Social circle vs Cold approach( Post college Age )

[pipeman84]

As for cold approaching signaling low value, I disagree because the reason most men don't approach women is because they're scared, not because they're too high value.

That scared feeling is their subconscious telling them it's not the right thing to do. Cold approach signals to any woman with at least 2 brain-cells that the man is low value because basically he's willing to engage with her based on nothing but her looks alone (and a very short time, 1-2min or less, to assess those).

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

View attachment 9366

According to the statistics I've seen, cold approaching is the second most common way couples form in the modern day, online is the first. It's also one of the only two on an upward trend. In this case I'm referring to bar/restaurant as cold approaching.

I would also count coworkers dating as cold approaching depending on the circumstances. (If you've been working at the same office together for years obviously not; but if it's a retail place where the entire staff is replaced every 3 months then yes.)

But let's say you only count street daygame, here's another graph:

View attachment 9367


According to this dataset, meeting your partner while out and about is the third most common at 15%

Beautiful post and insight.

Cold approaching at clubs/bars are still cold approaching, although I do not view it in the same regard as I do for day game.

Guys suddenly become alpha lions when they are intoxicated, but are afraid puzzy cats when it comes to going beyond that element....so I view club/bar approaches as lower tier.

Like you said, depending on the circumstances, work environments are indeed warm approaches.

Again, great post.

 

[mikedee]

That scared feeling is their subconscious telling them it's not the right thing to do. Cold approach signals to any woman with at least 2 brain-cells that the man is low value because basically he's willing to engage with her based on nothing but her looks alone (and a very short time, 1-2min or less, to assess those).

Do you cold approach?

 

[MtmVaott]

That scared feeling is their subconscious telling them it's not the right thing to do. Cold approach signals to any woman with at least 2 brain-cells that the man is low value because basically he's willing to engage with her based on nothing but her looks alone (and a very short time, 1-2min or less, to assess those).

This. I'm not sure about your explanation, but yes. Even if you think you are the prize, you are not anymore the moment you go out your way to approach a woman that didn't put in effort in advance (smile/eye contact).
It's the same emotion I feel when I start simping. Maybe shame and fear?

 

[pipeman84]

This. I'm not sure about your explanation, but yes. Even if you think you are the prize, you are not anymore the moment you go out your way to approach a woman that didn't put in effort in advance (smile/eye contact).
It's the same emotion I feel when I start simping. Maybe shame and fear?

Yeah, the subconscious knows it's totally unnatural as far as male-female dynamics goes. Conscious mind knows it's against social norms. That's basically why most men don't cold approach...it has nothing to do with fear, that's ridiculous.

Do you cold approach?

Of course not.

 

[TimothyPrice]

I agree that most people's social circles shrink after college, but think that otherwise this is a very black and white way you are putting this. When we talk about "social proof," job and money are strong elements of that but are definitely not all there is to it. You are overstating the importance of job/money. The MD hypothetical you reference - if he has one friend and no game at all is not going to trump the bartender who has a huge social circle and tight game. The MD may attract a gold digger perhaps, but this is not the same as being truly attractive to women. More he is just prone to attract the wrong type of woman.

Women want a man with social proof. They want one who is able to sway others and has a sphere of influence. It is not so much about "how many friends he has" as it is about how much power he has to influence others. This is an attractive quality to women. Money can certainly be a part of that equation, but it isn't the end all be all. The more people a man knows and knows well, the more he can sway people even if it is just through friendship. Hence why a bartender who is completely equal to an MD in all things except money and friends is likely going to be perceived as higher value. The MD will be seen as a loner without a connection to others (aka no social proof) which, contrary to romanticized movies, is generally not an attractive quality to women.

I don’t think that guy knows any MDs or bartenders. Most MDs are married, a few to hotties but mostly to mediocre women. I have known a lot of MDs and the ones getting laid were those with tight social circle. Medical residents (the few that aren’t locked down) get laid a lot. Also those fresh out of residency that still have that college/residency social circle. Get into a long term relationship and lose that circle and they never make it back.
A woman’s sex monkey brain as opposed to the calculating gold digger brain will likely see a bartender as higher status than a doctor.

 

[Gamisch]

Yeah, the subconscious knows it's totally unnatural as far as male-female dynamics goes. Conscious mind knows it's against social norms. That's basically why most men don't cold approach...it has nothing to do with fear, that's ridiculous.

Of course not.

I disagree with this with l due respect.

You approach this with a logical male brain. On the other side of the spectrum is the primal female brain.

How many women that were married have said " it was love at first sight" type of bs? " we immediately had a connection ". The right man was put in front of her and she acknowledged him. Same goes for a woman getting strung along. Even a woman who YOU somehow have in the friendzone might think this.

There's a reason why we say attention is everything for women. She does her best to look good smell good ect. Spends unbelievable amounts of money on her looks and style. If the right guy approaches her she wont mind, I'am sure of that.

The reason why man dont approach is more of a male problem . Although movies and books are ofcourse not "real", why do you always see the pretty woman gets approached somehow? She could be sitting at a bar alone and a man offers her a drink. She could be buying a book and a man next to her says something about the book. Countless examples. Book sales are at least somewhat a representation of what the fantasies of women.

Let's call a spade a spade; most men simply dont have the balls to approach women due different reasons .

 

[pipeman84]

She could be sitting at a bar alone and a man offers her a drink. She could be buying a book and a man next to her says something about the book.

Those are not really good examples of what I and most people have in mind when discussing cold approach...although technically you could call it that. A bar is generally accepted as a place where people go to socialize. Commenting about that book (providing you're familiar with it and not use it as a cheesy excuse to start conversation) is an organic way to assess the woman and see if she's interested in you. It also makes her wonder if you're only interested in the book or in her as well....so you're a challenge, as opposed to an open book with actual cold approach.
I'm referring to approaching women on the street, at the mall, grocery store with a 'hey, you're cute, can I have your number' line.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

That scared feeling is their subconscious telling them it's not the right thing to do.

No, that scared feeling pertains to their deepest, darkest fear; which is that of a woman rejecting them to their face.

Cold approach signals to any woman with at least 2 brain-cells that the man is low value because basically he's willing to engage with her based on nothing but her looks alone (and a very short time, 1-2min or less, to assess those).

Nothing is more high value than a man who sees something he wants, and goes out to get it.

Win, lose, or draw.

 

[pipeman84]

Nothing is more high value than a man who sees something he wants, and goes out to get it.

That works nicely with stuff. Where people are concerned, it's even higher value when they come to the man out of their free will, and joyfully so. It's the difference between being a boss and a leader. When you attract to you instead of going and grabbing, then you reached a level worthy of admiration.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

I'm referring to approaching women on the street, at the mall, grocery store with a 'hey, you're cute, can I have your number' line.

35% of the women that I fed that line to, gave me the number..so I must be doing something right.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

That works nicely with stuff. Where people are concerned, it's even higher value when they come to the man out of their free will, and joyfully so.

And how many women in your life have come to you??

Not many, right?

My point exactly.

You are just afraid to approach women so you are projecting your fears on to others.

I, on the other hand, am NOT afraid to approach women, so I am projecting my confidence on to others.

See the difference?

It's the difference between being a boss and a leader. When you attract to you instead of going and grabbing, then you reached a level worthy of admiration.

The ignoring method attracts them to me, but I approach them as well.

Why? Because I actually believe in myself.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Can we pause here to unwrap the psychology behind this. Why did you make such an obviously incompatible compariston?

Yeah, and not to mention the fact that looks are subjective anyway.

Attractiveness is based upon whose eyes is looking.

 

[Don of the north]

Yeah, and not to mention the fact that looks are subjective anyway.

Attractiveness is based upon whose eyes is looking.

I absolutely agree. But a "look rating" is essentially telling you what percentage of women will like you(regardless of their looks level). So if you're a 10, a higher percentage of women out of 1000 will find you attractive than if you are a 5. That was my point that lower level looks guys need a bigger pond to find a fish in.

But some women in that control group might actually prefer the 5, but most would prefer the 10. And some women who are a 3 themselves might not find you attractive, while a woman who is an 8 might like you.

Looks are absolutely subjective due to genetic variability in people's neurological wiring of their attraction circuit. A looks rating is basically an "average" of how attractive women find you. Also, remember women on average find 80 percent of men to be ugly(below average), which is totally insane, but true unfortuantely. So it's a numbers game for sure.

 

[MtmVaott]

And how many women in your life have come to you??

Not many, right?

My point exactly.

You are just afraid to approach women so you are projecting your fears on to others.

I, on the other hand, am NOT afraid to approach women, so I am projecting my confidence on to others.

See the difference?



The ignoring method attracts them to me, but I approach them as well.

Why? Because I actually believe in myself.

It works for you because you ARE attractive, AND you give them power over you (by showing your cards).
They don't say no to a gold bar handed to them.

The question is not does it work, the question is do you want to be a tool, or your own man.

 

[BadBoy89]

Social circle is about vetting, comfortableness, and LTR. Its not about attraction, Guys LOVE being with girl in social girls because they have been “pre-approved”. Women like social circles for marriage and babies.

It’s all depends on the woman’s age / priorities at that point in her life. Is she looking for a lover or provider. Lover -> immediate sex. Provider -> wait for sex to determine man’s security and resources.

On a side note, there is NO benefit for a man to commit to ONE woman. Women are on the clock, they age, they lose their fertility. The 33 year old woman who is SEXY is going to very UNSEXY at 43. And if a man wants out, he will have pay dearly for It.

 

[pipeman84]

On a side note, there is NO benefit for a man to commit to ONE woman. Women are on the clock, they age, they lose their fertility. The 33 year old woman who is SEXY is going to very UNSEXY at 43. And if a man wants out, he will have pay dearly for It.

If a man finds the rare woman worth committing to, what's he supposed to do? Not commit and continue to waste time with hoes? Women can have very sexy bodies in their late 40s, 50s...Kate Beckinsale and Elizabeth Hurley come to mind. And it's not just the body, the fact that you're with a quality person with whom you've built memories, knowing that she's your woman and you two are on the same wavelength is extremely sexy.

 

[Don of the north]

On a side note, there is NO benefit for a man to commit to ONE woman. Women are on the clock, they age, they lose their fertility. The 33 year old woman who is SEXY is going to very UNSEXY at 43. And if a man wants out, he will have pay dearly for It.

Just commit to someone who is way younger. Of course, you could marry a woman half your age and that completely negates all of this. If you're a 40+ single man and you know you like younger women and you want a wife/LTR, it only makes sense to go way younger.

I don't find women in their 40s and 50s attractive generally either and certainly not as good looking as in they were in there 20s or early 30s. People will use the strawman argument of older female movie stars that look half their age (exceptional top 1 percent genetics), have plastic surgery, have a TON of makeup on, and use filters on their photos to try to make it sound like 40+ women are still as attractive as they were in there 20s. These older female movie stars are not normal women, and I still don't find them as attractive as 20 something Margot Robbie.

40 y/o Julia Roberts was still beautiful, but she couldn't hold a candle to HERSELF in her 20s/30s and she's not a normal woman. She was an insanely beautiful top 1 percent woman. Just go to a 25th or 30th HS reunion if you want to see what typical women look like as they get older. Men age like fine wine if they care of themselves, women don't. It's not misogyny, it's biology.

Very good-looking Men can still be attractive into their 60s/70s. Just look at Richard Gere or Sean Connery or George Clooney. Women still thought they were hot. Tell me what 70+ women are still hot? Most men are generally attracted to signs of fertility(youth). George Clooney was more attractive at 40 then at 20. Men and Women peak at different ages. A man can have a baby at almost any age, while a woman can't and women care about other things like resources ect. This is hardwired into your biological attraction circuits, which are different for men and women.

If you're someone who likes typical older women in their 40s to 50s then cool. But most men don't and shouldn't be shamed for it.

 

[SW15]

I don’t think that guy knows any MDs or bartenders. Most MDs are married, a few to hotties but mostly to mediocre women. I have known a lot of MDs and the ones getting laid were those with tight social circle. Medical residents (the few that aren’t locked down) get laid a lot. Also those fresh out of residency that still have that college/residency social circle. Get into a long term relationship and lose that circle and they never make it back.
A woman’s sex monkey brain as opposed to the calculating gold digger brain will likely see a bartender as higher status than a doctor.

This is mostly accurate in my experience.

I don't find women in their 40s and 50s attractive generally either and certainly not as good looking as in they were in there 20s or early 30s.

Men age like fine wine, women don't. It's not misogyny, it's biology. Most men are generally attracted to signs of fertility(youth).

If you're someone who likes typical older women in their 40s to 50s then cool. But most men don't and shouldn't be shamed for it.

I am generally attracted to women younger than I am. I am in my late 30s. The most attactive women are 20-25.

There are women in their 40s who are attractive, but it's not that common and not likely without some plastic surgery. Being childless also helps women stay attractive longer as both giving birth and the all the stresses that come with raising children will age a woman.

Just go to a 25th or 30th HS reunion if you want to see what typical women look like as they get older.

The in-person high school reunion is either disappearing or becoming more of a niche event. For graduating classes after the year 2000, there are fewer reunions. Why? It's possible to see what everyone is doing on some combination of Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn. Why bother to show up in person? I don't think my high school class from the early 2000s had either a 10 year reunion or a 20 year reunion. The global pandemic likely would have cancelled my 20th reunion, but I won't lay the blame on the pandemic. There was a chance to have a 10 year reunion in the early 2010s and it didn't happen to my knowledge. No one contacted me about one.

Occasionally, I'll take a look on social media to see what some of my high school or college classmates are doing now. I'm not going to travel to an event for either. Most colleges have a Homecoming weekend for all alumni and I've never shown up to one of those. On an anniversary year, the college might do something special for the 10th, 20th, 25th anniversary of a specific class.

The problem is that men are incapable of creating social circles that benefit women and pull them in.

But men are USING (and hurting) social circles because they just want to get the girl FROM the social circle but they dont care about the social circle.

Most men are simply joining social circles, sports clubs for pssy rather than using Game to nourish the social group with more women.

I agree that most men are looking to extract from a social circle rather than add to it. Most men joining a co-ed sports league are doing so in order to get their penises wet because they read online that co-ed sports league are an option for that.

What he's describing is serious work and not what you're saying about following passions and getting a few close friends ect. Oh and what if you're middle age and you want to date women in their 20s?

You need money to get a much younger girlfriend, especially as a man 40-55 seeking a woman under 30. The bigger the age gap, the more money you need.

 

[Don of the north]

You need money to get a much younger girlfriend, especially as a man 40-55 seeking a woman under 30. The bigger the age gap, the more money you need.

Not always. 55 then yeah it's going to be hard, but 40 something no. You think Chad at 40 something if he was broke couldn't land a g/f in her 20s? Of course he could. The age gap issue is mostly just a modern taboo that makes women hesitant, but biology doesn't change. That being said, Money always makes things easier regardless of age.

Women used to lie all the time about being 29 when they way over that. Play the same game. If you can pass for younger, no reason to tell her your real age right away. Just take a few years off! lol After a few dates you can tell her. Of course, you can't do that in social circle game since she'll know your age right away.

The problem with getting women for most men is being good looking enough because of the 80/20 rule, regardless of your age. It's why the numbers game is so important.