tinder game: feedback requested

[Hamurabimbi]

Seems like a long text thread for Tinder.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Coffee date later today with dog walker

 

[member160292]

Hey Divorced,

I think it might have been some time since you were single/dating. I got back dating July after roughly 7 years.
You will fail...HARD. It took me a while to understand the dating market and adapt it into my style. You'll burn through prospects while learning what to do and what not to do. Take the rejections, ghosts and no connections with a grain of salt. Over time, you'll learn what pushes the buttons for many women and it will help you elevate the conversation.

Wish you the best, good luck out there!

 

[DonJuanjr]

Over time, you'll learn what pushes the buttons for many women and it will help you elevate the conversation.

What have you found pushes the buttons for many women?

 

[member160292]

What have you found pushes the buttons for many women?

It depends on who you're meeting, take some time prior to the date to understand where they are coming from. Do a 10 minute research so you have some conversation starters in your back pocket.
One of my plates is an actress, they have to submit videos for auditions and that can create a lot of dread. I relate it to fun story where I felt the most anxiety. She's also from a culture that uses some funky smelling ingredients for their food staple. I tease her about it here and there, careful not to overdo it. Even asked the waitress if they could get that for our dipping sauce that had made my date burst out laughing since it did not match whatsoever. The rest of the conversation was a breeze throughout the 4 hour date.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Hey Divorced,

I think it might have been some time since you were single/dating. I got back dating July after roughly 7 years.
You will fail...HARD. It took me a while to understand the dating market and adapt it into my style. You'll burn through prospects while learning what to do and what not to do. Take the rejections, ghosts and no connections with a grain of salt. Over time, you'll learn what pushes the buttons for many women and it will help you elevate the conversation.

Wish you the best, good luck out there!

my first official date came one week after I got my divorce (after > decade of marriage) approved. I blew it. and she straight up said she wanted it. Took me about 3 months before I got the groove back.

 

[Divorced w 3]

my first official date came one week after I got my divorce (after > decade of marriage) approved. I blew it. and she straight up said she wanted it. Took me about 3 months before I got the groove back.

Yeah I had a solid 8 begging for my man stick and I blew it to. I had been laid 9x though in the first 21 days after my split. I met a real freak online and it was just right place right time I guess. The 8 got me fkced up with ONEitis - hence why I started reading Rollo and Richard...and now I am here. Thanks for having me lol

Dog walker has initiated the meetup in both of these instances, I am bringing latex, you never know.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Yeah I had a solid 8 begging for my man stick and I blew it to. I had been laid 9x though in the first 21 days after my split. I met a real freak online and it was just right place right time I guess. The 8 got me fkced up with ONEitis - hence why I started reading Rollo and Richard...and now I am here. Thanks for having me lol

Dog walker has initiated the meetup in both of these instances, I am bringing latex, you never know.

Oneitis is both a blessing & a curse. Glad I had it. Glad it’s over.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

It depends on who you're meeting, take some time prior to the date to understand where they are coming from. Do a 10 minute research so you have some conversation starters in your back pocket.
One of my plates is an actress, they have to submit videos for auditions and that can create a lot of dread. I relate it to fun story where I felt the most anxiety. She's also from a culture that uses some funky smelling ingredients for their food staple. I tease her about it here and there, careful not to overdo it. Even asked the waitress if they could get that for our dipping sauce that had made my date burst out laughing since it did not match whatsoever. The rest of the conversation was a breeze throughout the 4 hour date.

You don't find a 4 hour date undermines the sense of mystery?

 

[pipeman84]

Dog walker has initiated the meetup in both of these instances, I am bringing latex, you never know.

Keep us posted. How old is she? And what's your goal? Get into a relationship or just a fvck?

 

[Divorced w 3]

Keep us posted. How old is she? And what's your goal? Get into a relationship or just a fvck?

36, TBD…partially just to get back in the field and work some game… had to push the time back and I have a hour limit now which I was gonna try and keep regardless but it’s locked now - too close to dinner

 

[Divorced w 3]

Field report.... I asked to push our 4:45 starbucks meeting back 15 minutes because i had a client meeting run over, she countered by asking to make it 5:30, i said sure, and TBH that worked out great due to traffic. she ends up being 15 minutes later than that, so i'm standing out there thinking of how to neg her which i never really came up with. however, she knew coming that i had a 6:30pm false time constraint which i framed as a client dinner. I was always doing this but especially with it being close to dinner there was no doubt we had to keep the time constraint.

ok so she shows up, good bod, cute face but a bit of a beak ... but, turns out that she's a bit awkward which per the texting seemed about right. so we walk in, i grab her coffee and mine and we walk around the jersey city neighborhood as we had planned to do. it was about 50 degrees out but windy, but it kind of worked out as we were bumping into each other a bit while walking so a bit of light kino. ask her about where she grew up, what do you do, etc. she lives at home which is an eyebrow raiser at 36, but it turns out the dog walker business is not really taking off, and apparently for now reselling jeans on eBay but that's not really a big pursuit either... so i ended that convo thread seeing that it wasn't going to add any positive vibes to this evening...

so anyway talking more about working out, how did we potentially know each other outside of tinder since she thought it was familiar...we keep walking and it turns out she has ADD...so i act dumb and learn from her about that and we get into the convo about dopamine...so i figure ok let's go down this rabbit hole since sex can stimulate dopamine...so anyway she's telling me about how dopamine needs to be higher than average for those with ADD and i'm like ok what do you do to stimulate dopamine...nobody says sex outright but the hands start going through the hair, the smile breaks out, eye contact etc...

anyway so time is about wrapping up and I know i have some decisions to make here...i know i can go in for the kiss close, grab her ass and i would guess more than that since we were across the street from the car...but as far as the "vibe" so to speak, i'm not seeing this girl as anyone i want to take out publicly...so i give her a hug, tell her let me know when she gets home, she appreciated my saying that and i had some thinking to do.

so basically i'm at this point where i could probably invite her over this weekend, make her something and get some sexual contact...but i am conflicted ...i def wanna see those clothes off but i could totally see it being taken by her for more than it is..

edit: she has since texted me - "hey i enjoyed meeting you, thanks for going on a walk with me"

that's where we are at fellas.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Also OP never lead with trying to impress them with money. It makes you look like that's all you have to offer which is why you need to bring that up. More often than not it makes you look like a braggart and a try hard. There are plenty of guys out there that do it and most women roll their eyes at this sort of stuff. Don't be another guy that fits into the same bucket 90% of other guys fits in.

They should have to work hard to find out that info.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Also OP never lead with trying to impress them with money. It makes you look like that's all you have to offer which is why you need to bring that up. They should have to work hard to find out that info.

right on...it was a bad play on Richard's Alpha Male where he said tell them something that implies you make bank...mine was not super complex

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Field report.... I asked to push our 4:45 starbucks meeting back 15 minutes because i had a client meeting run over, she countered by asking to make it 5:30, i said sure, and TBH that worked out great due to traffic. she ends up being 15 minutes later than that, so i'm standing out there thinking of how to neg her which i never really came up with. however, she knew coming that i had a 6:30pm false time constraint which i framed as a client dinner. I was always doing this but especially with it being close to dinner there was no doubt we had to keep the time constraint.

ok so she shows up, good bod, cute face but a bit of a beak ... but, turns out that she's a bit awkward which per the texting seemed about right. so we walk in, i grab her coffee and mine and we walk around the jersey city neighborhood as we had planned to do. it was about 50 degrees out but windy, but it kind of worked out as we were bumping into each other a bit while walking so a bit of light kino. ask her about where she grew up, what do you do, etc. she lives at home which is an eyebrow raiser at 36, but it turns out the dog walker business is not really taking off, and apparently for now reselling jeans on eBay but that's not really a big pursuit either... so i ended that convo thread seeing that it wasn't going to add any positive vibes to this evening...

so anyway talking more about working out, how did we potentially know each other outside of tinder since she thought it was familiar...we keep walking and it turns out she has ADD...so i act dumb and learn from her about that and we get into the convo about dopamine...so i figure ok let's go down this rabbit hole since sex can stimulate dopamine...so anyway she's telling me about how dopamine needs to be higher than average for those with ADD and i'm like ok what do you do to stimulate dopamine...nobody says sex outright but the hands start going through the hair, the smile breaks out, eye contact etc...

anyway so time is about wrapping up and I know i have some decisions to make here...i know i can go in for the kiss close, grab her ass and i would guess more than that since we were across the street from the car...but as far as the "vibe" so to speak, i'm not seeing this girl as anyone i want to take out publicly...so i give her a hug, tell her let me know when she gets home, she appreciated my saying that and i had some thinking to do.

so basically i'm at this point where i could probably invite her over this weekend, make her something and get some sexual contact...but i am conflicted ...i def wanna see those clothes off but i could totally see it being taken by her for more than it is..

edit: she has since texted me - "hey i enjoyed meeting you, thanks for going on a walk with me"

that's where we are at fellas.

Then if that's what you want go for it. Never admit before the fact that's all you want. Only after the fact. You can say something like, "I am still newly single and dating around right now, but I like spending time with you as long as you are cool with it being more casual right now."

The key to this is getting her to believe that at some point in the future you may be interested in more, regardless of what you actually want.

And that's not necessarily a lie as depending on how things progress she may surprise you and you may.

It's not your job to worry about her, it's your job to worry about you. She is a big girl, she knows what she is getting herself into if she agrees to meet up at your place.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

right on...it was a bad play on Richard's Alpha Male where he said tell them something that implies you make bank...mine was not super complex

This Alpha/Beta nonsense is way overblown but if I am being honest trying to impress a woman with money most definitely is NOT Alpha in any way shape or form.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Then if that's what you want go for it. Never admit before the fact that's all you want. Only after the fact. You can say something like, "I am still newly single and dating around right now, but I like spending time with you as long as you are cool with it being more casual right now."

The key to this is getting her to believe that at some point in the future you may be interested in more, regardless of what you actually want.

And that's not necessarily a lie as depending on how things progress she may surprise you and you may.

It's not your job to worry about her, it's your job to worry about you. She is a big girl, she knows what she is getting herself into if she agrees to meet up at your place.

Well put

 

[kavi]

I have heard from multiple women who have said their biggest problem in dating is men lie or mislead about wanting more but just want sex.

They say they have no respect for those guys and causes them to have issues with men in the future.

 

[kavi]

"she has since texted me - "hey i enjoyed meeting you, thanks for going on a walk with me"

She seems vulnerable etc may have some self-esteem issues due to awkwardness etc.

If you make her believe she MAY get more but then doesnt after the fact she WILL feel REALLY bad. It does seem she likes you or atleast the attention and gentlemanly way you treated her.

Be proud she likes you and you made her feel good enough that she txt you that.

DO NOT bang her and leave unless she is clear this is what you or she will be hurt and a guy causing that just for sex is exactly what those girls i mentioned above were saying is their number 1 problem in dating.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I have heard from multiple women who have said their biggest problem in dating is men lie or mislead about wanting more but just want sex.

They say they have no respect for those guys and causes them to have issues with men in the future.

She’s 36 and lives at home with her mother.

I think…

all women break rules for alphas and make them for beta, say what we will about alpha vs beta ;

she’s misleading me here too, she’s going on dates and has no great way of supporting herself based on what i could gather from this conversation, she wants a knight to come in and bring her a life that she’s for whatever reason not providing herself;

I think women with this approach make men falsely feel bad for playing in the sandbox that they’re building