxious about it, it will just spoil your trip. Go with your gut, let loose and enjoy yourself with this girl in tow. Sounds to me like this girl digs you so just run with it

 

[Murk]

You have known her 2 months, bit weird to take her 25+ hour journey to meet your family for Christmas. It sounds like you're not even leaving the country, but you're saying it's a 25h round trip, unnecessarily obscure messaging. Why don't you just take a flight, get your rich parents to pay if they want to see you.

I don't bring girls to meet family unless it's an LTR, I like to be private, 9-10 weeks is way to soon but each to their own.

You type like a teenage girl there's no need for so many "lols" there was literally nothing funny about your post except the need to highlight your girl's Asian and Hispanic friends' race. Is your girl an Eskimo?

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

You have known her 2 months, bit weird to take her 25+ hour journey to meet your family for Christmas. It sounds like you're not even leaving the country, but you're saying it's a 25h round trip, unnecessarily obscure messaging. Why don't you just take a flight, get your rich parents to pay if they want to see you.

I don't bring girls to meet family unless it's an LTR, I like to be private, 9-10 weeks is way to soon but each to their own.

You type like a teenage girl there's no need for so many "lols" there was literally nothing funny about your post except the need to highlight your girl's Asian and Hispanic friends' race. Is your girl an Eskimo?

She is flying there and we have a resort vacation on the drive back so it’s not 25 hours for her. I also hate flying domestic and avoid it as much as possible. My parents aren’t going to give me Jack shvt, I’m not even staying with them. I do know you are British, so family might be seen as different there. In the US, most white Americans dont really give af tbh. I highlighted her friends race because they aren’t white Americans and most likely didn’t hold that view.

I used to apply a similar private strategy, but idk if you remembered the 4 previous exes lol. I’m trying to apply something different and my parents are like 10-20% or the trip.

I’ll type however I want lol. I write a lot for my job, so I will write like a Stacy Bvsh outside work because I can.

 

[Barrister]

@Jake_Gyllenhaal69

There is nothing inherently wrong with introducing a woman you really like to your parents. However, generally you want to be sure about something like that. The mere fact you are posting about it here and wondering if it is too soon (I know you did not specifically come out and ask that) lets me know you have doubts, and if that is the case I wouldn't introduce her regardless of how many of your exes your folks have met.

Second, this isn't just a casual dinner you are introducing her at. This is the Christmas holiday which for most families is one of the most intimate celebrations of the year outside of a birthday. This is a fairly big thing to take a girlfriend to. My point is that this is going to come off to her that you are very serious about your relationship with her. Trust me on this. Women interpret things like this in a very serious way unlike we do. You may think "oh no big deal she has nowhere else to go so why not." I can guarantee you that she does not see it that way.

If you want to kick your relationship with her up a notch then fine - but if you don't tread carefully and definitely be sure this is the direction you want to take things.

 

[Murk]

@Jake_Gyllenhaal69

There is nothing inherently wrong with introducing a woman you really like to your parents. However, generally you want to be sure about something like that. The mere fact you are posting about it here and wondering if it is too soon (I know you did not specifically come out and ask that) lets me know you have doubts, and if that is the case I wouldn't introduce her regardless of how many of your exes your folks have met.

Second, this isn't just a casual dinner you are introducing her at. This is the Christmas holiday which for most families is one of the most intimate celebrations of the year outside of a birthday. This is a fairly big thing to take a girlfriend to. My point is that this is going to come off to her that you are very serious about your relationship with her. Trust me on this. Women interpret things like this in a very serious way unlike we do. You may think "oh no big deal she has nowhere else to go so why not." I can guarantee you that she does not see it that way.

If you want to kick your relationship with her up a notch then fine - but if you don't tread carefully and definitely be sure this is the direction you want to take things.

I agree with you, but it's clear that he's sprung on this girl and will be taking her and fast-tracking this to an LTR. As long as she's a good girl he may get a good 12-24 months out of this, possibly more.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

@Jake_Gyllenhaal69

There is nothing inherently wrong with introducing a woman you really like to your parents. However, generally you want to be sure about something like that. The mere fact you are posting about it here and wondering if it is too soon (I know you did not specifically come out and ask that) lets me know you have doubts, and if that is the case I wouldn't introduce her regardless of how many of your exes your folks have met.

Second, this isn't just a casual dinner you are introducing her at. This is the Christmas holiday which for most families is one of the most intimate celebrations of the year outside of a birthday. This is a fairly big thing to take a girlfriend to. My point is that this is going to come off to her that you are very serious about your relationship with her. Trust me on this. Women interpret things like this in a very serious way unlike we do. You may think "oh no big deal she has nowhere else to go so why not." I can guarantee you that she does not see it that way.

If you want to kick your relationship with her up a notch then fine - but if you don't tread carefully and definitely be sure this is the direction you want to take things.

You are right and I would be having anxiety about this whole trip even if I would have known her a year or 2 years because my family sucks. My family isn't really traditional, so we don't have a Christmas dinnner. It will be more like a drop by and say Hello lol. We are already in a LTR, so that doesn't bother me. I haven't entertained any other girls since like the first few weeks we started talking to each other. We are at the same age and point to where we are sick of playing games and want to take a little bit more risks LTR wise. I met her friends and important people much earlier in the relationship and they told me that I was the first Boyfriend of hers that they have ever met. Aside from our trip to Saint Lucia (WE SPLIT COSTS), this is the first real investment I am making.

 

[SW15]

I met her friends and important people much earlier in the relationship and they told me that I was the first Boyfriend of hers that they have ever met. Aside from our trip to Saint Lucia (WE SPLIT COSTS), this is the first real investment I am making.

A lot people don't even take their first trip as a couple until 6-12 months into a relationship. You've done a Caribbean island trip less than 3 months in, met her friends, and are planning a parents meeting.

You are moving faster than many, if not faster than most.

this isn't just a casual dinner you are introducing her at. This is the Christmas holiday which for most families is one of the most intimate celebrations of the year outside of a birthday. This is a fairly big thing to take a girlfriend to. My point is that this is going to come off to her that you are very serious about your relationship with her. Trust me on this. Women interpret things like this in a very serious way unlike we do.

Agree with all of this. Christmas is perceived differntly than a random weekend in the Spring/Summer/Fall.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I’m going to be honest. You sent her a neon bat signal that you really like her. If that’s the truth then who give af? If it’s not true then she’s either going to start thinking she’s your girl or…. Just roll with it homie.

 

[Murk]

So I've been seeing this girl since like Late September

We are already in a LTR, so that doesn't bother me.

it's clear that he's sprung on this girl and will be taking her and fast-tracking this to an LTR.

My guy you can't call it an LTR after 2 months, the very definition of LT doesn't allow it... talking about they are the same age and done with games

Good luck buddy.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Already on the road, so the deed has been done so no turning back now. Wish me luck :/

My guy you can't call it an LTR after 2 months, the very definition of LT doesn't allow it... talking about they are the same age and done with games

Good luck buddy.

She asked me to be exclusive and based on her previous actions, I feel comfortable enough to take her seriously. We also have a European trip planned/already paid for this summer. Sorry, it doesn’t comply with your standards because Jake doesn’t comply to established standards. Jake does what Jake wants.

NGL, This is why I am so reluctant to ask advice on here because you have posters that got completely wrecked by some sloot recently and now have a huge chip on their shoulder to turn anything positive to negative. “My plate baked me a cake last night and it was really good.” Dude, she just felt bad because she went and fvcked some random Bad boy at the club previously…trust me bro. I didn’t make this topic for you to critique my dating style, I asked advice for other things. I did the red pill butt hurt man shvt back in the day and all I got was less pvssy and more internet rage.

 

[SW15]

I did the red pill butt hurt man shvt back in the day and all I got was less pvssy and more internet rage.

Less vagina + more internet rage = bad

I would be having anxiety about this whole trip even if I would have known her a year or 2 years because my family sucks.

I can identify. Most families suck in some way.

Every family visit involving my mom sucks now because I prefer not to spend time with her husband. Nothing against the guy, I don't desire to spend my family time with someone I didn't know until I was 35. That's not family.

I had a pleasant family visit in 2021 when I saw my uncle, my aunt, and one of my cousins. My cousin's heinous ex-wife had the kids that week while I was visiting and was traveling with the kids. It was me and family members with whom I possessed a lifelong history. No fake intruder family members.

Already on the road, so the deed has been done so no turning back now. Wish me luck :/

Good luck!

 

[Stanley]

NGL, This is why I am so reluctant to ask advice on here because you have posters that got completely wrecked by some sloot recently and now have a huge chip on their shoulder to turn anything positive to negative.

For sure. Some nasty confirmation bias perpetuate this forum and more often then not the negative experiences get shared more readily then the positive.

Being aware of red pill and all it entails should help you make these decisions. If you can see past the bull**** with this girl and are vetting her then trust your judgment and intuition based on prior experiences. Negativity Bias is believed to be the default most rational response which has a greater effect on one's psychological state then positive biases, or so this is said... It has been argued that humans may neurologically or physiologically be predisposed towards focusing on negative information as means of growth and self preservation. As such, you more frequently will take on assumed negative information as it is more readily available.

You more frequently see people share their negative experiences and not their positive ones. This doesn't mean those experiences shouldn't be considered and I think most people on this site share the intent of bettering one another on the whole. Most response comments when asking for advice lean towards the "tread with caution" side of things, I am guilty of this as well, but again the intent is to aide...not tear down. The posters here that don't seek to bring their brothers up are only adding more negativity to the world. That said, a stern kick to the **** and taste of reality (i.e redpill) is often needed to break men out of fantasy land.

There are outliers (not unicorns though), maybe this is one of em.

Best of luck with the trip. Update us on how it goes and whether or not you had a positive experience.

 

[Murk]

Already on the road, so the deed has been done so no turning back now. Wish me luck :/



She asked me to be exclusive and based on her previous actions, I feel comfortable enough to take her seriously. We also have a European trip planned/already paid for this summer. Sorry, it doesn’t comply with your standards because Jake doesn’t comply to established standards. Jake does what Jake wants.

NGL, This is why I am so reluctant to ask advice on here because you have posters that got completely wrecked by some sloot recently and now have a huge chip on their shoulder to turn anything positive to negative. “My plate baked me a cake last night and it was really good.” Dude, she just felt bad because she went and fvcked some random Bad boy at the club previously…trust me bro. I didn’t make this topic for you to critique my dating style, I asked advice for other things. I did the red pill butt hurt man shvt back in the day and all I got was less pvssy and more internet rage.

I point out that calling a 2-month relationship a long-term relationship makes no sense, and you start crying? Grow up. You have a Caribbean trip to meet your family for Christmas and a European trip booked and paid for with a girl you met 2 months ago. That's great, but if you ask for my advice I'm telling you that you're sprung. I haven't even rained on your parade in this thread, just pointing out inconsistencies in your messaging. You decided to throw a fit like a 12 year old, you're emotionally unstable at best.

I've never been wrecked by any woman and my life is the best it's ever been so please save your babbling. I have no idea what the rest of your post is supposed to mean or if it's even directed at me, you're posting like a woman. Why do you care what anyone else thinks if Jake does what he wants? Passive aggression and snide comments are also for women and children.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Update:

Trip went well and we had sex multiple times every 7-day trip). My family loved her, and she loved them too. In addition, she even posted us on Instagram for the time and we are planning another vacation as well. She is also hinting at saying the Lword soon, but I am praying that doesn't happen anytime soon or I will start to be concerned. Also, @stringpuller, she did tell me that she is glad to understand me more now haha.

I will make this clear! If you are younger and inexperienced, do not do what I did. I have dated 5 girls in the past and I am almost 30, so I am perfectly aware of what I am looking for in a relationship and my clear deal breakers in the women I see. In addition, I had talked to 4 different women this summer before I met her, so it this girl wasn't a dry spell breaker or anything. After I felt this girl was serious, I immediately dropped all of the girls I was messing around with. Last, I left out a lot of details, so it's definitely a case-by-case basis. Lets just say this girl is just a hugggeeeee trick, I don't give a flying fvck because I will just find another girl to replace her. Will I be upset? Absolutely! Will I get over it? Hell Yes lol.

However! If you are older than 30 with experience and still having issues retaining women, maybe you should start rethinking your strategy. I will admit I have 5 exes and I decided to try something different. If I can stand to be with a girl 7 days, part of that including 12 hours in a car ride then maybe I should consider investing more into that relationship. I could not do that with any of the previous 5 girls I dated, and one was a 5-year relationship. Again, we are all different, so your deal breakers are going to be different than mine. Also, @Murk , don't act like you are innocent because I can literally search your topic history and find you crying over some 304 that did you wrong. You are 33 and still having the same problems as a novice 18-year-old.