As far as marriage is concerned. I know quite a few married couples that are 'content', which is the best you can hope for past 5 years.
In many posts, I have mentioned why I believe romantic relationships have a 5 year shelf life of goodness. When you are discussing a marriage that hits 5 years, you're really talking about a relationship that is 7-9 years long typically. That's the Seven Year Itch phenomenon.
An LTR can be given a jolt of new life when the marriage happens. Caleb Jones (aka Blackdragon) calls this 'Getting Married NRE'. NRE stands for New Relationship Energy. The definition of NRE is below.
NRE – New Relationship Energy. The temporary, short-lasting, overwhelming feeling of joy one experiences when first dating a new person, usually not lasting longer than several months (though it can be artificially extended out to a year or so if people get married or have a baby together). Often referred to as the “honeymoon period,” NRE is likely to be the most powerful positive emotion a human being can feel, stronger even than love, but it is extremely temporary. NRE often leads to poor decision-making and oneitis, and is the cause of many divorces, breakups, and drama.
According to Jones, 'Getting Married NRE' causes a "temporary, artificial resurgence" in the feelings of when the initial relationship was brand new.
-By Caleb Jones NRE, or New Relationship Energy, is the strongest positive emotion a human being can feel. Here’s the definition from the glossary: NRE – New Relationship Energy. The temporary, short-lasting, overwhelming feeling of joy one experiences when first dating a new person, usually...
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Due to the wedding and honeymoon period, you have couples that have been together 2-4 years (or even longer), replicating the initial feelings of the first 6 months of the relationship.
After the 'Getting Married NRE' dissipates, a lot of couples will re-create NRE by having a baby.
These temporary, artificial resurgences often serve as postponents of the ultimate reality that the relationship will fail to some degree.
It's improtant to realize that there's about an 80% chance of AT LEAST one of the following 3 things happening over the lifespan of a marriage...
- Divorce
- Affair
- Long periods of a mediocre to subpar dynamic where the relationship just continues on based on inertia/societal pressure. The passion is gone.
All 3 of those occurrences represent a marital failure. The marital relationships that fail more officially with a divorce are the obvious ones. What about the less obvious ones? There are some marriages where one or both of the partners have affairs and the couple stays together. To the outside world, the affair won't always be known. The same goes for the 3rd bulletpoint. The 3rd bulletpoint leads into the next quote very well.
Most married couples I know just stick it out because they know things would be worst if they didn't. They have kids in common, tied together financially, sex for them really isn't a passionate love experience: it's just having needs fulfilled like you go to the bathroom or eat. They both like having someone there when they get home. They have shared interests and it seems to work. There is nothing wrong with this... it is actually pretty normal.
Long periods of a mediocre to subpar dynamic where the relationship just continues on based on inertia/societal pressure are bad. Having kids together is a reason that a lot of couples stay together. Couples will stick it out for the sake of the kids for some amount of time. In the past, sometimes they'd stick it out until all the kids were 18, but that occurrence is getting less and less common. More commonly, a marriage is essentially dead while the the kids are pre-school/early elementary age and they happen to stick it out an extra 2-3 years until possibly the oldest is around 6th/7th grade.
Men tend to want to stick it out more than women because of the consequences of going through the family court system. Men generally get fuccked over in the family court system. If a man doesn't want to pay alimony/child support and wants to see his kids more than part time, he might be inclined to stick it out. Women are less inclined to stick it out because family court benefits them. They get to "dump the bastard" and start over with some financial prizes in a lot of cases. When they "dump the bastard", their female friends/acquaintances congratulate them with the "You Go Girl!!" mantra, as do their family members. Women like this positive attention.
The expectation of 'marriage' is WAYYYYY too high. What is going sideways with society is fvcking social media, where women are comparing themselves with hundreds of other women posting all the 'fun' they are having... all the trips they take... happy, happy, happy... It's all bvllsh1t. What you don't see is that these women are up to their @sses in debt... the periodic depression... all the BS backstabbing they get from their girlfriends.
All of this is true.
