Girlfriend hides relationship

[xplt]

That's a case of lack of self-respect and setting boundaries, not one of insecurity. Don't confuse the two.
Saying to her something like: 'I'm not sure you love me, tell me that you love me' or whimper to her how you don't know what to do with your life/career...those are examples of insecurity.

I would rather bite out my tongue, than saying stuff like that...
This is not the first time, I fail to set boundaries. But this is the first time, I gave in on exclusivity since my last LTR breakup in 2019. I thought I've learned and progressed and I still do the same mistakes

 

[xplt]

OP and Im including Derb in this cuz he gets it.
This right here is so bad a mindset for guys to have.
Its a delusion. It does not exist. Guys make this up as a pictogram in their heads of the perfect girl which leads to oneitis.
OP you sound to nice. By all means be that stoic guy but some azzzhole game could help you here.
" im good enough for your family you can fck right off" without saying it.
Do not try to talk to her about this.
Give her a full messure of what she is giving you.
Her actions speak loudly here.

Start blowing her off. Get a side chic imedietly.
Shes not a good girl.
Dont respond to her.
Make plans then dont show up.
Dont buy her nothing. Not even food.
When she is at your house tell her to bring her own food. Not joking.
Invite her over and pick a fight with her then kick her out. (6 months in is not a relationship)
Dont be boring and predictable and whining about not meeting her mom. Give her good D and no treats. Maybe a bag of skittles.

Anything like that.
Shes got you in a beating up your self worth here.
Your attitude should be im awesome and your family sucks without me.

You are going to have to manufacture some indignation in her without the conversations and table talk.

Shes a dirty little liar. Treat her like an 8 year old brat.

I just blew another girl off on the weekend...
I already asked myself, why I treat her like a girlfriend, when I'm treated like a ****.

 

[xplt]

Thank you all so far! I really appreciate all your input and effort.
I needed a dose of harsh reality. This is why I love this forum. You don't get pampered and brought back on your feet again.
I'm glad I haven't seen her in this state of mind, the last days.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I would have already asked her why is she hiding the relationship. I would have waited until the topic came up and asked her in tone of voice as if I didnt care, just curious.

 

[xplt]

I would have already asked her why is she hiding the relationship. I would have waited until the topic came up and asked her in tone of voice as if I didnt care, just curious.

Till now I acted, like I don't care and I didn't. Until the topic came up for the 20th time these days and I got sick of it

 

[Gamisch]

Till now I acted, like I don't care and I didn't. Until the topic came up for the 20th time these days and I got sick of it

You gotta be able to correctly pick your battles OP.

You are begging for recognition. But why? So other men will respect you more? You get everything a "bf" gets. Why do.you want more?

What's next? You wanna live together? Engage? Children? Marriage? All just to satisfy your insecurity?

How and why does this topic comes up anyway? You should be in the position where she's begging you for a LTR. Remember that. The moment you are asking for these things you are always inthe wrong seat, because you give her the wheel. You are acting like the woman , she'll compensate by taking the masculine role.

If a woman doesn't bring it up assume she doesn't want it.

 

[xplt]

You gotta be able to correctly pick your battles OP.

You are begging for recognition. But why? So other men will respect you more? You get everything a "bf" gets. Why do.you want more?

What's next? You wanna live together? Engage? Children? Marriage? All just to satisfy your insecurity?

How and why does this topic comes up anyway? You should be in the position where she's begging you for a LTR. Remember that. The moment you are asking for these things you are always inthe wrong seat, because you give her the wheel. You are acting like the woman , she'll compensate by taking the masculine role.

If a woman doesn't bring it up assume she doesn't want it.

I try to represent the situation as it is. I don't search for recognition in an online forum, and I can accept being in the wrong.

I agree on the rest. Like I said, it just got under my skin after hearing it over and over. At some point I found it annoying. I honestly feel like crap for letting this happen

 

[The Duke]

There's a reason she doesn't want you to meet her family. Speculating will drive you nuts. But this is definitely not normal behavior for a woman in an exclusive relationship. She is hiding something.

You need to decide how important this issue is to you. If its important then you have a conversation to see what her reasoning is.

Me personally, you are only at the 6month mark in this relationship. I wouldn't let this consume me. I'd file it away in the back of my head and have my eyes and ears wide open for clues. I'd also file this as a red flag. At some point she will want to move in with you. Use this red flag as a reason not to.

Ask her why she stays off social media. What happened to keep her away? See if her reasoning is tied into why she keeps you away from her family? Maybe this girl keeps things undercover that she doesn't deal well with. Some people cover things up instead of address them and thats not healthy either. You said some things about her being shy and closed off, and not being open with issues.

I suspect you have a person that suppresses her issues instead of facing them. Eventually those come out in the form of anger.

 

[Gamisch]

I try to represent the situation as it is. I don't search for recognition in an online forum, and I can accept being in the wrong.

I agree on the rest. Like I said, it just got under my skin after hearing it over and over. At some point I found it annoying. I honestly feel like crap for letting this happen

I dont mean recognition from us I mean from her!

No knock on you. Just saying it how it is.

Until recently I also used to think like that. A form of neediness where I kept pushing the goal post . Looking back I should just sit back and relax and let things happen instead of trying to force things. My ex used to say" you are holding up the line". Begging for clearity. And I swear ,the day I changed up and gave it to her the relationship went south .

There are maybe 40 stages you can go through with a woman. Sometimes she just dont wanna go to the next stage for whatever reason. A man should be fine with that.

 

[2Rocky]

I think it is important to understand if she is hiding you from them or them from you?

Part of a woman's insecurity can be that she is from a family or background she is not proud of and wants to escape. Religious Fundamental families, Mental illness prone families, and families that have scared off other good partners can have this effect.

Six months is merely a blip on our whole lives. I know the holiday season puts a lot of pressure on us, but chill out. If you dump her now, you are gonna have 6 girls on the line who expect holiday season gifty shenanigans. Follow the Cuffing season rules and timeline.

 

[Dash Riprock]

I'm in need for some advice, before I screw a potentially good relationship.

I'm dating my current girlfriend for six months now.

Everything is great so far. We share the same values, she's from a conservative family, hard working, no OLD, no attention seeking on social media, great housewife, nurturing and caring, loving, higher sexdrive than me.
And the best of all, supportive in every way, emotianally controlled and very thoughtful. Our relationship is the smoothest I ever had. I even asked myself in the beginning, if i miss some drama...

It works so well between us, that I gave in on exclusivity. She is the only one in over three years who was worth this step.

She's somewhat shy and closed off. Only tells, what's needed. But for me she opens up and tells me, what's on her mind and what's bugging her.
I began to really like that. She doesn't need to discuss everything with her social circle and keeps things private.

But there's on issue and that's her critical family and the fact she hides me and our relationship from them and her close friends.

She told me several times, she feels guilty about it, but I didn't care about. Tbh, I'm somewhat lucky to not be involved in her family right now, but I don't get the point of being exclusive, when I am hidden from her life.
Till now I shrugged it off and didn't bother.

Now her competitive little sister rubs her new boyfriend under my girls nose and talks about relationships in the family getting more and more, as she tells me. And I'm still hidden.

Right now I don't know, if it's good or bad that she openly tells me about the situation.
I'm not impatient, nor do I want to push her to behave in a certain way. But my pride starts tingling and I know, I can reach a point, where I just check out and then there's no going back.
I get the impression, I'm not good enough or she's still on the lookout.

I've never been in a situation like this. All exes and affairs wanted to show me around faster than I was comfortable with.

Few days ago I nearly said "Sometime you will find someone, you want to bring home." But swallowed it.

Thanks for your time guys, I appreciate your insight.

After 6 months, unless you're just not good at seeing the signs which are usually quite obvious, I highly doubt she has another boyfriend.

Here's my take:

75%: She wats to have her cake and eat it too. She doesn’t publicize the relationship because she wants to keep her options open just in case something better comes along. Women are famous for this and trade-up all the time.

25%: Some other crap like family issues or maybe even mental issues. Having a hard time getting my arms around this one, but it's possible.

As @Modern Man Advice said, don’t get snide or butt hurt about it. If it were me, I'd not mention her on my social media and change your relationship status to something more benign. Then, I would back off for a bit and see what happens. Get really busy. Fill your schedule and see how she reacts. If she presses you about it, downplay it and just say you've been really busy with s*it and leave it at that. It might get the hamster wheel spinning. Maybe you've made this too easy for her and doesn't value the relationship. Women who have to work to keep a guy and compete for his time are much more interested.

Remember the golden principle that women are only a small tasty side dish on your huge plate full of food--and they are certainly not the main course. Focus on you, money, career, skills, body. Don't give in to the quick dopamine hits goalless guys get by constantly chasing p*ssy to the detriment of other important areas of their life.

Ask yourself: Is she good enough to be with you? For me, any woman that "hid" our relationship, especially if exclusive and 6 months in, would be reduced to plate status only.

Good luck.

~Dash

 

[Plinco]

Can you explain why?

She already needed more time to open up, than I've ever experienced before. I just don't want to risk, that she shuts down completely, only because I got insecure about this situation without knowing whats really going on.

High agreeableness is a feminine trait.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Thanks for your answer.

I answered your questions in the quote.

Yeah, she needs to introduce you. Whether you feel it's important or not, it clearly disrupts your peace of mind. She needs to provide that, it's fundamental in a relationship.

Have a talk with her, be clear, and be assertive.

Modern Man Advice

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It's simple. Communicate. Talk to her. She may have a reason for it...families can put a lot of pressure on people either to get married, if they know the person they are dating is likely to not be "accepted" for whatever reason or maybe she had a bad experience the last time she introduced someone.

But you'll never know any of this if you sit there and let stuff keep building up instead of just talking to her about it. Obviously in a chill way, just say something like "Hey, just out of curiosity, is there something I should know about your relationship with your family?"

And see what she says...then based on that you may find out what the reason is. Or be able to get some insights into her thoughts process on things.

It most likely isn't the reason you are thinking.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

unless there’s a big cultural/religion/class/race issue. or a big age gap I’d be very suspicious.

 

[2Rocky]

What is it about you that doesn't meet their old fashioned values and expectations?

Probably that after 6 months, she doesn't want them to think this is her Husband to be! ... She may have had a 3 year relationship where the family was really attached to the Beau.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

Brutally honest, I wouldn't care if she wants to hide it or not. 6 months ain't alot or maybe ima cold son of a gun as of lately

You did good on not spilling out your feelings on her that would show weakness and that you are invested more than u got to.
That will turn her off.
Remember it's the woman's job to happily show you off to her fam not you push for it.

if she wants to pull that then you will play chess
I would be a little more aggressive in my ways with her and start ignoring her sparingly until her flesh feels it like a slow burn-off.
Inject uncertainty and tension into her.
Test her to see if she is really afraid of losing you.
Remind her that you can vanish for the wrong reasons.
When you withdraw some attention, she is forced to humble herself and re-evaluate how she really feels about the relationship

till then just keep riding it out on cruise control.
I'm figuring you still sleeping with her and she giving you that booty and all that..
Your already scoring my guy.
Enjoy the moment.

 

[xplt]

I suspect you have a person that suppresses her issues instead of facing them. Eventually those come out in the form of anger.

You're right. She tries to deal with her issues by herself. She feels unheard in her family

 

[xplt]

After 6 months, unless you're just not good at seeing the signs which are usually quite obvious, I highly doubt she has another boyfriend.

Here's my take:

75%: She wats to have her cake and eat it too. She doesn’t publicize the relationship because she wants to keep her options open just in case something better comes along. Women are famous for this and trade-up all the time.

25%: Some other crap like family issues or maybe even mental issues. Having a hard time getting my arms around this one, but it's possible.

As @Modern Man Advice said, don’t get snide or butt hurt about it. If it were me, I'd not mention her on my social media and change your relationship status to something more benign. Then, I would back off for a bit and see what happens. Get really busy. Fill your schedule and see how she reacts. If she presses you about it, downplay it and just say you've been really busy with s*it and leave it at that. It might get the hamster wheel spinning. Maybe you've made this too easy for her and doesn't value the relationship. Women who have to work to keep a guy and compete for his time are much more interested.

Remember the golden principle that women are only a small tasty side dish on your huge plate full of food--and they are certainly not the main course. Focus on you, money, career, skills, body. Don't give in to the quick dopamine hits goalless guys get by constantly chasing p*ssy to the detriment of other important areas of their life.

Ask yourself: Is she good enough to be with you? For me, any woman that "hid" our relationship, especially if exclusive and 6 months in, would be reduced to plate status only.

Good luck.

~Dash

I'm stuffed at work, working on two certification exams, go to the gym and play guitar. I squeeze her in two, max. three times a week and haven't changed that luckily. Good advise, thanks.
I don't use any social media.

 

[xplt]

What is it about you that doesn't meet their old fashioned values and expectations?

Only thing I can think of is a tattoo on my forearm...